Tag Archive | self-intimacy

Day 68: Absence of Self

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a codependent personality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself and others as a codependent personality where I accept responsibility for how I perceive other people are ‘feeling’ and thus become anxious and even guilty when another has a problem, thus I will ‘feel’ compelled to help them ‘feel’ better about themselves or their situation by attempting to solve their problem, and within that not seeing/realizing and understanding that in/as that I’m actually Not taking self-responsibility for me according to what’s best for all.


I forgive myself that I’ve not accepted and allowed myself to comprehend that when and as I am existing in/as a codependent personality, it is actually an absence of self and thus an absence of awareness of self as breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in/as a codependent personality act like a caretaker especially to/for my children and/or immediate family where I swoop in and act like I’m superwoman where I try and ‘fix’ everything when within my secret mind I have backchat to/towards them as not being responsible for their own lives.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a codependent to secretly anticipate another’s needs and yet feel angry when my help is not effective or rebuffed and at the same time feel slighted when others can’t and/or won’t assist me when I require assistance, and within that I forgive myself for constantly doing way to much for others and then when I don’t get any help offered to me I become angry where even when asked what is wrong or what do I need, I will respond, ‘Nothing’, thus, I see/realize and understand that I am in fact my own worst enemy (inner me).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a codependent to minimize my own self worth by existing in/as greed and ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as a codependent to not see/realize and understand how reaching out to ‘save’ another has been my way of avoiding/fearing reaching inward and getting to know me in self-intimacy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as a codependent to not see/realize and understand that codependency is habitual behaviors based upon participating in and as fear according to thoughts, feelings and emotions and are ultimately self-interest motivated and self-destructive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as a codependent to not see/realize and understand that I have actually created a dependency on being special.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a codependent by/as feeling like I’m special.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in/as the definition of a codependent allowed myself to behave like a vampire through the application of the need to feel special because ‘when I am special’ someone else is thus ‘only ordinary’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in/as fear to Not see/realize and understand that I’m only ever seeing myself within others, and I realize how far away I actually am from self awareness and how much of a system I really am and that others are merely reflecting me back to me – thus, how I perceive others, actually has nothing to do at all with them.

I commit myself to stop how I have created this separation within me.

I commit myself to a self-honest agreement with myself as awareness of myself here as breath as that’s the only way for me to have an actual self-honest agreement with others as myself.

Day 58: Forgiving the storm of resistance within


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to turn my back on myself resisting myself in fear of what often feels like a storm brewing on the inside of me wherein fear I then sabotage intimacy with myself and in my relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself since childhood to sabotage myself in fear anytime I’ve caught a glimpse of who I see I can be standing on my own accord.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a child to follow thoughts about myself not of/as making mistakes but of being a mistake.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a child shame myself to such a degree that I acted out either in a grandiose manner and/or self-centered and selfless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand how as a child I assumed responsibility for the behavior of those around me, thus felt guilty and at fault when my parents argued yet, never realized how the acts of myself were distractions to not stand self-accountable and self-responsible for how I avoid intimacy with myself and intimacy with others.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to blame my family for what felt like storms within me where instead of letting go and letting me know me in self-intimacy, I suppressed myself through focusing on hiding for example behind clothing and/or make-up in an attempt to cover up flaws in my personal appearance of self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel constantly violated by others instead of realizing that it is only me as my mind who has violated me through my own participation in and as it directing me instead of me being the directive principle in self-honesty of and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to block feelings and emotions of shame toward myself through compulsive behaviors such as drug addiction, shoplifting, and gambling.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that the way I’ve experienced myself has always been according to my lack of self-intimacy in how I avoid facing me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed memories of myself as a child to still brew up storms within me as patterns and mind constructs as outflows of me where I resist physical intimacy within my current relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust being intimate with my partner because I’ve never been intimate with myself.

When and as I see myself living the outflow of a pattern as self-sabotage where within me are feelings like-a-storm brewing inside, I stop. I breathe. I realize that in the storm is where I avoid me in self-intimacy, thus, I slow myself down and allow me to remain here breathing as who I really am in the silence of me in self-honesty.

I commit myself to face and forgive the outflows of me as memories from my past so as to stop the accumulation of my past as storms of me being walked in the present moment thus creating a lack of self-intimacy, thus I commit myself to breathing here in awareness of me as my physical body within and as this physical reality.

I commit myself to accept me within and as self-forgiveness.

I commit myself to me in self-intimacy.

I commit myself to willing myself to be gentle with myself and All living beings here.

I commit myself to fully comprehending that this is my last life to assist myself to release myself from resistance and suppression which I’ve placed upon myself and to stand up for All living beings so that we can bring an end to our own self-abuse and emerge anew as life living the principle of equality.