Day 78: Character: Daring to Die

Continuation to
Day 77: “WTF was I Thinking?”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create within my mind a character that I participated in as thoughts of overdosing on pills as a way to commit suicide.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in repetitive thought patterns of committing suicide as, “the older you get the more boring life is, I might as well be dead” or “what’s the use, I’ll take some pills and never wake up”, within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in/as a character within my mind in and as dishonesty in wanting to run away from myself and from here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself when participating in thoughts of committing suicide to exist in a state of depersonalization as feeling that things around me weren’t real, like I was observing myself from outside of my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself when participating in thoughts of committing suicide to feel like I was losing my grip on reality, like I was living in a dream.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself when participating in thoughts of committing suicide to feel emotionally disconnected from people that I normally cared about and where I had difficulty focusing on tasks or remembering things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as a character within my mind as thoughts of committing suicide to believe and perceive that I am not able to handle that which I am responsible for which is me within myself and within my world according to what I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in within and as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into anger and judgment when I heard that A attempted to kill herself, because I was angry and judging myself for how I/we’ve allowed ourselves to become slaves to secret societies, organizations, and our relationships to such a degree that we loose sight of what is real and what we are capable of as that of standing up and directing ourself as life in and as equality, which will eventually bring an end to everyone’s suffering within and without.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manifest anger where I project blame unto others through pointing my finger in judgment – instead of realizing that there is no one to blame, that we are each one responsible for what we’re allowing to exist within existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger because of the anger I experience within myself in how I have created and manifested fear and loss within my relationship with myself and with others based in self-interest, competition and greed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand how I avoid taking self-responsibility because as a character of my thoughts within my mind I have accepted and allowed a perception that exists within this world of thinking that when one commit suicide, ‘all of one’s problems will disappear’, that we’ll somehow finally be ‘at peace’ and exist in/as some sort of blissful experience in a heaven somewhere and thus will have no more problems, and/or feelings of lonesomeness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create within myself and within my world a character of thinking about committing suicide because of how I accepted and allowed participation within my mind which manifests experiences within myself which lead me to consider removing myself from this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create loss within and as our world and our reality in and through using or abusing myself/something and or someone to hide my self-responsibility and thus create and manifest a point of having to loose something or someone within my world and my reality to expose the truth that we are each one in-fact self-responsible and that we in-fact cannot hide from ourselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refer to memories, pictures and/or images as my artillery of knowledge and information which then emerge within my mind as thoughts which I participate in, thus manifesting and creating a character of myself with the soul purpose being to keep myself within the same MEmories/issues/patterns of my past, which causes me to exist within a war zone wherein I want to give up on myself and everything and everyone within my reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to forsake what matters most as my physical body within this physical reality all according to my choice to participate within my mind of thoughts as a character who ‘thinks’ I should kill myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take for granted my physical body and our physical existence in order to satisfy me as my mind when i’ve not even investigated who I am as my physical body and physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the direction of me as a character of my mind to determine through fear, judgment, anger, lust, greed, self-interest and money, how life is suppose to exist here within and as our physical existence, instead of investigating how the nature of life is here for the giving to/for All life as an example of what’s best for all.

I commit myself to stop me as the character of having thoughts of committing suicide because I see/realize and understand that I am able to be and become the directive principle of me in directing me to stop playing around in and as an illusion within my mind and to earth myself here walking within and as my physical body and physical reality.

When and as I see myself existing in a state of depersonalization as feeling that things around me aren’t real and/or like I’m observing myself from outside my body, I stop. I breathe. I see/realize and understand that me as my mind as consciousness will create illusions to keep me entrapped to and as it, thus, I see/realize and understand that through writing self-forgiveness I am able to see in self-honesty that the experience of myself in a state of depersonalization is not real, that it is only an experience/illusion that I have chosen to give value and/or a name to in my disconnect of self in dishonesty. I see/realize and understand that I’ve walked this pattern before, and that it is no longer who I am willing to be – that I chose to stand and direct myself in proving to/for myself that I am capable of taking self-responsibility for myself and my world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to stop participating in/as thoughts of committing suicide because I see/realize and understand that to do so is an act of self-dishonesty in wanting to run away from myself and from here because I’ve been to afraid to stand up and take self-responsibility because I didn’t ‘think’ that I knew how, however, I do know how to take self-responsibility, by first stopping my participation in/as my thoughts and, through breathing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, directing myself according to what’s best for All.

I see realize and understand that I am not really angry at anyone outside of myself because in self-honesty, I see that I’ve only been angry at myself for not standing up for me and proving to myself through self-forgiveness what I’m capable of in taking self-responsibility for me.

I commit myself to show that fear as anger and judgment, is the result of Not taking self-responsibility for who I am within what is here such as acts against self in participating in thoughts of committing suicide, instead of standing up and directing myself in self-honesty.

I see/realize and understand that reacting to the subject of suicide in/as fear created a limitation wherein I was existing in judgment which I made real within my mind in order to use it as an excuse to give up before even having started facing who I am within my participation as the character in thoughts of committing suicide in fear of taking self-responsibility for myself and for how our world/reality exists.

I commit myself to see/realize and understand that I/We do not need to, or that it is Not necessary to have to go to the point of loosing something or someone in our world and our reality to realize the extent of what we are in-fact responsible for – that I / WE can in-fact see/realize/understood and become self-responsible within simple self-honesty, and common sense.

When and as I see myself go into feelings and thoughts in and as memories, pictures and /or images, I stop. I Breathe. I commit myself to direct myself and to investigate in self-honesty the point of the character I’m playing, as in how and what I have accepted and allowed within and as myself as the thoughts that I have participated within which have manifested the character I’ve accepted and allowed through and as thoughts of committing suicide.

I commit myself to show that we are enslaved and trapped into a world that we don’t understand and that we become lost within and thus we do what is necessary to survive, and yet, it is only the way it is because we accept and allow it and that we can stop, breathe, forgive and change ourselves within and thus without as our world, as who we each are.

I commit myself to facing me in self-honesty and to stop participating in thoughts of committing suicide because I see/realize and understand that it is utterly useless to remove oneself from this world, because nothing will stop, nothing will end. That we will still experience whatever we’re experiencing within, only worse because we’ll not have our physical body to assist, thus, common sense is, that it’s much simpler to apply our process HERE, to stand up HERE, to take self-responsibility HERE.

I see/realize and understand that it is really simple: All we have to do is stop our participation in/as our mind. That’s it. Just STOP participating. Stop the thoughts – – BREATHE — Forgive yourself. Direct the mind as you in self-honesty.

I commit myself to direct myself to show how life as who we are exists within and as our physical body and this physical existence as earth, breath, and water, first and foremost.

I commit myself to support myself as my physical body and this physical reality according to manifesting and creating a world according to what’s best for all.