Tag Archive | touch it

Day 216: A Means to an end

For Context Read:

Day 209: ‘The Lump’ Sum of ‘What If’s’

Day 211: Processing…

Day 214: Touch it

Day 215: The results show

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to access a negative energy experience of nausea when I think about having cancer within and as me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a negative energy experience of impending doom – where within me as my physical body I experience a sudden case of the chills, like I’ve suffered a shock to my system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss the little girl who dreamt a childhood dream of living happily ever after because I see, realize and understand how within our world happily ever after exists only within our mind as it’s only Money that buys happiness as a means to an end.

childhood dream
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to teeter from accessing a negative energy experience to a positive energy experience and from there experience an energy experience of Que será, será or ‘what ever will be will be’, because I see, realize and understand that energetic polarity equations and harmful and destructive unto my physical body/physical world/reality/existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to anticipate myself as having a negative energy experience of fatigue and according to the worst possible outcome, such as having an advanced stage of breast cancer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in backchat and internal conversations like, ‘when I’m gone who’s going to miss me’, because I see, realize and understand that that is a reaction of my mind as consciousness attempting to gain some sense of control for feeling out of control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in curiosity through desire in search for comfort through reading/knowledge and information about breast cancer and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself according to a ‘means to an end attitude’, meaning the purpose of my actions were for the sole purpose of achieving something in return.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having radiation and/or chemotherapy treatments where I have said that I would never allow myself to do that to my physical body, when the fact is me as my ego believed that I was to good/superior for something like cancer to happen to me, religion of self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing the projection of the future life that I thought I had planned out carefully for my partner and I, where I imagined us spending every day enjoying ourselves while we grow old together when the fact is, that dream always scared the hell out of me because I’ve always feared growing old and ugly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use pity to manipulate myself into ignoring me as my physical body and thus have accepted and allowed myself to bully myself through self-judgment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to measure my life according to equations of time, love, money and debt instead of life within every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed self-interest to be the loudest sound within me.

I commit myself to dedicate myself stop self-interest through investigating and educating myself to the ways of how our current world/money systems function, to further my ability to understand what it really means to give and we would like to receive.

I commit myself stop living my life with a ‘means to an end’ attitude, to instead direct myself and my decisions, as who I am, according to what’s best for all.

When and as I see myself accessing a negative energy experience where I anticipate the worst possible outcome for surviving cancer – I stop, I breathe – I see, realize and understand that to anticipate the worst possible outcome is creating an energetic experience out of something that in this moment doesn’t exist.

I commit myself to stop participating in backchat and internal conversations where I imagine myself looking like the pictures I’ve seen of woman fighting breast cancer and I see, realize and understand that I have no way of knowing for sure exactly what outcome to expect and thus I commit myself to stop expecting and breathe.

When and as I see myself go into an negative experience where I experience myself within a self-defined feeling of impending doom, where within me as my physical body I experience sudden chills like being in a slight state of shock – I stop, I breathe. I commit myself to stop participating in a thought/image that flashes through my mind of women ‘fighting to survive’ breast cancer and to see, realize and understand that the thousands of photos, advertisements and images within my mind are a reminder for me to see what I have accepted and allowed to exist as accumulated consequences within myself and our money/world systems, thus, I commit myself to stop and breathe and realize that I do not have to have the answers for tomorrow today, all that is required is to breathe.

Day 215: The results show

 

 

“When and as I see myself access a negative energy experience when I feel nausea come up – I stop and I breathe – I see and realize that I am anticipating an ‘unpleasant’ experience and within that already instill an experience of unpleasantness before anything has even happened and so I commit myself to stop and let go of the thought, ground myself within and my human physical body in breath.” Leila Zamora Moreno

Artwork By: Niklas Nydahl
diplite free
I was reading the Blog: Journey to a New Life – An Expecting Mother, Day 08: My Body is now My Own – Part 3, and when I read what Leila wrote, it was the perfect assistance for me regarding a similar point where I’ve been accessing a negative energy experience due to the biopsy results I received earlier today.

Hearing the words: ‘it’s cancer‘, sent an immediate rush of heat throughout my face and my entire body.   Like, suddenly, my world, just kind of, crashed.   I sensed myself being whisked into an energetic whirlwind within my mind of thoughts/images and oh, the fear…

I sat there and suddenly realized I hadn’t heard the last three words the nurse had said and that’s when I finally stopped myself and focused on my breathing.

I asked the nurse if she could repeat the last thing she had said and she continued on talking without skipping a beat. She said the next step is to schedule an MRI and make an appointment with a surgeon. It’s only after those appt.  will we be able to determine the necessary steps and/or what the treatment will be.  Her voice was slightly upbeat as she talked in-script to what seemed to have been gone over with with a fine tooth comb…

It blew mind yet, it was interesting because I was well aware of how part of me as my mind wanted to just freak the hell out, but then I breathed, and suddenly, I became aware of myself as able to Stop participating in the Fear.  I cried a couple of times when I was alone, and I know that I’m still holding myself back.  But the truth is, when I stop my mind and breathe, I”m able to release the hold of fear.

So, this will be a process and I’m very grateful that I’ve been walking the Journey to Life, the 7 Year Process with Desteni  because I realize how I’ve gently guided myself to this very moment within me,  to take Self-Responsibilityfor myself as all as one as equal.

Ok, so again,  I’ll be sharing more about this from time to time.  Even now, I see that my mind is looking to knowledge for comfort which triggers me to teeter between positive and negative feeling energies. So here,  I will continue to investigate and share self-forgiveness.

I mean, I didn’t’ just walk out the door and get hit by a bus. I somehow managed to give myself an invitation, with which the only option for me is to step it up, take self-responsibility, walk this point to stand one and equal to, thus acquire the ability to determine Who I Am according to the Decision and Committment to Birth MySelf as Life,  According to What’s Best for ALL.

And, I’m fortunate to be part of an amazing Group of People – nowhere else in the World can one find a more skilled Group as Destonians, where with the utmost care/precision,  WE  Intend to Support the Change our World Requires with solutions such as LIG & The Proposal!   We invite you to Join Us!

More to come

For Context Read:

Day 209: ‘The Lump’ Sum of ‘What If’s’

Day 211: Processing…

Day 214: Touch it

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Suggested blogs to follow:
Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life
Economist Journey to Life

Day 214: Touch it

While I was taking my shower this evening I became aware of how much the warmth of the water splashing from the shower head onto my skin and slowly drizzling down every inch of my body became a moment of self awareness. I breathed in as I gently began to touch, to embrace and hold onto myself as my breasts. As I continued I told myself to Touch it and then remembered when Emmeline first began to sound out words and when she touched something new, she would say to me: “Touch it”.
Since even before I found the lump in my breast, I participated in bullying myself through self-judgment. But recently, I’ve been scared to touch my breast because when I feel the touch of the lump within it, it scares the hell out of me. I don’t even want to share this about myself probably because I’m seeing myself through my own eyes as less than. How strange is it to do that to oneself? And why does it take a physically manifested consequence to get me to focus on who I am as breath within and as me as my physical body?

touch it
I forgive myself for the picture presentations within my mind as my imagination where I compare myself and bully myself through self-judgment as ‘less than’ through the eyes of me because my breasts don’t match the image within my mind that I’ve desired myself to look like and within and as that,  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear touching my breast because who I am as my mind doesn’t have the knowledge and/or information to process the fear of the unknown.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to through self-manipulation have ignored me as my physical breasts because of the relationship I have with my breasts within my mind in how I participate in defining them as less than what I see within my mind as pictures/movies/entertainment/ etc.

This whole finding a lump in my breast thing has been a startling change within my life and within my secret mind, I told myself at first that I was unprepared to face whatever this may be. I was wrong.

I commit myself to take self-responsibility for me as my physical body and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to reject parts of me as my physical body and I commit myself to letting go of and allowing the release of the system as the consequence as that which i have physically manifested as a lump within my breast tissue as me.

For Further Context Read:
Day 209: ‘The Lump’ Sum of ‘What If’s’

Day 211: Processing…