Tag Archive | Existentialist

Day 141: Making sense out of a system that doesn’t make sense

Along with pain and not physically feeling well from my recent dental appointments, which are still ongoing. I wasn’t prepared to be catapulted into the jaws of our current money system. Where every day this past week, it’s like I’ve been chewed up and spit out by a system that couldn’t care less if I survive it or if I end up on the side of the road bleeding to death. What I’ve realized, is that Money still has the power to change me, and, I realize that I am responsible for the power that I have given to a money system that supports abuse and profit over the life of those living within it. As a way of protecting myself, ‘as my mind’, I see how I’ve become nonchalant in my attitude – another character I’ve become to protect myself from myself. Thus, the following Self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a character of/as my mind who is nonchalant towards others and their Quest to survive because I got lost once again in my own self-interest within energetic wants, needs and desires within a money system that is anything but forgiving and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself as willing to stand up for all living beings when in fact I’ve only begun to understand what standing up for and as All living beings really means in terms of what I must be willing to give up and stop as who I am and what I’ve accepted and allowed in order to actually have an impact on bringing about a world according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become hardened and uncaring as a way of giving myself a false sense of perceiving myself as protected within a money system that thrives on taking instead of giving, thus, I commit myself to stop, to breathe and stop fearing the future and to remain here in this moment and face who I am in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel nonchalant toward the fears of others in their attempt to make sense of what we have All accepted and allowed within our world, therefore, I commit myself to stop who I am as fear and to direct myself to do unto others as I would like done unto me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself according to the energy I receive according to how much money I have and for how I have incorporated that as who I am within how I move myself as my physical body and within my physical reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to try and make sense within a world/money system that doesn’t make sense within all the abuse it exists as, thus, I stop, I breathe, I direct myself to slow down and face who I am within all that is here, to thus, assist and support a system which will support all life according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted, allowed, and supported a world/money system that generates fear and stress in our day to day living where living isn’t living at all really only struggling to just survive, thus, I commit myself to show how with Equal Money day to day living will be enjoyable and stress free because everyone’s day to day necessities will be given to everybody equally.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the changes that must be made in order to change our world to one that is supportive of and as all living beings, thus, I commit myself to show how it makes more sense to ensure that all living beings are provided for with Equal Money – than to continue to allow a world/money system where people are constantly competing with each other to survive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world/money system that sees value in people according to how much money they have/make, and for how I’ve ignored the depth of daily stress being lived by those who have little to no money to provide for themselves, thus, I commit myself to never stop supporting an Equal Money System because I see, realize and understand how with Equal Money we will manifest Heaven on Earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how every day thousands of people have absolutely nothing and starve to death while others have more than they could possibly use in a one lifetime therefore, I commit myself to show how only the best and most nutritious food will exist with an Equal Money System.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when things are going my way and I have money in my pocket then I don’t stop to consider how others are experiencing themselves as fearful and stressed out from not knowing how they will survive from one minute to the next, thus, I commit myself to show how with Equal Money, people will stop manipulating and stealing because with Equal Money people will begin to understand the nature of themselves and thus will begin to forgive and correct themselves and begin to assist and support each other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support a world/money system that is driven to only support itself through the ways and means of abuse of and as a Capitalistic system, thus, I commit myself to show how we will bring an end to Capitalism through manifesting Heaven on Earth with Equal Money.

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Day 127: The World Revolves Around Me Character

I forgive myself for not realizing how within the perception of myself within my head region as a mind consciousness system, I exist as one who has been so lacking in self-trust and within the inability to take self-responsibility, that I have lived my life insisting and demanding and crying out for the world to see me, notice me, love me, and above all else, revolve around me and me only.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a character of/as my mind have desired the world to revolve around me and within that have become a master manipulator in order to satisfy my minds perception of control through abusing others in order to ensure that those within my world will see me as I desire them to see me as an object of their affection/attention to thus further my desire to control who I am within ‘the world revolves around me character.

I forgive myself for not realizing the extent of my fear when looking within myself to the loss of image when asking myself who will I be and how will I act if I’m not noticed and loved by someone/anyone and how within that I have neglected the necessary adjustments and upkeep of me as my physical body in fear that if I change and/or don’t change certain physical attributes of my physical body that I may then be seen as less desirable and thus my perception of how my world must revolve around me will change and I’ll become a feared version of/as a character of myself as nothing more than the girl interrupted.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing backchat within my mind to continue as the words of: ‘I am better than her/him’, so why am I not being seen first’ – where within myself as those words, I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in/as ego and spite and, when I look closer, I see that I am actually attempting to gain the attention of myself – to hear and see how the loneliness and frustration that I have existed as is the direct result of seeking approval and validation outside of myself which only leads to a simulated version of myself, where I’m never able to reach a point of fulfillment, thus, I see, realize and understand that life is not about being ‘filled up’ with/as more, but is instead about slowing myself down and breathing, to be a living expression that is not revolving, but that stands firm as an equal and one awareness in full commitment to remain standing as support for/as a world according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself being patted on the back for a job well done wherein I am praised and honored for supporting those who are less fortunate, and within that, I see, realize and understand that it’s always been about how to ‘make myself feel special’ and/or to make myself look better than others which is just another way of stroking my ego, thus always trying to replace a negative experience of myself with a positive experience and within that remaining in separation from myself and abdicating myself from life itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a character of and as my mind to such a degree that I have acted as though the world revolves around me in how I’ve been lost within my mind of/as reactions of getting attention from others, where within my solar plexus it would feel as if there were butterflies as I experienced ‘feeling excited’ for being noticed, and how within that, I failed to consider what others were struggling with as they’ve fought to stay alive within our current world/money system.

I forgive myself for not realizing how when I exist as if the world revolves around me, that what I am really doing is accepting and allowing the worst case scenario to manifest for all life here on earth, because I see, realize and understand how it is through ego, self-interest, hate and greed that we are creating for ourselves a world full of and subject to that which we fear the most as the cancers of life and death.

I forgive myself for not realizing how within the characters which I become in order to fuel and ignite experiences first thought of within my mind as consciousness, how within that I’ve Not noticed the untold stories of abuse that exists within every walk of life here on earth, and how the reasons of my Not noticing the depth of despair being lived within our world is because I’ve only been interested in myself as my mind and how within my self-interest and greed I have forsaken that which matters the most as that which is real as our physical bodies and our physical world/reality/existence.

I commit myself to Stop filling myself up within and as an egotistical and manipultive perception of and as my mind to thus stop accepting and allowing myself as a character thereof to lead me into temptation to become of and as ego to such a degree that I am unable to see who I am as my physical body as that which supports me to remain here within this physical reality.

I commit myself to stop the fear that exists within me to/toward change and to instead face who I am in self-honesty free from fear within an idea of myself as the girl interrupted and according to a character of/as my mind where I have existed within a belief that my world must revolve around me and thus why I have sought self-glorification for nothing more but to fuel my mind as consciousness within a point of ego, self-interest and greed, instead of standing equal and one with and as my mind, and directing myself within and as and according to that which will support a world according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to stop who I am as ego and to instead walk a self-corrective process of realizing myself here free from energetic charges of and as experiences, to thus then become willing support for a system that will support our world according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to investigate what it’s like to walk in the shoes of those who have no home to relax in and no clean water to replenish their physical body and within that I commit myself to show others the extent of the abuse that is experienced daily by thousands who are silently trying to make it through another day.

I commit myself to becoming equal to and one with my mind.

I commit myself to me as my physical body and our physical reality, to investigate and educate for myself how an Equal Money System is the Solution that will provide complete assistance and support in order to sustain Life on/as Heaven on Earth according to what’s best for All.

Day 115: Expect the Unexpected


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to within and as a primary/main character of/as a memory of my mind, will expect the unexpected, and as that, I anticipate as I place value within expectations as being good and/or bad and if/when my expectations are not met – I unexpectedly become a sub-character creation from/of and as a memory of/as a character role that I recall my mother existing as – where when her expectations weren’t met she would become of/as a primary/main character of and as anxiety, thus, I see, realize and understand that I have in-fact became the downloaded main/primary characters/personalities within and as the mind of/as my parent/mother’s mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within my anxiety is an expectation of having an experience of myself and when my expectation isn’t met, me as my mind goes into a sort of shift which then ripples throughout my entire physical body creating pain in my back and nausea as well as an increase in my breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anxiety within and as me as my physical body where in any moment I suddenly feel as if I am going into shut down and where I experience nausea and my breathing will increase as my secret mind suddenly issues warnings of gloom and doom as the character who expects the unexpected.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel discomfort within my chest and back area when I experience anxiety within myself from living in anticipation, desire and expectation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I anticipate I manifest expectation and expectation manifests separation from me as my physical body and my physical reality.

I forgive myself that as the character of/as my mind who expects the unexpected, I have accepted and allowed myself to not only expect the unexpected but to actually fear the unexpected.

I forgive myself that as the character of/as my mind who expects the unexpected, I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as not being able to handle the unexpected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and manifest physical pain within my back from existing in fear of the unexpected.

I forgive myself for how I become as the character who expects the unexpected in how I loathe doing/being the same thing day in and day out, yet within that, I have become comfortable in and as the sameness of it all and thus I exist in fear of the unexpected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become the character of expect the unexpected who thrives off of energy and whether it be negative or positive isn’t important because either way the character creation commits me to existing in/as separation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attach emotional value to experiences of myself that first begin within and as expectations which consist of energetic charges of/as negative and/or positive.

I forgive myself for having expectations of myself where within that I manifest expectations of those around me and when my expectations aren’t met I judge my expression and the expression of others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare my life and myself to others when I don’t meet my own expectations of myself thus, I forgive myself for believing that life has failed me because I see, realize and understand that my perception of failure exist within the design of expectation through comparison and failure is only a perception of/as the mind as consciousness.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must have something to look forward to where within that I accept and allow myself to exist within and as a character of/as my mind/memories who expects the unexpected.

I commit myself to stop looking forward in anticipation and fear, wherein I project myself into a future of expectation which accumulates myself in and as anxiety which ultimately manifests illness and disease upon me as my physical body.

I commit myself to stop attaching emotions or feelings to experiences where within my expectations I create fear experiences generated first from desire.

I commit myself to stop charging in and as the direction of/as my mind through emotions and feelings in fear, anticipation and expectation and to instead stop and breathe and direct me here within and as the power to decide who I am in self-honesty in/as supporting a world where all experience life in dignity according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to living here as breath, realizing how through accumulating myself here as the directive principle of and as my world I am able to correct that which I’ve been, and create and manifest that which I see, realize and understand can be a constant application of me in and as self-trust within accumulating myself as breath walking here as me in self-honesty in/as self-application.

I commit myself to living free from emotions and feeling and to realize that in and as breath it is possible to become completely aware of who I am as my physical body within and without equal and one with everything and all here

(Please Read Heaven’s Blog: Sub-Character Creation – Part 1 (Self-Forgiveness): DAY 113)

Day 113: Sister Act

Sometimes, I miss my brother and sister. It’s been almost a year since my sister died and, my brother died almost 6 months after her. They were all that was left of my immediate “blood” family, and, within my mind, I perceived them as being the only remaining connection to/of my mom – who died 10 years ago. So, within this character of myself, as the “sister”, I feel sad and lonely. The strange thing is, within the feelings of sadness and loneliness, is an odd sort of comfort. How the hell is it that sadness and loneliness “feels” comforting? When I stop and breathe and look at how I experience myself within the “missing feeling”, I see that it’s not really about “missing them” as much as it’s about the character of my mind that is still existent within and as me as memories/thoughts/feelings and emotions – me as the ‘sister act character’ – is missing the conformation, the fueling of it’s existence. –

I forgive myself for not realizing how throughout my childhood years I was unconsciously/unaware of how I was creating, constructing and evolving into and as who I am and how and what I will live as my mind in the physical with the purpose/reason for my existence to be that of preparing myself to live out characters/memories of and as my mind as for example, the character of the sister act.

I forgive myself for not realizing that as the sister act character/memory I enjoyed what I now see, realize and understand was a false sense of trusting myself in/as the ‘act of being a sister’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hang onto the definition of myself that I’ve believed myself to be as that of/as a ‘good sister‘.

I forgive myself for not realizing that as the sister act character I believed myself as special.

I forgive myself for not realizing that as the sister act character I saw myself as ‘better than’ my sister and brother through comparison.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as ‘being better than’ as the polarity opposite of ‘not good enough’ to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within judgment towards myself as ‘being better than’ my family, sister and brother, through seeing myself through the eyes of family through/as comparison thus, judging myself as being ‘better than’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to/as the character of/as the sister act as perceive myself as special because I was the oldest, thus, I perceived myself as holding some sort of power and/or control over my siblings which I took advantage of through how I judged, blamed and criticized them when they didn’t ‘act’ the way I ‘thought’ they should.

I forgive myself for not realizing how the year before their deaths – I avoided them because I didn’t want to face my responsibility in how I saw myself within the fear I perceived them to both exist as.

I forgive myself for not realizing that in the act of being a sister was the act of competing for the love of our parents and/or attempting to get all of our parents attention.

I forgive myself for not realizing that as the ‘sister act character’, I long for the act of competing with my brother and sister for the attention and love from our parents.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I’ve used relationships whether they were family and/or friends to further bring to life the characters I’ve existed within and as and of my mind in the physical, in order to materialize/manifest my own personal wants, needs and desires – wherein self-interest I have always put myself as my mind first and to hell with the effects of how in doing so I’ve caused illness and disease within and as me as my physical body and this physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately participate in/as the sister act character in order to experience myself within a false sense of comfort that served only me according to what I wanted and desired as me as my mind of/as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to access and participate within what I now see, realize and understand was a ‘live memory’ which manifest in/as our mind in detail wherein the ‘live memory’ is possible due to the mind-physical integration, where within my mind I experienced a real time remembrance in/as a memory of my sister/brother and my mom – which further fueled how I was experiencing myself within and as the sister act character and within that memory activated a sub-character of/as the guilty character.

I commit myself to stop me as the character/memory/thought and emotional feeling of/as the sister act through breathing in/as self-corrective application.

When and as I see myself go into the sister act within feelings of comfort and within emotions of fear, I stop. I see, realize and understand that the memories/thoughts/feelings and emotions are set up within my mind as polarity equations of good/bad and positive and negative and are an outflow of emotional/feeling body energies and memories of which I’ve existed as within my mind as the mind of/as my parents. Thus, through self-corrective applicaton I breathe and stop All participation.

I commit myself to show how what we perceive as love between siblings is actually only memories/characters/personality suits that separate us from ourselves and life itself through self-interest and competition, and how in the name of love we keep characters alive that we live out in/as role-play in order to Not see, realize and understand that we are in-fact responsible not only for ourselves, but for All living beings and that we are here to stop who we are in/as fear and to stand up and become accountable to and as All life in supporting a world according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to show the extent to which we’ve been unaware within and throughout our accepted and allowed abdication of responsibility, in how we have lived as who we are as a Mind Consciousness System in using and abusing our physical body/reality and existence instead of coming together in Equality and Oneness as the directive principle of ourselves as our physical body and taking responsibility within and as everything and all of ourselves here in supporting all life according to what’s best for All.

(Please read Heaven’s Blog with regards to: Sub-Character Creation – Part 1 (Self-Forgiveness): DAY 113)