Tag Archive | thinking

Day 144: Hardened Soft Spot

Every couple of months or so I talk on the phone to my stepdad and every time the conversation is over, I realize how once again I’ve not walked through in self-corrective application a repeating pattern of my mind which I allow myself to be directed as and become. Interestingly enough, I became aware of myself as a character of/as my mind that I applied self-forgiveness for in my last blog: Day 143: I will not Lie Down in Defeat.

There are various dimensions of the role as the ‘character of defeat’ that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become, thus,  I commit myself to walk the dimensions through in/as self-forgiveness and self-corrective application to Stop who I become as a ‘character of defeat’.

My stepdad is the man who raised me, and is the only living member left of what was my immediate family for most of my life, and, that is a tie that binds. So, today, when I realized I was stepping into the role of/as a ‘character of defeat’, I stopped and remained silently aware of myself breathing, and I realized some important points.

For instance, I saw how me as my mind finds it comforting to talk to him. That’s surprising, but yet, it’s not really, because when him and I talk on the phone, we still talk to each other as if my mom and my brother and sister were on the line with us.

Much if not all of our conversation is woven between mutual memories of our long time/lost family members.

One of the things that we talked about toward the end of the conversation was how hard it is to believe that it’s been a year since my sister died. He said how he had talked to my sisters 14 year old daughter, and how she was upset by the ‘one year anniversary’ of her mom’s passing. He then began to share with me how he was able to comfort her by reminding her that if she’ll just keep herself in church and close to God, then someday, she’ll get to see her mom again. He said how, her hearing him share that, was what made her ‘feel’ better.

That was a crucifying point for me because nothing about that makes sense to me anymore, and, I certainly don’t ‘feel’ better for having heard it.  I see, realize and understand how if something makes us ‘feel better’, we can be sure it is of our mind as consciousness and that it’s a lie that has always been one.  It was at that point that all comfort left me as my physical body, and thankfully, I immediately began to have pain in my upper back – which was a point of support for/as me as my physical body, to assure that I am here breathing and paying attention to what I’m accepting and allowing. Yet, I could say nothing. The only thing about myself that I trusted in that moment was breathing.

I saw how in and as the ‘character of defeat’ I am evil and I am fearful. I feared standing up for what I know and directing myself in self-honesty. I feared upsetting and ultimately pissing off and losing the father/man/relationship that I’ve become dependent upon in keeping together a family construct within patterns and characters/personalities of and as my mind. Thus, I will be continuing in my next blog with further self-forgiveness for the role I play as a ‘character of defeat’ within the family construct.

Advertisements

Day 136: Fear Monster

Thursday evening
Sitting here to write, I got nothing. I know that’s not possible, and the fact that I’ve been in pain and somewhat sick, I know the most assistance I can give myself is to breathe and apply self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘feel’ out of sorts within myself, a sinking feeling emerging first from within my mind which I’m unable to identify until I feel it within solar plexus and then I know it’s fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how within my mind fear appears bigger than life itself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the expression of who I am within the fear of my own fear.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through fear participate in and as picture presentations of/as thoughts of/as hidden secrets and/or suppressed experiences and how within those, I have accepted and allowed myself to define them as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the fear of my own fear is larger than life and more powerful than me as who I am as my physical body to such a degree that through and as my participation in and as memories/thoughts I have manifested fear as an actual limitation which involves a manifested physical affect of/as pain within my center to upper back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that every single thought that I have has an emotional feeling charge to it which resonates throughout my entire physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my physical body through the act of participating in my thoughts thus being directed by and as them giving me as my mind the perception that it is larger than me as who I am as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resonate the very systems of and as my mind in how I have defined them as me and at the same time have resonated my very living as my mind thoughout and within me as my human physical body thus manifesting separation and pain.

When and as I see myself watering the roots of fear of my own fear through participating in and as thoughts, I stop, I breathe, I see, realize and understand how through the act of thinking I expand the resonance of fear of my own fear throughout my physical body, flesh and bone.

I commit myself to breathe, to realize the patterns of my mind have become habits which I have accepted and allowed to inhabit me through cycles of time, where I have imprinted and conditioned me as my physical body to become them through the process of me as my mind, thus, I see, realize and understand there is actually nothing to fear and that I am quite capable of stopping myself and directing myself as my mind through self-corrective application with the assistance of myself as my physical body to walk the accumulation of myself in relation to living breath by breath in supporting self to become living support, to establish a world according to what’s best for All.

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that FEAR is the Nature of the Game that Motivates me to Keep Moving as the Characters in the Game towards the Objective of the Game by Creating the other Side of the Coin of Fear as Love – Symbolizing the Circle of Life, Coined as a Choice of Opposites – yet, it is ONE Coin that ensures CONtrol so that I remain in my ROLE, following the control of the Energy of the Game which is Fear as the Totality of the HERE of the Game as the Only thing I can HEAR while playing the Game.” ~ Bernard Poolman

What were you thinking?


Written by Bernard Poolman

Date : 19/06/2007

We all had the experience, especially as children, where we did something or acted in a way where we made a mistake. Some adult, normally a parent, in the process of scolding us, would say: “what were you thinking?” Strange, we would not consider that whatever we did was actually created in our thoughts and that we then acted it out.

Interesting is that when you make the statement in Afrikaans, it goes “wat het jou besiel”. Directly translated it says “what have you souled?’ This is truly strange – the soul and thinking linked together.

What is thinking? It seems to be a place where we have our own council. We consider words, experiences, pictures, feelings and discussions. We make our mind up about this and then either speak the words we have come to as a conclusion or act out our conclusion. The actual creation process though happens in the mind as thought. When we have used these thoughts enough, and it becomes automatic, it ends up as part of our identity. Our identity is our unique characteristic we will call eventually our personality. Our Personality is the part of ourselves we normally accept and state that cannot be changed. That is strange. If we can understand how we created something, we are able to change this.

What is the point? It seems that the words indicate that the soul is thought. The nature of thought then is the Nature of Soul and the Nature of Personality. That does not indicate much worth while for the hereafter when we return to the soul apparently.

What we have found through the interdimensional portal was that the soul construct was preprogrammed. That means that the Nature of our thoughts, our personality and experience in this world, was pre-programmed before birth. This would mean that whether you will be good or bad, rich or poor, religious or not, raped or not, when or how you will be killed is preprogrammed. No choice. This we found strange, because we experience ourselves as having choice. Not really when we consider the nature or our inner experience, which are various ways of thinking, and it determines what we will predictably do in different situations. Very few beings have ever overcome this. In fact, we found that virtually all human beings believe that thinking is an indication that they are alive. Strange. No-one considers the obvious choice. Stop thinking for a day, a week and find out if you die. Find out what is thinking. You will find that it is fear of loss and fear of death that prevents us from entering a state of no thinking. Thus we have equated thinking as life and defined our lives as thinking. This has irrationally become a part of the nature of thinking and our definition of life. It is as if our thoughts confirm that we are alive in some way.

But consider your thoughts for a day, then a week and then a month. Honestly write them down. All your observations and thoughts about every-one in your life, your fears and denials – that means the thoughts that appear but you refuse to have them and suppress them. Look at all your thoughts. You will be surprised. No thought is really ever beneficial for all of mankind. You are always the centre of your thoughts and always right. One of the few cases where you become the ultimate victim is when you fall in love and shift this centre of importance in your thoughts to another being. Automatically you must eventually return to yourself and evict the thoughts of another from your mind which happens when relationship ends. The best way normally used is justification by falling in love with another, replace the one centre of attention with another and use that as an excuse. “I no longer love you or I love another”. Never self in the true sense. Love of success, money, possessions – All things that will not last this life. Fascinating, this nature of thinking.

Imagine – all existence, all thinking revolves around survival and we have equated survival with money – we have made survival equal to having money. Thus our primary thought is about survival or in a more positive sense – security. Money is the Root of the MIND – The Root of consciousness. How did we come to accept that money is the centre of our world, of our existence? A piece of paper we give value to. The piece of paper has no value but the value we have all agreed to give it. We are in fact enslaved to a value we gave a piece of paper. We let people starve because they don’t have a piece of paper that we have valued. What have become of man’s values: All values placed in survival. This survival based on a piece of paper called money.

What if we all stop for a moment and make a new agreement. Look at it. We all have agreed to place value on a piece of paper, called money. We all have agreed on the rules that make this money move. We all have agreed that this money holds the power of life and death as seen in starvation. What if we agree to value life and equate this life of a new born baby to money – true value. What if we then give each being born, enough money to be able to live without fear of loss and in free choice of self expression? What will change if none of us need money for survival? The reason for war will stop. The reason for control will stop. The reason for ‘What were you thinking’ will stop. The central attention of all thoughts based on thoughts, based on survival and money will stop. Thoughts as Money will no longer be our Gods.

Now we will have to consider self expression where the search for money or survival is no longer the centre of our attention. The world will change. The creation of goods to sell just to make profit will change. Greed will stop. The way of our profit now gives the prophet an easy prediction of the future of the world. The world is the result of our will. The world is the result of the value we place in the words through our thoughts. Our thoughts are our inner reality that shows our real truth – Our real fears and desires. Look, it is all based in some way on money.

We have the power to change this. We have the power to change the value of money. We have the power to value life and creation. We will have to. Any prophet can see that profit is destroying existence. How long before it will have an effect on every household? The same pattern as in nature with extinction will immerge as man extinct man self through the value placed on thoughts and money.

Soon, we will be forced to reconsider existence, choice and value.

Will we be ready to give up what and where we have placed value in?

Copyright 2009 Desteni Universe This may be shared in the original form only, to prevent any tampering and only as a complete document. Original found here: http://desteni.co.za/a/bernard-poolman-what-were-you-thinking