This is a continuation to: Day 73: Queen of my Castle – –
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to devise for myself a script derived from within a belief of self grandeur, born of jealousy within the illusion of controlling others, beginning first with my mother and father.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly want and desire from my parents ALL of their attention, thus, I attempted to defend and protect our relationship by trying to control them within the context of how I wanted the relationship with them to be.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a character of self grandeur to allow control and jealousy to completely take over how I experience myself within all of my relationships, where I have sought to validate my pre-conceived idea of how I want the relationship to be, thus, I seek to be the most important being that the other being is having a relationship with, and wherein my attempt to control, I become jealous of other beings that may threaten my desire, want and need according to how I have intended the relationship to be within my illusion of control in/as a character of self grandeur, as I constantly try to fulfill my wants, needs and desires.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate and victimize my step dad within my mind in order to validate myself as insufficient and/or incapable of becoming self responsible.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as inferior and a burden upon my parents, thus, I projected blame and frustrations unto them in malcontent and then chose to escape the reality of my physical reality, and hide within my mind as a character in/as the delusion of nobility.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a character of self grandeur to believe that if I have a relationship where my wants, needs and desires are fulfilled, then I control that part of me and thus am fulfilling my own illusion of control and jealousy, not realizing that the point within it all which is my relationship within and as the polarities of superiority/inferiority.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be of noble blood wherein I defined the word noble as who I was and believed that I as such had special abilities to assist others to see what they couldn’t see, thus validating myself within a personal mind reality of my own making, of /as a delusion of grandeur.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing picture presentations of myself within my mind which through my participation in/as them assisted myself to continue acting as a character of/as self grandeur, in/as separation from life itself.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within my mind seeing myself as a larger than life character with delusions of grandeur whereas I constructed a self portrait of my own self-betrayal.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see/realize and understand how who I am as a character of my mind as thoughts and memories of me in/as my past, dictates who I am as my future as me here within this moment.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise who I am as my behaviors, mannerisms, and voice tonality, all of which I created myself in and as a personality blend according to the character I became as self grandeur.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as a character of self grandeur to not take self-responsibility for me as my physical body wherein I actually held myself within a point of dishonor to/towards my physical body through occupying myself within my secret mind, where I secluded myself from what is actually real, thus neglecting what is real as me as my physical body within this physical reality.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become caught up within my own web of lies, where I allowed self-interest and trying to survive life within our current money system to distract me from realizing myself within the reality of our world.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe time after time that I had changed, taken a new path, a new journey or had new experiences, when in actuality, I’ve always lead myself right back to the same point I avoided, which is me, to face myself within all that is here.
I commit myself to stop walking in/as self-grandeur as a character of nobility.
I commit myself to redesigning and realigning myself through self-corrective application where, as I see myself participating in and as jealousy and seeking to control others through manipulative acts of attempting to receive attention, I stop. I breathe. I realize that those are the patterns which keep me walking as characters of me, and I am no longer willing to continue as such.
I commit myself to through self-forgiveness and self-honesty, to thoroughly investigate who I am as characters, as walking scripts of me, and, to show that human beings have the ability to walk themselves free from the direction of/as the mind as consciousness, and to direct themselves willingly to support an Equal Money system, where All life will be able to exist in dignity.