Tag Archive | script

Day 96: I Commit Myself

Self-Commitment Statements for the following blogs:
Day 94: Establishing a Relationship – –
Day 95: Flesh – –


I commit myself to stop fearing pain within and as my physical body as I see, realize and understand that pain is here as me to assist me.

I commit myself to breathe through the resistance I’ve accepted and allowed to/towards the very existence of myself as my physical body.

I commit myself to breathe through the resistance I have to acknowledging the realness of myself as the flesh of me as my physical body.

I commit myself to embracing me as my physical body in/as self-intimacy.

I commit myself to stop the separation of me as my physical body as that which has been missing through how and what I’ve accepted and allowed of/as our world system of money through and as the mind of/as consciousness.

I commit myself to comprehending how pain in and as my physical body is here to support me in forgiving and releasing me from/as the memories/characters/personalities I’ve played from the inside out as who I’ve been, thus, to take self-responsibility for the creation of me from within myself to my outside self as our world/reality/existence.

I commit myself to investigating and communicating with me as my physical body where I am able to, in one moment of breath, see, realize and understand the exact assistance I require in order to support the physicality of who I am within and as my physical body and our physical reality.

I commit myself to stop myself as my mind from participating in and as emotions and feelings as internal reactions, to thus then stop manifesting and creating damage unto me as my physical body and our physical world/reality/existence.

I commit myself to walking this Journey to Life process in realizing that changing one thought and/or one personality of/as me as my mind as a consciousness system will not change me as my entire mind consciousness system, because, I see, realize and understand that in order to have effective real physical change requires self-commitment of consistent daily walking of writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application in order to change the entirety of my mind as a consciousness system in relation to my physical body within this physical world/reality/existence.

I commit myself to stop generating energy from within myself fueling the relationship between the mind and the physical – such as through believing in and participating in love/hate in/as feelings and emotions – thus, compromising my relationship to/as me as my physical body and our physical existence as a whole.

I commit myself to see, realize, understand and therefore show how the only way we’re going to actually change this earth, ourselves, our relationships and stop the direction of/as consciousness is through consistency within self-application as a substantial directive movement in manifesting individual standing within our mind-physical relationship every single day.

I commit myself to prepare myself to physically and mentally have the patience, the will, the courage and directive principle and absolute trust to stand as whatever point and decision is necessary to walk as the change required within and as our world/money system into alignment with the physical existence and humanity as a whole in coming together as a group to manifest a World according to what’s best for All.

(Please read Heaven’s Blog with regards to: Quantum Consciousness Programming in Childhood – Part 1: Day 99 and Quantum Consciousness Programming in Childhood – Part 2: Day 100)

(Please read Creation’s Blog: Day 74: Stopping the MIND IN THE FLESH – Part 1 and Day 76: Stopping the Mind in the Flesh – Part 2)

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Day 95: Flesh

Continuation from Day 94: Establishing a Relationship – –

With still having a fever my flesh feels very warm and causes me to ask myself ‘what is it like to be the flesh of me as my physical body’ and, I realize, it’s not been easy, because I’ve been quite the abuser of and as it…

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have never considered what it’s like to be the flesh of me as my physical body because I’ve always existed through and as my mind where for my entire life I’ve existed looking down on myself within my mind with my head hanging in shame because of how and what I was accepting and allowing myself to participate in within the secrets of me as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rarily use the word flesh because I’ve held an idea/definition of the word flesh within me in separation where I’ve associated the word flesh with cannibalism.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold an idea/definition of the word flesh as that of eating itself which is exactly how and what happens the more we become constructs as systems of/as our mind as consciousness, which integrates into and as our physical body/flesh/bone and completely takes over until eventually the physical body starts decaying as it eats away at itself in order to survive and thus how we age and die.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my mind as a weapon against me as my physical body/flesh and bone through participating in/as energetic charges of/as emotions and feelings from the starting point of self-interest, competition and desire of how I wanted to experience myself.

I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed me as my physical body to be directed from/as my mind as consciousness within the starting point of self-interest which has been purely result driven and not for the benefit of creating a world according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to always look for what is best for me as my mind without looking for what is best for me as my physical body and/or for what is best for Our Physical Reality according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to indulge in sadness and sorrow of and as my mind as memories/characters while never considering the effects upon my physical body as I would cloke myself in/as suits as sorrowful memories/characters within a dragging, sinking experience which accumulates, manifests and shapes me as my physical body accordingly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed me as my internal organs to exist in sorrow whereas pain as indigestion results from suppressing myself in/as the defense of anger in self isolation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never question and investigate how who I’ve been as my mind as memories/characters/personalities have manifested as pressure, pain and manifested consequences within and as my physical body,flesh and bone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand the extent of how, what I physically experience within my physical body has actually manifested me into certain character/personality constructs of/as my mind which I alone have kept myself within through my participation in and as them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop certain memories/characters/personalities of/as my mind in relation to my relationships and in relation to my world where me as my physical body has shaped accordingly to said memory/character and personality relationships within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never actually realize the relationship between who I am within myself with regards to me as memories/characters/personalities and how I have utilized my physical body in relationship between my mind and my physical body to the extent of manifesting and creating ailments, illness, disease, discomfort and pain and in how they are produced according to who I am as my mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand how the role of our current world/money system is to keep us enslaved to it through the struggle and pain of survival of which we support willingly through what we accept and allow in/as our participation and direction of our mind as consciousness as memories/characters/personalities which manifest and create physical consequences within and as our physical bodies and thus our physical reality/existence.

to be continued

(Please read Heaven’s Blog with regards to: Quantum Consciousness Programming in Childhood – Part 1: Day 99 and Quantum Consciousness Programming in Childhood – Part 2: Day 100)

(Please read Creation’s Blog: Day 74: Stopping the MIND IN THE FLESH – Part 1 and Day 76: Stopping the Mind in the Flesh – Part 2)

Day 81: Character: Trippin Down Memory Lane

Continuation to: Day 80: Character: The Hands that Rocked the Cradle – –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as a character in my mind to ‘take trips down memory lane’, where I make excuses in/as thoughts in my head for why I’m ‘trippin down memory lane’ – where I lie to myself because I don’t want to clean up the mess I’ve made in my life in and as my physical body and my physical reality, so instead – I lie to myself and keep doing what I want to do – which is to continue to create more and more characters within my mind – instead of facing me and directing myself to Stop justifying my own self-deception and stand up and take self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand how existing in/as a character of/as taking a trip through the memories/characters/thoughts/pictures of/as our mind, is to exist in self-interest within a complete illusion in total disregard for what is real here within and as our physical body and our physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a character of and as my mind to enjoy taking trips down memory lane – not seeing/realizing and understanding that in doing so, I am actually only tripping out within the preprogramming of me as my parents mind as their thoughts/memories/ characters and personalities which I’ve now integrated within me as my physical body and thus in existing as the character who takes ‘a trip down memory lane’ within my mind, I am infact only reestablishing myself as an accumulated beingness of myself of/as memories of characters/personalities which I have physically within and throughout my life within my minds relationship, have merged into and as my physical body as the very manifestations of/as the Mind/Memories/Thoughts/Characters/Personalities of those who have walked here before me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have never considered how my participating in and as my mind as memories/thoughts and characters, creates a relationship to/as consciousness as energy which is having a deadly affect upon me as my physical body and our physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a character of my mind ‘taking trips down memory lane – Not see/realize and understand how the very essence of myself existing in and as my mind as consciousness is actually consuming that which allows me to exist here, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consume my physical body the same as I consume within our current world/money system within our physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend time and money trying to develop a relationship with myself as my physical body through our world/money system through the act of consumerism.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in/as a character of/as my mind will have a physical intimacy and/or a physical experience with clothes and/or products, yet do Not have a physical intimate experience with me as my physical body.

Self-Corrective and Self-Commitment Statements placed here as well for my previous blog.

I commit myself to develop an equal and one relationship with me as my physical body.

I commit myself to comprehend within myself and thus show how memories are All we have ever been is/as thoughts/characters and personalities which must be walked through in self-forgiveness within self-honesty as a physical living self-corrective application, wherein self-realizes self-equal-and-one with everyone and everything in and as our physical existence.

When and as I see myself in/as a character memory/thought pattern of/as my mother in/as a manifested physical expression, I stop. I Breathe. I commit myself to investigate who I am within myself as such pattern in realizing that I am the Directive Principle of me as my physical body within this physical reality.

When and as I see myself in and as a relationship expression wherein I see myself behaving in and as a memory/thought physical manifestation – where I see I am looking through a glass window panel as a reflection of/as my mother, I stop. I breathe. I commit myself to who I am as my physical body within this physical existence to no longer participate in an illusionary memory/thought/character pattern within my mind of/as the CON of consciousness which I see/realize and understand is Not real.

I commit myself to stop and expose who and how I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as within a limited expression of myself in/as my hands within and as my physical body, as I see realize and understand how I have accepted and allowed myself as my physical body to be controlled by me as my mind as CONsciousness, thus, I see/realize and understand that in doing so I am giving up authority of who I am as a living physical being within and as my physical body and within this physical reality.

I commit myself to see/realize and understand how the memory/thought/character that I’ve existed as according to representation of my mother’s hands/memories, is a living example of how energies control and have authority over my beingness and the lives and direction of the world and humanity as a whole.

I commit myself to see/realize/understand and ultimately show how we as our physical body and our physical reality is a representation of our physical equality and oneness within and as our relationship to/as each other and to our physical existence as a whole.

When as as I see myself judge me as my hands of/as my physical body, I stop. I see/realize and understand that all judgment to/towards my hands and/or any part of me as my physical body is a direct result of me participating in and as memories/thoughts where I then become a character of/as them, thus self-judgment exists. Therefore, I breathe, I commit myself to walking the point through in self-forgiveness and in self-honesty realizing how in doing so, I am giving myself the opportunity to establish who I am in agreement with/as me as my physical body and this physical existence as a whole.

I commit myself to investigate how the memories/characters of/as my parents mind as consciousness according to how and what they fantasized about as well as how they actually lived, have actually transferred into/as and within my unconscious mind as a platform database which I now automatically develop, construct and manifest as my own personalized memories/thoughts/characters and personalities, therefore having a direct effect upon the entirety of who I am as my physical body and my physical reality, thus within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not fully grasp the situation we as a humanity are facing, within that, I commit myself to seeing/realizing and understanding the design of who I am as consciousness to assist myself and others to show how we never actually develop a relationship with ourselves or others because we’re always only ever preoccupied and occupied in and as memories.

I commit myself to investigating who I am as my physical body/internal organs through writing and self-forgiveness in order to establish a physical intimacy within me as an outword expression of/as me as my physical bodies to exist as/within a real equality and oneness that will stand eternal here as me as who I am and in support of a world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to discipline and prioritize my time to assist and support myself to work on my relationship with myself as myself in/as my human physical body in establishing a real equal and one relationship investigating and seeing each part of my physical body as flesh, organs, tissue, and skeleton, here breathing as me.

I commit myself to see/realize and understand how I require myself to exist in and as a living, breathing relationship with and as myself as my physical body so as to stop who I am as the mind as consciousness within a consumer driven world existing in separation within its own self-interest, thus I see/realize and understand how writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application is the key is assisting self to therefore assist in supporting a world/money system according to what’s best for all.

Day 76: The Worrisome Character

It becomes clearer and clearer to me daily, that the only real terror that exists within this world exists within the mind of the human being. Thus I’ve created through thought participation; The Worrisome Character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a worrisome character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about how come I see myself as a ‘worrisome’ character instead of a character of worry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself as the worrisome character to that of a worm slithering on the floor, lying there quietly watching as life is mauled to death by our world/money system which teaches children to be soldiers and allows other children to starve to death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to familiarize myself in/as a worrisome character grieving over whether we as a humanity can ever change that which we fear the most, which is ourself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be the worrisome character within the realization that we may never stop, that we’ll keep on replacing our integrity as life within the ‘belief’ that there is more that we must have, thus not stopping until we get what we want, not realizing that what we ‘want’ can never be gotten from somewhere out there, because what we are seeking isn’t out there, it is here, within us each one in seeing that we’re All Equal in Life in every way.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in and as the worrisome character to fear how, we with our own hands will put our own creations to death because we require food for our physical body, yet we never consider asking permission first from the one being sacrificed for the sins of our own death wish of eating to live.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as the worrisome character to not realize that when I worry I fear, thus I split myself into two separate worlds, within the context of doubt and uncertainty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that it is my fear that moves me to the survival mode of my mind in/as the worrisome character.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in/as a worrisome character to abandon life itself through competing with others in order to make the most money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience and project heartbreak in/as a worrisome character unto my 2 year old granddaughter in fear of what will I say to her when she asks me what happened to our world when she can’t afford to feed and clothe herself – because the reality of this moment is, $100 worth of groceries doesn’t even buy one week supply of food.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be the worrisome character in asking myself how and what do I tell my grandchildren as to why we as humans fear and compete as we do with each other within an explanation that others won’t mock as being that of a lie.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a worrisome character to anguish in how much hate exists within us as humanity – will we become one massive possession within our minds as consciousness so much so that we’ll bring ourselves to the very brink of our own extinction in order to stop what we are accepting and allowing within and as our current world/money system of/as enslavement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as the worrisome character to feel as if I’m carrying the weight of the world in the pit of my stomach, and I see how I’ve been carrying me in the pit of sPITe to/towards others in fear of myself for Not taking self-responsibility and facing me within all of the pain and suffering of existence in/as living life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a worrisome character instead of seeing/realizing and understanding that to exist as such is participating within and as the mind as consciousness which is exactly how and why we are in this mess to begin with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand how important it is to stop the mind as consciousness, thus we stop the consequences self creates within and without and unto existence.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that existing in/as the worrisome character is just another name for being afraid.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that existing in/as the worrisome character is just another self-manipulation technique to keep me forever enslaved in/as our world/money system as a mind consciousness system organic robot.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use myself as a worrisome character as an excuse to justify why I am to afraid to actually stand up and take self-responsibility for the absolute madness existent in and as our world.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that in allowing myself in/as the worrisome character, I’m actually allowing me as my mind to manipulate, thus, I will manipulate myself and others within my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deem myself as a worrisome character to be superior over me – instead of standing up one and equal to/as myself through facing myself in self-honesty, thus supporting a world according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to stop myself in moments where I become aware that I am participating in/as the worrisome character and direct myself to investigate the source and origin of who I am within the simplicity of this moment of breath.

I commit myself to stop reactions within myself towards how our world exists and to instead in self-honesty face who I am within it all.

Day 75: I will never do That again

A point came up today reminding me of the many personalities I’ve existed as within stating, ‘I will never do That again’. One in particular I was reminded of today, after having not smoked marijuana in a very, long time, I was triggered by a commercial on t.v., with thoughts of ‘lighting up’, and, it was if I could almost smell the shit.

The last time I spoke the words that ‘I will never smoke weed again, was the time before the last time that I smoked it, and eventually, I did smoke again. The last time I smoked it however, I didn’t speak the words, ‘I will never do that again’. Instead, I investigated the point slowly to see who I’ve been within the desire to smoke within my mind.

And, through applying self-forgiveness – and the tools of Desteni I Process – I was able to when the thought today to light one up presented me with a decision, it was an easy decision to Not participate and thus the decision of no longer smoking weed has become a very simple one.

Was a very cool point for me in realizing how effective walking this process is in changing one’s self from the inside out. I’m very grateful for the gift of self-forgiveness, and my decision to walk the Journey to Life, together as a group as Destonians, changing the world, beginning first with self.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create personalities of myself with repeating condescending patterns, where when the energy of my descent as a particular character hits bottom, I will stand up within my fall and project the future of myself by becoming the, ‘I will never do that again character’.

I forgive myself for the countless number of times I have lied to myself and others as myself in/as a personality stating, ‘ I will never do that again’.

I forgive myself for the countless number of times that I have set myself up as a failure in/as personalities of, ‘ I will never do that again’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in/as the ‘I will never do that again’ personality’, to condemn, judge and feel guilty towards myself until finally, I repeat the very pattern I’ve just days before swore off of.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in/as the ‘I will never do that again personality’ where within the promise of hope I create an alternate reality projection where I manifest and experience myself in/as an alternate reality only in my mind as consciousness, because there is No physical reality in a promise, only hope.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself within the personality of ‘ I Will Never do that again’ to go into to cycles of victimization wherein I substitute one positive energetic experience for another as a way of balancing the negative energy experiences where I’ve aligned myself in/as the thoughts and feelings of ‘great! I fucked up again, I am worthless’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand how the personalities I exist as already have a delusional life before the physical application of/as me walks them into to action as movements of myself, because they first began within and as my mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see/realize and understand that in making the statement in/as the personality of ‘I will never do that again’, I am actually making the statement from the starting point self-dishonesty, because I’ve not actually taken a moment to look at who and where I am within my mind according to the actions I’m confirming myself within, in relation to what it is I’m stating that ‘I will never do again’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in/as the ‘I will never do that again’ personality, to not see/realize and understand how in walking as that personality – without completely walked the process of and as it, through and as my mind, through self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements – I have elevated myself into an egotistical state of mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as the ‘I will never do that again’ personality, to make statements that I’ve not yet walked within my process in order to be able to stand as the words I’m stating.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as the ‘I will never do that again’ personality to actually be participating in and as energy and within that my words are nothing but empty statements of only talking – instead of actually physically walking self change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and live up to egotistical statements of myself – instead of physically practically living who I am here within this moment in/as breath.

I commit myself to slow myself down and to stop making empty statements where I then put myself into scripting characters and personalities of myself without having investigated who I am within how and what I’m speaking as the words as who I am.

I commit myself to when I make statements of changing/stopping this or that, that I know exactly how it is that I am going to change, according to a practical physical application guideline for myself.

I commit myself to in self-honesty investigate how I’ve created me as my mind as the patterns, constructs, and characters I’ve accepted and allowed, to thus forgive, realign and redesign through a practical, physical living application as who I am, according to what’s best for all.

“A Personality is created from an accumulation of characters/similar characters that come-together and then manifested an entire person/personality that you physically live-out.” Sunette Destonian Spies

Day 74: Character: Delusion of Nobility

This is a continuation to: Day 73: Queen of my Castle – –
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to devise for myself a script derived from within a belief of self grandeur, born of jealousy within the illusion of controlling others, beginning first with my mother and father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly want and desire from my parents ALL of their attention, thus, I attempted to defend and protect our relationship by trying to control them within the context of how I wanted the relationship with them to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a character of self grandeur to allow control and jealousy to completely take over how I experience myself within all of my relationships, where I have sought to validate my pre-conceived idea of how I want the relationship to be, thus, I seek to be the most important being that the other being is having a relationship with, and wherein my attempt to control, I become jealous of other beings that may threaten my desire, want and need according to how I have intended the relationship to be within my illusion of control in/as a character of self grandeur, as I constantly try to fulfill my wants, needs and desires.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate and victimize my step dad within my mind in order to validate myself as insufficient and/or incapable of becoming self responsible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as inferior and a burden upon my parents, thus, I projected blame and frustrations unto them in malcontent and then chose to escape the reality of my physical reality, and hide within my mind as a character in/as the delusion of nobility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a character of self grandeur to believe that if I have a relationship where my wants, needs and desires are fulfilled, then I control that part of me and thus am fulfilling my own illusion of control and jealousy, not realizing that the point within it all which is my relationship within and as the polarities of superiority/inferiority.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe myself to be of noble blood wherein I defined the word noble as who I was and believed that I as such had special abilities to assist others to see what they couldn’t see, thus validating myself within a personal mind reality of my own making, of /as a delusion of grandeur.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing picture presentations of myself within my mind which through my participation in/as them assisted myself to continue acting as a character of/as self grandeur, in/as separation from life itself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within my mind seeing myself as a larger than life character with delusions of grandeur whereas I constructed a self portrait of my own self-betrayal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see/realize and understand how who I am as a character of my mind as thoughts and memories of me in/as my past, dictates who I am as my future as me here within this moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise who I am as my behaviors, mannerisms, and voice tonality, all of which I created myself in and as a personality blend according to the character I became as self grandeur.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as a character of self grandeur to not take self-responsibility for me as my physical body wherein I actually held myself within a point of dishonor to/towards my physical body through occupying myself within my secret mind, where I secluded myself from what is actually real, thus neglecting what is real as me as my physical body within this physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become caught up within my own web of lies, where I allowed self-interest and trying to survive life within our current money system to distract me from realizing myself within the reality of our world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe time after time that I had changed, taken a new path, a new journey or had new experiences, when in actuality, I’ve always lead myself right back to the same point I avoided, which is me, to face myself within all that is here.

I commit myself to stop walking in/as self-grandeur as a character of nobility.

I commit myself to redesigning and realigning myself through self-corrective application where, as I see myself participating in and as jealousy and seeking to control others through manipulative acts of attempting to receive attention, I stop. I breathe. I realize that those are the patterns which keep me walking as characters of me, and I am no longer willing to continue as such.

I commit myself to through self-forgiveness and self-honesty, to thoroughly investigate who I am as characters, as walking scripts of me, and, to show that human beings have the ability to walk themselves free from the direction of/as the mind as consciousness, and to direct themselves willingly to support an Equal Money system, where All life will be able to exist in dignity.

Day 73: Queen of my Castle

The character of ‘self grandeur’ was one of the first character’s as a child that I participated in.  This particular character began when I first heard the story of Rapunzel.  I related to Rapunzel in how when she reached her twelfth birthday,  her mother shut her away in a tower in the middle of the woods, with neither stairs nor a door, only one room and one window.   My mother of course never shut me away in a room, No!   It was all my doing, as a child, I secluded myself from the reality that existed within the structure of my family, and instead,  I got lost in my imagination beLIEving that someday, someone was going to come and save me from what I realize now,  was my own self-absorbed story of self sabotage.

As I got older the story in my head evolved to one where within my mind, I secretly had thoughts that I was really a ‘ Queen’ from some far off place and I was being controlled by an unjust world/money system, and the unjust system failed to recognize me as being the Queen that I dreamed I was.

So like Rapunzel, I was trapped in my own castle waiting to be rescued/swept away by the ‘love’ of my life where we would then both ‘save the world’.

I quietly maintained this particular mind possession  for many years and so the illusion of it all within my head became carefully orchestrated.  Within my secret mind,  I was aware of the uselessness to my role playing,  but I still participated, and I eventually justified the illusion as being a deserved break from the reality I felt controlled by and stuck within.

I had thoughts of how life here on Earth must be some sort of sordid joke or at the very least a bad nightmare that would surely end.

The first time I remember questioning the illusion I played around in within myself, was when I was 36 and, had just started a job for a huge hotel chain. What intrigued me about working there was that the structure and decor of the inside of the hotel, fit perfectly with the image in my mind of how my castle if I had one would exist. There it was, my place of self grandeur.

 The problem was, I hated my actual job because I worked in customer service, listening to complaints all day long, sitting in a very small dark office area that was upstairs, far away from the extraordinary fancy hotel lobby. My pay was minimal, but at least I had my 30 minute lunch breaks. Every day, I would sit in the lobby looking at the beauty of the lighting and the sculptures, breathing in the new carpet and the new furniture smell as I escaped into my secret mind of thoughts about how someday, whoever ‘I really am’, will be found out.  All will be revealed and I will be whisked away with the love of my life to my castle awaiting me.

At some point sitting there I realized how I had been running from facing the reality of who I am and what I’ve accepted and allowed. What really changed things for me was when I began applying self-forgiveness.

More and more everyday I’m realizing how fucked up this world is in how we forsake our self-responsibility to our world while we hide in our beliefs of self-grandeur,  ‘hoping’ for a better world.  Thing is, life within this world is growing more and more difficult for the majority of humanity.

As consciousness mind systems, we give in to accepting and allowing our world to continue this path, which, for the few that have more than enough money, the world seems to be a great place.   Yet the reality is, we’ve created quite a mess within our world because death and despair is everywhere.

So, here we are, we are stuck in and as our own world of self acceptance, allowing consciousness to direct us in accepting and allowing hell on earth.

to be continued with self-forgiveness in Day 74

“I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand where and how I from the beginning internally and externally created this MORENESS – within the context of in and as that moment I as substance/existence manifested the question as Me: “there must be more than HERE, there must be more than ME, as HERE”, which in that moment manifested me into and as MORE me’s (“there must be more than ME, Here”) as the manifested-singularities and within and as the MORE me’s externally – manifested the MORE EXPERIENCE of me within and as myself as Energy (“there must be more than HERE). Not seeing/realising/understanding that for the MORE of ME to exist Structurally as the manifested-singularities I was in fact SEPARATING myself as substance/existence of and as equality and oneness into and as an ILLUSION of MORENESS as all the me’s of manifested-singularities came to manifest in existence. Because all of what I created is STILL ME, but in and as SEPARATION, innumerable amounts of SEPARATE PARTS manifested together in ONE EXISTENCE creating an ILLUSION of moreness; because it is/never has been MORE, it’s always still been me in separation from and of myself, HERE.” ~ Sunette Spies From: Looking for MORE of mySELF: DAY 78

For further context Read:

Looking for MORE of mySELF: DAY 78

Day 78: Stepping out of Character

Day 44: The Character game