Tag Archive | tree of knowledge

Day 155: Oh MY God, I’ve Lost it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear/believe/participate in and as the thoughts: ‘Oh MY God, I’ve Lost it’ – six words that keep popping up within my mind following an image of me lowering my head and slightly rubbing my nose and pausing just as I’m sitting in front of the computer to write, where in that moment, I lose awareness of myself as breath and allowed myself to be distracted with the backchat in my head which caused me to reject myself, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how in that moment within me, I was rejecting myself within the starting point of self-interest and unknowingly (when I slow myself down I realize what I’m doing) I would hide within myself from me and ultimately manifest intense pain within my physical body in my upper back region.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I manipulate myself where I justify my stuckness as unimportant and act as my own bad referee where I basically sideline myself, isolate myself, and literally remove myself from being the directive principle in self-honesty of and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I exist in and as resistance, my body language morphs into and as the resistance, where I cross my arms in defense and protection from others, and my right hand clutches my left hand,  basically, I hold a position of superiority while existing in and as inferiority, causing pain within my physical body, and lots of it, and secretly, I know within my mind that my physical body is showing me the tell-tale signs of my suppressed state, thus, I stop, I breathe. I commit myself to see, realize and understand that when I slow myself down I am able to move beyond the point of resistance and thus stop the thoughts of and as my mind as the words saying to me: ‘Oh MY God, I’ve Lost it’, because I see, realize and understand how the words are me and represent a point of acceptance of how in the past I’ve allowed myself to sink into and as a resistance which manifests and creates physical pain within and as my back, thus I commit myself to stop what I see, realize and understand is a point of resistance, a sort of blockage of emotions and feelings within and as my physical body,  I breathe, I earth myself here in becoming the directive principle of/as and for me in order to first change myself through self-honesty from the inside out to thus stop resistance, to thus begin to express myself as who I am, to give my all to me through gratefulness for and as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to underestimate the amount of self suppression I have existed as, because I see, realize and understand how this Day 155, of me walking the Journey to Life , I realize that I am only now getting started, therefore, I commit myself to see, realize and understand both the magnitude and the simplicity of making the decision to continue writing and applying self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, because I comprehend how it is only through this Journey that I will ever come close to being who I am, as well as having the opportunity to possibly birth myself as Life from the Physical. I am grateful to/for me as my physical body for supporting me as I walk this Journey and support a World according to what’s best for All.

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Day 122: InSIDE Hide

Once in awhile I experience pain around my left side, stomach/groin area which feels kind of like a pulled muscle, but that’s not what it is. I asked Anu for perspective about a month ago and he suggested it was a point of hiding, which made a lot of sense to me. I never investigated the point further, mostly because the pain hadn’t returned. Then today, the pain returned with a vengence. As I began to experience the pain – still in the same area of my physical body – I saw my hiding and I realized that I have always been aware of this point that I exist as, IF/WHEN, I will slow myself down and breathe, and welcome me in from hiding as who I really am as me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide within and as knowledge and information as energy within how I partipate within thoughts, internal conversations, reactions of and as emotions and feelings of/as positive, negative and the neutral of and as enegy experiences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as someone who is insidious’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in and thus hide within feelings of shame of existing within and as knowledge and information where I hide within what I’ve learned throughout my entire life, and within that how I allow guilt to accumulate from becoming that which I’ve learned to where I become consumed to the point where I elude any chance of ever becoming aquainted with myself, because as such, I’m escaping any understanding of myself within the perception of/as being that of a particular piece of knowledge and information and where within that I forbid myself to question the very nature of myself and thus my own answers elude me, thus, I forgive myself for not realizing how within my ‘insidious hideouts’, I manifest formations of guilt within and as a total memory/character recall of and as my mother – how I saw her reject her physical body in how she existed in hiding within and as fear as knowledge and information – where she would become so full of shame and guilt that she would punish her physical body through smoking and/or over eating – and how I have become and lived as that mind character of entrapment as well.

I forgive myself for not realizing how within the layers of my hide/flesh, I have remained unaware of how the very life substance is drained from me according to and through my participation within and as knowledge and information. Wherein every moment that I accept and allow myself to be and become separate from the words I speak of/as my mind as directed by consciousness within and as energies of/as reactions and feelings and emotions, how in that moment when I am more aware of a thought within my mind than I am of who I am within and as breath as my physical body, is the moment that I become accepting of myself as a system of/as abuse, greed, self-interest and death.

I forgive myself for not realizing that the inner mysteries of me as my physical body will continue to elude me until I slow down, breathe and become willing to commit myself to exploring and investigating myself from the inside out within self-honesty, no matter how ‘insidious’ who I am appears to be, for it is within my perception of ‘the ugly’ that I will release my perception of ‘the pretty’ – where the ‘insidious’ of and as that which I’ve come to accept as the perception of myself within and as self-interest exists only according to knowledge and information.

I forgive myself for not realizing that when I am hiding within program manifestations of and as knowlendge and information that I am actually accepting and allowing me as my physical body to form strings of tension wherein I am actually forming patterns of degenerations within my physical body where I’m not breathing effectively and thus I manifest damage within and unto my internal organs and flesh creating pain within and as my physical body/flesh and bone.

I forgive myself for not realizing the degree of fear I have with regards to facing myself in self-honesty because I have hidden within knowledge and information in/as shame and guilt and believed that I was that.


I forgive myself for not realizing that I fear my perception that if I were to become completely self-honest that others may not like me, instead of realizing that it is only myself that I am actually fearing disappointing.

I commit myself to comprehending that the DIS in APPOINT only exists within and as the pain in ignoring the Point of Self within Forgiving self in/as Self-honesty.

I commit myself to let go of and forgive who I am as knowledge and information.

I commit myself to not fear and shame that which I’ve accepted and allowed as who I am and to instead forgive and realign and redesign myself through self-corrective application.

I commit myself to STOP imprinting my Physical body and Physical reality with my mind according to knowledge and information.

I commit myself to get to know the details and specifics of my Human Physical body equal to and one with who I am as my Human Physical body.

I commit myself to embrace who I am as my Physical body within and as self-honesty.

I forgive myself for not realizing that the actual real rebirth of Self as Life, can and will only manifest within and as Self-honesty, from within and as my Physical body and from and of this Physical existence, Thus, I commit myself to realizing that the actual rebirth of self as Life can and will only manifest within and as Self-honesty from within and as me as my Physical body and from and of this Physical existence.

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that Firstly the Person in the Journey to Life must become Equal to the Mind through being able to Not Participate in the Thoughts that Arise ALL the Time, and Be Here Breathing – before the Task can be taken on to Remove the Programs in the Flesh to such a degree that eventually the Flesh will be Purified and the Person will become, in fact, the Living Flesh – and be able to Have Any Relationship or form in the Flesh without it Being the Dominant Control as Consciousness, and the Person will be in Fact the Dominion of the Flesh, with the Flesh itself Determining in Every Breath the Actuality of Life Directed, and Be Here as Life – and thus at the Death, the Person will Cross the Divide as Life and Be Everywhere as Here, Always. In this it must be Realized How Time and Flesh Functions and that the Process of First becoming Equal to the Mind and Flesh before Directive Life will be here as Self, as Principle, as Equal, will take a minimum of 7 Years of Daily Application IN EVERY Breath, but more Likely take 14 years due to the Many Times that the Directive Will will Fall to the Current Dominion of the Programs that were allowed to Become the Flesh as the Physical Mind.” ~ Bernard Poolman

Life on Earth can change in a single Breath


We live in Oklahoma, and are having another interesting night of weather. This is the third night that we’ve had two earthquakes, combined with the rumbling of thunder and lightening. The rain is pouring, the lightening is frequent, there is hale, and all around is reports of 80 mile an hour winds and we’ve lost electricity more than once today.

It’s kind of different in the rumbling sound to distinguish if it’s coming from above, below or both. The rumbling of the earth below my feet and the rumbling of the sky above brings a certain awareness that life on earth can change in a single breath. Maybe that’s the point of it all. To demonstrate the power of responsibility. Yes, for us all to become aware of our self-responsibility to everything and everybody here.

Earth, wind, rain and the fire of lightening coming together equal and one for us to see the nature of what we’re accepting and allowing. To set the record straight, that life on earth will be an equal experience for everybody and, if we won’t get it, there’ll be a shake, rattle and roll until it’s done – an equalizing

It’s not so crazy a notion, when one consider how humans have believed in a heaven, a hell, ufo’s and demons – yet, we’ve not considered what is right in front of our eyes. How we’ve abused the earth, the rivers and oceans, the skys and each other and still we won’t see how we’re destroying ourselves through ego and greed. The things in this world that we accept and allow according to our current capitalistic money system is atrocious. We will watch other living beings die, rather than stand up for each other and allow each a dignified life. It’s worth considering that nature is simply assisting us to become self-honest and self-responsible to and as all life here.

Time to stand as the Solution – Support Equal Money

A Tree Is Known by Its Fruit?

St. Luke 6:42-43: “For every tree is known by his own fruit, for a good tree bringeth not forth corrupt fruit, and vice versa”

This scripture/quote, whatever one call it – is a perfect example of the human Not taking self responsibility. For instance, when one plant a garden, what then? Common sense is, in order for the garden to grow, it must receive adequate care such as water and food. Who’s responsible for the plants environment if it doesn’t receive what it requires to produce the most luscious of fruit? I am. How can one possibly say that the tree/plant is good or bad? When in fact it’s a product of the accepted and allowed environment it’s planted in.

The knowledge of good/evil gives way for excuses to not take self-responsibility for how our environment/world exist. We can’t plant a garden and hope it will produce to it’s potential without action and proper sustenance . A tree that bringeth forth corrupt fruit is the same as the child dying of starvation while trying to survive their environment. Look at starvation closely, it exists according to a money system where all life is not given the basic requirements to survive.

We are producing that which we exist as. WE are the trees and our actions as self are the fruit. Is our actions as self, producing fruit according to what’s best for all?

Stop participating in thoughts, opinions, judgments, and energetic feeling experiences – all of which entrap us within and as our own manifested prison of enslavement which is controlled and manipulated through our current money system. Let’s plant the tree of life inside ourself first in self honesty – experiencing the fruit of self-responsibility for and as all life.

Support an Equal Money System and we’ll clear a path to a smoother process for everybody. Be the fruit which supports all Life.

Why should the daughter pay for the sins of the father?


Why should the daughter pay for the sins of the father? She shouldn’t – yet she does. As humanity, we’ve created the very thing in which we feared, avoided and denied as we became it. We’ve done that from the very beginning when we accepted ourselves as such and we’ve run circles of time-loops around ourselves. We fogot who we truly are, which is Not that which we ‘want’ another to believe that we are. As those sins that we’ve taken on as who we are and who we’ve become – we’ve managed to answer that question for ourselves: ‘Why should the daughters pay for the sins of the fathers’? The answer is in who we’ve become, it’s programming, it’s a system and we don’t want to see ourselves.

We’ve even created a money system to abuse us even more and, we pay those who we accept and allow to make us feel better about who we’ve become. We pay people to make us laugh and we pay people to make us cry. We even pay people to make movies where people are killing each other and yet, within all of that, we still won’t see who we are within it. Where is our individual self-responsibility?

Is it lost in competition? We compete to have the biggest house and the most cars just so we can feel better about ourselves. We get married, we have children, we get pets, so we can feel better about ourselves. The energy within it all – never sustains itself. So, we begin again, with a new house, and/or a new relationship and maybe we have more children and get more pets and we repeat the same patterns of ourselves until finally we realize that we are the living examples of our parents, who are the living examples of their parents. We then see before us – the living example of ourselves which is our children and still, we won’t stop ourselves as what we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to be – what we’ve created and are existing as.

Who, how and what have we become according to who, how and what we want another to believe us to be? Ego, greed, hate, rape, war, spite, and starvation – all the result of who we’ve become and are existing as.

We have become our thoughts and walked energetic experiences as if they were real – they are not. As such we continue to pass on the ‘sins of the fathers’ – Us – according to what we accept and allow ourselves to be and act as through and as our physical body within our physical reality. We make thoughts in our mind come to life through energy that we participate in and then ultimately those dreams die. As such we kill that which is actually real – our physical reality.

When we stop participating in thoughts and energetic feelings and emotions – when we breathe and apply self-forgiveness and see in self-honesty who and what we’ve created through our acceptances and allowances – we will stop passing on our legacy, as that being one of sin – only by our self-definition as such.

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