Tag Archive | wife

Day 102: Playing the Somebody Done Me Wrong Song

When I find myself reacting as I did this evening, where I experience backchat/thoughts within the perception that someone isn’t ‘acting’ right and/or they aren’t ‘communicating’ effectively with me (which is what I tend to project onto my partner), I see how I ‘automatically’ throw my hands in the air and say out loud, ‘I’m Done‘, and/or I will remain quiet, but within my mind, I will play out the act of throwing my hands in the air and saying ‘I’m Done’!

This character is how I sabotage myself into believing that I am the victim and then it’s as if I can here the song playing – ‘somebody done me wrong’ – within that I will give myself permission to withdraw into myself and pout.

What is really going on within me when I accept and allow myself to act/behave/become this character, is that I’m actually giving up on my relationship with myself. I let me as my mind as consciousness direct me instead of me facing myself in self-honesty and stopping how and what I’m accepting and allowing and participating within and as. Thus, I project the outflow of emotions from my participation onto whoever is in the path of my self-sabotage, which is usually my partner. This cause to withdraw is one of many lines of dance which I use to separate me from who I am as my physical body within and as this physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself within the belief that when I don’t get my way that I am the victim to somebody doing me wrong, therefore, I will withdraw into myself and hide, pout, shut down and blame another (my partner) as being the reason for why I have the ‘right’ to sit and stew in and as my mind and stop participating within what’s real as our physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep score within polarity emotion/feeling energies of negative and positive – where when I’m having a negative experience of myself I will look to my partner to fix me by giving me attention and/or communicating with me in a way that will assist me to have a positive experience of myself and, if my partner doesn’t assist me in changing my experience of myself, I will blame him as not communicating and/or acting right and, if he doesn’t respond again, I will play my song of somebody done me wrong and will withdraw within myself in silence, as if to punish my partner when what I’m actually doing is accepting and allowing me as my mind as consciousness as memories/characters/personalities/thoughts and emotions and feelings to rule who I am, and within that, I am suppressing and manifesting pain, illness and disease within and as me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is only me that I am ever actually having a relationship with in and as my mind and, until and when I forgive, correct and become a living example of self-responsibility in/as self-honesty to/as all life here, I will be unable to have an effective relationship/agreement within anyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek validation and love from others when I’ve never been willing to slow down, breathe, validate and love myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a mind set that effective communication within a relationship requires a proper/predetermined beginning and an end, just like a pre-scheduled program.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forsake me as my physical body when I go off on energetic binges within and as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself and within that anger, not realize that the reason for my anger is because within me I am screaming out for me to hear myself in self-honesty, and to thus stop accepting and allowing myself to support our current world/money system of/as war, poverty and starvation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that how our world exists can only change when change begins first within myself.

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing the ‘somebody done me wrong song’ and, to stop demanding another to take responsibility for who I am within what I accept and allow and exist as within our world/reality/existence.

I commit myself to stop the character of self-sabotage.

I commit myself to stop myself playing polarity games of negative/positive and neutrality.

I commit myself to stop self-interest in/as memories/characters/personalities/thoughts and emotions and feelings

I commit myself to prove to myself what is means to be truly supportive for and as me as my physical body.

I commit myself to never give up on life, to slow myself down, breathe, validate and love myself within and as self-honesty in total commitment to support a world according to what’s best for All.

Day 52: When I Said I Do

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing fear and self-interest to be the direction I took in walking the beginning of/as marriage when I said I do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system where marriage is the answer given as the solution for a troubled and/or pregnant teen.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to walk down the isle for what I knew in self-honesty was resistance, when I said I do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be the product of a world/money system where at the time, marriage was the only acceptable solution for my situation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to tell myself over and over when I could hardly breathe as I walked down the isle, that everything will be fine when I say I do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in a marriage ‘ceremony’ that felt more like a ‘show me for the money‘.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to support a system that glorifies marriage with illusions of romantic honeymoons and life long happiness.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not realize that marriage is Not just about free opportunities to fuck.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to play barbie dolls as a child where I pretended to be married with children, living happily ever after, which was actually my mind as consciousness preparing me for my already pre-programmed existence within my predetermined middle class American life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want, need and desire to be part of the American dream which is actually an abSOULute nightmare.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want, need and desire a symbolic commitment written on a piece of paper in order to ‘feel’ secure and trusting to walk hand in hand in this life with another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a world/money system that functions where people in marriages and relationships have automated their abilities to put on a happy face, on the outside, but on the inside, behind close doors, all hell is breaking loose.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system that doesn’t prepare children with the resources, tools, nor the ability to exist as an effective individual with the ability to support themselves and thus their world according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a world/money system where parents do Not educate their children, nor prepare them for what it’s like to struggle to survive within capitalism.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to form the opinion of myself at a very young age within the starting point of fear, in believing that I was always going to require a man/partner to take care of and support me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify and blame everybody else for the reason our world/money system is such a fuck up, instead of realizing that in fear and self-interest, I didn’t want to face myself within the realization that I am just as responsible for how our world exists as anyone here is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall in the ‘fall in love design of consciousness’, where I believed I would be supported and cared for as long as I followed the rules of the bible in that the eyes of God would care for me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system where marriage is the socially acceptable/destructable construct in which to raise a family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not realize that the creation of marriage as I’ve lived it is a creation of my mind as consciousness where my ego supports the ego formed through and as relationships such as marriage, friends and family.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system that governs people through justifications to discriminate one’s ability to marry based upon religous beliefs and sexual preference.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that getting married was actually me fulfilling my fear and self-interest within the desire and need to Not be like my parents when in fact in my attempt to escape being them, I became them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project blame onto my parents as being the reason for how I’ve experienced myself in/as marriage – instead of realizing that I have manipulated and justified the decisions I’ve made according to self-interest, ego and greed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a word/money system where the laws have been created to better protect relationships and property – meaning that widows and children are provided for better in death than in life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my parents for not teaching me through living an example of how to master self-responsibility and accountability within self-honesty as an adult within this world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to stop blaming my parents for my marriage failure, and to begin repairing me through self-forgiveness, to stop who I am within the marriage construct and to direct myself in self-honesty to stand and walk in agreement together with my partner as we stand in support of a world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to show how through an Equal Money system we can stop how family and marriage constructs create control within individuals.

I commit myself to stabilizing myself and to show that being able to understand one’s past will change our future in relationships.

I commit myself to show the common sense in educating parents to support their children in self-honesty according to what’s best for all, thus bringing new life on Earth that’s worthy of life in it’s utmost potential.

I commit myself to trust myself in the moment to direct myself, and thus I Do Not require to make fear based symbolic commitments.

I commit myself to show how when we commit ourself to someone it will be because we are directing ourself in the moment as it exists only in the moment, not in the future.