Tag Archive | Baby care

Day 260: Mother/Child Relationship Commitment

For Context Please Read:

Day 258: Facing Emotional Suppression

Day 259: Forgiving Holding-on

When and as I see myself wanting to hold on to something and/or someone within an illusion in my mind where I have believed that the nature of abuse within the relationship will forever remain, I stop. Instead I breathe, I see, realize and understand that my mind fears losing the relationship because I have formed a pattern of and as it through my acceptance, when in reality, I am aware that I AM able to change the nature of who I am as the abuse to one that honors All Life unconditionally, equally as one.

I commit myself to stop participating when I see myself wanting to hold on to the specific mother/daughter connection/relationship that I have with my daughter/children in order to solidify who I’ve been within and as superiority because I see, realize and understand that the power of control I’ve demanded over my children has only created a restraint upon their self expression as well as my own. I commit myself to Stop.

I commit myself to direct myself to stop who I am as anger and spite because I see, realize and understand that to remain acting as such is a total disregard for life itself and I realize that I’m not actually angry at anyone or anything but myself, that I’m actually angry and spiteful within for how and what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become in my mind in total disregard for who I am as my physical body and for the consequences that doing so creates within and as my world/physical body and reality.

I commit myself to Stop reacting in cycles of abusive patterns of reaction to/towards my daughter/children because I see, realize and understand that I am aware of when the anger rises from within my solar plexus and I understand that I have that moment in breath where I can direct myself to change the very nature of the relationship to one that is supportive, giving and celebratory.

I commit myself to stop my personal self interest and to stop myself from going into a traumatized state of mind when I see that my relationship with someone is changing and instead I commit myself to investigate and practice introspecting with regards to what it is that I have learned from the relationship and how has the relationship enriched my mind, myself and my life and living.
EqualifeI commit myself to slowing down, to breathe, and to in self honesty really look at the relationships within my life and actually learn from them and through learning from them change my living and my behavior.

I commit myself to opening up a connection with my daughter/children to see, realize and understand that it’s opening up within me a particular part of me or a particular expression, or a particular characteristic that I had not yet recognized inside myself that I have accessed through the relationship and I commit myself to allow myself to see the unique expression that each relationship I have with another is a gift for me to recognize about myself.

I commit myself to investigate what is my daughter/my child showing of me that I haven’t recognized or lived within myself and what is it of me that I am accessing in relationship with them and in that to see the gift they are giving.

Therefore, I commit myself to stop the mind relationship where I attach another into my mind and make them a part of an energetic episode of spite and anger, to thus stop my fear of things changing and/or stopping the projection of things changing, and to instead live in the moment, to see what I can learn from others from myself everyday and to make the most out of every moment of breath so that together we can focus on changing our world to one where All abuse and suffering such as poverty can be stopped, because in seeing ourselves in another we will learn/accept the gift of giving as we’d like to receive.

I commit myself to be more directive in my life with regards to the relationships within my life, to become more intimate and grateful for the gifts that the connections these relationships have afforded me throughout my life.

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“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that Parents are not Instructed how to Instruct Children and are thus Not Qualified to be Instructors and are thus Destructors that will even Defend their Right to Destroy their Children in spite of the Fact that if one’s not Trained in Effective Direct Instruction, one is in fact Not Qualified to have Children under one’s Supervision and would Never Employ someone Unqualified to do a Job – yet the most Important Job on Earth, which is to Instruct Newborn Children, is allowed to be Instructed by Unqualified, Inadequate Trainers – resulting in a World where No One is in fact Ever Qualified or Instructed to be part of a Society that is Best for All Present on Earth; and Although lip service is paid to Ideals like ‘Love thy Neighbor as Thyself’ it is Never Actualized as the Parent as New Life Unqualified Instruction Never Learned the Practical Implication where ‘Love Thy Neighbor as Thyself’ actually Exists.

I commit myself to SHOW that All Education and Intellect on Earth is Based on the Foundation of Ignorance to Disregard the fact that the Initial Instructions of a New Born Child were Inadequate and thus at Root Cause for a World and Society that live in Ways that Do Not Honor Life or Each other, but only Honor Survival as Successful Living.

I commit myself to SHOW that No One can Walk the Path of Self Correction as What is Best for All Life without Instructions, as the Way to Life is Not In the Inner Structure of the Human, and thus the Desteni-I-Process is of Essential Importance if One is Ready to Face the Nature of a World of Ignorance.” Bernard Poolman

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Support Living Income Guaranteed

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How to Successfully Commit to the Relationship

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Day 170: Postponement is a Bitch

For Context Read:
Day 168: Incomplete as Postponement
Day 169: Incomplete as Postponement Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within and as the postponement character – which I began when I was a child – to accept and allow one thought/image which I followed and accepted as a sort of alternate reality within me, where I so much feared that I was missing out on something – because I wasn’t able to ‘do what I wanted to do’ which was play with my friends because of the chores my mom gave me to do – that within myself I accepted and allowed a pattern where I hurried through and did a half ass job just so I could get to doing ‘what I wanted to do’, and how within that self-accepted pattern I quickly became comfortable with myself as the postponement character, thus throughout my life I have hurried through specific tasks so that I could just ‘get done’ so I could go do what ‘I wanted to do’ and as that, I wasn’t aware of how I followed a thought/image further into and as my mind and imagined how long it would take for me to complete whatever task was ‘supposedly’ keeping me from doing ‘what I wanted to do’, and how I would imagine how the task and/or the ‘negative’ experience was going to play out and then within my mind, I would change up the whole scenario and imagine myself has having the complete opposite experience of myself, one that would create a positive energy feeling within me, and all the while I would be hurrying up to complete the task so that I could have a feel good experience which I had already played out within my mind, and within all that, I never realized that I was actually postponing who I am within every aspect of who I am and who I have become because not once did I take self-responsibility for myself and for who and how I exist as within abd as our current world/money system.

When and as I see myself becoming the postponement character where within my mind I am busy in thoughts and in my imagination seeing and comparing different ways and scenarios of how I may or may not experience myself as either positive or negative, I stop, I breathe.

I commit myself see, realize and understand that accepting and allowing myself to participate in thoughts/images and imagination where I create a positive and/or negative experience, is nothing more than me entertaining me as my mind with energy and thus, never actually existing here in awareness of me in/as breath practically, physically walking and contributing in any way within and as what is real here as my physical body and physical reality/world/existence.

I commit myself to stop who I have existed as as the postponement character because I see, realize and understand that I will remain exactly who I am as my mind until I make the decision to face myself and take self-responsibility for who and what I have become, as what i have existed as within, and thus have manifested as our outer world/reality/existence, thus, in order to change the abuse within and as our/my world/reality/existence, requires that I first change me within in and as self-honesty.

When and as I see myself becoming the postponement character where within my mind I’m reliving the memory where I’ve defined myself according to the words; ‘girls just wanna have fun’, I stop, I breathe – I see realize and understand that I have taken the idea of life as being and having fun to a level that is not only unrealistic but is actually the edge of insanity, insanity that can be witnessed throughout our world, where while we’re demanding to have our fun and existing in our self-absorbed mind/physical world, we completely ignore the massive amount of abuse and turmoil that thousands upon thousands of children/animals/people are living with daily – which puts a whole new perspective on how far we will go just so we can entertain ourselves as our mind no matter the extent of suffering all around us within and as our world/reality/existence.   I commit myself to stop.

Day 169: Incomplete as Postponement Part 2


Continuing from: Day 168: Incomplete as Postponement

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I was a child, develop an idea within myself of what responsibility meant according to the negative experience I had of myself when I first attempted to be responsible and therefore, almost without my even knowing it, I accepted and allowed myself to define responsibility as something that meant ‘I have to work’, and/or that ‘I have to do something that I don’t want to do’, and within that I began to have fear swell up within me in my mind as an image where I would see my friends playing outside and having fun without me, and because I valued myself according to how many friends liked me, I seen responsibility as sort of a deal breaker. because ‘the chores’ that I had to do which were ‘my responsibility’, kept me from being part of the fun and interrupted my idea of what I needed to participate in so that ‘my friends’ would like me, thus, I developed a plan where with every chore my mom assigned for me, I would do just enough on the surface to make it appear like I had done the job thoroughly but if/when my mom looked closely, she would see that I hadn’t done the necessary deep cleaning and therefore my responsibility was incomplete thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue similar patterns throughout my life and thus have always postponed taking responsibility and have always left myself feeling incomplete because I’ve not been willing to slow myself down, breathe and give myself the chance to see into me.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to stop who I am in fear of and as postponement, where I have according to my past experience of when I was a child, feared that I was missing out on something by not being immediately available to do what “I wanted to do’ which was to play with my friends after school because I was made to do chores by my mom and how within that I developed a pattern of postponement which is how I avoid taking self-responsibility.

Thus, when and as I see myself hurrying to get done with something: for example; when I’m writing and applying self-forgiveness, I stop, I breathe – instead I see, realize and understand that this pattern of hurrying is a pattern that I began when I was a child, and one that I have continued, where for example, I take a negative experience of doing chores and distract myself within my imagination and create for myself a positive experience as a way of avoiding taking responsibility – responsibility for myself and this world as it currently exists within and as our money/world system – where abuse unto life is allowed in the name of profit and money.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that my perception in fear of missing out on or losing out on something is actually me as my mind wanting to turn my perception of myself as having a negative experience into a positive experience so as to not have to take responsibility – which is not even actually real or relevant within the context of responsibility,  thus,  in allowing myself to hurry to complete what I’m doing, I am actually missing out on this moment of breath in seeing into me to see who I really am here as breath in self-honesty within the context of becoming willing to walk as life as me within this physical/world/reality/existence.

I commit myself to re-defining who I am when I’m not in a hurry, as who I am here breathing, and what responsibility is in relationship to who I am within this world/reality/existence.

to be continued

Day 168: Incomplete as Postponement

I’ve realized something about myself today in how I have accepted and allowed myself to be distracted when I’m writing and posting my blogs. Recently, I’ve been experiencing some physical pain and sitting in front of the computer seems to aggravate the pain and as a result, I’ve hurried through writing self-forgiveness and have ultimately screwed myself, because I’ve left myself feeling incomplete. However, in self-honesty, I know that this is a point that I’ve always existed as.

What’s interesting is, I can remember the same feeling, like an incompleteness when I was a child. This brought up the memory of when I would get home from school when I was young. My mom would have a full set of chores lined up for me to do and I would hurry through them so that I would be sure and have time to go play with my friends.


In the hurry I would begin to feel as if I was leaving myself behind or like the presence of myself was incomplete. I am now realizing how this is a point of  postponement.  Not taking self-responsibility because I just wanted to play and experience myself as having fun doing what I wanted to do.  And I have been still walking the same pattern in my committment in walking my Journey to Life

Therefore, I commit myself to slowing myself down, breathing, and allowing myself to basically stand up and begin again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when I was a child, develop an idea within myself of what responsibility meant according to the negative experience I had of myself when I first attempted to be responsible and therefore, almost without my even knowing it, I accepted and allowed myself to define responsibility as something that meant ‘I have to work’, and/or that ‘I have to do something that I don’t want to do’, and within that I began to have fear swell up within me in my mind as an image where I would see my friends playing outside and having fun without me, and because I valued myself according to how many friends liked me, I seen responsibility as sort of a deal breaker. because ‘the chores’ that I had to do which were ‘my responsibility’, kept me from being part of the fun and interrupted my idea of what I needed to participate in so that ‘my friends’ would like me, thus, I developed a plan where with every chore my mom assigned for me, I would do just enough on the surface to make it appear like I had done the job thoroughly but if/when my mom looked closely, she would see that I hadn’t done the necessary deep cleaning and therefore my responsibility was incomplete thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue similar patterns throughout my life and thus have always postponed taking self-responsibility and have always left myself feeling incomplete because I’ve not been willing to slow myself down, breathe and give myself the chance to see into me.

to be continued…

Day 163: Don’t put them in your mouth

I kept my 2 year old granddaughter today and I found a box of glass marbles hidden away on a top shelf in my closet so I decided it would be fun to share them with her. Obviously, I knew in common sense that I would not leave her unsupervised with them. So, the two of us sat on the floor and began to hold them and touch them and that’s when I began to see how one line of thought had been triggered just by touching them, and my mind wanted me to tell her: “Don’t put them in your mouth”.

I resisted saying it out loud for a moment as I breathed and stopped the thought, but then, I saw her pick one of the marbles up and gently touch it to her cheek. When I saw her do that I immediately reacted and I heard myself say: “don’t put them in your mouth”. She kind of shook her head up and down when she heard me and continued to investigate every inch of each one of them.

She was really enjoying them but as for me, I was fidgety and having difficulty enjoying the moment because I had an image/thought within my mind where I saw her putting one in her mouth and within that I became fearful.  And again I had the urge to tell her: “don’t put them in your mouth”.

How crazy is it when you know you’re not going to leave a small child alone with something that they could easily swallow but within your head, your mind is like repeating illusions of your own fear over and over. I mean, what ends up happening is, we project our illusion of fear onto the child until they act out and become the very thing within our mind we fear will happen!

Thus, here I will be investigating / walking self-forgiveness of the dimensions of the line of thought: “Don’t put them in your mouth”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in and become distracted in the thought “don’t put them in your mouth” where within me the thought became more important than my physical reality moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus on the image/thought within my mind of a marble being physically put into the mouth and choked on and/or causing death to an invisible image within my mind where I imprinted the face of and projected my fear upon my granddaughter within and as a feeling of fear of loss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the very thought of  my granddaughter choking on a marble so much so that the thought itself is able to change the very nature of who I become simply because there was marbles in the room, and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to know that I am able to be responsible and that I will not leave a small child in the room with something like marbles especially since I realize in common sense that small children have an instinct to put things in their mouth as they explore their world, thus, I’m not stupid, I know in common sense that I must remain aware of the child, and I see, realize and understand that it is Not necessary to fear such images/thoughts within my mind because i know I am directing and standing responsible for the child to ensure their safety.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to literally be afraid of the line of thoughts as words within my mind of “don’t put them in your mouth” because I see, realize and understand how those words for me represented fear within me because me as my mind accepted and allowed myself to be preoccupied by the idea of fear of loss of control.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to when I saw my granddaughter touch the marble to her face have a reaction within myself where I immediately had to stop the urge to repeat to her that she was not to put the marbles in her mouth, when I knew within myself that she was only exploring the coolness of the touch of the marble on her face, and I see, realize and understand how the constant repetitive behaviors as reactions of/as fear is how I / we manifest and create consequences within our world that we so desperately try and escape from.

When and as I see myself experiencing a line of thought where I allow myself to become distracted and focus on an image/thought pattern within my mind which is triggered by something within my present moment – I stop and I breathe – I see, realize and understand that the repeating thought pattern is of and as a past memory of which I realize has no real control of who I am in this moment unless I allow it, thus I commit myself to through self-forgiveness in self-honesty re-design myself free from the memory where marbles once held a place of fear within me according to how I defined myself within and as it.

I commit myself to stop reacting and projecting fear onto my granddaughter based upon a memory and creating within me a point of fear of loss according to a repeating thought pattern.

I commit myself to see, realize that in self-honesty I am able to will myself to stop patterns of fear within and as my mind as consciousness and to direct myself to remain here within the moment of breath to enjoy myself interacting and enjoying each moment I’m given of and as life.

Day 162: Blast from the Past

Today I received a phone call from a friend from my past that I haven’t spoken to in just over 5 years. The first thing I noticed when we started talking was an awkward silence and the realization that the connection we used to have between us, was simply not there.

However, our mind uses memory to compensate for those moments of awkwardness and it wasn’t long before the manipulation tactics began and I became aware of the familiarity in how our minds were seeking to rekindle those old feelings we once believed were so special between us. In a flash of a moment I was reminded of the direction that I had once chosen as I accepted and allowed my mind to guide me in the direction that would best benefit the self-interest of us both. I sat there looking within myself and realized that here was a peculiar moment I was fortunate to be witness to.

In one sense, the future as my past with the friend and me appeared the same as it had always been and yet, the fact of the matter was, something was entirely different, changed. It was then that I breathed in the relief that it was me who had moved from that particular space and time and was walking in a completely different direction.

I was surely grateful for the moment.  And, I am grateful for the Life Skills I’ve learned and applied through Desteni I Process, because that is how I’ve been able to assist myself to decide who I am within this moment, and for the clarity of my choice in the direction I am walking – to not settle for anything less than the decision I stand by and as, to walk my life according to what’s best for all.

LOL,, was interesting, how the phone call just sort of ended, with barely even a good bye.

Above Artwork by Lindsay Craver

Day 161: The Child is Mine

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to repeat the words “the child is mine” over and over within my mind where the ‘idea’ of the child being mine became more important than who the child and I were together within our relationship with each other.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself from the very moment my child was born to instantly become protective in how I believed his physical reality/world was suppose to feel and be to/for him and how I would attempt to manipulate and influence the very nature of who he would become and how within doing so, I never stopped to consider what I was taking away from him as an expression of who he really is free from the preprogramming of and as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make the decision to have unprotected sex and thus never considered the consequences of having a baby so young that when my son was born I didn’t even realize how terrified I was because suddenly, I had this small life before me and I didn’t even know how to be responsible for myself much less responsible for a baby, thus I ran from my fears and became busy, busy within my mind trying to make sense of life and busy at trying to make it look like on the outside that I was a good mom who knew what she was doing, while on the inside, I was lost, confused and trying to hide from the truth of me as the hopelessness I was running from, and within that I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed my children to be molded into and as the characters/personalities  that I became day after day as I attempted to survive within this world/money system.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to automatically insist that my belief in a God become the belief of my child where I never allowed my child the opportunity to question the belief which I would later realize was my way of avoiding taking responsibility for what I was willing to accept and allow within and as our current world/money system.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to boost my own ego over the well being and the limited understanding that I had of the developing mind of my young son/child, where I didn’t consider what the act of ‘showing him off’ would have upon the nature of the characters/personalities that he would later become as a direct result of the role that I played as the pride in/as being a parent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait and hope that my son will forgive me for the mistakes I made in raising him when the fact is, it is me that I am waiting for to forgive myself for because I regret the decisions and mistakes I made in raising my children because at the time all I could think of was how to get to the experience where I was having fun because I believed that was all that life was about.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the characters and personalities of and as my mind which have been passed down from generation to generation have never changed in that we continue our cycles of self-interest and greed and only think about how can we be happy and content and to hell with the world we’re giving to our children.

to be continued…