Tag Archive | chemical imbalance

Day 242: How we Survived the Doomsday Paranoia

By the end of November 2007, my partner and I were already months into a journey that had come to cause us great concern, or rather quite the paranoia. I mean, with the way the economy was going, we were both concerned that it was definitely time to purchase the necessary items to assure our survival in the event of what looked like the beginning of the end of the world, or, at the very least the beginning of a plan where we would all be living under the ruling of a Police State or a Dictatorship. Of course, we didn’t really know exactly what we were facing but we knew one thing for sure, we were scared and concerned for our survival. There was so much talk about the Mayan’s and their predictions for the end of the world and then David Icke’s stories about reptilians – this further fueled our already mind-paranoia.

Artwork by: Matti Freeman

the futureFinally, the end of November 2007, we discovered the Desteni video’s on Youtube and then the Desteni website and as we studied the material, we quickly realized their message was clear and made perfect sense. Desteni predicted that there would be no ascension to a 5th dimension, or end of the world according to the Mayan calender, no apocalypse, alien landings or biblical doomsday. The fact is, Desteni saved us a shit load of money because after all, there’s BIG money in doomsday predictions.

The Desteni message remains consistent, accurate and assisted us stop our paranoia and focus on what is real.  Their message  assisted us to ask ourselves ‘what is our individual responsibility’ with what is here?

And, what and how have we come to accept and allow our world to exist as it currently does?  These are not easy questions because to answer them requires self honesty and we soon realized that self honesty meant giving up that which we’d held on so tight to because self interest has been our motivator,  and of course self interest is wound tight in fear.

So, it’s been quite an interesting Journey for us because studying the Desteni material will astound and shock even the bravest amongst us and it’s a Journey that’ll lead one to themself.

So, here we are. We’re still here. All the doomsday predictions have come and gone and all of it was a lie. What isn’t a lie is the hours upon hours of research and documented material that Desteni provides for those who will investigate/hear. What isn’t a lie is the message that Desteni continues to Stand by. Desteni Stands for Oneness & Equality and in that they can be depended upon.

Thank you Desteni

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I engage THOUGHT, it acts like GOD and fear emerges as make believe concepts and ideas I make myself believe till I am scared. Essentially, I create my fear and then am afraid of my own creation – such a powerful being I am – yet it all happens ONLY IN MY HEAD, ALONE and when I can transfer MY FEAR to another HEAD, through talking, or writing, or examples or pictures – it remains IN MY HEAD alone, MY FEAR ONLY.” Bernard Poolman

“I commit myself to show that all Fear in all ways is always Self-Produced in the Mind, and Self-Believed as real – as that ensures that the body will produce the chemical substances of addiction the person has been exposed to since childhood, as the patterns the parent induced to get absolute control over the child so that the child will be occupied to not interfere in the Addictive Occupation of the Adult.” Bernard Poolman 

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  Suggested blogs to follow:

Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life
Economist Journey to Life

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Day 140: Inside Out

Monday I had an appointment to have some much needed dental work done which I’m still not finished with but I’ve had quite a bit of fear about. Then on Tuesday, I came down sick with a head cold that I’m still not well from and then Wednesday, I became very frustrated with my partner which was actually a point of lack of communication on both our parts…

So, this week has been somewhat of a challenge and what I’ve realized is how destructive ‘inner conflict’ is in that, when I would see myself go into thoughts about going to the dentist, I would become irritated, anxious and very emotional where I felt raw and exposed, almost as if I was turning myself inside out.

It took me a couple of days to realize that I had put up a wall of defense which served as protection, for how I was justifying and defending the very fears I ‘thought’ I was stopping. Thus, here walking self-forgiveness.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear and ‘inner conflict‘ in relation to me having to have dental surgery this week and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed internal fighting within myself to the point where me and my mind have had conflicting positions in relation to the fear of going to the dentist, which ultimately generated friction within myself which then resulted in energy that lead me to a state of mind in believing how my experience at the dentist would result in/as pain and fear, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience resistance toward going to the dentist until I internalized the fear into a point of inner conflict which caused me to become physically sick, and how within that, I became argumentative with my partner and expected him to somehow be able to ‘make me feel better’ about myself, therefore, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within internal conflict to the point that I became a character of gloom and doom and thus created myself into a state of depression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put up a wall of defense and protection as justification – which stops me from being self intimate with me and thus intimate with others as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I suppress inner conflict and frustration within myself, that I then manifest myself in and as guilt, shame, and anger and thus lash out onto others – for example onto my partner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I have through participating in and as thoughts and backchat of ‘what if’s’ within my mind, have created and manifested illness unto me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to direct myself according to a mood and/or a feeling, instead of realizing that I am here, I breathe and I direct me within the decision to stop participating within and as thoughts, feelings, moods and/or emotions/reactions/energy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within my mind in my own comfort zone where I didn’t realize I was dependent upon the sameness of my everyday wants, needs and desires, thus when my day doesn’t go as I ‘hope’, I go into fear, inner conflict, friction, energy and/or moods and depression.


I commit myself to stop internalizing who I am as fear and thus stop abusing me as my physical body.

I commit myself to stop who I am as energy within wants, needs and desires.

I commit myself to stop inner conflicts through stopping backchat and the ‘hope’ of what tomorrow will bring.

I commit myself to stop generating energy from inner conflict to that of outer conflicts within and as my world and to/toward my partner.

I commit myself to show that depression is ego and self-interest.

I commit myself to show that All depression and/or doom and gloom moods can be stopped in one moment of breath.

I commit myself to Re-Defining my Relationship with my Partner through the Relationship Course walking through the Desteni I Process.

I commit myself to show that fear only exists within and as my mind and is only as real as I accept and allow it, thus, I stop me as fear and I Breathe.

I commit myself to realize how Trust is only possible with Self in Self-honesty.

Day 40: America is falling down

Recently, I had a dream in which I was in total darkness and within it I allowed a glimpse of myself. There was no fear and no reactions of any kind, no movement, no shapes, no sound or color. Only a clearer understanding of how I’ve ‘Lived’ as ‘Evil‘, and my suppression of myself within it – which has been a point that I’ve not really understood since beginning the Desteni Process. Strangely enough – this post and my self-forgiveness represents the beginning of my healing process from what I realized of myself within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid facing the guilt and embarASSED impressions within myself of how I’ve accepted and allowed myself to continue to support a world/money system that goes to war over land and it’s resources no matter the number of babies caught in the crossfire because of our will to Fight for the right to consume the hell out of this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within hate towards the generations before me who sat quietly watching as we’ve raped our land for profit and tossed common sense to the wind because we believe we have a right to our opinion – when in fact the human is the cause for the death and misery brought by war by men against men in the race to be the best, biggest and richest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to once believe that I lived in the land of the free when in fact I live in the land of the evil where humanity knows no boundaries in it’s consuming within a game to see which slave can have more than the other slave.

I forgive myself that I have been willing to accept and allow life to exist in wars resulting in death and destruction as long as I have a job and money and a false sense of security where I don’t and/or won’t consider the countless number of those suffering and/or dying within our world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear forgiving what I see in self-honesty exists as evil within me because my mind has refused to see the destructive nature of myself as humanity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I live in a country that has the largest gap and inequality between rich and poor compared to all the other industrialized nations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the insanity of trying to live what’s been called the American dream while the wealthiest 20% of the world’s population consumes 76.6% of the world’s goods while 80% of humanity gets the remainder.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to overlook an important part of my hate for how this world exists – which is that the evil I see within this world begins first within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that as I have went out of my way to be nice and make people happy what I’ve really been doing is setting up relationships to validate my ego and fuel the evil that I continue to accept and allow as I consume and compete against others, thus creating more and more evil as suffering, war, rape, murder, poverty and starvation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as complacent with myself wherein I have taken advantage of others without complete awareness of the dangers of my decision to regard one life form as less than another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have not only been the abused but I have in fact been the abuser.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself within a point of being co-dependent upon the mental abuse of my secret mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the reality of how our world exists as evil to/towards life because I feared I couldn’t handle realizing what the hell I’ve accepted and allowed as who I’ve become as the evil that exists here within and as our current world/money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I deserved to live a better life than my neighbor and rejected my responsibility in manifesting a world where living life has always been about me in self-interest and my survival within our current money system.

I forgive myself for the greedy, self-centered and egotistical nature of who I’ve been as I’ve struggled to survive as a working class slave in a world where the wealthiest are wealthy because the poorest suffer and die while the working class slave remains clueless in America.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to celebrate Memorial Day to remember ‘the cost of American freedom’, when in fact it has taken me losing almost everything I had to realize that freedom really is just another word for nothing left to lose because the only freedom that exists is the freedom that comes with having and protecting ownership and money instead of protecting life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to convince myself that it’s alright to reject life through and as a world/money system which commits crimes daily against life through acts of war.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that an Equal Money System will allow all physical life forms to exist here together peacefully.

I commit myself to directing myself Not as an American but in Self-honesty as Mankind.

I commit myself to bring down the borders that exist within myself toward all nations of beings and to support a money/world system that sees to it that No one suffer as Life.

I commit myself to supporting a system of Equality where money is Not here to devalue life but is instead here for the sole purpose of Supporting Life on Earth.

I commit myself to a system that does not capitalize the resources of the land for profit but instead realizes the resources of the land are here to access within the principle of and according to what’s best for all.


Please read the following blogs for further perspectives and self-support:

Creation’s Journey to Life

Heaven’s Journey to Life