Tag Archive | releasing

Day 115: Expect the Unexpected


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to within and as a primary/main character of/as a memory of my mind, will expect the unexpected, and as that, I anticipate as I place value within expectations as being good and/or bad and if/when my expectations are not met – I unexpectedly become a sub-character creation from/of and as a memory of/as a character role that I recall my mother existing as – where when her expectations weren’t met she would become of/as a primary/main character of and as anxiety, thus, I see, realize and understand that I have in-fact became the downloaded main/primary characters/personalities within and as the mind of/as my parent/mother’s mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within my anxiety is an expectation of having an experience of myself and when my expectation isn’t met, me as my mind goes into a sort of shift which then ripples throughout my entire physical body creating pain in my back and nausea as well as an increase in my breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anxiety within and as me as my physical body where in any moment I suddenly feel as if I am going into shut down and where I experience nausea and my breathing will increase as my secret mind suddenly issues warnings of gloom and doom as the character who expects the unexpected.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel discomfort within my chest and back area when I experience anxiety within myself from living in anticipation, desire and expectation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I anticipate I manifest expectation and expectation manifests separation from me as my physical body and my physical reality.

I forgive myself that as the character of/as my mind who expects the unexpected, I have accepted and allowed myself to not only expect the unexpected but to actually fear the unexpected.

I forgive myself that as the character of/as my mind who expects the unexpected, I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as not being able to handle the unexpected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and manifest physical pain within my back from existing in fear of the unexpected.

I forgive myself for how I become as the character who expects the unexpected in how I loathe doing/being the same thing day in and day out, yet within that, I have become comfortable in and as the sameness of it all and thus I exist in fear of the unexpected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become the character of expect the unexpected who thrives off of energy and whether it be negative or positive isn’t important because either way the character creation commits me to existing in/as separation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attach emotional value to experiences of myself that first begin within and as expectations which consist of energetic charges of/as negative and/or positive.

I forgive myself for having expectations of myself where within that I manifest expectations of those around me and when my expectations aren’t met I judge my expression and the expression of others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare my life and myself to others when I don’t meet my own expectations of myself thus, I forgive myself for believing that life has failed me because I see, realize and understand that my perception of failure exist within the design of expectation through comparison and failure is only a perception of/as the mind as consciousness.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must have something to look forward to where within that I accept and allow myself to exist within and as a character of/as my mind/memories who expects the unexpected.

I commit myself to stop looking forward in anticipation and fear, wherein I project myself into a future of expectation which accumulates myself in and as anxiety which ultimately manifests illness and disease upon me as my physical body.

I commit myself to stop attaching emotions or feelings to experiences where within my expectations I create fear experiences generated first from desire.

I commit myself to stop charging in and as the direction of/as my mind through emotions and feelings in fear, anticipation and expectation and to instead stop and breathe and direct me here within and as the power to decide who I am in self-honesty in/as supporting a world where all experience life in dignity according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to living here as breath, realizing how through accumulating myself here as the directive principle of and as my world I am able to correct that which I’ve been, and create and manifest that which I see, realize and understand can be a constant application of me in and as self-trust within accumulating myself as breath walking here as me in self-honesty in/as self-application.

I commit myself to living free from emotions and feeling and to realize that in and as breath it is possible to become completely aware of who I am as my physical body within and without equal and one with everything and all here

(Please Read Heaven’s Blog: Sub-Character Creation – Part 1 (Self-Forgiveness): DAY 113)

Day 99: The Wallowing

I realized after posting yesterdays blog: Day 98: Clearing Holds in Me – that I was dancing around the point. The point where I see how I’ve been wallowing in the Pit of self pity and self remorse for a couple of days – which is simply the result of me participating in and as self-judgment because I fear the truth of me.

Before, I’ve always allowed distractions in one form or another, whether that be through entertainment, spending money on things I didn’t need, smoking a joint, lighting a cigarette and/or eating a piece of cake, it didn’t matter, because all of it I used to avoid facing me. I’ve stopped allowing those particular distractions and thus me as my mind, tends to throw a bit of a tantrum wanting to be filled up with ‘something’. Thus, I’m sharing the following self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accumulate myself in/as thoughts of self-judgment to the point where I fall in to the pit of remorse and self wallowing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distract myself within energetic highs in one form or another to the point that when my mind doesn’t get what it wants, me as my mind pretends to go into tantrums and/or symptoms of withdrawal in self-judgment and wallowing in self-pity in order to fulfill its conditioning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated within a point of restlessness where my mind acts like it wants to throw a tantrum because I’m not giving in to the demands for an energetic experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed me as my mind to resort to attacking myself through self-judgment in/as seeing myself as incomplete and unfulfilled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed me as my mind to reach out to others to fulfill me through attention and/or validation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through self judgment form a wound deep within myself where I then want and desire to be healed by another to make myself feel better so I can put off taking self responsibility for what I’ve accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to once again believe that I require and need another separate from me to fulfill and complete me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be CONsoled = conned and sold – to and through the current world/money system as CONsciousness, where through distractions I seek for something and/or someone to alleviate and/or lessen the disappointment I have to/toward myself for Not taking responsibility for how our world/money system exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become agitated when me as my mind seems to be demanding that which I refuse to continue being, within the realization that it is I that creates what I experience within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value the automated memories/characters and personalities of/as my mind over me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within all the wallowing to exist in self-interest and thus abandon me as my physical body and this physical world/reality/existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and ignore what I realize and understand is me within the stillness of me as an inner voice within the decision to stand in/as and for equality.

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to judge myself and fall into the pit of remorse and self wallowing.

I commit myself to remain true to me in self-honesty in stopping energetic highs and lows as a way of fueling me as my mind.

I commit myself to remain constant, stable and gentle with myself as I have proven to/for myself already how this to shall pass.

I commit myself to show how through the path of self-forgiveness, in self-honesty self realizes how taking responsibility and Giving as one wants to receive Can and Will Heal our World/Reality/Existence.

I commit myself to continue walking my process as the Journey to Life through writing, self-forgiveness and to in self-honesty and self-corrective application, to trust myself – to Never give up until it is done – where our world exists according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to stop waiting for something and/or someone in hope of fixing this world when I see, realize and understand that I Decide who I am, and I am quite capable of standing up within myself in absolute equality and oneness and giving that which I would like to receive according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to stop giving more value to my mind of/as thoughts/memories/characters and personalities, than who I am as my physical body and our physical reality.

(Please read Heaven’s Blog: Have you Ever Really Loved your Parents? – Part One: DAY 86 and Have you Ever Really Loved your Parents? – Part Two: DAY 87)

Day 98: Clearing Holds in Me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within my mind perceive others to be taking advantage of me to the point where emotions have a hold on/in me wherein I become stuck in/as a character feeling sorry for myself and, within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then become a character of/as irritation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a belIEf that something and/or someone has the ability to have a hold on me to the point where I have in fear of loss, begged, borrowed, lied and/or stolen, so as to not have to face my life without that particular something and/or someone in it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto blame towards another yet within me experiencing guilt about the very thing I’m blaming another for, which is the exact point I fear taking responsibility for, thus, I will utilize blame to hide my guilt experience all the while knowing that I am the cause for my own experience because it is me who fears taking responsibility for that which I know that I am responsible for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that an experience can only be experienced if I take part in it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not fully comprehend how when I exist in/as resentful thought patterns for an extended amount of time I will begin to have irrational expectations which will cause me if I allow it, to make mountains out of mole hills.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately place myself into a state of self-victimization where I hold myself within a point of self-manipulation in order to receive something from others that I perceived I cannot give to myself thus, seeking and desiring another to satisfy that which I perceive I lack, in judgement of self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself in judgment as having failed within our current world/money system – instead of realizing that our current world/money system only allows behavior that brings judgement with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that there is nothing that anyone can actually do to me that has the ability to ‘make’ me be one way or another and that how I choose to be is by my own acceptance and allowance of who I am existing as of my past as my thoughts, memories/characters/personalities and pictures and, in how I defend the view that I have of myself within and as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to essentially exist as if I am waiting on myself which is in complete separation from me as my physical body and our physical reality.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put me as my physical body last, when in fact it is my physical body which supports me here as breath even as I exist in separation of it as my mind-physical of/as consciousness.

I commit myself to not accept and allow myself to create definitions within my mind according to the perception of myself in/as emotions and feelings as a memory/character when I see, realize and understand that I am the creator of my own experiences in how I define and perceive my experiences as.

I commit myself to stop placing responsibility outside of myself and to instead access who I am as life that each one of us have the ability to be and to stand as within as self-honesty and self-responsibility in support for a world according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to Stop waiting for myself and to instead direct myself to stand in support of and as me as my physical body.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand how that which I accept and allow to exist within and as me is the exact reality that is reflected back unto me.

I commit myself to investigate and comprehend for myself so as to show, how the entire world system represents the entire human physical body.

(Please read Heaven’s Blog: The Creation of the Self Character – Part One: Day 94 and The Creation of the Self Character – Part Two: Day 95)