Tag Archive | separation

Day 102: Playing the Somebody Done Me Wrong Song

When I find myself reacting as I did this evening, where I experience backchat/thoughts within the perception that someone isn’t ‘acting’ right and/or they aren’t ‘communicating’ effectively with me (which is what I tend to project onto my partner), I see how I ‘automatically’ throw my hands in the air and say out loud, ‘I’m Done‘, and/or I will remain quiet, but within my mind, I will play out the act of throwing my hands in the air and saying ‘I’m Done’!

This character is how I sabotage myself into believing that I am the victim and then it’s as if I can here the song playing – ‘somebody done me wrong’ – within that I will give myself permission to withdraw into myself and pout.

What is really going on within me when I accept and allow myself to act/behave/become this character, is that I’m actually giving up on my relationship with myself. I let me as my mind as consciousness direct me instead of me facing myself in self-honesty and stopping how and what I’m accepting and allowing and participating within and as. Thus, I project the outflow of emotions from my participation onto whoever is in the path of my self-sabotage, which is usually my partner. This cause to withdraw is one of many lines of dance which I use to separate me from who I am as my physical body within and as this physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself within the belief that when I don’t get my way that I am the victim to somebody doing me wrong, therefore, I will withdraw into myself and hide, pout, shut down and blame another (my partner) as being the reason for why I have the ‘right’ to sit and stew in and as my mind and stop participating within what’s real as our physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep score within polarity emotion/feeling energies of negative and positive – where when I’m having a negative experience of myself I will look to my partner to fix me by giving me attention and/or communicating with me in a way that will assist me to have a positive experience of myself and, if my partner doesn’t assist me in changing my experience of myself, I will blame him as not communicating and/or acting right and, if he doesn’t respond again, I will play my song of somebody done me wrong and will withdraw within myself in silence, as if to punish my partner when what I’m actually doing is accepting and allowing me as my mind as consciousness as memories/characters/personalities/thoughts and emotions and feelings to rule who I am, and within that, I am suppressing and manifesting pain, illness and disease within and as me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is only me that I am ever actually having a relationship with in and as my mind and, until and when I forgive, correct and become a living example of self-responsibility in/as self-honesty to/as all life here, I will be unable to have an effective relationship/agreement within anyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek validation and love from others when I’ve never been willing to slow down, breathe, validate and love myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a mind set that effective communication within a relationship requires a proper/predetermined beginning and an end, just like a pre-scheduled program.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forsake me as my physical body when I go off on energetic binges within and as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself and within that anger, not realize that the reason for my anger is because within me I am screaming out for me to hear myself in self-honesty, and to thus stop accepting and allowing myself to support our current world/money system of/as war, poverty and starvation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that how our world exists can only change when change begins first within myself.

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing the ‘somebody done me wrong song’ and, to stop demanding another to take responsibility for who I am within what I accept and allow and exist as within our world/reality/existence.

I commit myself to stop the character of self-sabotage.

I commit myself to stop myself playing polarity games of negative/positive and neutrality.

I commit myself to stop self-interest in/as memories/characters/personalities/thoughts and emotions and feelings

I commit myself to prove to myself what is means to be truly supportive for and as me as my physical body.

I commit myself to never give up on life, to slow myself down, breathe, validate and love myself within and as self-honesty in total commitment to support a world according to what’s best for All.

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Day 67: Energetic HangOver

Reference below refers to the following Blogs:
Day 65: Living in Hope is a TRAP
Day 66: Radical Relationship: Dragging Faces of Anger

The past two days having accepted and allowed myself to exploit myself from one polarity to the next – seesawing from negative to positive energetic outflows, so much so that today, I experienced myself where within my physical body are degrees of feeling UP, then feeling Down – similar to how one experiences themself after to much alcohol or drugs where one experiences a ‘Hangover’- which is the result of how/what I accepted and allowed within and as energetic highs/reactions from participating in and as thoughts, feelings and emotions as well as reacting to a physical expression given in my direction from my partner – all of which I am completely responsible for. Thus, the following self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be and become physical chemical reactions as energy derived from participating in and as thoughts of hope and in/as stress within polarities of inferiority/superiority whereas the affects of/as existing as such manifest within my physical body as physical symptoms of feeling hung over/exhausted/abused/dying on the inside.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as energy to Not see/realize and understand that any reaction experience to/towards anything or anyone within existence indicates separation within a limited definition of myself Veiled in and as the mind as consciousness where I am the SUBJECT of my own Mind Control in/ as a superiority and inferiority game of my own design which subsequently is abusive to/as life itself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as energy to submit myself in/as emotions of/as superiority in my purSUIT to live thrills of/as a type of adrenaline junkie tripped out in experiences of power.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as energy to Not fully grasp how damaging the act of existing in/as superiority to/towards others really is upon my physical body, nor have I comprehended the fact that I can never actually fill up the voidness feeling within myself through acts as such because self-interest and greed IS the cause of the desire to fill myself up in the first place due to a lack of intimacy within and as self within living a lie within and as a World of Inequality that I am responsible for accepting and allowing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself within and as energetic polarities to participate within the act of measuring myself as more than or less than in comparison to other living beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as energy to function on behalf of my beingness wherein the past couple of days I’ve teetered to and from negative and positive energetic lows and highs as inferiority/superiority while dragging my partner alongside riding the outflows of/as my reactions to/toward him, wherein my self-interest has known no bounds and more than likely manifested more injustice within our physical reality considering how I’ve raised havoc within and as my physical body in/as manifesting pain in my neck and shoulders feeling like I’m carrying the weight of the my own self-dishonesty upon my shoulders.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as energetic polarities of/as inferiority/superiority to function in and as my relationships based upon past, present and future projections of myself, thus, I forgive myself that I’ve Not accepted and allowed myself to realize that in order for my past to be present through and as future projections of myself, thus I see/realize and understand that I alone as a Mind Consciousness system have been stringing myself along, layering, storing and manifesting dimensions of myself as energy from and as thoughts, feelings, emotions, and memory participation and in/as energetic polarity experiences of myself – thus, I must walk the physical consequences of my own manipulation which accumulates as outflows of stress upon/within and as me as my physical body as well as my physical reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as energy as superiority to judge my partner according to my past, present and/or my future projections of myself within an idea of how I have previously experienced myself and/or how I hope to experience myself again, thus Not realizing that through and as my own self-imposed beliefs according to how I desire to obtain myself as within an experience, I will thus become irritated and blame my partner when my experience of myself doesn’t reach the all encompassing energetic charge as I had ‘Hoped’ and expected it to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exploit myself in/as energy for the sake of acheiving myself in and as a superiority/high for the sake of taking a winning position in and as my own self-interested agenda so I could feel better about myself for surviving another day within our current capitalistic money/world system, that I honestly don’t see as changing anytime soon, and within that, I forgive myself for how I use energy as an escape for Not facing, forgiving and directing myself as the directive principle in order to bring about an actual change within self thus the ability to be the support required in order to bring about a world according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget the part of me who as a child asked my mom why was she so sad and when she replied, ‘that’s what happens when you get older’, and I saw for a moment in common sense as I walked away how that didn’t make sense and I wasn’t gping to live my life that way, Not realizing then that what I was witness to was the negative end of the polarity pole as energy in/as feelings as a human being as a Mind Consciousness system enslaved to a world/money system of which we are quite capable of stopping and redesigning according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world/money system that enforces polarity games through Capitalism and Profit and offers No actual support for our physical body as life by way of guaranteed food/nourishment, housing, clean water, clothes, healthcare and education for everybody, so that life is able to be Expressed instead of stressed and depressed.

I commit myself to stop my mind as energetic polarities of superiority/inferiority, positive/negative, happy/sad, right/wrong, and good/bad, and to see/realize and understand that when I accept and allow myself to remain self-responsible for the actions of myself as breath in awareness according to what’s best for all – there will never be a reason for feelings of stress, shame and/or pain associated with profit and gain.

I commit myself to show myself through writing and self-forgiveness that energy and substance as who I am can be directed to contribute to this world and the lives of all of humanity for an equal and one life for all.

I commit myself to be an example in proving that the only way to fully bring polarized versions of ourselves to an end is to support an Equal Money System whereas All living beings are fully supported according to what’s best for All, thus, allowing the nature of who we really are to begin to step forth in Self-Honesty.

Please READ the following Blogs!
The History of Superiority and Inferiority: DAY 69

Day 20: Superiority and Inferiority game

“Unless the past pass over — you will pass over before the past is over” ~ Bernard Poolman
Day 56: The Past is Over

Day 66: Radical Relationship: Dragging Faces of Anger

Today I reacted to my partner in anger because of his facial expression when he looked at me which I took as an expression of dislike and/or dissatisfaction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become anger.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that today when I reacted in anger towards my partner, I was existing within inferiority and insecurity according to a belief about myself that I accepted and allowed when I was a child where when my father became irritated at me, I took his facial expression as a sign of not being loved and/or wanted, thus, I forgive myself that I haven’t seen/realized or understood that the anger I’ve existed as is a mind construct born infear within and as an ongoing pattern which I accepted and allowed to be triggered through my eyes upon seeing certain physical expressions of others associated with pictures in my mind from/as memories from my childhood.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as anger manipulate my partner according to past patterns of when we were first together whereas through words in how we argued I would keep going on and on until he would eventually apologize even if he didn’t really see how or why he was apologizing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as anger to justify using spiteful words and raising my voice because I know that in doing so it will cause my partner to ‘shut down’, which I see/realize and understand now is how me as my mind gets off within a point of superiority thus, me in/as anger, I teeter back and forth between polarities of inferiority and superiority justifying and manipulating my way to scoring a win.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in/as anger not realize that to be the abused and the abuser is so because one doesn’t exist without the other.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anger to be/become possessed inspite of the energetic charge having affects upon myself and my partner causing stress upon our physical bodies, wherein I experienced feeling as if my face felt draggy and my body felt heavy like being dragged through quick sand, and within that I see/realize and understand how accumulating anger in/as self initializes stAGES of aging through and as the abuse we project/manifest onto others and ourselves as our physical body where humans are the AGE of looking like who/how and what we’re living deMANds of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that I was not really angry at my partner, that I was actually angry at myself because I was participating within feeling disappointed in myself – wherein I was judging my process as not being effective and as anger was me reflecting my own inner inferiorities towards myself using anger as an energy to try and hide from myself by through projecting superiority, in order to receive validation to make myself feel better inside myself and, when my inner hunger for self intimacy wasn’t satisfied, I lashed out again at my partner in verbal diarrhea.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as anger to take advantage of my partner whose nature is to please, thus in/as anger I am enforcing and enabling him to remain within patterns he is forgiving and directing through self-corrective application thus, in/as anger, toward him, I am saboteur.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself reacting in/as anger infear to/towards my partner and/or anyone and/or anything for that matter, I Stop. I Breathe. I realize that the pattern of/as me as anger serves only as abuse, and in self-honesty, I see/realize and understand that that is unacceptable and I am no longer willing to exist as such.

I commit myself to releasing through self-forgiveness who I am as anger and through self-corrective application as I walk the path of self-honesty with/as my partner in agreement standing in support of a world according to what’s best of all.

I commit myself to show how through self-forgiveness and walking the Desteni I Process we are able to redefine relationships to one which will stand equally together in agreement, and as a group supporting that which supports all life according to what’s best for all.

Day 63: Radical Relationship: Authority as a desired experience for/as Money

This blog is a continuation to: Day 62: Radical Relationship: Feeling Threatened

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that within my relationship/marriage, I have attempted to acheive a personal perception of authority over my partner wherein I play out patterns of polarity and shift between negative and positve energetic experiences of/for myself – which, whether I realized it at the time or not – have always been within the context of money/energy to gain power/control and authority within our relationship.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand how I’ve maintained my relationship through polarity shifts of energy between positive and negative money experiences, where for example through gambling, I acted as having ‘the authority’ within our relationship to gamble away money as I sought for a positive experience in justifying that I have ‘proved myself’ as worthy of having the role of authority through winning, and, when I didn’t win, I used what was then a negative experience of myself to my advantage, creating yet again another perception within my mind first as having ‘a position’ of authority, thus was able to manipulate my partner to ‘feel sorry’ for me, thus forgiving me for gambling/wasting ‘his’ hard earned money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define money as ‘his money’, ‘my money, and/or ‘our money’, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed money as the ruler in determining which side of the coin I’m on within the game of polarity.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to fully comprehend how I’ve defined money within my relationship/marriage as a powersource which stimulates conflict between us according to how much of it we have or don’t have, thus, money, according to how we’ve accepted and allowed it, is the root cause and symbolizes the conflicts throughout the story of our relationship/marriage.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that I’ve used gambling/money for survival like a vampire uses blood and within that I’ve not considered the point of what’s best for all when deciding to gamble as I was only out to have an experience of/for myself where I became the addict and my drug of choice was money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use money as a weapon against my partner wherein I have sabotaged our relationship over and over through my spending habits and financial values all of which have existed in self-interest and greed and the need for speed/energetic money experience.

I commit myself to walking equal and one with my partner in assisting and supporting one another to show that together walking self-forgiveness and through Desteni I Process, we can and will together stand in support of an Equal Money system – to stop relationships based in and as money and dishonesty – and instead begin living agreements together in/as self-honesty and self-expression.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand how money has become an experience for me so much so that I’ve neglected to actually fully comprehend how MONEY is THE SOURCE, The God of this existence which determines who eats/lives and/or who starves/dies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to determine that ‘I have the right’ to spend money the way I want to because in/as ego I accepted and allowed myself to be directed by my mind as consciousness where my perception is that of pre-programming in the design of ‘I am right and you are wrong’ syndrome/resonant mind pattern, and as that, I’m unable to direct myself to see what is here in common sense within the moment.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself existing within a possession of ego, I stop, I breathe. I realize that the pattern of abuse in and as money is as old as time and that to stop myself looping in time requires self-corrective application of breathing through any and all desires to have an experience of myself which I see/realize and understand is always able to be traced back to being about money.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become the ultimate money-loving consumer supporting the manifested creation of what is here, as HELL on Earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the true epitome of and as money, wherein I have used/abused, spent and consumed my way through life taking for granted all the things that ‘money’ will buy, all the while pretending as if I cared about those who have no money for food, clean water, clothes, a home, an education and healthcare, and, the fact is, if I truly cared, my spending habits will reflect who I am based upon the Decision to Support a world/money system according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to expose how our current money system is the MONEY Pit in Time as an embodiment of pre-programming as mind consciousness systems, and that in order to release ourselves from/as/how and what we’ve accumulated ourselves within and as, as the abuse which is more than apparent within our current world/money system, will require an Equal Money system which will honour and support ALL living beings according to what’s best for ALL.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to seek authority over my partner and/or anyone within this world, as I see/realize and understand that polarity exists within authority which can only exist within inferiority and/or superiority, both being opposite ends within deadly games of competition/greed as the Tug of WAR.

I commit myself to stop, breathe and remain aware of myself here, to see myself within clarity to be the Self-directive principle of me – thus I stop desires and urges for energetic money experiences – I educate myself further in how our current world/money system functions so as to better assist and support the Equal Money system in creating a world that guarantees every child born unto this world has absolutely everything required for living life as Heaven on Earth according to what’s best for ALL.

I commit myself to show how the number of children growing up in a single parent household is rising and that one out of every three children will be raised by a single parent, thus in common sense, it is easy to determine that in order to stop child neglect/abuse/poverty and starvation we require a system that supports every child born on Earth from Birth til Death, and that that system is an Equal Money System.

Please READ the following Blogs:
Energy – the Mask of the Devil: DAY 43
The Prophets of Damnation: DAY 47
Sacrificial Love of the Mother: DAY 48

Day 22: Authority game
Day 23: Self Commitment statements

Day 66: Relationship Dynamics – Part 1
Day 67: Relationship Dynamics – Part 2
Day 68: Relationship Dynamics – Part 3

Also, Download the following awesome interviews @ Eqafe:
Emotional Turmoil as a Radical Reaction within Relationship
The Money Experience
MoneyEnergy in the Mirror

“BREATH will carry you through the onslaught. Self-honesty will make sure you accumulate self-integrity; self-forgiveness will make sure you do not fall into the trap of feelings. Common-sense with the equality equation will make sure you question the relationships of things to the point where you understand how it was created and how you can recreate it in a way that is best for all.” ~ Bernard Poolman

Day 62: Radical Relationship: Feeling Threatened

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to a better understanding of ourselves.”~ Carl Jung

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become irritated with my partner when he made a joke at the cashier at the local grocery store because I saw him as trying to please and/or make her ‘smile’ and ‘be happy’ and within that I noticed how I suddenly felt uncomfortable in my flesh as if I wanted to wiggle loose from my physical body from the suddenly threatening ‘feeling’ I saw myself within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that that which I see as irritating within another is a point of reaction within myself meaning that I am existing as the very point I see in another as irritating.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being irritated when that was not the actual point at all but within my accepting myself as irritation I actually became irritated and missed the point of seeing myself for who and How I was actually existing in and as which was infear – inferiority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ‘threatened’ by other women who I see/judge as younger/prettier within fearing that they may enter into a relationship/agreement with my partner, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react inspite and backchat to/towards those who I see myself as infear of/inferior to according to the direction of my mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a people pleaser where I seek to validate others to make them smile and/or make them happy within the starting point of seeking validation for who I am and thus what I ‘thought’ I saw in my partner was actually only a reflection of my need to please.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the presence of another can have lasting affects on me, as me becoming either worse off or better off for having known them within the point where I’ve believed I was having a ‘spiritual experience’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that within my marriage/relationship I have cloaked myself in deception so much so that I took pride in positioning myself to look and act better when I’m around people who appear to have money as opposed to people who appear to have very little to no money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that existing as the ego in believing myself as being better than is existing within two points of polarity of/as good/bad and positive/negative and within that, I see how existing as such is actually manifesting actual crimes against life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not realize that existing in polarity manifests acts of greed such as consumption/consumerism and is what keeps our current world/money system turning life into cycles of death.

DownLoad: Emotional Turmoil as a Radical Reaction within Relationship Here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire my partner to still see me as pretty, and to desire me as he did when we first met, and the fact is, I realize that who I am as my physical body on the outside doesn’t ‘seem’ to match who I am on the inside, and that scares the hell out of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see aging as a bitter enemy because aging is confusing when on the outside the physical body changes but on the inside I still ‘feel young’, thus, the point I am seeing, in that, ‘feeling’ is Not, and has never been what defines one as actually ‘Living Life‘, because life cannot and will not ever be measured by/as experiences in/as feelings and emotions as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a ‘feeling of well being‘ and to actually believe that that is what living life is.

I commit myself to stop myself from experiencing life in feelings of threat, infear of losing that which isn’t mine to begin with because life is not meant to be had, to be kept, to be owned or lived in CONsuming, because life is meant to be Heaven on Earth for all living beings, Living Life according to what’s Best for All.

I commit myself to show that love is a fallacy = A fall-in-humanity-see…

I commit myself to show that: “Love can only truly exist within the context of the physical in terms of right action and wrong action in terms of what is best for all and what actual Equality is.” ~Bernard Poolman

Please READ the following Blogs:
Energy – the Mask of the Devil: DAY 43
The Prophets of Damnation: DAY 47
Sacrificial Love of the Mother: DAY 48

Day 65: The Glamour of Enlightenment
Day 66: Relationship Dynamics – Part 1
Day 67: Relationship Dynamics – Part 2