Tag Archive | naturalist

Day 143: I will not Lie Down in Defeat

The past couple of weeks I’ve not been able to spend much time with my two year old granddaughter Emmeline.  So I really enjoyed being with her today.  Children are quick to learn how to adapt and survive and her newest and seemingly favorite new words, which she’s learned at her new daycare with other children who are close to her age, are: “are you done with it”, “it’s my turn”.  When I heard her, immediately I saw how from within myself came forth a character of defeat.  Where in that moment,  I realized how socialization takes hold of us until finally, we’re walking the patterns of and as our mind, enslaved to a money system, punching a time clock and waiting and hoping it’ll soon be ‘our turn’ at life. Here I will begin walking self-forgiveness and self-correction for who I am within the patterns I saw coming forth today to stop what I’ve accepted and allowed. Beginning here with the role I became aware of first as a ‘character of defeat’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I am acting as the character of/as my mind in/as defeat, that I create a point of resistance to/towards others within a point of self sabotage where I become short in how I speak and direct myself to/towards them and then justify my actions by blaming them instead of realizing how I am actually avoiding taking self-responsibility within a fear of failing, thus, I commit myself to stop who I’ve become in/as defeat and instead I breathe in realizing that when I blame I am avoiding taking responsibility for myself for who I am in self-honesty as life, to actually walk the point through in self-corrected application as a living example of the kind of change required whereas all living beings will exist here together equally in allways.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in thoughts that generate energy between me and another such as: ‘they’re not hearing me so what’s the use’, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I access my own point of view in my head by participating in such thoughts, that I am not remaining here within this moment and am in fact giving in to the direction of and as my mind as consciousness – instead of breathing and directing myself within the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I go into my head to hopelessness and then to that of seeking power – where I see myself as more than others within and as a humanity where we’ve not seen, realized or understood how we as parents/adults hold the key to how and what is experienced as life on earth and in how we continue to raise the children of this world to be just like us, full of traditions and enslaved to and as a world/money system where nothing ever actually changes, thus, I commit myself to stop going into my head to hopelessness in seeking power of myself as more than others, and instead,  I commit myself to investigate and educate myself in how and what it is that continues to support our world/money systems, to thus redesign them according to and as a system which will support all life according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through family traditions carry on supporting our current world/money systems without questioning what it is that I’m actually giving consent for such as the gross negligence to and toward the majority of life here on earth whereas when one doesn’t have money, their life is accepted and allowed to be neglected, abused and exposed to war and murder, and, in how we allow other living beings to starve to death daily within a world where only if one has money is everything and anything possible, thus, I commit myself to stop who I’ve been as family traditions and to question what I’ve accepted and allowed and given consent to/for within and as our world/money system, to thus commit myself to a world where neglect and abuse to life is stopped, and instead, All living beings are supported from birth to death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to change the world within a belief that it can’t be done, because I fear how life has turned into a way station for abuse and death to and as life, thus, I’d given up on understanding the actual process in that, we each one must change ourselves from within,  thus, I commit myself to change me first as a living example in order to assist in changing the world according to that which is best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a character of/as my mind who fears failing, to become physical heavy within myself, wherein I see myself and others as myself as defeated within a belief, assumption, idea and/or perception that I cannot be or become anything else or more than what I believe of myself as what I have defined myself to be as an accepted and allowed act of self-defeat, therefore, I commit myself to stop who I’ve been as a character of defeat, wherein I have only imagined what might have been instead of seeing, realizing, understanding and thus standing on my own two feet and walking in the shoes of another in support of and as a world where every living being is realized as equal to and one with/as each other as life.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand how through my words, the tone of my voice and the movements of me as my physical body, I am responsible for, and I am the teacher of the child who stands before me – for who they’ll become and what they’ll accept and allow to exist within our world, thus, I commit myself to breathe and direct myself within every moment to remain here and participate in giving to others as that which I wish to receive as a Life of Equality.

Day 141: Making sense out of a system that doesn’t make sense

Along with pain and not physically feeling well from my recent dental appointments, which are still ongoing. I wasn’t prepared to be catapulted into the jaws of our current money system. Where every day this past week, it’s like I’ve been chewed up and spit out by a system that couldn’t care less if I survive it or if I end up on the side of the road bleeding to death. What I’ve realized, is that Money still has the power to change me, and, I realize that I am responsible for the power that I have given to a money system that supports abuse and profit over the life of those living within it. As a way of protecting myself, ‘as my mind’, I see how I’ve become nonchalant in my attitude – another character I’ve become to protect myself from myself. Thus, the following Self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a character of/as my mind who is nonchalant towards others and their Quest to survive because I got lost once again in my own self-interest within energetic wants, needs and desires within a money system that is anything but forgiving and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself as willing to stand up for all living beings when in fact I’ve only begun to understand what standing up for and as All living beings really means in terms of what I must be willing to give up and stop as who I am and what I’ve accepted and allowed in order to actually have an impact on bringing about a world according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become hardened and uncaring as a way of giving myself a false sense of perceiving myself as protected within a money system that thrives on taking instead of giving, thus, I commit myself to stop, to breathe and stop fearing the future and to remain here in this moment and face who I am in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel nonchalant toward the fears of others in their attempt to make sense of what we have All accepted and allowed within our world, therefore, I commit myself to stop who I am as fear and to direct myself to do unto others as I would like done unto me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself according to the energy I receive according to how much money I have and for how I have incorporated that as who I am within how I move myself as my physical body and within my physical reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and make sense within a world/money system that doesn’t make sense within all the abuse it exists as, thus, I stop, I breathe, I direct myself to slow down and face who I am within all that is here, to thus, assist and support a system which will support all life according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted, allowed, and supported a world/money system that generates fear and stress in our day to day living where living isn’t living at all really only struggling to just survive, thus, I commit myself to show how with Equal Money day to day living will be enjoyable and stress free because everyone’s day to day necessities will be given to everybody equally.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the changes that must be made in order to change our world to one that is supportive of and as all living beings, thus, I commit myself to show how it makes more sense to ensure that all living beings are provided for with Equal Money – than to continue to allow a world/money system where people are constantly competing with each other to survive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world/money system that sees value in people according to how much money they have/make, and for how I’ve ignored the depth of daily stress being lived by those who have little to no money to provide for themselves, thus, I commit myself to never stop supporting an Equal Money System because I see, realize and understand how with Equal Money we will manifest Heaven on Earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how every day thousands of people have absolutely nothing and starve to death while others have more than they could possibly use in a one lifetime therefore, I commit myself to show how only the best and most nutritious food will exist with an Equal Money System.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when things are going my way and I have money in my pocket then I don’t stop to consider how others are experiencing themselves as fearful and stressed out from not knowing how they will survive from one minute to the next, thus, I commit myself to show how with Equal Money, people will stop manipulating and stealing because with Equal Money people will begin to understand the nature of themselves and thus will begin to forgive and correct themselves and begin to assist and support each other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support a world/money system that is driven to only support itself through the ways and means of abuse of and as a Capitalistic system, thus, I commit myself to show how we will bring an end to Capitalism through manifesting Heaven on Earth with Equal Money.

Day 133: Killing Blame

Walking the following the Self-forgiveness for how today, I saw myself want to blame another for something that changed how I experienced myself within my world

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how when I become a character/memory of and as my mind, that I not only blame others for how I experience myself but I also blame them for how things happen within my world and as such it becomes easy for me to justify my actions even if it means that I am creating hurtful consequences for another, because as long as I am benefitting from my behavior, whether it be emotional, comforting and/or of monetary benefit, I will allow that to override my sense of self-control in order to achieve what I want because it’s all about me, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how as the character of blame, if I see that my behavior is no longer producing the desired results and my experience results in a negative experience, I will use that as a point of blame as well and create a protection of sorts, which is how me as my mind as consciousness protects my core beliefs and thus continues to blame others, instead of taking self-responsibility for my actions which may or may not have resulted in the consequences of another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how as a character of blame I will find reasons why I should be excused for taking responsibility for my actions by participating in and as backchat which begin as: “so and so did this and that”, thus, I will magically put the fault elsewhere on someone else proving to myself within the perception of my ‘secret mind‘ that because of “so and so”, I couldn’t possibly be held accountable and/or responsible thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within and as a character of blame, I experience pain in my upper back region which I see happens mostly after a negative energy experience where I manipulate others through polarity equations where I overemphasize the negative effects that others have had on me while overemphasizing myself which underemphasizes the negative effects that my actions have had on others and thus, I avoid taking self-responsibility for who I am and what I’m accepting and allowing myself to be and become and for how and what I am responsible for according to how our world/money system exists.

When and as I see myself wanting to/place blame onto another, I Stop. I Breathe. I commit myself to stop who I am as a character of blame and direct myself through self-corrective application to take complete responsibility for who I am, to show how I am able to move myself as my physical body in walking as self-support to realign and redesign who I am in order to support a world according to what’s best for All.

“I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to divert attention away from me onto another person by blaming others for what happened not accepting and allowing myself to stand up within and as myself to take responsibility for what is here and through this I forgive myself that I did not see, realise or understand that as long as I am hiding behind the blame character I am tacitly accepting and allowing that which is here to continue to exist and through this I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self responsibility to what is here by allowing myself to hide behind the blame character.” ~ Esteni De Wet

Day 131: Because I Said So

Walking Self-forgiveness here for the bubbles of bullshit I heard/saw myself react as/to today to one of my children with regards to money and taking responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how as the ‘mom character‘, within the meaning of/as the words: ‘Because I said so’, I recreate my history as the patterns of/as that of the downloaded/preprogrammed mind of my parents as memories and characters and how within that I have created a relationship to/towards and with my children where I direct them according to my past experiences and as such I expect them to take responsibility for our current world/money system, instead of realizing that I’ve not yet become the living example of that which I am demanding, thus, I commit myself to Stop projecting my fear of the future onto my children and to first become a living example of what it is to stand in support of and as All Life Equally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how from within the starting point of fear of our current world/money system, I expect my children to make decisions based upon what’s best for All and to act accordingly and when they don’t, I become frustrated to/toward them, giving way to reasons for them to exist toward me in/as patterns of guilt, resentment and hate, and within that, I see, realize and understand that I am actually seeing within them that which I in fact exist as, because I’ve not yet lived, breathed through and become a practical living example of that which I say I stand as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how because my mother used the words, ‘because I said so’, within a point of authority towards me, I have thus become the same pattern and have even inserted a belief of my own as that of Equality, instead of being equal to and one as a living example of Equality, thus, I see within my children that which I exist as according to that of an authority figure as a belief within a pattern of and as my mind as consciousness, and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within judgment, anger and frustration to/towards my children I attempt to force an experience upon them as an idea that I have within my mind of what it is to be a living example of taking self-responsibility for All life within our current world/money system, therefore, I commit myself to stop reacting and start directing myself with patience within and as self-corrective application according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have Not directly lived as and realized who I am within and as responsibility to all living beings because I’ve never known anything physically different from that which currently exists as that of our current world/money system – which accepts and allows abuse and death upon those who have no money and/or no ways and means of acquiring money – thus, I forgive myself for creating an experience within my mind of how one is suppose to act when one is responsible to and as All living beings and for projecting that unto my children and my world, thus, I commit myself to face me in self-honesty and to Stop projecting future presentations because I see, realize and understand that we cannot know who we will be if we don’t yet know we are, and that we’ve never yet known before who we are Equal and One as All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within my mind I have participated in backchat of how my children should listen to me because I am their mom and because ‘I said so’, then, they should ‘do as I say’, thus, I commit myself to stop participating in and as backchat and stop deManding that my children be anything less than who they really are as Life according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become preoccupied within my own imagination and literally lost sight of myself here as breath as living the example of that which I am requesting of others within my world/reality/existence thus, I commit myself to remain aware of who I am breathing here in self-honesty walking this life for and as/in support of a world where life will no longer be a struggle and instead be one where all living beings are given that which is best for All as a Life of Equality and Oneness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how in/as the character of ‘because I said so’, I attempt to make my children ‘feel guilty’ by reminding them how I have assisted them financially and when that doesn’t get me my desired result, I will scold them with blame and instill in them the fear of possible future consequences if they don’t do as I said, ‘because I said so’, thus, I commit myself to stop manipulating my children and to stop giving/assisting them within the expectation of receiving something in return, to instead, give within the realization of self as living as an example of equality according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become physically nauseous within what I see is a resistence to letting go of the belief that children should honor they father and mother, thus, in self-honesty, I commit myself to understand and show how honor to/of and as Life is only possible within a world where All living beings are given the ability to exist here according to what’s best for all.

When and as I see/hear myself blowing bubbles of nonsense toward my children as empty words that are of no substance except as that which seeks to control, I Stop. I Breathe, I direct myself to face who I am within the bubbles of bullshit patterns of memories and characters of and as my mind to thus forgive myself and correct myself as being worthy of standing in support of and as Life in and as Equality.

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that all the Knowledge we teach our Children, teach Nothing about How to Live as Equals, but only Perpetuate the Hate that is Covered in Love of Inequality and the Self Glorification of Ignorance as thought, emotion and feeling, seeking to Gain the Upper Hand, the Righteousness of Knowledge, while that which Contain All things Ever, which is Life, is Denied.” ~ Bernard Poolman

Day 124: Hit and Miss

Today, my biological father called me. A man who I’ve barely known, yet, when I was young, I craved for and sought after his attention. He lives about 125 miles from me and I rarely if ever talk to or see him. Tomorrow is his birthday, he’ll be 75. He called to tell me that he is not doing very well and doesn’t believe he’ll be here much longer. We had a nice conversation and he handles himself with curiosity when I don’t agree with his belief in God and, he even agrees that Equal Money is the Solution for this World, though doesn’t see how we’ll ever get everyone to stop their greed to implement it.

I asked him after 75 years on this earth – what has he realized about himself, free from his beliefs. He admitted he had no idea how to answer that and then added how he’d lived a pretty decent life and that he guessed that was all one could ask for… Yes. I’m familiar with that point of acceptance that he spoke of, and I’m no longer willing to allow myself to be that.

When I hung up the phone, I saw how I longed for the days when all of my family was still here. I heard the backchat of thoughts within my mind reminding me how within the past year I’ve lost my brother, my sister and now my biological father is, as he put it, “on his last leg.” I wanted to just sit and reminisce about what used to be. However, I didn’t. I stopped. I breathed, and in self-honesty, I saw how my mind was looking for a feeling that a long time ago, I believed was me. I no longer accept that. Instead, I wrote the following self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to hold onto the urge to reminisce within a pattern of what looks to me to be one that I would describe as a ‘hit and miss’ – meaning: it’s like looking through dozens of photos and hoping to find one that is recognizable – wherein I have accepted and allowed myself to long for what used to be within a belief that was never real and how within my perception of and as my mind I dreamed of what could have been, thus existing within the hope for a relationship with a father that begins and ends within ‘dreams of what if’, within a memory/character of and as my mind – which was preprogrammed and downloaded into me from/of and as the mind of my parents, and the generations that have gone before me, thus, I forgive myself for not realizing that in the ‘miss’ I become the ‘hit’ that I perceive myself as, as that which I long for within a feeling to be special by a man that I never really knew, and within that, I forgive myself for not realizing that when I reminisce, I am basically sleeping with my eyes open, just like one does in REM sleep, wherein we ‘dream‘ about ourselves within our mind as elaborate storylines all the while ignoring what is real as our physical body and our physical reality, and, I forgive myself for not realizing that when I reminisce of/for what used to be, but wasn’t, and/or when I ‘reminisce’ for that which I never had in order to feel/experience that which I feared in the first place, how within that, I am actually using feeling and emotional energy charges to supply myself with what appears to be a reliever of stress, when actually, it creates stress unto my physical body while I ignore a point of suppression and where I’m adding fuel to the fire by creating scenarios within my mind to distract from facing responsibility for myself and for my world, thus depleting me as my physical body within the acceptance of that which isn’t real as the thoughts that suck the life from me as my physical body/flesh and bone through my own participation within/as and during the madness of reminiscing in and as my mind as consciousness, therefore, I forgive myself for the desire to escape to the past within and as my mind as the memories/characters thereof and thus live my past as my future as the here within this moment.

When and as I see myself longing and reminiscing for/of what never was, and/or what used to be, of/as what is ‘now the past’, I stop. I breathe. I see, realize and understand that the past is over and to participate within and as my mind of/as memories/characters, is to accept death unto me as my physical body where I cycle within the same patterns, lies, pain and false sense of security that I’ve always existed as. I am No longer willing to accept and allow the direction of and as my mind as consciousness. Instead I commit myself to direct me as my mind in self-honesty.

When and as I see myself existing within the desire to escape into and as my mind as the memories/characters of and as my past, I stop. I breathe and I realize that in every moment of breath I have the choice to decide to remain here breathing within and as what is real as my physical body and my physical reality or I can choose to participate within and as my mind which is exactly how and what is killing our physical bodies and physical reality, and I have realized this because I have proved this to/for myself, thus, I see, realize and understand the common sense in stopping and being the directive principle of me and through self-corrective application stopping that which is/has been the deadly game of life within and as humanity enslaved to a world/money system within cycles of abuse and death.

I commit myself to let go of/stop reminiscing within cycles of/as memories/character as how abuse is manifested/created against life.

I commit myself to breathe and move the energy through me and ground myself here within and as what is real as my physical flesh and earth.

I commit myself to show how together as a Group, we can manifest Heaven on Earth where All life is experienced in/as dignity according to what’s best for All.