Tag Archive | emotion

Day 160: When Anger Hurts

I just woke up from a dream in which I saw myself in anger so vividly that I had to get up and write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that,

I am angry in how as Americans we actually spend time talking about and believe that there is a Presidential candidate to pick from that will make a difference within our world – where an actual change will occur within our current world/money system. When we have clearly seen how 44 Presidents later and here we are, and not one has been able to bring an end to war or poverty and starvation, and that those atrocities, are not even the top 3 issues that we are concerned about resolving.

And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that,

I am angry that instead of answering hard questions, like why do the majority of us continue to work our asses off to support the minority who have all the money, and why is it we’re alright with spending the evening hearing the same lies over and over about how things will change – when in fact, there is No real solution given that will actually assist to bring about real change – the kind of change that brings an end to all suffering.

Furthermore, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that,

I’m angry that money and whether we’ll have enough of it is always on our mind – so much so that we’ve become the human race, where the rules are that we must compete with each other to survive, and that’s all we do.

I also forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that,

I am angry for the mess we’ve made of our world, and how our children are the ones who will be left holding the bill, a debt they can never repay,  and within that, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be angry that we expect acts of bravery from our children when we’ve not a clue what it really means to be courageous – the kind of courage it takes to Stand up for and as All as One as Equal.

And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that,

I am angry that I lied to my children when I said I believed in freedom when clearly the only free is in the dumbing down of those of us who work day in and day out only to be a paycheck away from homeless and hungry and,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to

feel the shame in anger as I have witnessed the heartache of survival through the lives of those who have gone before me, where life is lived where one is either rich and getting richer, or poor and hoping to survive another day.  And,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how,

I am angry that as parents we have accepted a money system that doesn’t care if the newborn baby just born unto this world will have food, clean water, healthcare, an education, or even a home, because we’ve not taken the time to investigate the solution where Heaven on Earth can be a reality for us all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to swell up inside myself in sorrow for the anger I see I’m existing as, and for how when I hear myself say the word anger,  I see how I have defined anger as that which I have come to ‘manage’, where within me, I store anger away so that I can continue to accept, allow and continue to support the existence of abuse within our current world/money system where the  rich profit off the suffering of the poor and how we actually tell ourselves that we’re ok with that.

Thus, I commit myself to see, realize and understand that anger only hurts when we use it against ourself and each other, therefore, I commit myself to stop suppressing who I am as anger because I see, realize and understand that anger will assist me to direct myself in common sense according to and in support of a system where life is given honor in accordance to what’s best for all.

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Day 159: The Dirty Little Secrets in Anger

For context read: Day 158: Angry and I Don’t Know Why
Self-Commitment Statements to Stop who I am as anger

When and as I see myself existing within the energetic swirls of anger, I stop, I breathe.  I see, realize and understand that any perception that I may have of being angry toward another is just a flat out illusion because in reality, I’m angry at myself,  and therefore it is vital that I breathe and investigate what’s going on within me that’s causing me to want to find fault in whoever it is that is next in line for me to blame for the bad experience I’m having of myself,  because the fact is, anger is like a ticking time bomb,, an accumulation of moments where I’ve suppressed, compounded and completely avoided taking self-responsibility for myself according to how and what I’m accepting and allowing myself to exist within and as.

I commit myself to stop who I am as the dirty little secrets in anger because I see, realize and understand that anger is a cover up for the parts of me that exists in/as ego which manifest within this world as the horrors that I fear admitting I am a responsible for/as.

I commit myself to Stop anger as my path of preTense where I accept and allow tension to flow through me as my physical body while I pretend to be a survivor of and separate from the madness that exists within our world while I use anger as the tool to generate emotional conflict within myself which compounds into my flesh and bone as that which I’ve long ignored as it fuels the acceptance and allowance of who and what I exist as as who I am through and as the direction of and as my mind as consciousness.

I commit myself to show how anger is a direct reflection of what I hide in shame of in fear that I’ll be called on to claim my fame for how the inner me is mirrored as how the outer world represents me as all the while trying to convince myself that there is no way that I am directly responsible for the wars and greed that exist within and as the minds of men when in fact, I know that I cannot deny that I am responsible for how our world exists.

I commit myself to stop what I have denied as who I am as the reaction I become in/as guilt which I defend in/as anger because I fear the shame in admitting my denial because I see, realize and understand that that which I dish out is exactly what I will receive, and for the things that I accept and allow to happen unto another, I accept and allow to happen unto me thus, I commit myself to Never forget the mathematical equation within the principle of equality.

I commit myself to breathe and investigate who I am in/as anger, because I see, realize and understand that anger is an inner suppression based on blame, shame, regret, guilt and ego, where within myself I fear what I see I have accepted and allowed, where I have believed that I have the  inability to direct my life and take self-responsibility for the dishonesty that I’ve existed as – because within the secrets of my mind I use excuses to not see what it is that makes me unhappy and full of anxiety and thus, I constantly place responsibility on someone else, instead of standing up and directing myself to take responsibility for myself and every single living being, therefore, I commit myself to take responsibility for myself and to support an Equal Money system which will support every living being according to what’s best for all.

Day 158: Angry and I Don’t Know Why

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear who I am as the anger I suppress in fear that I may become it.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to often feel incredibly angry and I don’t know why even though I realize the anger within me is me, yet I still resist and refuse to see who I am as it because I fear if I come face to face with me as the anger that I feel toward myself for what I’ve accepted and allowed that I will surely die of shame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid looking within myself to see the starting point of why it is that I experience emotional waves of anger and then believe my own fear that if I go there and touch the anger that I will realize the truth of me, of what I have accepted and allowed and that I will lose myself forever.

I forgive myself for the fact that even as I sit here writing, exposing the anger I fear deep within me, that I can feel a hardening sensation as if a warning that says to me to stop, do not pass by this way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within and as anger hang out within my mind in and as my past because in my past i was able to fool myself into believing that someday I could change the world, which is just another way for me to energize my ego and keep myself stuck in emotional games within and as the secrets of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself because I have practically lived in this world that I’ve made up where my entire  life has been about me making up fantasy worlds within my mind where the sole purpose has been to boost who I am as ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine a world where life is fun and everyone is safe and happy and then suddenly anger appears and I see how the picture perfect setting is missing life itself and I realize how I’ve always missed the gift that one gives to self when one forgives the dream and stands in and as the honesty of self to take self-responsibility for and as all living beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say that I am angry and I don’t know why when the fact is I have been in fear of who I am as anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself for fooling myself into believing that living in fear of what others will think of me is easier that getting real with myself and facing who I really am in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be completely pissed off at myself that I have spent my whole life completely ignorant to and abusive of that which allows me life as me as my physical body.

to be continued

Day 139: DIY Self-Commitment

For Context Please Read: Day 138: I Don’t Want To Grow Up – –

I commit myself to Stop the fear of aging and the fear of death and I commit myself to prove to myself what I’ve already begun to realize in that, who I am, is determined within every moment of breath.

I commit myself to show that growing up is Not something that should be easy or hard or compromising self in any way, nor is growing up about holding on to things that were, or wondering about what’s to come, instead growing up is about investigating the perceptions within and as our mind that we’ve spent our entire lives in fear of, thus, I commit myself to show that life is not about living like we are dying and then manifesting it as so – NO – Life is a Journey of forgiving and directing ourself in self-honesty in realizing that we do NOT have to fear ourself as our Mind or each other, and, we don’t have to fear getting older and/or hating each other and, we can Stop our fear of dying without having actually known who we are as Life,,,thus, We Breathe, and we Forgive Ourself for who we believed ourselves to be as our Mind of/as CONSCIOUSNESS, and We Direct who we are as Life Living what it is to Give to All as we’d like to Receive.

I commit myself to stop existing within polarity equations of positive/negative, right/wrong, happy/sad and/or pretty/ugly, because I see, realize and understand that in doing so I am actually abdicating myself from life through living in fear of me as my mind as thoughts and through participating in and as them fueling emotions, feelings and fear, therefore, I commit myself to direct me as my mind in self-honesty and through self-corrective application, stop participation of/as thoughts, and instead, Breathe and Walk.

Furthermore, I commit myself to redefine who I am as self-responsibility as I walk breath by breath becoming a living application of responsibility, where through self-forgiveness, I gift myself the ability to consider what life will become when as a GROUP, we come together to support a World according to what’s best for All – to bring an end to fear and the constant struggle to survive within our current world/money system, to thus, together show ourselves how in Giving to all that which we each require as the basic necessities for life, we realize ourselves as living expressions of and as what is to Stand accountable and responsible for and as All living beings.

Do It Your Self-Commitment

JOIN US

Stand Up for and as All Life – Support a World/Money System that will support All Life Equally.

Day 138: I Don’t Want To Grow Up

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define aging with ‘growing up’ and accepting myself as someone I’ve never wanted to be because all the grown-ups I’ve ever known who grew older became saggy, scary, grumpy and settled in as being sad, lonely and dying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear growing up, getting old and losing all of my teeth, because within my mind I have believed in the perception that loosing one’s teeth makes a woman ugly, old and undesirable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear growing up because that meant being responsible and the only example of responsibility I was familiar with meant worrying about not having enough money and working oneself to death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I feared growing up because I feared getting old, wrinkly and invisible and undesirable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how according to a picture as a thought within my mind growing old and aging looks like a small toothless woman whose eyes are sad and face is sunken in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within my mind I have defined myself according to a picture presentation of myself looking the same as I did when I was in my twenties.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that in my fear of growing old I have spent my life fighting for the right to be happy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that life is only about me and my happiness to such a degree that I’ve never considered what Life Really is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I was younger I lived my life according to the energetic high I got off on in how men would react to/toward me, in how I received attention from them and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am immune to growing old, to aging.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I fear growing old because I fear death of me as my physical body.

to be continued…

Day 128: Fear Factor

Today I became aware of how I was existing in fear as I was talking to and scheduling an upcoming appointment for myself. Thus the following self-forgiveness.


I forgive myself for not realizing how through love and friendship I have created my own illusion of ‘feeling’ safe and happy – where momentarily, I perceive myself as no longer feeling alone and lonely – instead of realizing how I have accepted and allowed the perception of myself to willingly participate within energetic experiences where I believed myself as having lived a life that was happy, safe and fulfilled according to the illusion I created through love and friendships – how I failed to recognize that I sabotage myself through undermining the cause of/as who I am in hiding in shame of/as the fear of being alone and the fear of others, thus, I forgive myself that I have through and as memories/characters and personalities participated in/as thoughts within my mind, as well as internal conversations/backchat and energy experiences as reactions of emotions and feelings through my physical behaviors – which change in how I interact within my environment according to the people I come in contact with as I maintain a sense of survival within this word in how I’ve accepted and allowed Money to be the Number One motivating Fear Factor and, within that, I forgive myself for not realizing the extent of how I developed and maintained myself as Ego, Greed and Self-interest in order to reach a level of functionality, thus, I see, realize and understand how fear is the motivator within how and why our world exists as hell on earth and how and why I have chosen to ignore who/what I have existed as within my secret mind because as my mind, I feared change, because real change requires that I change from within, thus, I forgive myself for not being completely willing to give up that which I use as entertainment, which I use as a way of avoiding facing my responsibility in how our world exists, and I see how I have existed within resistance to change because I didn’t want to upset the character I perceived myself to be even as I see the cords of slavery dangling within the discord of and as life, and within that, I forgive myself for not realizing how I have blamed, judged and projected myself in/as the characters of/as my mind onto others to reinforce the fear within me as them being the reason for my constant internal fear of loss, thus, I forgive myself for not realizing how all separation is fear of loss and is what keeps us enslaved to/as the direction of/as our mind as consciousness.

I commit myself to stop existing in fear of loss and for how I’ve used fear to become characters and personalities to take on roles of falling in love and friendships to boost me as ego in order to further fuel my own illusion, to avoid facing me within what I’ve accepted and allowed to exist according to the abuse within and as our current world/money system – thus, I commit myself to breathe and stand in Support of an Equal Money system, to assist us to Support Each other to see, realize and understand that fear only exists when we are participating within and as it as our mind as consciousness.

I Commit myself to walk in self-honesty, to unravel who I am within the totality of and as my mind as consciousness – to stop manifesting more and more of the mess we exist within, as fears and dishonesties – to be responsible for how the world/money systems of this world exist as and to Stand up and Change me through self-corrective application, to thus support a system which supports a World according to what’s best for All.

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that Enlightenment is the Justification Used to Protect the Greed of Happiness as a Value that Must Be Pursued Regardless of Conditions Caused By the World System, because the Enlightened Make themselves Believe that the Physical World is an Illusion, But the Enlightened will Not Test their theory through Embracing Poverty by Living WITHOUT Money, and In fact Do Just the OPPOSITE and Focus on Accumulating More Money to Protect themselves Against the REALITY of Poverty.” Bernard Poolman

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that FORGIVENESS is a Gift Given to Self to bring an END to the Illusion of a MINDSELF that is a Self Created Illusion, as Energy Presented as THOUGHTS, Feelings, and Emotions.” Bernard Poolman

Day 127: The World Revolves Around Me Character

I forgive myself for not realizing how within the perception of myself within my head region as a mind consciousness system, I exist as one who has been so lacking in self-trust and within the inability to take self-responsibility, that I have lived my life insisting and demanding and crying out for the world to see me, notice me, love me, and above all else, revolve around me and me only.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a character of/as my mind have desired the world to revolve around me and within that have become a master manipulator in order to satisfy my minds perception of control through abusing others in order to ensure that those within my world will see me as I desire them to see me as an object of their affection/attention to thus further my desire to control who I am within ‘the world revolves around me character.

I forgive myself for not realizing the extent of my fear when looking within myself to the loss of image when asking myself who will I be and how will I act if I’m not noticed and loved by someone/anyone and how within that I have neglected the necessary adjustments and upkeep of me as my physical body in fear that if I change and/or don’t change certain physical attributes of my physical body that I may then be seen as less desirable and thus my perception of how my world must revolve around me will change and I’ll become a feared version of/as a character of myself as nothing more than the girl interrupted.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing backchat within my mind to continue as the words of: ‘I am better than her/him’, so why am I not being seen first’ – where within myself as those words, I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in/as ego and spite and, when I look closer, I see that I am actually attempting to gain the attention of myself – to hear and see how the loneliness and frustration that I have existed as is the direct result of seeking approval and validation outside of myself which only leads to a simulated version of myself, where I’m never able to reach a point of fulfillment, thus, I see, realize and understand that life is not about being ‘filled up’ with/as more, but is instead about slowing myself down and breathing, to be a living expression that is not revolving, but that stands firm as an equal and one awareness in full commitment to remain standing as support for/as a world according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself being patted on the back for a job well done wherein I am praised and honored for supporting those who are less fortunate, and within that, I see, realize and understand that it’s always been about how to ‘make myself feel special’ and/or to make myself look better than others which is just another way of stroking my ego, thus always trying to replace a negative experience of myself with a positive experience and within that remaining in separation from myself and abdicating myself from life itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a character of and as my mind to such a degree that I have acted as though the world revolves around me in how I’ve been lost within my mind of/as reactions of getting attention from others, where within my solar plexus it would feel as if there were butterflies as I experienced ‘feeling excited’ for being noticed, and how within that, I failed to consider what others were struggling with as they’ve fought to stay alive within our current world/money system.

I forgive myself for not realizing how when I exist as if the world revolves around me, that what I am really doing is accepting and allowing the worst case scenario to manifest for all life here on earth, because I see, realize and understand how it is through ego, self-interest, hate and greed that we are creating for ourselves a world full of and subject to that which we fear the most as the cancers of life and death.

I forgive myself for not realizing how within the characters which I become in order to fuel and ignite experiences first thought of within my mind as consciousness, how within that I’ve Not noticed the untold stories of abuse that exists within every walk of life here on earth, and how the reasons of my Not noticing the depth of despair being lived within our world is because I’ve only been interested in myself as my mind and how within my self-interest and greed I have forsaken that which matters the most as that which is real as our physical bodies and our physical world/reality/existence.

I commit myself to Stop filling myself up within and as an egotistical and manipultive perception of and as my mind to thus stop accepting and allowing myself as a character thereof to lead me into temptation to become of and as ego to such a degree that I am unable to see who I am as my physical body as that which supports me to remain here within this physical reality.

I commit myself to stop the fear that exists within me to/toward change and to instead face who I am in self-honesty free from fear within an idea of myself as the girl interrupted and according to a character of/as my mind where I have existed within a belief that my world must revolve around me and thus why I have sought self-glorification for nothing more but to fuel my mind as consciousness within a point of ego, self-interest and greed, instead of standing equal and one with and as my mind, and directing myself within and as and according to that which will support a world according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to stop who I am as ego and to instead walk a self-corrective process of realizing myself here free from energetic charges of and as experiences, to thus then become willing support for a system that will support our world according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to investigate what it’s like to walk in the shoes of those who have no home to relax in and no clean water to replenish their physical body and within that I commit myself to show others the extent of the abuse that is experienced daily by thousands who are silently trying to make it through another day.

I commit myself to becoming equal to and one with my mind.

I commit myself to me as my physical body and our physical reality, to investigate and educate for myself how an Equal Money System is the Solution that will provide complete assistance and support in order to sustain Life on/as Heaven on Earth according to what’s best for All.