Tag Archive | religious freaks

Day 242: How we Survived the Doomsday Paranoia

By the end of November 2007, my partner and I were already months into a journey that had come to cause us great concern, or rather quite the paranoia. I mean, with the way the economy was going, we were both concerned that it was definitely time to purchase the necessary items to assure our survival in the event of what looked like the beginning of the end of the world, or, at the very least the beginning of a plan where we would all be living under the ruling of a Police State or a Dictatorship. Of course, we didn’t really know exactly what we were facing but we knew one thing for sure, we were scared and concerned for our survival. There was so much talk about the Mayan’s and their predictions for the end of the world and then David Icke’s stories about reptilians – this further fueled our already mind-paranoia.

Artwork by: Matti Freeman

the futureFinally, the end of November 2007, we discovered the Desteni video’s on Youtube and then the Desteni website and as we studied the material, we quickly realized their message was clear and made perfect sense. Desteni predicted that there would be no ascension to a 5th dimension, or end of the world according to the Mayan calender, no apocalypse, alien landings or biblical doomsday. The fact is, Desteni saved us a shit load of money because after all, there’s BIG money in doomsday predictions.

The Desteni message remains consistent, accurate and assisted us stop our paranoia and focus on what is real.  Their message  assisted us to ask ourselves ‘what is our individual responsibility’ with what is here?

And, what and how have we come to accept and allow our world to exist as it currently does?  These are not easy questions because to answer them requires self honesty and we soon realized that self honesty meant giving up that which we’d held on so tight to because self interest has been our motivator,  and of course self interest is wound tight in fear.

So, it’s been quite an interesting Journey for us because studying the Desteni material will astound and shock even the bravest amongst us and it’s a Journey that’ll lead one to themself.

So, here we are. We’re still here. All the doomsday predictions have come and gone and all of it was a lie. What isn’t a lie is the hours upon hours of research and documented material that Desteni provides for those who will investigate/hear. What isn’t a lie is the message that Desteni continues to Stand by. Desteni Stands for Oneness & Equality and in that they can be depended upon.

Thank you Desteni

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I engage THOUGHT, it acts like GOD and fear emerges as make believe concepts and ideas I make myself believe till I am scared. Essentially, I create my fear and then am afraid of my own creation – such a powerful being I am – yet it all happens ONLY IN MY HEAD, ALONE and when I can transfer MY FEAR to another HEAD, through talking, or writing, or examples or pictures – it remains IN MY HEAD alone, MY FEAR ONLY.” Bernard Poolman

“I commit myself to show that all Fear in all ways is always Self-Produced in the Mind, and Self-Believed as real – as that ensures that the body will produce the chemical substances of addiction the person has been exposed to since childhood, as the patterns the parent induced to get absolute control over the child so that the child will be occupied to not interfere in the Addictive Occupation of the Adult.” Bernard Poolman 

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  Suggested blogs to follow:

Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life
Economist Journey to Life

Day 152: Erasing the Lies

This is a continuation to:
Day 151: Control Freak

I commit myself to expose myself to who I am within my fears where I try and control others to avoid the fear of facing the consequences of what I have accepted and allowed as I attempt to control the consequences of my past behaviors by controlling others.

I commit myself to erase the lies of who I’ve been as a control freak where in fear I try and control others as a defense mechanism to not look within to stop what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to become and to through writing and self-forgiveness see my way to/as self-honesty.

When and as I am having a conversation and sharing myself with another and I see that I am beginning to want to say something to them within the desire to try and control them, I stop, I breathe. I see, realize and understand that directing myself and others as myself in self-honesty, does not involve energetic movement or the want, need and/or desire to convince someone of something therefore, I commit myself to breathe and remain the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

I commit myself to stop reacting towards others within a ‘shut the fuck up’ attitude where within myself I become spiteful and thus project that onto others, thus, I commit myself to stop and breathe.

I commit myself to remain aware of my voice tonality because I see, realize and understand that when I’m seeking to control another, the tone in which I speak becomes higher or lower depending on whether I’m using a positive or negative approach to control.

I commit myself to stop judging myself for how I am walking my process because I see, realize and understand that I have been a control freak toward myself and thus have suppressed myself in my writings and self-forgiveness, thus I commit myself to forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as my mind to attempt to control and suppress who I am and I commit myself to push through the resistance of/as control and to allow myself to let go and accept myself to be and express myself through to/as self-honesty.

I commit myself to breathe and stand within an understanding of the nature of who I am as a control freak and to no longer accept and allow myself to express myself in such a manner to/towards others because I see, realize and understand that seeking to control others is an outflow of fear and that when I act like a control freak I am giving permission for fear to manifest itself as who I become as it, thus, I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to be and become fear.

I commit myself to stop being a control freak wherein I try and control how other people act and think because I see, realize and understand that I must first walk the necessary changes of self in self-honesty in changing me from the inside out before I am able to be of any real assistance to/for anyone else.

I commit myself to stop living my life attempting to control others through trying to please/manipulate them in one way or another, and to instead realize that life is not about pleasing/manipulating others, it’s about supporting all life according to what’s best for all through and with the support of an Equal Money System.

Day 151: Control Freak


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I allow myself to become a certain character within my world such as a control freak, then I will experience the same, for example; control within my world, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a character of and as my mind who is a control freak, where as that I exist within a belief that I have the ability to control others even though at the same time within my mind I feel a loss of control, thus, I will act on the need to fill my perception of loss of control through my attempt to control others instead of questioning and investigating what is it within myself that causes me to react on the outside in relation to what’s going-on on the inside of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to unknowingly use fear as the reason for my need to control others through relationships because within my mind I fear losing control and I fear the feeling that comes up as inadequacy when I perceive myself as having a negative experience, thus, I seek to control others as a way of keeping a positive energetic experience of myself going on where I see myself as being important and/or the most responsible one within the relationship and within that I forgive myself for playing make belief within my mind as being and having authority and control over others as a way of avoiding facing who I am as a fear reaction feeling of being ‘out of control’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to control everything and everyone within my world even though within my secret mind I constantly fear that I am making one mistake after another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how as a control freak within my secret mind I quietly want others to fear me even though I am more afraid of others than they could ever be of me.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become preoccupied with the details of others to the point that I will attempt to dominate them with my opinions at the expense of flexibility, openness and/or common sense mostly because at that point I’ve become obsessed and only interested in having things done my way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to isolate a place for myself within my mind where I become unwavering in my approach towards others because I see myself as being more superior than another being because I believe that I need attention and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the application of unforgiving towards myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach fear to the words: ‘out of control’ wherein my mind I see ‘out of control’ as a dark scary place which I run from yet when I slow myself down and breath I see that there is only me as my past in fear of letting go..

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that within fear there is always the starting point of self-interest where I want, need and/or desire something and/or someone from outside myself to validate me thus protect me from the secrets I hold within my mind which I use against myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in and as fear turn life into an act of labored living wherein I take from others within the same context as when withdrawing money from my bank account and within that I forgive myself that I have exchanged the life force of my physical body for energy through how I create debt as a consequence of my expectations within my constant need to maintain a perception of routine and control within and as my mind.

to be continued

Day 73: Queen of my Castle

The character of ‘self grandeur’ was one of the first character’s as a child that I participated in.  This particular character began when I first heard the story of Rapunzel.  I related to Rapunzel in how when she reached her twelfth birthday,  her mother shut her away in a tower in the middle of the woods, with neither stairs nor a door, only one room and one window.   My mother of course never shut me away in a room, No!   It was all my doing, as a child, I secluded myself from the reality that existed within the structure of my family, and instead,  I got lost in my imagination beLIEving that someday, someone was going to come and save me from what I realize now,  was my own self-absorbed story of self sabotage.

As I got older the story in my head evolved to one where within my mind, I secretly had thoughts that I was really a ‘ Queen’ from some far off place and I was being controlled by an unjust world/money system, and the unjust system failed to recognize me as being the Queen that I dreamed I was.

So like Rapunzel, I was trapped in my own castle waiting to be rescued/swept away by the ‘love’ of my life where we would then both ‘save the world’.

I quietly maintained this particular mind possession  for many years and so the illusion of it all within my head became carefully orchestrated.  Within my secret mind,  I was aware of the uselessness to my role playing,  but I still participated, and I eventually justified the illusion as being a deserved break from the reality I felt controlled by and stuck within.

I had thoughts of how life here on Earth must be some sort of sordid joke or at the very least a bad nightmare that would surely end.

The first time I remember questioning the illusion I played around in within myself, was when I was 36 and, had just started a job for a huge hotel chain. What intrigued me about working there was that the structure and decor of the inside of the hotel, fit perfectly with the image in my mind of how my castle if I had one would exist. There it was, my place of self grandeur.

 The problem was, I hated my actual job because I worked in customer service, listening to complaints all day long, sitting in a very small dark office area that was upstairs, far away from the extraordinary fancy hotel lobby. My pay was minimal, but at least I had my 30 minute lunch breaks. Every day, I would sit in the lobby looking at the beauty of the lighting and the sculptures, breathing in the new carpet and the new furniture smell as I escaped into my secret mind of thoughts about how someday, whoever ‘I really am’, will be found out.  All will be revealed and I will be whisked away with the love of my life to my castle awaiting me.

At some point sitting there I realized how I had been running from facing the reality of who I am and what I’ve accepted and allowed. What really changed things for me was when I began applying self-forgiveness.

More and more everyday I’m realizing how fucked up this world is in how we forsake our self-responsibility to our world while we hide in our beliefs of self-grandeur,  ‘hoping’ for a better world.  Thing is, life within this world is growing more and more difficult for the majority of humanity.

As consciousness mind systems, we give in to accepting and allowing our world to continue this path, which, for the few that have more than enough money, the world seems to be a great place.   Yet the reality is, we’ve created quite a mess within our world because death and despair is everywhere.

So, here we are, we are stuck in and as our own world of self acceptance, allowing consciousness to direct us in accepting and allowing hell on earth.

to be continued with self-forgiveness in Day 74

“I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand where and how I from the beginning internally and externally created this MORENESS – within the context of in and as that moment I as substance/existence manifested the question as Me: “there must be more than HERE, there must be more than ME, as HERE”, which in that moment manifested me into and as MORE me’s (“there must be more than ME, Here”) as the manifested-singularities and within and as the MORE me’s externally – manifested the MORE EXPERIENCE of me within and as myself as Energy (“there must be more than HERE). Not seeing/realising/understanding that for the MORE of ME to exist Structurally as the manifested-singularities I was in fact SEPARATING myself as substance/existence of and as equality and oneness into and as an ILLUSION of MORENESS as all the me’s of manifested-singularities came to manifest in existence. Because all of what I created is STILL ME, but in and as SEPARATION, innumerable amounts of SEPARATE PARTS manifested together in ONE EXISTENCE creating an ILLUSION of moreness; because it is/never has been MORE, it’s always still been me in separation from and of myself, HERE.” ~ Sunette Spies From: Looking for MORE of mySELF: DAY 78

For further context Read:

Looking for MORE of mySELF: DAY 78

Day 78: Stepping out of Character

Day 44: The Character game