Tag Archive | money slave

Day 187: The Fabric of Family Is Made of Money

Continuing from: Day 186: Inside Outside In-between

inside outside in betweenI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversations and back chat where within my mind I would say to myself: “when I have kids I will be different from my parents and not be greedy with my money”, or, “I will not favor one of my children over the other one” and within that, I see, realize and understand how in doing so I’ve been existing within a point of ego and spite in believing myself as superior and furthermore fueling myself as my mind within and as ego as a positive energetic charge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself within and as a beLIEf system where I told myself that money was not that important, when the fact was/is, is that money has been at the root of every decision I’ve made since I was 16 years old and pregnant, and for how money determined who I said I loved and for the fear of facing the consequences of being alone and broke, without money to properly care for my children.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly within my mind throw a silent temper tantrum when my parents didn’t buy me what I wanted them to and for how I utilized anger as a replacement for the negative experience I was having because in anger and ego I experienced superiority as a positive energy experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue the same pattern as my parents in how I raised my children in that I used money as a motivator by giving them things that gave them a sense of superiority over their classmates who couldn’t afford certain things like an expensive pair of the most popular shoes being worn at school for example.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise me as my physical body wherein I made choices as a single mom and remained in a relationship of a sexual nature because in doing so I was given rent money and/or was able to buy food to feed my children.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself according to my past behaviors and for the choices I made in order to have money, and within that for how I willingly accepted that this is how life is and that I should just bow down to our current money/world system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my parents for the anger I feel towards the rich/elite and for my lack of responsibility for not realizing that money is/has been my God.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to borrow and loan money to members of my family and then through broken promises have accepted and allowed myself to exist in resentment, greed and hate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anxiety within my chest area when my bank account gets low of money and for the fear in the pit of my stomach in worry of what will I do if I run out of money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I have taught my children how to be enslaved to money – instead of being a living example of life according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to stop who I’ve been in and as the very fabric of family as money, and to instead direct myself through self-forgiveness to walk the physical change in redesigning who I am as life according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself within the desire to make myself and my children ‘feel’ better by trying to solve problems with money that I can’t afford to spend and/or that I don’t have, I stop, I breathe – Instead I direct myself to realize that I am actually seeking to achieve a positive energy experience to replace a negative one.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself re-acting to my children in fear for their future, I stop, I breathe – I see, realize and understand that the same as me, they must walk their process in seeing, stopping, forgiving and in self-honesty re-designing who they are to one that supports a world/money system that will be supportive of all life equally.

I commit myself to stop who I am as panic within my mind when I see that my bank account is getting low and to instead focus on writing, self-forgiveness and supporting an Equal Money System to thus end our enslavement to and as money.

I commit myself to continue to walk this my Journey to Life, to establish and manifest an expression of myself within and as my physical body and reality whereas I stop who I’ve become defined as through emotions/feelings and energy programmed through by/as money and to within that direct myself to contribute to creating and manifesting a world that is in fact best for all.

——–

Suggested blogs to follow:
Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life

Join the forum:
Desteni

The FREE online course where you learn Essential Life Skills!
Desteni Lite

Day 186: Inside Outside In-between (My Daughter’s Moving Back Home)

There are many changes going on within my immediate world right now beginning with the fact that my youngest daughter, her boyfriend and my 2 year old granddaughter will be moving in with us in the next week. My daughter will be going to school for the next few years to be a Registered Nurse and her school schedule is compromising her work schedule and at the moment they can no longer afford their rent. The only way losing their home could be prevented would be if an Equal Money System were already in place.

Equal Money will change the way life itself is experienced especially since the Majority of us are struggling every day just to survive, thus, there are certainly enough to breathe Equal Money into Life.

I’ve realized through some personal writings how money has played a Huge factor in who I am and how I’ve come to accept and allow our current world/money system to exist as it is.  For instance, I measured my mother’s love for me according to how much money she was willing and/or able to spend on me even though at the time I didn’t realize it – how her spending initiated a positive energetic charge within me and so she, (or rather her money) was able to make me feel good. When she didn’t get me what I wanted, my experience of myself was a negative one and it just so happened that was 95% of the time.

I can remember having internal conversations and back chat where within my mind I would say to myself: “when I have kids I will not be so greedy with my money”, “I will not favor one of my children over the other one”.  And as a kid, I was sure my mom spent more money on my brothers and sisters than she did on me.

The thing is, when I grew up and had kids,  I repeated the same patterns as my parents. Eventually I favored my youngest daughter over my other daughter and my oldest child, my son – here I’m referring to the amount of money I have given and /or spent on them.
inside outside in between1The fact is, I’ve done a grave injustice in how I’ve raised all of my children and specifically with my youngest and with regards to money. I was always trying to make my children happy, to ‘fix’ their world – always trying to make them ‘feel’ good and in doing so, of course I made myself feel better, or so I ‘thought’.

There is a huge problem when one is trying to make someone ‘feel’ better because ‘feeling good’ is Not the magic formula to becoming a responsible human being who is considerate of All life.  In fact, just the opposite happens.

I can see how all of the emotions and feelings surrounding the numerous moments when a bill couldn’t be paid or when there wasn’t enough money to buy food – all the pain and suffering could have been prevented with Equal Money.

Equal Money is a living example of what it is to be responsible for All Life on Earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use money as a motivator for my reason for the fear of feeling rejected by my parents.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what I’ve become within what I believed was expected of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to raise my children within my world of fear which I’ve continued to exist within and as based in memory/characters and personalities that I first imagined and created for myself as a child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the image/thought of the look on my mom’s face when she would get angry at me for asking her to buy something for me – and for how I resisted the image so much so that I became it and then created the opposite side of the coin of it in that I over indulged in order to manifest a positive energy experience within and as me and for my children.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed internal conversations and backchat to determine the choices I made with regards to money in raising my children.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put on a happy face in the face of others all the while inside myself existing within a split version of myself trying to maintain the positive within a negative experience of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I have suppressed myself because I believed I couldn’t express my feelings and opinions about money and family social status.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how easy it is to deceive myself and others with a smile.

Suggest for context Hear: Living in Two Worlds – Life Review

to be continued
———
Suggested blogs to follow:
Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life

Join the forum:
Desteni

The FREE online course where you learn Essential Life Skills!
Desteni Lite

Day 113: Sister Act

Sometimes, I miss my brother and sister. It’s been almost a year since my sister died and, my brother died almost 6 months after her. They were all that was left of my immediate “blood” family, and, within my mind, I perceived them as being the only remaining connection to/of my mom – who died 10 years ago. So, within this character of myself, as the “sister”, I feel sad and lonely. The strange thing is, within the feelings of sadness and loneliness, is an odd sort of comfort. How the hell is it that sadness and loneliness “feels” comforting? When I stop and breathe and look at how I experience myself within the “missing feeling”, I see that it’s not really about “missing them” as much as it’s about the character of my mind that is still existent within and as me as memories/thoughts/feelings and emotions – me as the ‘sister act character’ – is missing the conformation, the fueling of it’s existence. –

I forgive myself for not realizing how throughout my childhood years I was unconsciously/unaware of how I was creating, constructing and evolving into and as who I am and how and what I will live as my mind in the physical with the purpose/reason for my existence to be that of preparing myself to live out characters/memories of and as my mind as for example, the character of the sister act.

I forgive myself for not realizing that as the sister act character/memory I enjoyed what I now see, realize and understand was a false sense of trusting myself in/as the ‘act of being a sister’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hang onto the definition of myself that I’ve believed myself to be as that of/as a ‘good sister‘.

I forgive myself for not realizing that as the sister act character I believed myself as special.

I forgive myself for not realizing that as the sister act character I saw myself as ‘better than’ my sister and brother through comparison.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as ‘being better than’ as the polarity opposite of ‘not good enough’ to exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within judgment towards myself as ‘being better than’ my family, sister and brother, through seeing myself through the eyes of family through/as comparison thus, judging myself as being ‘better than’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to/as the character of/as the sister act as perceive myself as special because I was the oldest, thus, I perceived myself as holding some sort of power and/or control over my siblings which I took advantage of through how I judged, blamed and criticized them when they didn’t ‘act’ the way I ‘thought’ they should.

I forgive myself for not realizing how the year before their deaths – I avoided them because I didn’t want to face my responsibility in how I saw myself within the fear I perceived them to both exist as.

I forgive myself for not realizing that in the act of being a sister was the act of competing for the love of our parents and/or attempting to get all of our parents attention.

I forgive myself for not realizing that as the ‘sister act character’, I long for the act of competing with my brother and sister for the attention and love from our parents.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I’ve used relationships whether they were family and/or friends to further bring to life the characters I’ve existed within and as and of my mind in the physical, in order to materialize/manifest my own personal wants, needs and desires – wherein self-interest I have always put myself as my mind first and to hell with the effects of how in doing so I’ve caused illness and disease within and as me as my physical body and this physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately participate in/as the sister act character in order to experience myself within a false sense of comfort that served only me according to what I wanted and desired as me as my mind of/as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to access and participate within what I now see, realize and understand was a ‘live memory’ which manifest in/as our mind in detail wherein the ‘live memory’ is possible due to the mind-physical integration, where within my mind I experienced a real time remembrance in/as a memory of my sister/brother and my mom – which further fueled how I was experiencing myself within and as the sister act character and within that memory activated a sub-character of/as the guilty character.

I commit myself to stop me as the character/memory/thought and emotional feeling of/as the sister act through breathing in/as self-corrective application.

When and as I see myself go into the sister act within feelings of comfort and within emotions of fear, I stop. I see, realize and understand that the memories/thoughts/feelings and emotions are set up within my mind as polarity equations of good/bad and positive and negative and are an outflow of emotional/feeling body energies and memories of which I’ve existed as within my mind as the mind of/as my parents. Thus, through self-corrective applicaton I breathe and stop All participation.

I commit myself to show how what we perceive as love between siblings is actually only memories/characters/personality suits that separate us from ourselves and life itself through self-interest and competition, and how in the name of love we keep characters alive that we live out in/as role-play in order to Not see, realize and understand that we are in-fact responsible not only for ourselves, but for All living beings and that we are here to stop who we are in/as fear and to stand up and become accountable to and as All life in supporting a world according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to show the extent to which we’ve been unaware within and throughout our accepted and allowed abdication of responsibility, in how we have lived as who we are as a Mind Consciousness System in using and abusing our physical body/reality and existence instead of coming together in Equality and Oneness as the directive principle of ourselves as our physical body and taking responsibility within and as everything and all of ourselves here in supporting all life according to what’s best for All.

(Please read Heaven’s Blog with regards to: Sub-Character Creation – Part 1 (Self-Forgiveness): DAY 113)