Tag Archive | self-intimacy

Day 136: Fear Monster

Thursday evening
Sitting here to write, I got nothing. I know that’s not possible, and the fact that I’ve been in pain and somewhat sick, I know the most assistance I can give myself is to breathe and apply self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘feel’ out of sorts within myself, a sinking feeling emerging first from within my mind which I’m unable to identify until I feel it within solar plexus and then I know it’s fear.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how within my mind fear appears bigger than life itself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear the expression of who I am within the fear of my own fear.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through fear participate in and as picture presentations of/as thoughts of/as hidden secrets and/or suppressed experiences and how within those, I have accepted and allowed myself to define them as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the fear of my own fear is larger than life and more powerful than me as who I am as my physical body to such a degree that through and as my participation in and as memories/thoughts I have manifested fear as an actual limitation which involves a manifested physical affect of/as pain within my center to upper back.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that every single thought that I have has an emotional feeling charge to it which resonates throughout my entire physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my physical body through the act of participating in my thoughts thus being directed by and as them giving me as my mind the perception that it is larger than me as who I am as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resonate the very systems of and as my mind in how I have defined them as me and at the same time have resonated my very living as my mind thoughout and within me as my human physical body thus manifesting separation and pain.

When and as I see myself watering the roots of fear of my own fear through participating in and as thoughts, I stop, I breathe, I see, realize and understand how through the act of thinking I expand the resonance of fear of my own fear throughout my physical body, flesh and bone.

I commit myself to breathe, to realize the patterns of my mind have become habits which I have accepted and allowed to inhabit me through cycles of time, where I have imprinted and conditioned me as my physical body to become them through the process of me as my mind, thus, I see, realize and understand there is actually nothing to fear and that I am quite capable of stopping myself and directing myself as my mind through self-corrective application with the assistance of myself as my physical body to walk the accumulation of myself in relation to living breath by breath in supporting self to become living support, to establish a world according to what’s best for All.

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that FEAR is the Nature of the Game that Motivates me to Keep Moving as the Characters in the Game towards the Objective of the Game by Creating the other Side of the Coin of Fear as Love – Symbolizing the Circle of Life, Coined as a Choice of Opposites – yet, it is ONE Coin that ensures CONtrol so that I remain in my ROLE, following the control of the Energy of the Game which is Fear as the Totality of the HERE of the Game as the Only thing I can HEAR while playing the Game.” ~ Bernard Poolman

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Day 81: Character: Trippin Down Memory Lane

Continuation to: Day 80: Character: The Hands that Rocked the Cradle – –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as a character in my mind to ‘take trips down memory lane’, where I make excuses in/as thoughts in my head for why I’m ‘trippin down memory lane’ – where I lie to myself because I don’t want to clean up the mess I’ve made in my life in and as my physical body and my physical reality, so instead – I lie to myself and keep doing what I want to do – which is to continue to create more and more characters within my mind – instead of facing me and directing myself to Stop justifying my own self-deception and stand up and take self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand how existing in/as a character of/as taking a trip through the memories/characters/thoughts/pictures of/as our mind, is to exist in self-interest within a complete illusion in total disregard for what is real here within and as our physical body and our physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a character of and as my mind to enjoy taking trips down memory lane – not seeing/realizing and understanding that in doing so, I am actually only tripping out within the preprogramming of me as my parents mind as their thoughts/memories/ characters and personalities which I’ve now integrated within me as my physical body and thus in existing as the character who takes ‘a trip down memory lane’ within my mind, I am infact only reestablishing myself as an accumulated beingness of myself of/as memories of characters/personalities which I have physically within and throughout my life within my minds relationship, have merged into and as my physical body as the very manifestations of/as the Mind/Memories/Thoughts/Characters/Personalities of those who have walked here before me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have never considered how my participating in and as my mind as memories/thoughts and characters, creates a relationship to/as consciousness as energy which is having a deadly affect upon me as my physical body and our physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a character of my mind ‘taking trips down memory lane – Not see/realize and understand how the very essence of myself existing in and as my mind as consciousness is actually consuming that which allows me to exist here, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consume my physical body the same as I consume within our current world/money system within our physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend time and money trying to develop a relationship with myself as my physical body through our world/money system through the act of consumerism.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in/as a character of/as my mind will have a physical intimacy and/or a physical experience with clothes and/or products, yet do Not have a physical intimate experience with me as my physical body.

Self-Corrective and Self-Commitment Statements placed here as well for my previous blog.

I commit myself to develop an equal and one relationship with me as my physical body.

I commit myself to comprehend within myself and thus show how memories are All we have ever been is/as thoughts/characters and personalities which must be walked through in self-forgiveness within self-honesty as a physical living self-corrective application, wherein self-realizes self-equal-and-one with everyone and everything in and as our physical existence.

When and as I see myself in/as a character memory/thought pattern of/as my mother in/as a manifested physical expression, I stop. I Breathe. I commit myself to investigate who I am within myself as such pattern in realizing that I am the Directive Principle of me as my physical body within this physical reality.

When and as I see myself in and as a relationship expression wherein I see myself behaving in and as a memory/thought physical manifestation – where I see I am looking through a glass window panel as a reflection of/as my mother, I stop. I breathe. I commit myself to who I am as my physical body within this physical existence to no longer participate in an illusionary memory/thought/character pattern within my mind of/as the CON of consciousness which I see/realize and understand is Not real.

I commit myself to stop and expose who and how I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as within a limited expression of myself in/as my hands within and as my physical body, as I see realize and understand how I have accepted and allowed myself as my physical body to be controlled by me as my mind as CONsciousness, thus, I see/realize and understand that in doing so I am giving up authority of who I am as a living physical being within and as my physical body and within this physical reality.

I commit myself to see/realize and understand how the memory/thought/character that I’ve existed as according to representation of my mother’s hands/memories, is a living example of how energies control and have authority over my beingness and the lives and direction of the world and humanity as a whole.

I commit myself to see/realize/understand and ultimately show how we as our physical body and our physical reality is a representation of our physical equality and oneness within and as our relationship to/as each other and to our physical existence as a whole.

When as as I see myself judge me as my hands of/as my physical body, I stop. I see/realize and understand that all judgment to/towards my hands and/or any part of me as my physical body is a direct result of me participating in and as memories/thoughts where I then become a character of/as them, thus self-judgment exists. Therefore, I breathe, I commit myself to walking the point through in self-forgiveness and in self-honesty realizing how in doing so, I am giving myself the opportunity to establish who I am in agreement with/as me as my physical body and this physical existence as a whole.

I commit myself to investigate how the memories/characters of/as my parents mind as consciousness according to how and what they fantasized about as well as how they actually lived, have actually transferred into/as and within my unconscious mind as a platform database which I now automatically develop, construct and manifest as my own personalized memories/thoughts/characters and personalities, therefore having a direct effect upon the entirety of who I am as my physical body and my physical reality, thus within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not fully grasp the situation we as a humanity are facing, within that, I commit myself to seeing/realizing and understanding the design of who I am as consciousness to assist myself and others to show how we never actually develop a relationship with ourselves or others because we’re always only ever preoccupied and occupied in and as memories.

I commit myself to investigating who I am as my physical body/internal organs through writing and self-forgiveness in order to establish a physical intimacy within me as an outword expression of/as me as my physical bodies to exist as/within a real equality and oneness that will stand eternal here as me as who I am and in support of a world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to discipline and prioritize my time to assist and support myself to work on my relationship with myself as myself in/as my human physical body in establishing a real equal and one relationship investigating and seeing each part of my physical body as flesh, organs, tissue, and skeleton, here breathing as me.

I commit myself to see/realize and understand how I require myself to exist in and as a living, breathing relationship with and as myself as my physical body so as to stop who I am as the mind as consciousness within a consumer driven world existing in separation within its own self-interest, thus I see/realize and understand how writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application is the key is assisting self to therefore assist in supporting a world/money system according to what’s best for all.

Day 80: Character: The Hands that Rocked the Cradle

Walking a point here that I’ve been aware of within myself for awhile as a memory/thought/character that I’ve participated in/as with regards to my mother – specifically her physical qualities such as her hands. A point that I’ve not been willing to let go of and release through self-forgiveness, until today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become a character/memory/thought pattern of and as my mother according to physical appearance/ expression and manifestation of her hands and their importance within and as who I am as the character of and as them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a character of ‘I have pretty hands’, wherein I will look upon the totality of my left hand in ADMIRation – just like looking through a glass window panel and seeing my hands as a MIRRor reflection of my mother’s expression in/as a memory/thought of how she would hold her hand outward from her physical body and ADMIRe her left hand as being pretty just like people told her often how. ‘she had such pretty hands’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit the expression of myself as my hands in how I’ve diminished and taken for granted the expression of myself as them in separation in not seeing /realizing and understanding how and what my hands, as well as the rest of my physical body is revealing/expressing/manifesting daily as who I am in relationship to my entire physical body and physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as the character of ‘I have pretty hands just like my mother’ to carry myself in/as ego prominent on the left side of my body in how I express myself in/as my left hand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have never actually realized me as my physical body as my hands as who I really am free from illusion and separation which I’ve imposed upon my physical body participating within and as my mind as my own personalized memory/character from and of my Parents.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in/as separation of my hands wherein my left hand represents me in/as femininity as an expression of me that I’m not fully trusting which can be seen in/as the flesh of my left hand in that it has more stress and more lines and wrinkles than that of my right hand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior in how I judge how I perceive my hands as not looking as pretty as they use to.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see/realize and understand how it is that I depend upon the left side of my physical body for structural dominance and the right side of my physical body for structural support.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see/realize and understand how it is that I’ve taken advantage of how I depend upon my right hand as the writer of my words and in how I’ve only now noticed how my right hand provides cradling, massage and support for my left hand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand how often I will ‘automatically’ physically sit my left leg/hip area in/as/ a memory in my mind exactly of how my mother sat – where I’ll automatically place/sit on my left hand up under my left leg/hip area which I see reveals to me when I’m hiding in shame from the rest of me as my physical body infear of my path in/as self-intimacy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to characterize my physical hands according to a memory/thought pattern in and as my mind instead of realizing that I am my physical hands here to support me in supporting a world/money system according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself through and as separation from me as my physical body to differentiate and/or judge who I am based upon male and female qualities of my right and left side according to my own self-judgment and inferiority according to how much money I earn within our current world/money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as separation to not see/realize and understand how it’s possible to carry/protect and provide for our entire existence within each of our hands within The One Decision to Stand according to what’s best for All.

In the following blog post: Self-Correction and Self-Commitment statements

Day 74: Character: Delusion of Nobility

This is a continuation to: Day 73: Queen of my Castle – –
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to devise for myself a script derived from within a belief of self grandeur, born of jealousy within the illusion of controlling others, beginning first with my mother and father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly want and desire from my parents ALL of their attention, thus, I attempted to defend and protect our relationship by trying to control them within the context of how I wanted the relationship with them to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a character of self grandeur to allow control and jealousy to completely take over how I experience myself within all of my relationships, where I have sought to validate my pre-conceived idea of how I want the relationship to be, thus, I seek to be the most important being that the other being is having a relationship with, and wherein my attempt to control, I become jealous of other beings that may threaten my desire, want and need according to how I have intended the relationship to be within my illusion of control in/as a character of self grandeur, as I constantly try to fulfill my wants, needs and desires.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate and victimize my step dad within my mind in order to validate myself as insufficient and/or incapable of becoming self responsible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as inferior and a burden upon my parents, thus, I projected blame and frustrations unto them in malcontent and then chose to escape the reality of my physical reality, and hide within my mind as a character in/as the delusion of nobility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a character of self grandeur to believe that if I have a relationship where my wants, needs and desires are fulfilled, then I control that part of me and thus am fulfilling my own illusion of control and jealousy, not realizing that the point within it all which is my relationship within and as the polarities of superiority/inferiority.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be of noble blood wherein I defined the word noble as who I was and believed that I as such had special abilities to assist others to see what they couldn’t see, thus validating myself within a personal mind reality of my own making, of /as a delusion of grandeur.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing picture presentations of myself within my mind which through my participation in/as them assisted myself to continue acting as a character of/as self grandeur, in/as separation from life itself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within my mind seeing myself as a larger than life character with delusions of grandeur whereas I constructed a self portrait of my own self-betrayal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see/realize and understand how who I am as a character of my mind as thoughts and memories of me in/as my past, dictates who I am as my future as me here within this moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise who I am as my behaviors, mannerisms, and voice tonality, all of which I created myself in and as a personality blend according to the character I became as self grandeur.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as a character of self grandeur to not take self-responsibility for me as my physical body wherein I actually held myself within a point of dishonor to/towards my physical body through occupying myself within my secret mind, where I secluded myself from what is actually real, thus neglecting what is real as me as my physical body within this physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become caught up within my own web of lies, where I allowed self-interest and trying to survive life within our current money system to distract me from realizing myself within the reality of our world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe time after time that I had changed, taken a new path, a new journey or had new experiences, when in actuality, I’ve always lead myself right back to the same point I avoided, which is me, to face myself within all that is here.

I commit myself to stop walking in/as self-grandeur as a character of nobility.

I commit myself to redesigning and realigning myself through self-corrective application where, as I see myself participating in and as jealousy and seeking to control others through manipulative acts of attempting to receive attention, I stop. I breathe. I realize that those are the patterns which keep me walking as characters of me, and I am no longer willing to continue as such.

I commit myself to through self-forgiveness and self-honesty, to thoroughly investigate who I am as characters, as walking scripts of me, and, to show that human beings have the ability to walk themselves free from the direction of/as the mind as consciousness, and to direct themselves willingly to support an Equal Money system, where All life will be able to exist in dignity.

Day 73: Queen of my Castle

The character of ‘self grandeur’ was one of the first character’s as a child that I participated in.  This particular character began when I first heard the story of Rapunzel.  I related to Rapunzel in how when she reached her twelfth birthday,  her mother shut her away in a tower in the middle of the woods, with neither stairs nor a door, only one room and one window.   My mother of course never shut me away in a room, No!   It was all my doing, as a child, I secluded myself from the reality that existed within the structure of my family, and instead,  I got lost in my imagination beLIEving that someday, someone was going to come and save me from what I realize now,  was my own self-absorbed story of self sabotage.

As I got older the story in my head evolved to one where within my mind, I secretly had thoughts that I was really a ‘ Queen’ from some far off place and I was being controlled by an unjust world/money system, and the unjust system failed to recognize me as being the Queen that I dreamed I was.

So like Rapunzel, I was trapped in my own castle waiting to be rescued/swept away by the ‘love’ of my life where we would then both ‘save the world’.

I quietly maintained this particular mind possession  for many years and so the illusion of it all within my head became carefully orchestrated.  Within my secret mind,  I was aware of the uselessness to my role playing,  but I still participated, and I eventually justified the illusion as being a deserved break from the reality I felt controlled by and stuck within.

I had thoughts of how life here on Earth must be some sort of sordid joke or at the very least a bad nightmare that would surely end.

The first time I remember questioning the illusion I played around in within myself, was when I was 36 and, had just started a job for a huge hotel chain. What intrigued me about working there was that the structure and decor of the inside of the hotel, fit perfectly with the image in my mind of how my castle if I had one would exist. There it was, my place of self grandeur.

 The problem was, I hated my actual job because I worked in customer service, listening to complaints all day long, sitting in a very small dark office area that was upstairs, far away from the extraordinary fancy hotel lobby. My pay was minimal, but at least I had my 30 minute lunch breaks. Every day, I would sit in the lobby looking at the beauty of the lighting and the sculptures, breathing in the new carpet and the new furniture smell as I escaped into my secret mind of thoughts about how someday, whoever ‘I really am’, will be found out.  All will be revealed and I will be whisked away with the love of my life to my castle awaiting me.

At some point sitting there I realized how I had been running from facing the reality of who I am and what I’ve accepted and allowed. What really changed things for me was when I began applying self-forgiveness.

More and more everyday I’m realizing how fucked up this world is in how we forsake our self-responsibility to our world while we hide in our beliefs of self-grandeur,  ‘hoping’ for a better world.  Thing is, life within this world is growing more and more difficult for the majority of humanity.

As consciousness mind systems, we give in to accepting and allowing our world to continue this path, which, for the few that have more than enough money, the world seems to be a great place.   Yet the reality is, we’ve created quite a mess within our world because death and despair is everywhere.

So, here we are, we are stuck in and as our own world of self acceptance, allowing consciousness to direct us in accepting and allowing hell on earth.

to be continued with self-forgiveness in Day 74

“I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand where and how I from the beginning internally and externally created this MORENESS – within the context of in and as that moment I as substance/existence manifested the question as Me: “there must be more than HERE, there must be more than ME, as HERE”, which in that moment manifested me into and as MORE me’s (“there must be more than ME, Here”) as the manifested-singularities and within and as the MORE me’s externally – manifested the MORE EXPERIENCE of me within and as myself as Energy (“there must be more than HERE). Not seeing/realising/understanding that for the MORE of ME to exist Structurally as the manifested-singularities I was in fact SEPARATING myself as substance/existence of and as equality and oneness into and as an ILLUSION of MORENESS as all the me’s of manifested-singularities came to manifest in existence. Because all of what I created is STILL ME, but in and as SEPARATION, innumerable amounts of SEPARATE PARTS manifested together in ONE EXISTENCE creating an ILLUSION of moreness; because it is/never has been MORE, it’s always still been me in separation from and of myself, HERE.” ~ Sunette Spies From: Looking for MORE of mySELF: DAY 78

For further context Read:

Looking for MORE of mySELF: DAY 78

Day 78: Stepping out of Character

Day 44: The Character game

Day 70: Absence of Self continued…

This is a continuation to the blogs:
Day 68: Absence of Self
Day 69: Absence of Self continued…

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to justify and manipulate myself and others as a codependent personality through trying to control events and/or people through helplessness, guilt, coercion, threats, advice-giving, manipulation, and/or domination in fear of letting people see who I really am, and/or fear of letting events occur naturally due to fear of change and thus would get frustrated and angry if I ‘felt’ controlled by events and/or others, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear/resist change as if it were a contagion.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a codependent personality to use denial as a way of ignoring problems and pretending they don’t exist – where I pretended things aren’t so bad and would tell myself that things will get better, even though I clearly see how for example, our current money/world system is Not and Will Not improve, except for the already rich – yet I denied seeing the abuse that exists because to see requires me to change me.
Thus I commit to take Self-responsibility and to see/realize, understand that the only Solution for our World is that of an Equal Money System.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a codependent personality to attempt to keep myself busy to stay in denial and try to avoid thinking about how fucked up our world is, wherein, I’ve actually made myself sick and depressed through my participation in and as backchat/thoughts in worry and struggling within our current money/debt system, and even suppressing myself at one point into being a workaholic.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a codependent personality to rarely ‘feel’ happy or content with myself thus I’ve always looked to others to supply me with happiness and have even felt threatened by the loss of something and/or anyone that has provided me with happiness and thus fearing the loss of existing within the polarity construct of happy/sad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a codependent personality to leave a reasonably healthy situation/job/relationship by lying to myself that it was an unhealthy situation/job/relationship, thus, for most of my life have literally Ran From Myself from one situation/job/relationship to another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a codependent personality to have never really loved myself thus it makes sense that I didn’t feel loved by my parents because my perception of them has always been based upon how I was experiencing myself within myself according to my mind as consciousness, wherein I always equated love with pain, and believed others have never really been there for me, when in fact, I see/realize and understand that I’ve only ever been here for myself in fear – instead of in self-honesty – therefore, love as I’ve/We’ve lived it has never been a real expression of love – thus, proof that love isn’t real is able to be seen within the amount of suffering within and as our current world/money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a codependent personality to in my mind as backchat/thoughts have believed that others don’t mean what they say and don’t say what they mean because this is how I’ve lived my life as inferiority in fear of facing myself in self-honesty, self-intimacy and taking responsibility for how our world exists within what is here according to what I’ve accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a codependent personality to have lived my life within my mind of thoughts, feelings, emotions, anxieties and fears, where my experiences of myself were energetic, irrational, self-centered and egotistical, never considering my physical body and/or this physical reality, nor the Mess-age we’re existing in, as a ‘I don’t give a fuck about anyone but me frame of mind‘, while thousands of children suffer and starve to death daily.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a codependent personality to go into defense mode when another’s perspective is in conflict to my perspective, thus in fear I defend what is actually a point within me of fearing being vulnerable, because I fear being wrong and/or fear shame, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define vulnerability and intimacy as something outside of myself through believing that if I’m open towards another then I’m being intimate and/or vulnerable.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a codependent personality to Not fully comprehend that vulnerability is not really about being open because vulnerability is actually that which is hidden.

When and as I see myself going into a pattern of/as a codependent personality I stop. I breathe. I accept and allow myself to stop what and how I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be as a codependent personality and I direct myself in self-honesty through self-corrective application according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to keep it simple within this moment of breath, and, to redesign and align who I am as a resonance design of/as a codependent personality to be that according to what’s best for all life.

I commit myself to seeing/realizing/understanding/comprehending and purifying who I am in/as vulnerability as that to being open with myself and with another as myself walking the physicality of Equality.

Day 69: Absence of Self continued…

This is a continuation to the blog: Absence of Self

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a codependent personality wherein I blame myself for everything, therefore Never actually taking Self-Responsibility for how our World exists, because of picking on myself as not being intelligent enough, pretty enough, smart enough, athletic enough, Never Good enough, however, if another criticizes me, then I get defensive, angry and self-righteous.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as a codependent personality where if someone gives me a compliment and/or praise, I tend to reject it even though I tend to get depressed from lack of compliments and praise.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a codependent personality to often feel ‘different’ from the rest of the world and within that point of Separation, I Reject Myself, all the while Fearing Rejection.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a codependent personality to take things personally because in my secret mind, I secretly enjoy being the victim, however in/as fear/guilt and shame, I have denied this understanding about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as a codependent personality to be the victim in relationships of physical and emotional abuse, Not seeing/realizing and understanding, how I am in fact solely responsible for All experiences of myself, because the fear/abuse began first within my mind as being/believing myself as the victim, in thinking my life in not worth living, thus wallowing around in my own self/PITy/abusive and self-interested nature.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as a codependent personality to participate in thoughts/backchat of how I ‘should have done this or I should have done that’, existing in mind/constructs/patterns where it ‘feels’ like I ‘should’ myself to death, all the while asking ‘why me’, when inside myself in self-honesty, I know why, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always be trying to prove to others that I am good enough and ‘special’ enough to be deserving of that which I fear giving myself in/as self-intimacy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a codependent personality to feel the need for someone’s attention and/or something in my life to complete me thus making me ‘feel’ special.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a codependent personality to follow the path of pleasing others in order to fit in and so that people will acknowledge that I’m special.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a codependent personality to always want to follow the path of going against the grain and being different to reach for the feeling of being more superior and better than others, thus assisting myself to feel special.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a codependent personality to constantly sabotage my process by/through chasing after feelings of being special, Not seeing/realizing and understanding that it is my own self-intimacy/love and self-acknowledgment I’m chasing after/for in my chase for to be special.

I commit myself to STOP going against myself as I walk this process of self-forgiveness of/as standing in and as self-honesty – through chasing after feelings to be special.

I commit myself to see/realize and understand that how I experience myself has nothing to do with anyone but myself and that who I am is here for me to no longer miss existing in every moment of breath.

I commit myself to Not miss me in/as breath, thus to face all of me within all that is here through forgiving me in self-honesty in order to support a world according to what’s best for all in all ways.