Tag Archive | ‘pregnancy’

Day 161: The Child is Mine

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to repeat the words “the child is mine” over and over within my mind where the ‘idea’ of the child being mine became more important than who the child and I were together within our relationship with each other.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself from the very moment my child was born to instantly become protective in how I believed his physical reality/world was suppose to feel and be to/for him and how I would attempt to manipulate and influence the very nature of who he would become and how within doing so, I never stopped to consider what I was taking away from him as an expression of who he really is free from the preprogramming of and as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make the decision to have unprotected sex and thus never considered the consequences of having a baby so young that when my son was born I didn’t even realize how terrified I was because suddenly, I had this small life before me and I didn’t even know how to be responsible for myself much less responsible for a baby, thus I ran from my fears and became busy, busy within my mind trying to make sense of life and busy at trying to make it look like on the outside that I was a good mom who knew what she was doing, while on the inside, I was lost, confused and trying to hide from the truth of me as the hopelessness I was running from, and within that I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed my children to be molded into and as the characters/personalities  that I became day after day as I attempted to survive within this world/money system.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to automatically insist that my belief in a God become the belief of my child where I never allowed my child the opportunity to question the belief which I would later realize was my way of avoiding taking responsibility for what I was willing to accept and allow within and as our current world/money system.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to boost my own ego over the well being and the limited understanding that I had of the developing mind of my young son/child, where I didn’t consider what the act of ‘showing him off’ would have upon the nature of the characters/personalities that he would later become as a direct result of the role that I played as the pride in/as being a parent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait and hope that my son will forgive me for the mistakes I made in raising him when the fact is, it is me that I am waiting for to forgive myself for because I regret the decisions and mistakes I made in raising my children because at the time all I could think of was how to get to the experience where I was having fun because I believed that was all that life was about.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the characters and personalities of and as my mind which have been passed down from generation to generation have never changed in that we continue our cycles of self-interest and greed and only think about how can we be happy and content and to hell with the world we’re giving to our children.

to be continued…

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Day 148: Babies having Babies


Florida teen, 14, charged with first degree murder

A 14 year old Florida teen, is charged with first degree murder after she gives birth in the family bathroom – strangles her 9 1/2 pound baby boy and hides his body in a shoe box that she dumps in the bottom of her closet and covers it with dirty laundry. Her mother finds the baby days later cleaning her daughters closet and claims she never even knew her daughter was pregnant – even though her closest friends had questioned her the entire summer as to why her daughter was gaining weight.

Everything about this story screams out to us as a humanity to ask ourselves what the hell are we accepting and allowing when the world we exist in continues to FAIL our children.

How much more suffering will it take before we each one stand up and take responsibility for the fact that we have failed to communicate, educate or even behave in a humane manner to each other and the children we claim to be raising.

Generation after generation, children are becoming the fear product of who we are as parents running around trying to make it within a money system that thrives on competition and greed, and the fact remains, the children are the ones that suffer. It’s time we all took responsibility for these crimes against life that are occuring daily.

The majority of us, we bow down to the ‘rich and famous’. Hell, we pay their salary and dream of becoming them as we sleep walk through our enslaved lives. All the while barely paying any attention to the children we’re bringing into this mess we refer to as life.

Can you imagine being a baby born into our current world/money system to the likes of us as the parents we’ve become. Supporters of our own Enslavement

That’s the Hell of it, it’s what is happening…

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Day 88 – 89: BeLonging

Continuation from: Day 87: Feels so good, Hurts so bad – –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in/as an illusion of control to/towards my children/relationships, wherein the nature of who I am is one of thinking/believing that someone is mine, thus, I can raise my children however I please because, ‘they BELONG to me’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a belief that I have the right to teach my child the same wants, needs and desires that I have existed as, wherein through fear, guilt, jealousy and an illusion of control, I have abused who I am as my physical body and my physical reality in order to have relationships/experiences according to my wants, needs and desires.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when my children were younger, to see my social life as more important than the life of my children, where I lacked preparing them to take self-responsibility for themselves and/as all life here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand the importance of teaching my children how vital it is to investigate who we are as our physical body – instead of pursuing ourselves in/as Memories/characters/personalities according to how we’ve been pre-programmed from the lives of generations before us.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be unable/unwilling to answer the question, ‘why did you bring a child into this world knowing full well the struggle of survival that the child will face being born within our current/world/money system’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in self-interest and greed not consider how – who we are as our mind as consciousness – is only out to satisfy and fuel itself as a way of keeping us enslaved to our current world/money system – how everything here is here to support the very EVIL we LIVE as, as that which we call life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to LIVE so wrapped up in/as my mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions, that it didn’t occur to me that I am the one who decides who I am and how and what I accept and allow, thus, whatever is here, is here only because I / We accept and allow it and therefore, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in/as characters/personalities of/as my mind, allowed myself to distract myself from seeing the pain and suffering existent as life on earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not walk as a living example for my children in teaching/showing/preparing them how to care for our physical bodies and our physical reality, including the animals and plants, our earth, the trees, our water, the air we breathe, and the dirt we walk on/as – within the realization of how we as our physical body and our physical reality is how we are able to exist here, thus, to abuse anyOne and/or anything, is to abuse All and everything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not fully comprehend how life here on earth is a living representation of how, who and what exists within the mind-physical body of/as the human.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how important it is to investigate/teach ourselves and our children to communicate with and as our physical body to understand the meaning of how/why we experience pain within and as it.


I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to through fear and guilt, avoided physical touch with/as my children as they grew older.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how when jealousy exists within me, then the illusion of control exist within me, because within the nature of jealousy toward another, I am actually trying to protect and defend/control my children/relationship within the context of how I want another to be with regards to how I want our relationship/experience to be – according to how I want to experience myself within the context of the relationship.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how through my mind as jealousy, I have existed in/as a state of demonism where I have accepted and allowed jealousy and control as me, and as such, I have accepted and allowed myself to be completely taken over in/as experiences of myself where jealousy and control take over the context of my relationships within and as me as my physical body and within our physical world/reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how in the very beginning of my relationships, I have accepted and allowed a pre-conceived idea, which I have superimposed onto my relationships according to how I want the relationship to be, thus, jealousy and control are the components I’ve used to keep the relationship going according to how I desire it to be, because I try and control the relationship by becoming jealous of others who I see as a threat toward my desire, want and need, in how I have intended the relationship to be within my illusion of control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that within my illusion of control I fail to see that I am not in-fact in control of the relationship because within my illusion of control what I’m actually trying to do is to manifest and create into reality my wants, needs and desires which is the point behind control in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to motivate all of my relationships according to how I want, need and desire them to be and within that I believed myself as having control, when in fact I’ve only been supporting my own self-interest in/as my mind as consciousness in order to get and have experiences of myself according to how I want them to be and to hell with how anyone else has to experience themselves within this world/money system of/as poverty, starvation and greed.

i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how I have let jealousy within the relationship of/as inferiority/superiority to control who I am within my relationship to/toward myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to treat others as my belongings – in how I have created relationships over and over again through my wants, needs and desires as jealousy within the illusion of control in/as superiority and inferiority, where I feel inferior to that which I’ve not understood in how the relationship exists superior in relation to me in how and what I’m accepting and allowing and thus, I’ve continued to seek myself within the illusion of control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately generate energy within myself for the purposes of having illusions within wants, needs, desires, control, jealousy and, superiority and inferiority – instead of seeing/realizing and understanding how me as my mind and my physical body within our physical reality, is here as a gift to assist and support our process of realizing who we are as Life, thus I forgive myself that I have taken for granted that which I am, as my physical body within this physical reality, and I direct myself here according to and in support of a world according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world/money system where children are not heard, seen, recognized, loved, noticed and/or wanted within this world because if they were, then every child born would be guaranteed a lifetime of food, a home, clean water, clothes, healthcare and a proper education.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be chased by desire, want and need to be important, to be noticed, to be recognized, to be appreciated, to be accepted, to be desired, to be loved and to be wanted – all of which are attributes within my mind as Ego, where I have placed myself on a pedestal in my own world, even before my children, and have ignored the atrocities that exist within this world, because of my idea as being more superior than everyone else within a less than idea of myself, within my mind as ego in how and what I’ve perceived according to how/what I was taught and learned as being the ‘right way’ and thus, I raised my children accordingly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that I am responsible for me as my mind and my physical body as well as how our physical world/reality exists, according to what I / We have accepted and allowed within a world/money system that is Not supportive of All living beings and, that I / We decide and determine how our world exists – as such I / We are able to Stop accepting and allowing abuse within our world/money system and to instead stand up as One Man One Vote in support of an Equal Money system, which will support All Life Equal in all ways.

to be continued

(Please read Heaven’s Blog with regards to: Parenting Building a Child’s Character)

Day 87: Feels so good, Hurts so bad

Investigating a point that come up today – where I see that a point of guilt is always here as me as a mother. Thus, here sharing Self-forgiveness Statements.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry guilt and fear within my solar plexus as I withdraw into myself into a pit of anxiety where I’ve manifested pain as regret for the sorrows of tomorrow according to how and what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist as in guilt and fear of today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand how when one becomes pregnant and has a child, one is in-fact thus enslaved to/as the life of the child for the rest of one’s life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in/as a character of guilt, where, as a mother, through my own acceptance I have existed within a belief that to love one’s child is protect and rescue them from their mistakes – instead of understanding and living as an example of what it is take self-responsibility for self as our physical body as well as our physical world/reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand how polarity exists in/as love/hate equations/relationships – such as between mother and child – where to love gives an illusion of ‘feeling’ good, yet within that are the lies inFLUenced and manifested in/as pain which hurts so bad because we hold them within and as our physical body and thus project and pass the sins of the fathers as our famiLIEs onto our children in/as MEmories/Characters/Personalities and thoughts and illusions within our mind and within our physical body where we beLIEf the lies of how life will be when we have a baby even though we have actually no idea how it will be, nor are we prepared in any way to assist the child to become someone who will take self-responsibility for their physical body and our physical world/reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in/as guilt, let my child get away with everything in how they behaved because I didn’t want to see them experience themselves as sad and depressed or hurt and suffer in any way because I was existing in guilt according to how I see myself through my minds-eyes as not being a mother who takes self-responsibility for her physical body, nor this physical reality and so everything I have seen in relation to my children, I have seen through guilt which I projected as love.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand how in having a child, it is my absolute responsibility to remember how that, every single second of my life will be with the child and that my absolute responsibility is their future within this world/reality – a physical lifetime.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that love as I have lived it, to/towards my children, has in-fact, Not been a real expression of self as love – but has been me living in and as an expression of guilt – how within my interactions with my children, I attempt to give my children everything possible in order to try and ‘make’ them ‘feel’ better within their lives, thus existing within the starting point of guilt and therefore, I’ve never actually loved my children as who they are as a being as a part of me within the relationship of equality and oneness.

to be continued

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(Please read Heaven’s Blog with regards to: Parenting Building a Child’s Character)

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“I allowed my children all things and made sure I am with them to guide them through it so that they can see for themselves if it is acceptable or not.

All directive guidance is based on placing yourself in the shoes of others and to see if you would like to have things happen to you or not.

One cannot prevent all things, but you can establish at this stage a model of communication where the child will feel free to trust you with anything –therefore one cannot be reactive at all, escpecially in the first 7 years.

When they are older, it is important to also teach them skills to handle conflict –that no conflict must be ruled by fear or anxiety –breath and remain here and respond with common sense.” ~ Bernard Poolman

Day 52: When I Said I Do

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing fear and self-interest to be the direction I took in walking the beginning of/as marriage when I said I do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system where marriage is the answer given as the solution for a troubled and/or pregnant teen.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to walk down the isle for what I knew in self-honesty was resistance, when I said I do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be the product of a world/money system where at the time, marriage was the only acceptable solution for my situation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to tell myself over and over when I could hardly breathe as I walked down the isle, that everything will be fine when I say I do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in a marriage ‘ceremony’ that felt more like a ‘show me for the money‘.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to support a system that glorifies marriage with illusions of romantic honeymoons and life long happiness.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not realize that marriage is Not just about free opportunities to fuck.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to play barbie dolls as a child where I pretended to be married with children, living happily ever after, which was actually my mind as consciousness preparing me for my already pre-programmed existence within my predetermined middle class American life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want, need and desire to be part of the American dream which is actually an abSOULute nightmare.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want, need and desire a symbolic commitment written on a piece of paper in order to ‘feel’ secure and trusting to walk hand in hand in this life with another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a world/money system that functions where people in marriages and relationships have automated their abilities to put on a happy face, on the outside, but on the inside, behind close doors, all hell is breaking loose.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system that doesn’t prepare children with the resources, tools, nor the ability to exist as an effective individual with the ability to support themselves and thus their world according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a world/money system where parents do Not educate their children, nor prepare them for what it’s like to struggle to survive within capitalism.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to form the opinion of myself at a very young age within the starting point of fear, in believing that I was always going to require a man/partner to take care of and support me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify and blame everybody else for the reason our world/money system is such a fuck up, instead of realizing that in fear and self-interest, I didn’t want to face myself within the realization that I am just as responsible for how our world exists as anyone here is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall in the ‘fall in love design of consciousness’, where I believed I would be supported and cared for as long as I followed the rules of the bible in that the eyes of God would care for me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system where marriage is the socially acceptable/destructable construct in which to raise a family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not realize that the creation of marriage as I’ve lived it is a creation of my mind as consciousness where my ego supports the ego formed through and as relationships such as marriage, friends and family.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system that governs people through justifications to discriminate one’s ability to marry based upon religous beliefs and sexual preference.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that getting married was actually me fulfilling my fear and self-interest within the desire and need to Not be like my parents when in fact in my attempt to escape being them, I became them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project blame onto my parents as being the reason for how I’ve experienced myself in/as marriage – instead of realizing that I have manipulated and justified the decisions I’ve made according to self-interest, ego and greed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a word/money system where the laws have been created to better protect relationships and property – meaning that widows and children are provided for better in death than in life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my parents for not teaching me through living an example of how to master self-responsibility and accountability within self-honesty as an adult within this world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to stop blaming my parents for my marriage failure, and to begin repairing me through self-forgiveness, to stop who I am within the marriage construct and to direct myself in self-honesty to stand and walk in agreement together with my partner as we stand in support of a world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to show how through an Equal Money system we can stop how family and marriage constructs create control within individuals.

I commit myself to stabilizing myself and to show that being able to understand one’s past will change our future in relationships.

I commit myself to show the common sense in educating parents to support their children in self-honesty according to what’s best for all, thus bringing new life on Earth that’s worthy of life in it’s utmost potential.

I commit myself to trust myself in the moment to direct myself, and thus I Do Not require to make fear based symbolic commitments.

I commit myself to show how when we commit ourself to someone it will be because we are directing ourself in the moment as it exists only in the moment, not in the future.

Woman Kills Pregnant 21 Yr Old She Met On Facebook, Cuts Baby From Her Uterus

bloodApril 18, 2011, Oakland, Kentucky–A pregnant 21 year old was murdered and her baby cut from her uterus by a woman she met on Facebook. This shocking brutal crime unfolded when Jamie Stice was befriended by 33 year old Kathy Michelle Coy on the social network facebook.  According to news reports, Coy pretended to be pregnant too and told Stice that she could get her baby clothes–claiming she worked at an agency that helped pregnant women in need.

Coy also allegedly sent Stice ultra sound pictures she had stolen to make Stice believe her fabricated pregnancy story. The two women then struck up a budding friendship.  On Wednesday police arrested Coy when Bowling Green hospital personnel contacted them about their suspicions regarding her newborn.  Coy then revealed to police where she had buried the young woman and investigators found the body in the woods of Oakland. Stice was reportedly stabbed multiple times.  The baby, who wasn’t due until May 24th, is said to be doing well but is still in the hospital.  Details were also released that Coy had stolen ultra sound pictures since October of last year so she was planning this for a long time and found Stice while looking for a target.

There is an obvious point here in this case which is that Coy claimed she worked at an agency that helped pregnant women in need.  If our current monetary system supported ‘All Life Equally’ – people would not be so inclined to accept offers from people with obvious mind possessions.  Money is the root cause for the insanity within our world, make no mistake about it.  Yet, our focus looks elsewhere, and in our attempt to understand, we’re overlooking the facts and common sense which are that people are suffering and becoming desperate for money and assistance.

In our world, no one should be without means to support themselves.  However in our messed up Capitalist society, millions are suffering, starving to death, murdered, and the ‘culprit’, our ‘current money system’, is not even acknowledged as so.   Let’s Stop.

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