Tag Archive | worry

Day 294: You Can have your Apple and Eat the Seeds too! – Day 2: How Rational is your Fear?

appleseeds2

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For Further Context: Day 292: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – How to Stop Emotional Fear Energy – Day 44

Day 293: Wait, you can’t enjoy that, you have Cancer! – Day 1: What’s Stopping You?

My Links For Self-Support:

EQAFE

Desteni I Process

Self & Living

One Answer to Cancer

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Great video below about Vitamin B17 case histories:

 Vitamin B17,laetrile case histories;lung, colon, breast, prostate

Link provided below to the reference I made in this podcast about how finally Big food brands are getting nervous, because their sales of processed, packaged foods have dropped considerably: 

Consumers’ new eating habits are hurting Big Food’s profits

Day 286: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – The Nature of Worry – Day 40

From the moment I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer I became more familiar than I ever have with regards to the Nature of Worry. As I began the alternative cancer treatments I outlined for myself,  and as I continue with them, I still struggle, because honestly, most days I feel physically ill and physically out of sorts within myself.

worry

Fortunately the physical reactions are lessoning and within that I’m realizing just how strong and capable who I am as my Physical body really is. Our Physical Body is constantly ingesting and processing all the physical and mental input that WE are constantly providing for it.  We just haven’t quite grasped what goes on within our physical body for it to be able to reach a point of proper chemistry and balance.

Nothing and no one works so exquisitely as our Physical body does to provide for us the vessel, the ability to experience and express ourself as life.

Yet, here’s the thing, as I’ve been walking this process of assisting my physical body to heal and correct the damage I’ve imposed upon it from years of living through and as my mind as wants and desires – what’s happened is that I’ve fallen prey to worry through my own acceptance and, my fear of losing my perception of control – the result is that I haven’t applied myself as effective as I know I am capable of – with regards to Stopping my participation in and as my mind as thoughts, feelings and emotions.

Mostly this is because I accepted and allowed old patterns of behavior to creep in as I allowed who I am as my mind to not only screw with me, but to direct me, instead of me directing myself as my mind! So, after investigating this point for awhile now while applying self-forgiveness and, through using the tools I’ve learned through Desteni I Process Pro,  I’ve come to see, realize and understand that the underlying point within my acceptance of my behavioral patterns is rooted within and as the nature of worry – specifically with regards to worrying about myself when I have a physical reaction to my therapy – which may last for days and is like an emotional roller coaster where I experience myself as losing control.

The same applies to how every six to nine months I have to send off lab work to keep track of how I’m physically doing, to see if the cancer has spread or is reducing…  What happens is, I allow myself to come and go within a possession of worry, where from the moment I send off my urine / lab test until the moment I receive the results – I secretly worry and wait and hope the results will make me feel like my life is once again in my hands / control.

This then the beginning of the End of me accepting and allowing this construct / pattern to continue within and as me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to consider how it is the emotional nature of worry is produced in the mind-physical relationship.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how worry is connected to patterns within my mind where I tend to wonder off into my imagination / where I wonder off into and as my mind thinking and looking at different scenerio’s of what if this happens or what if that happens – teetering between positive and negative energjes / mind possessions, specifically with regards to when I have physical reactions and /or when I’m ‘waiting’ on test results to determine if there is any improvement in my condition.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the fear energy within worry have an effect on me where I stop my awareness of what my physical body is saying to me and instead allow myself to be directed by/as my mind within the nature of worry – where it’s like my heart races and my upper body becomes tight and a tenseness slowly moves within and through my entire physical body.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand another dimension of worry which is that of ‘waiting’.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand another dimension of worry which is the fear of losing control, where my mind has backchat / thoughts of: I can’t do anything / oh my God I’m not in control / what if’s and maybe’s.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear a loss of control from the moment I send off my urine / lab test until the moment I receive the results, where I will teeter back and forth in a possession of worry until I get results that make me feel like my life is once again in my hands / control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I’m applying my daily alternative treatment routine, how when and if I begin to experience pain, or a flu like symptom occurs, such as nausea, diarrhea, fever, heavy feeling within my physical body (toxicity), fatigue, etc, where I see myself go almost automatically into an acceptance of worry within myself – in believing that the reaction must mean that the cancer is spreading, and within that for all the waiting moments to ‘feel better’ and for the fear of losing control – instead I see, realize and understand that the metabolic program / treatment I’m walking brings about a readjustment in body chemistry as it heals, and how as my physical body meets the changing situations it responds in surprising ways to the process and to apply common sense instead of worry.

Therefore, I commit myself to when and as I see myself as my physical body having a physical reaction, I Stop, I Breathe, I see, realize and understand how the longer the deficiencies within my physical body have existed the more prevalent the reaction is likely to be as a physiological balance of chemistry and healing takes place within and as my Physical Body.

I commit myself to stop who I am as the nature of worry through a practical physical application of walking real-time self change according my decision to direct myself to stop myself from reacting when I realize my physical body is having a physical reaction to treatment,  as well as walking the same in stopping my participation in and as worry when the moment comes for me to send in for lab testing, etc.

more on this point to come in future posts

 

Day 142: Healing the Rite of Passage

Dental appointments, pain, pain medication, and worrying about money has taught me quite a bit about myself these past couple of weeks. Another week and I’ll be through with dental appointments for awhile. One thing for sure that I’ve missed is daily blogging and, I’ve realized just how assisting the daily Journey to Life blogging is. I’ve become more aware of how when I don’t blog daily, I want to wander around in my mind participating in and as my thoughts – which are actually self-interest driven desires and fear… Through self-forgiveness I realize I’ve had enough and I stop and breathe and realize something amazing. I become aware of how beautifully supportive my physical body is in that even while I’m sucking the life out of myself through participating in and as my mind, me as my physical body is busy healing me for me to see who I am as it and to stop abusing myself to death, and I am grateful.  Walking here self-forgiveness for my most recent mind/thought and fear patterns…


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I participate in and as thoughts I begin to experience myself as ‘feeling’ overwhelmed and disappointed with emotional wind gusts where inside my mind I fear myself as I fall victim to energetic outflows and separate myself from myself, and I forgive myself that I lose all touch with my senses as who I am as me as my physical body and I begin to believe that I’m ‘depressed’ when in fact I’m only reacting in separation to/of the very thoughts, feelings and/or emotions/reactions that I’ve given power to through the very act of participating in and as them in allowing my mind as consciousness to direct who I am as I try and make myself believe that I am having an ‘experience’ of myself as living as life, when in fact the energetic experience/outflow is an act of allowing death to me as my phsical body, instead of directing myself as who I really am as life equal to and one with absolutely Everything and All Living beings here.

I commit myself to stop participating in and as thoughts, feelings and emotions/reactions creating fear in and as me as my physical body and to instead commit myself to breathe and realize that here within and as me as my physical body within this physical earth reality I have the will in self-honesty to direct who I am as life in supporting myself to support a world/money system supportive of all living beings according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within thoughts of/as my secret mind I become a stranger in possession of/as who I am as my physical body because when I participate in/as thoughts, feelings and emotions/reactions I don’t see, realize and understand the consequences of how as such I am literally sucking the life out of me as my physical body.

I commit myself to support me as my physical body within the healing process of and as self-honesty, because I see, realize and understand that my physical body is constantly showing me how healing begins within every breath, thus, I commit myself to walking the healing process of myself by stopping me as my mind as consciousness, and directing me as life from and as my physical body to thus support a World according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear missing out on an experience of myself as/on energy, where it’s like I’m in a rerun of myself, whereas in my mind as consciousness, I’m still trying to run a race for/to have something and/or to be something that was and is never real, yet, one in which I believed myself as needing in order to face myself as my mind within and as a belief/fear of which I succumbed to/as of growing old and aging.

I commit myself to stop the fear of growing old and aging, to breathe, and realize myself in walking the seemingly small steps in supporting myself to see who I am in self-honesty in order to stop who I’ve been through the eyes of my mind, to thus begin to realize myself in equality and oneness within and as me as my physical body and our physical world/reality/existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a has been, as someone who is to old to be something more within a perception of myself as being less than who I am as my physical body based upon how I think, feel and fear and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize who I am as my physical body free from the limitation of thoughts, feelings and emotions/reactions and fears of growing old/aging.

I commit myself to realize how the fear of aging is an acceptance of myself within and as a belief of and as consciousness and in separation of who I am as my physical body thus, I commit myself to focus on breathing and to stop racing within myself to reach a point of consolation as a belief within my mind and to instead direct myself to communicate with me as my physical body in realizing that my physical body is here supporting, giving and allowing me the opportunity of and as life itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am according to ritualized forms of recognition referred to as ‘the right of passage’,  because I see, realize and understand how the only ‘rite of passage’ that will mark the process and/or progress for and of me in any way that matters is one where, I thus commit myself to redefine my ‘rite of passage’ to one where in self-honesty I direct myself to birth myself as life from the physical, walking in support for and of a world where suffering ends and where through an Equal Monetary System every living being is Guaranteed a Life lived in Dignity according to and as All as One as Equal.

Day 76: The Worrisome Character

It becomes clearer and clearer to me daily, that the only real terror that exists within this world exists within the mind of the human being. Thus I’ve created through thought participation; The Worrisome Character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a worrisome character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about how come I see myself as a ‘worrisome’ character instead of a character of worry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself as the worrisome character to that of a worm slithering on the floor, lying there quietly watching as life is mauled to death by our world/money system which teaches children to be soldiers and allows other children to starve to death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to familiarize myself in/as a worrisome character grieving over whether we as a humanity can ever change that which we fear the most, which is ourself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be the worrisome character within the realization that we may never stop, that we’ll keep on replacing our integrity as life within the ‘belief’ that there is more that we must have, thus not stopping until we get what we want, not realizing that what we ‘want’ can never be gotten from somewhere out there, because what we are seeking isn’t out there, it is here, within us each one in seeing that we’re All Equal in Life in every way.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in and as the worrisome character to fear how, we with our own hands will put our own creations to death because we require food for our physical body, yet we never consider asking permission first from the one being sacrificed for the sins of our own death wish of eating to live.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as the worrisome character to not realize that when I worry I fear, thus I split myself into two separate worlds, within the context of doubt and uncertainty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that it is my fear that moves me to the survival mode of my mind in/as the worrisome character.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in/as a worrisome character to abandon life itself through competing with others in order to make the most money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience and project heartbreak in/as a worrisome character unto my 2 year old granddaughter in fear of what will I say to her when she asks me what happened to our world when she can’t afford to feed and clothe herself – because the reality of this moment is, $100 worth of groceries doesn’t even buy one week supply of food.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be the worrisome character in asking myself how and what do I tell my grandchildren as to why we as humans fear and compete as we do with each other within an explanation that others won’t mock as being that of a lie.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a worrisome character to anguish in how much hate exists within us as humanity – will we become one massive possession within our minds as consciousness so much so that we’ll bring ourselves to the very brink of our own extinction in order to stop what we are accepting and allowing within and as our current world/money system of/as enslavement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as the worrisome character to feel as if I’m carrying the weight of the world in the pit of my stomach, and I see how I’ve been carrying me in the pit of sPITe to/towards others in fear of myself for Not taking self-responsibility and facing me within all of the pain and suffering of existence in/as living life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a worrisome character instead of seeing/realizing and understanding that to exist as such is participating within and as the mind as consciousness which is exactly how and why we are in this mess to begin with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand how important it is to stop the mind as consciousness, thus we stop the consequences self creates within and without and unto existence.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that existing in/as the worrisome character is just another name for being afraid.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that existing in/as the worrisome character is just another self-manipulation technique to keep me forever enslaved in/as our world/money system as a mind consciousness system organic robot.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use myself as a worrisome character as an excuse to justify why I am to afraid to actually stand up and take self-responsibility for the absolute madness existent in and as our world.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that in allowing myself in/as the worrisome character, I’m actually allowing me as my mind to manipulate, thus, I will manipulate myself and others within my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deem myself as a worrisome character to be superior over me – instead of standing up one and equal to/as myself through facing myself in self-honesty, thus supporting a world according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to stop myself in moments where I become aware that I am participating in/as the worrisome character and direct myself to investigate the source and origin of who I am within the simplicity of this moment of breath.

I commit myself to stop reactions within myself towards how our world exists and to instead in self-honesty face who I am within it all.

Day 70: Absence of Self continued…

This is a continuation to the blogs:
Day 68: Absence of Self
Day 69: Absence of Self continued…

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify and manipulate myself and others as a codependent personality through trying to control events and/or people through helplessness, guilt, coercion, threats, advice-giving, manipulation, and/or domination in fear of letting people see who I really am, and/or fear of letting events occur naturally due to fear of change and thus would get frustrated and angry if I ‘felt’ controlled by events and/or others, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear/resist change as if it were a contagion.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a codependent personality to use denial as a way of ignoring problems and pretending they don’t exist – where I pretended things aren’t so bad and would tell myself that things will get better, even though I clearly see how for example, our current money/world system is Not and Will Not improve, except for the already rich – yet I denied seeing the abuse that exists because to see requires me to change me.
Thus I commit to take Self-responsibility and to see/realize, understand that the only Solution for our World is that of an Equal Money System.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a codependent personality to attempt to keep myself busy to stay in denial and try to avoid thinking about how fucked up our world is, wherein, I’ve actually made myself sick and depressed through my participation in and as backchat/thoughts in worry and struggling within our current money/debt system, and even suppressing myself at one point into being a workaholic.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a codependent personality to rarely ‘feel’ happy or content with myself thus I’ve always looked to others to supply me with happiness and have even felt threatened by the loss of something and/or anyone that has provided me with happiness and thus fearing the loss of existing within the polarity construct of happy/sad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a codependent personality to leave a reasonably healthy situation/job/relationship by lying to myself that it was an unhealthy situation/job/relationship, thus, for most of my life have literally Ran From Myself from one situation/job/relationship to another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a codependent personality to have never really loved myself thus it makes sense that I didn’t feel loved by my parents because my perception of them has always been based upon how I was experiencing myself within myself according to my mind as consciousness, wherein I always equated love with pain, and believed others have never really been there for me, when in fact, I see/realize and understand that I’ve only ever been here for myself in fear – instead of in self-honesty – therefore, love as I’ve/We’ve lived it has never been a real expression of love – thus, proof that love isn’t real is able to be seen within the amount of suffering within and as our current world/money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a codependent personality to in my mind as backchat/thoughts have believed that others don’t mean what they say and don’t say what they mean because this is how I’ve lived my life as inferiority in fear of facing myself in self-honesty, self-intimacy and taking responsibility for how our world exists within what is here according to what I’ve accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a codependent personality to have lived my life within my mind of thoughts, feelings, emotions, anxieties and fears, where my experiences of myself were energetic, irrational, self-centered and egotistical, never considering my physical body and/or this physical reality, nor the Mess-age we’re existing in, as a ‘I don’t give a fuck about anyone but me frame of mind‘, while thousands of children suffer and starve to death daily.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a codependent personality to go into defense mode when another’s perspective is in conflict to my perspective, thus in fear I defend what is actually a point within me of fearing being vulnerable, because I fear being wrong and/or fear shame, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define vulnerability and intimacy as something outside of myself through believing that if I’m open towards another then I’m being intimate and/or vulnerable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a codependent personality to Not fully comprehend that vulnerability is not really about being open because vulnerability is actually that which is hidden.

When and as I see myself going into a pattern of/as a codependent personality I stop. I breathe. I accept and allow myself to stop what and how I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be as a codependent personality and I direct myself in self-honesty through self-corrective application according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to keep it simple within this moment of breath, and, to redesign and align who I am as a resonance design of/as a codependent personality to be that according to what’s best for all life.

I commit myself to seeing/realizing/understanding/comprehending and purifying who I am in/as vulnerability as that to being open with myself and with another as myself walking the physicality of Equality.

Day 69: Absence of Self continued…

This is a continuation to the blog: Absence of Self

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a codependent personality wherein I blame myself for everything, therefore Never actually taking Self-Responsibility for how our World exists, because of picking on myself as not being intelligent enough, pretty enough, smart enough, athletic enough, Never Good enough, however, if another criticizes me, then I get defensive, angry and self-righteous.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a codependent personality where if someone gives me a compliment and/or praise, I tend to reject it even though I tend to get depressed from lack of compliments and praise.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a codependent personality to often feel ‘different’ from the rest of the world and within that point of Separation, I Reject Myself, all the while Fearing Rejection.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a codependent personality to take things personally because in my secret mind, I secretly enjoy being the victim, however in/as fear/guilt and shame, I have denied this understanding about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as a codependent personality to be the victim in relationships of physical and emotional abuse, Not seeing/realizing and understanding, how I am in fact solely responsible for All experiences of myself, because the fear/abuse began first within my mind as being/believing myself as the victim, in thinking my life in not worth living, thus wallowing around in my own self/PITy/abusive and self-interested nature.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as a codependent personality to participate in thoughts/backchat of how I ‘should have done this or I should have done that’, existing in mind/constructs/patterns where it ‘feels’ like I ‘should’ myself to death, all the while asking ‘why me’, when inside myself in self-honesty, I know why, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always be trying to prove to others that I am good enough and ‘special’ enough to be deserving of that which I fear giving myself in/as self-intimacy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a codependent personality to feel the need for someone’s attention and/or something in my life to complete me thus making me ‘feel’ special.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a codependent personality to follow the path of pleasing others in order to fit in and so that people will acknowledge that I’m special.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a codependent personality to always want to follow the path of going against the grain and being different to reach for the feeling of being more superior and better than others, thus assisting myself to feel special.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a codependent personality to constantly sabotage my process by/through chasing after feelings of being special, Not seeing/realizing and understanding that it is my own self-intimacy/love and self-acknowledgment I’m chasing after/for in my chase for to be special.

I commit myself to STOP going against myself as I walk this process of self-forgiveness of/as standing in and as self-honesty – through chasing after feelings to be special.

I commit myself to see/realize and understand that how I experience myself has nothing to do with anyone but myself and that who I am is here for me to no longer miss existing in every moment of breath.

I commit myself to Not miss me in/as breath, thus to face all of me within all that is here through forgiving me in self-honesty in order to support a world according to what’s best for all in all ways.

Day 68: Absence of Self

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a codependent personality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself and others as a codependent personality where I accept responsibility for how I perceive other people are ‘feeling’ and thus become anxious and even guilty when another has a problem, thus I will ‘feel’ compelled to help them ‘feel’ better about themselves or their situation by attempting to solve their problem, and within that not seeing/realizing and understanding that in/as that I’m actually Not taking self-responsibility for me according to what’s best for all.


I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to comprehend that when and as I am existing in/as a codependent personality, it is actually an absence of self and thus an absence of awareness of self as breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in/as a codependent personality act like a caretaker especially to/for my children and/or immediate family where I swoop in and act like I’m superwoman where I try and ‘fix’ everything when within my secret mind I have backchat to/towards them as not being responsible for their own lives.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a codependent to secretly anticipate another’s needs and yet feel angry when my help is not effective or rebuffed and at the same time feel slighted when others can’t and/or won’t assist me when I require assistance, and within that I forgive myself for constantly doing way to much for others and then when I don’t get any help offered to me I become angry where even when asked what is wrong or what do I need, I will respond, ‘Nothing’, thus, I see/realize and understand that I am in fact my own worst enemy (inner me).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a codependent to minimize my own self worth by existing in/as greed and ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as a codependent to not see/realize and understand how reaching out to ‘save’ another has been my way of avoiding/fearing reaching inward and getting to know me in self-intimacy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as a codependent to not see/realize and understand that codependency is habitual behaviors based upon participating in and as fear according to thoughts, feelings and emotions and are ultimately self-interest motivated and self-destructive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as a codependent to not see/realize and understand that I have actually created a dependency on being special.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a codependent by/as feeling like I’m special.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in/as the definition of a codependent allowed myself to behave like a vampire through the application of the need to feel special because ‘when I am special’ someone else is thus ‘only ordinary’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in/as fear to Not see/realize and understand that I’m only ever seeing myself within others, and I realize how far away I actually am from self awareness and how much of a system I really am and that others are merely reflecting me back to me – thus, how I perceive others, actually has nothing to do at all with them.

I commit myself to stop how I have created this separation within me.

I commit myself to a self-honest agreement with myself as awareness of myself here as breath as that’s the only way for me to have an actual self-honest agreement with others as myself.