Tag Archive | female

Day 127: The World Revolves Around Me Character

I forgive myself for not realizing how within the perception of myself within my head region as a mind consciousness system, I exist as one who has been so lacking in self-trust and within the inability to take self-responsibility, that I have lived my life insisting and demanding and crying out for the world to see me, notice me, love me, and above all else, revolve around me and me only.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a character of/as my mind have desired the world to revolve around me and within that have become a master manipulator in order to satisfy my minds perception of control through abusing others in order to ensure that those within my world will see me as I desire them to see me as an object of their affection/attention to thus further my desire to control who I am within ‘the world revolves around me character.

I forgive myself for not realizing the extent of my fear when looking within myself to the loss of image when asking myself who will I be and how will I act if I’m not noticed and loved by someone/anyone and how within that I have neglected the necessary adjustments and upkeep of me as my physical body in fear that if I change and/or don’t change certain physical attributes of my physical body that I may then be seen as less desirable and thus my perception of how my world must revolve around me will change and I’ll become a feared version of/as a character of myself as nothing more than the girl interrupted.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing backchat within my mind to continue as the words of: ‘I am better than her/him’, so why am I not being seen first’ – where within myself as those words, I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in/as ego and spite and, when I look closer, I see that I am actually attempting to gain the attention of myself – to hear and see how the loneliness and frustration that I have existed as is the direct result of seeking approval and validation outside of myself which only leads to a simulated version of myself, where I’m never able to reach a point of fulfillment, thus, I see, realize and understand that life is not about being ‘filled up’ with/as more, but is instead about slowing myself down and breathing, to be a living expression that is not revolving, but that stands firm as an equal and one awareness in full commitment to remain standing as support for/as a world according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself being patted on the back for a job well done wherein I am praised and honored for supporting those who are less fortunate, and within that, I see, realize and understand that it’s always been about how to ‘make myself feel special’ and/or to make myself look better than others which is just another way of stroking my ego, thus always trying to replace a negative experience of myself with a positive experience and within that remaining in separation from myself and abdicating myself from life itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a character of and as my mind to such a degree that I have acted as though the world revolves around me in how I’ve been lost within my mind of/as reactions of getting attention from others, where within my solar plexus it would feel as if there were butterflies as I experienced ‘feeling excited’ for being noticed, and how within that, I failed to consider what others were struggling with as they’ve fought to stay alive within our current world/money system.

I forgive myself for not realizing how when I exist as if the world revolves around me, that what I am really doing is accepting and allowing the worst case scenario to manifest for all life here on earth, because I see, realize and understand how it is through ego, self-interest, hate and greed that we are creating for ourselves a world full of and subject to that which we fear the most as the cancers of life and death.

I forgive myself for not realizing how within the characters which I become in order to fuel and ignite experiences first thought of within my mind as consciousness, how within that I’ve Not noticed the untold stories of abuse that exists within every walk of life here on earth, and how the reasons of my Not noticing the depth of despair being lived within our world is because I’ve only been interested in myself as my mind and how within my self-interest and greed I have forsaken that which matters the most as that which is real as our physical bodies and our physical world/reality/existence.

I commit myself to Stop filling myself up within and as an egotistical and manipultive perception of and as my mind to thus stop accepting and allowing myself as a character thereof to lead me into temptation to become of and as ego to such a degree that I am unable to see who I am as my physical body as that which supports me to remain here within this physical reality.

I commit myself to stop the fear that exists within me to/toward change and to instead face who I am in self-honesty free from fear within an idea of myself as the girl interrupted and according to a character of/as my mind where I have existed within a belief that my world must revolve around me and thus why I have sought self-glorification for nothing more but to fuel my mind as consciousness within a point of ego, self-interest and greed, instead of standing equal and one with and as my mind, and directing myself within and as and according to that which will support a world according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to stop who I am as ego and to instead walk a self-corrective process of realizing myself here free from energetic charges of and as experiences, to thus then become willing support for a system that will support our world according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to investigate what it’s like to walk in the shoes of those who have no home to relax in and no clean water to replenish their physical body and within that I commit myself to show others the extent of the abuse that is experienced daily by thousands who are silently trying to make it through another day.

I commit myself to becoming equal to and one with my mind.

I commit myself to me as my physical body and our physical reality, to investigate and educate for myself how an Equal Money System is the Solution that will provide complete assistance and support in order to sustain Life on/as Heaven on Earth according to what’s best for All.

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Day 115: Expect the Unexpected


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to within and as a primary/main character of/as a memory of my mind, will expect the unexpected, and as that, I anticipate as I place value within expectations as being good and/or bad and if/when my expectations are not met – I unexpectedly become a sub-character creation from/of and as a memory of/as a character role that I recall my mother existing as – where when her expectations weren’t met she would become of/as a primary/main character of and as anxiety, thus, I see, realize and understand that I have in-fact became the downloaded main/primary characters/personalities within and as the mind of/as my parent/mother’s mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within my anxiety is an expectation of having an experience of myself and when my expectation isn’t met, me as my mind goes into a sort of shift which then ripples throughout my entire physical body creating pain in my back and nausea as well as an increase in my breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anxiety within and as me as my physical body where in any moment I suddenly feel as if I am going into shut down and where I experience nausea and my breathing will increase as my secret mind suddenly issues warnings of gloom and doom as the character who expects the unexpected.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel discomfort within my chest and back area when I experience anxiety within myself from living in anticipation, desire and expectation.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I anticipate I manifest expectation and expectation manifests separation from me as my physical body and my physical reality.

I forgive myself that as the character of/as my mind who expects the unexpected, I have accepted and allowed myself to not only expect the unexpected but to actually fear the unexpected.

I forgive myself that as the character of/as my mind who expects the unexpected, I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as not being able to handle the unexpected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and manifest physical pain within my back from existing in fear of the unexpected.

I forgive myself for how I become as the character who expects the unexpected in how I loathe doing/being the same thing day in and day out, yet within that, I have become comfortable in and as the sameness of it all and thus I exist in fear of the unexpected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become the character of expect the unexpected who thrives off of energy and whether it be negative or positive isn’t important because either way the character creation commits me to existing in/as separation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attach emotional value to experiences of myself that first begin within and as expectations which consist of energetic charges of/as negative and/or positive.

I forgive myself for having expectations of myself where within that I manifest expectations of those around me and when my expectations aren’t met I judge my expression and the expression of others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare my life and myself to others when I don’t meet my own expectations of myself thus, I forgive myself for believing that life has failed me because I see, realize and understand that my perception of failure exist within the design of expectation through comparison and failure is only a perception of/as the mind as consciousness.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must have something to look forward to where within that I accept and allow myself to exist within and as a character of/as my mind/memories who expects the unexpected.

I commit myself to stop looking forward in anticipation and fear, wherein I project myself into a future of expectation which accumulates myself in and as anxiety which ultimately manifests illness and disease upon me as my physical body.

I commit myself to stop attaching emotions or feelings to experiences where within my expectations I create fear experiences generated first from desire.

I commit myself to stop charging in and as the direction of/as my mind through emotions and feelings in fear, anticipation and expectation and to instead stop and breathe and direct me here within and as the power to decide who I am in self-honesty in/as supporting a world where all experience life in dignity according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to living here as breath, realizing how through accumulating myself here as the directive principle of and as my world I am able to correct that which I’ve been, and create and manifest that which I see, realize and understand can be a constant application of me in and as self-trust within accumulating myself as breath walking here as me in self-honesty in/as self-application.

I commit myself to living free from emotions and feeling and to realize that in and as breath it is possible to become completely aware of who I am as my physical body within and without equal and one with everything and all here

(Please Read Heaven’s Blog: Sub-Character Creation – Part 1 (Self-Forgiveness): DAY 113)

Day 99: The Wallowing

I realized after posting yesterdays blog: Day 98: Clearing Holds in Me – that I was dancing around the point. The point where I see how I’ve been wallowing in the Pit of self pity and self remorse for a couple of days – which is simply the result of me participating in and as self-judgment because I fear the truth of me.

Before, I’ve always allowed distractions in one form or another, whether that be through entertainment, spending money on things I didn’t need, smoking a joint, lighting a cigarette and/or eating a piece of cake, it didn’t matter, because all of it I used to avoid facing me. I’ve stopped allowing those particular distractions and thus me as my mind, tends to throw a bit of a tantrum wanting to be filled up with ‘something’. Thus, I’m sharing the following self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accumulate myself in/as thoughts of self-judgment to the point where I fall in to the pit of remorse and self wallowing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distract myself within energetic highs in one form or another to the point that when my mind doesn’t get what it wants, me as my mind pretends to go into tantrums and/or symptoms of withdrawal in self-judgment and wallowing in self-pity in order to fulfill its conditioning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated within a point of restlessness where my mind acts like it wants to throw a tantrum because I’m not giving in to the demands for an energetic experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed me as my mind to resort to attacking myself through self-judgment in/as seeing myself as incomplete and unfulfilled.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed me as my mind to reach out to others to fulfill me through attention and/or validation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through self judgment form a wound deep within myself where I then want and desire to be healed by another to make myself feel better so I can put off taking self responsibility for what I’ve accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to once again believe that I require and need another separate from me to fulfill and complete me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be CONsoled = conned and sold – to and through the current world/money system as CONsciousness, where through distractions I seek for something and/or someone to alleviate and/or lessen the disappointment I have to/toward myself for Not taking responsibility for how our world/money system exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become agitated when me as my mind seems to be demanding that which I refuse to continue being, within the realization that it is I that creates what I experience within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value the automated memories/characters and personalities of/as my mind over me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within all the wallowing to exist in self-interest and thus abandon me as my physical body and this physical world/reality/existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and ignore what I realize and understand is me within the stillness of me as an inner voice within the decision to stand in/as and for equality.

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to judge myself and fall into the pit of remorse and self wallowing.

I commit myself to remain true to me in self-honesty in stopping energetic highs and lows as a way of fueling me as my mind.

I commit myself to remain constant, stable and gentle with myself as I have proven to/for myself already how this to shall pass.

I commit myself to show how through the path of self-forgiveness, in self-honesty self realizes how taking responsibility and Giving as one wants to receive Can and Will Heal our World/Reality/Existence.

I commit myself to continue walking my process as the Journey to Life through writing, self-forgiveness and to in self-honesty and self-corrective application, to trust myself – to Never give up until it is done – where our world exists according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to stop waiting for something and/or someone in hope of fixing this world when I see, realize and understand that I Decide who I am, and I am quite capable of standing up within myself in absolute equality and oneness and giving that which I would like to receive according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to stop giving more value to my mind of/as thoughts/memories/characters and personalities, than who I am as my physical body and our physical reality.

(Please read Heaven’s Blog: Have you Ever Really Loved your Parents? – Part One: DAY 86 and Have you Ever Really Loved your Parents? – Part Two: DAY 87)

Day 98: Clearing Holds in Me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within my mind perceive others to be taking advantage of me to the point where emotions have a hold on/in me wherein I become stuck in/as a character feeling sorry for myself and, within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to then become a character of/as irritation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a belIEf that something and/or someone has the ability to have a hold on me to the point where I have in fear of loss, begged, borrowed, lied and/or stolen, so as to not have to face my life without that particular something and/or someone in it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto blame towards another yet within me experiencing guilt about the very thing I’m blaming another for, which is the exact point I fear taking responsibility for, thus, I will utilize blame to hide my guilt experience all the while knowing that I am the cause for my own experience because it is me who fears taking responsibility for that which I know that I am responsible for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that an experience can only be experienced if I take part in it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not fully comprehend how when I exist in/as resentful thought patterns for an extended amount of time I will begin to have irrational expectations which will cause me if I allow it, to make mountains out of mole hills.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately place myself into a state of self-victimization where I hold myself within a point of self-manipulation in order to receive something from others that I perceived I cannot give to myself thus, seeking and desiring another to satisfy that which I perceive I lack, in judgement of self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself in judgment as having failed within our current world/money system – instead of realizing that our current world/money system only allows behavior that brings judgement with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that there is nothing that anyone can actually do to me that has the ability to ‘make’ me be one way or another and that how I choose to be is by my own acceptance and allowance of who I am existing as of my past as my thoughts, memories/characters/personalities and pictures and, in how I defend the view that I have of myself within and as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to essentially exist as if I am waiting on myself which is in complete separation from me as my physical body and our physical reality.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put me as my physical body last, when in fact it is my physical body which supports me here as breath even as I exist in separation of it as my mind-physical of/as consciousness.

I commit myself to not accept and allow myself to create definitions within my mind according to the perception of myself in/as emotions and feelings as a memory/character when I see, realize and understand that I am the creator of my own experiences in how I define and perceive my experiences as.

I commit myself to stop placing responsibility outside of myself and to instead access who I am as life that each one of us have the ability to be and to stand as within as self-honesty and self-responsibility in support for a world according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to Stop waiting for myself and to instead direct myself to stand in support of and as me as my physical body.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand how that which I accept and allow to exist within and as me is the exact reality that is reflected back unto me.

I commit myself to investigate and comprehend for myself so as to show, how the entire world system represents the entire human physical body.

(Please read Heaven’s Blog: The Creation of the Self Character – Part One: Day 94 and The Creation of the Self Character – Part Two: Day 95)