Tag Archive | regret

Day 155: Oh MY God, I’ve Lost it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear/believe/participate in and as the thoughts: ‘Oh MY God, I’ve Lost it’ – six words that keep popping up within my mind following an image of me lowering my head and slightly rubbing my nose and pausing just as I’m sitting in front of the computer to write, where in that moment, I lose awareness of myself as breath and allowed myself to be distracted with the backchat in my head which caused me to reject myself, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how in that moment within me, I was rejecting myself within the starting point of self-interest and unknowingly (when I slow myself down I realize what I’m doing) I would hide within myself from me and ultimately manifest intense pain within my physical body in my upper back region.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I manipulate myself where I justify my stuckness as unimportant and act as my own bad referee where I basically sideline myself, isolate myself, and literally remove myself from being the directive principle in self-honesty of and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I exist in and as resistance, my body language morphs into and as the resistance, where I cross my arms in defense and protection from others, and my right hand clutches my left hand,  basically, I hold a position of superiority while existing in and as inferiority, causing pain within my physical body, and lots of it, and secretly, I know within my mind that my physical body is showing me the tell-tale signs of my suppressed state, thus, I stop, I breathe. I commit myself to see, realize and understand that when I slow myself down I am able to move beyond the point of resistance and thus stop the thoughts of and as my mind as the words saying to me: ‘Oh MY God, I’ve Lost it’, because I see, realize and understand how the words are me and represent a point of acceptance of how in the past I’ve allowed myself to sink into and as a resistance which manifests and creates physical pain within and as my back, thus I commit myself to stop what I see, realize and understand is a point of resistance, a sort of blockage of emotions and feelings within and as my physical body,  I breathe, I earth myself here in becoming the directive principle of/as and for me in order to first change myself through self-honesty from the inside out to thus stop resistance, to thus begin to express myself as who I am, to give my all to me through gratefulness for and as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to underestimate the amount of self suppression I have existed as, because I see, realize and understand how this Day 155, of me walking the Journey to Life , I realize that I am only now getting started, therefore, I commit myself to see, realize and understand both the magnitude and the simplicity of making the decision to continue writing and applying self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, because I comprehend how it is only through this Journey that I will ever come close to being who I am, as well as having the opportunity to possibly birth myself as Life from the Physical. I am grateful to/for me as my physical body for supporting me as I walk this Journey and support a World according to what’s best for All.

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Day 135: Teach Me2

Today I reacted to my 2 year old granddaughter, who actually teaches me more life skills in a 8 hour day than I may ever be able to teach her. Thus the following self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become impatient with my 2 year old granddaughter when she continued to push buttons on my computer / printer and for feeling guilty for her crying as I physically moved her from them, and within that, I forgive myself for not seeing, realizing and understanding how she looks to experience herself in how she sees me experiencing myself, thus, I forgive myself for rushing myself to finish, because in my rush I was participating within my mind which led to feelings of impatience and guilt, which I then projected onto her, instead of being there for her to explore her world with my assistance, therefore, I forgive myself for projecting the feelings / reactions that I was having onto her according to what I was accepting and allowing myself to participate within and exist as, because, I see, realize and understand how my starting point was one of anxiety where I was avoiding facing a point of fear within myself, therefore, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that it is Not possible for another to influence who I am unless I give permission, and any reaction/experience that I may or may not have is a direct reflection of my own inner relationship with myself according to what I am accepting and allowing myself to exist as through and as the direction of my mind, instead of me directing my mind as me according to what’s best for All . Thus, When and as I see myself becoming impatient with my granddaughter/others as myself, I stop. I commit myself to slow myself down and breathe, to look within myself at my starting point to assure that I no longer project onto another anything less than who I am in self-honesty as I continue walking my Journey to Life.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I was hurrying to finish what I was doing , how within that, I, for a split moment, saw how I was giving myself different perceptions of myself whereas I experienced a subtle conversation within my mind which I didn’t stop, thus is how I within that moment, created a problem within my situation where there otherwise wasn’t one, therefore, I commit myself to breathe and realize that within every moment of breath I am the one who decides who I am , thus, through self-corrective application I direct myself to establish effective communication with my granddaughter/others within my world in order to be able to teach life skills – free from anxiety and fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I am rushing, that I manifest pain in the center of my back, which I see is a point of suppression related to self-judgment and, in how I was existing in anxiety and fear of letting other’s down within the ‘feeling’ that ‘I’m not good enough’ and/or strong enough to direct myself within my world, and within that, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to feel disappointed in myself for not being the living example of how and what it is to be supportive and patient with all living beings, thus, I commit myself to be patient and gentle with myself and others as myself, because I see, realize and understand that my responsibility for and as life is determined within every moment of breath as a living example of placing myself in the shoes of another, to thus become stable support for a world according to what’s best for All.

Day 122: InSIDE Hide

Once in awhile I experience pain around my left side, stomach/groin area which feels kind of like a pulled muscle, but that’s not what it is. I asked Anu for perspective about a month ago and he suggested it was a point of hiding, which made a lot of sense to me. I never investigated the point further, mostly because the pain hadn’t returned. Then today, the pain returned with a vengence. As I began to experience the pain – still in the same area of my physical body – I saw my hiding and I realized that I have always been aware of this point that I exist as, IF/WHEN, I will slow myself down and breathe, and welcome me in from hiding as who I really am as me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide within and as knowledge and information as energy within how I partipate within thoughts, internal conversations, reactions of and as emotions and feelings of/as positive, negative and the neutral of and as enegy experiences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as someone who is insidious’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in and thus hide within feelings of shame of existing within and as knowledge and information where I hide within what I’ve learned throughout my entire life, and within that how I allow guilt to accumulate from becoming that which I’ve learned to where I become consumed to the point where I elude any chance of ever becoming aquainted with myself, because as such, I’m escaping any understanding of myself within the perception of/as being that of a particular piece of knowledge and information and where within that I forbid myself to question the very nature of myself and thus my own answers elude me, thus, I forgive myself for not realizing how within my ‘insidious hideouts’, I manifest formations of guilt within and as a total memory/character recall of and as my mother – how I saw her reject her physical body in how she existed in hiding within and as fear as knowledge and information – where she would become so full of shame and guilt that she would punish her physical body through smoking and/or over eating – and how I have become and lived as that mind character of entrapment as well.

I forgive myself for not realizing how within the layers of my hide/flesh, I have remained unaware of how the very life substance is drained from me according to and through my participation within and as knowledge and information. Wherein every moment that I accept and allow myself to be and become separate from the words I speak of/as my mind as directed by consciousness within and as energies of/as reactions and feelings and emotions, how in that moment when I am more aware of a thought within my mind than I am of who I am within and as breath as my physical body, is the moment that I become accepting of myself as a system of/as abuse, greed, self-interest and death.

I forgive myself for not realizing that the inner mysteries of me as my physical body will continue to elude me until I slow down, breathe and become willing to commit myself to exploring and investigating myself from the inside out within self-honesty, no matter how ‘insidious’ who I am appears to be, for it is within my perception of ‘the ugly’ that I will release my perception of ‘the pretty’ – where the ‘insidious’ of and as that which I’ve come to accept as the perception of myself within and as self-interest exists only according to knowledge and information.

I forgive myself for not realizing that when I am hiding within program manifestations of and as knowlendge and information that I am actually accepting and allowing me as my physical body to form strings of tension wherein I am actually forming patterns of degenerations within my physical body where I’m not breathing effectively and thus I manifest damage within and unto my internal organs and flesh creating pain within and as my physical body/flesh and bone.

I forgive myself for not realizing the degree of fear I have with regards to facing myself in self-honesty because I have hidden within knowledge and information in/as shame and guilt and believed that I was that.


I forgive myself for not realizing that I fear my perception that if I were to become completely self-honest that others may not like me, instead of realizing that it is only myself that I am actually fearing disappointing.

I commit myself to comprehending that the DIS in APPOINT only exists within and as the pain in ignoring the Point of Self within Forgiving self in/as Self-honesty.

I commit myself to let go of and forgive who I am as knowledge and information.

I commit myself to not fear and shame that which I’ve accepted and allowed as who I am and to instead forgive and realign and redesign myself through self-corrective application.

I commit myself to STOP imprinting my Physical body and Physical reality with my mind according to knowledge and information.

I commit myself to get to know the details and specifics of my Human Physical body equal to and one with who I am as my Human Physical body.

I commit myself to embrace who I am as my Physical body within and as self-honesty.

I forgive myself for not realizing that the actual real rebirth of Self as Life, can and will only manifest within and as Self-honesty, from within and as my Physical body and from and of this Physical existence, Thus, I commit myself to realizing that the actual rebirth of self as Life can and will only manifest within and as Self-honesty from within and as me as my Physical body and from and of this Physical existence.

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that Firstly the Person in the Journey to Life must become Equal to the Mind through being able to Not Participate in the Thoughts that Arise ALL the Time, and Be Here Breathing – before the Task can be taken on to Remove the Programs in the Flesh to such a degree that eventually the Flesh will be Purified and the Person will become, in fact, the Living Flesh – and be able to Have Any Relationship or form in the Flesh without it Being the Dominant Control as Consciousness, and the Person will be in Fact the Dominion of the Flesh, with the Flesh itself Determining in Every Breath the Actuality of Life Directed, and Be Here as Life – and thus at the Death, the Person will Cross the Divide as Life and Be Everywhere as Here, Always. In this it must be Realized How Time and Flesh Functions and that the Process of First becoming Equal to the Mind and Flesh before Directive Life will be here as Self, as Principle, as Equal, will take a minimum of 7 Years of Daily Application IN EVERY Breath, but more Likely take 14 years due to the Many Times that the Directive Will will Fall to the Current Dominion of the Programs that were allowed to Become the Flesh as the Physical Mind.” ~ Bernard Poolman

Day 110: Regretfully Yours

A couple of times today I experienced nausea and as I looked within myself, I saw how I was revolving around a certain point. That point being regret. I was regretting my participating in/as thoughts and emotions/reaction – where a few days ago, (yes, a few days ago), I disagreed with, and questioned some comments made by my fellow destonians. Essentially, I had become the ‘how can I make it better’ memory/character of/as my mind, and as such, I had also become the ‘putting off facing the point’ character. As the point is and has always been, only me that I’m facing. Because, I see, realize and understand how the point was Not really about what ‘she said’ and/or ‘they said’, it is the point of facing me as my Ego. Thus, the following self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep thoughts that generated reactions within a specific moment revolving around within me, all the while reasoning within myself of ways / means to, make it better – where I project / fantasize about how I’m going to ‘make it better in the future’ – instead of realizing that this is not solving, directing and/or stopping my initial reaction point – but actually only suppressing it to the point of allowing it (me as Ego), to take the stage in unexpected moments for me to face.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest nausea within and as me as my physical body as I accepted and allowed myself to revolve around this point in time as me avoiding facing me as who I am as Ego and thus regret – whereas I see, realize and understand that if I had slowed myself down and breathed – I would have seen within the moment how/what I was accepting and allowing myself to exist as in/as Ego.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to walk around in the experience of shame and sorrow because I was ashamed of myself for what I have said which has resulted in me experiencing myself within thoughts and emotions of regret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience regret because I found myself having a difficult time communicating my point with another because I was afraid of their response because I feared rejection and/or judgment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing the experience of myself as regret to be how I exist as and not allowing myself to move beyond regret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how regret is the foundation of depression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not honour another as me within the actual moment where I experienced the thought/energy reaction – to stand equal and one in respect and consideration – where I regard the process of another and thus, stop the reaction within myself and confront it directly as myself.

I forgive myself that I hadn’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, and understand how when I accept and allow internal conflict within me as my physical body through participating within it as though it is me, as who I really am, that I am accepting and allowing it to exist within and as my physical world/reality/existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my relationship towards another within the starting point of me as Ego – I Stop. I Breathe.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that in accepting and allowing myself to react in a moment within thought and energy, instead of taking self-responsibility in the moment – I am implying that the thought and energy is more important / powerful than my physical reality – than my relationship with myself as my physical body/reality – in how I stand within who I am and my relationship with others and within my world – thus I stop. I Breathe. I commit myself to make a decision within who I am to live as who I am in self-responsibility in and as every breath and create/manifest a world where together with others – equal to and one as life we express and exist according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to slow myself down and breathe and to Stop myself from existing within and as Ego.

I commit myself to stop allowing conflict within and as me as my physical body and/or my world of and as me, because I see, realize and understand how within such self acceptance and allowance, is how our world becomes a life of conflict, internally and externally due to our accepting and allowing the existence, participation and so the definition of ourselves as conflict.

I commit myself to show how no one is ever able to reject and/or judge me except me.

I commit myself to walking with another here in physical agreement in/as honouring ourselves and each other to assist and support each other in humbleness and unconditionality to thus expand together as a group in establishing/creating better selves, thus a better world according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to take responsibility for me in the moment of reaction as thought and energy as me, because I see, realize and understand how in accepting such a reaction of thought and energy allows manifested consequences created within and as this world/reality/existence, thus, I commit myself to see, realize and understand how everything from the greater to the smaller defines who we are internally and externally.

I commit myself to be and become me in awareness of me as who I am as my physical body and as our physical reality, to thus as a group walk here as breath in support of a world/money system according to what’s best for All.

Day 102: Playing the Somebody Done Me Wrong Song

When I find myself reacting as I did this evening, where I experience backchat/thoughts within the perception that someone isn’t ‘acting’ right and/or they aren’t ‘communicating’ effectively with me (which is what I tend to project onto my partner), I see how I ‘automatically’ throw my hands in the air and say out loud, ‘I’m Done‘, and/or I will remain quiet, but within my mind, I will play out the act of throwing my hands in the air and saying ‘I’m Done’!

This character is how I sabotage myself into believing that I am the victim and then it’s as if I can here the song playing – ‘somebody done me wrong’ – within that I will give myself permission to withdraw into myself and pout.

What is really going on within me when I accept and allow myself to act/behave/become this character, is that I’m actually giving up on my relationship with myself. I let me as my mind as consciousness direct me instead of me facing myself in self-honesty and stopping how and what I’m accepting and allowing and participating within and as. Thus, I project the outflow of emotions from my participation onto whoever is in the path of my self-sabotage, which is usually my partner. This cause to withdraw is one of many lines of dance which I use to separate me from who I am as my physical body within and as this physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself within the belief that when I don’t get my way that I am the victim to somebody doing me wrong, therefore, I will withdraw into myself and hide, pout, shut down and blame another (my partner) as being the reason for why I have the ‘right’ to sit and stew in and as my mind and stop participating within what’s real as our physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep score within polarity emotion/feeling energies of negative and positive – where when I’m having a negative experience of myself I will look to my partner to fix me by giving me attention and/or communicating with me in a way that will assist me to have a positive experience of myself and, if my partner doesn’t assist me in changing my experience of myself, I will blame him as not communicating and/or acting right and, if he doesn’t respond again, I will play my song of somebody done me wrong and will withdraw within myself in silence, as if to punish my partner when what I’m actually doing is accepting and allowing me as my mind as consciousness as memories/characters/personalities/thoughts and emotions and feelings to rule who I am, and within that, I am suppressing and manifesting pain, illness and disease within and as me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is only me that I am ever actually having a relationship with in and as my mind and, until and when I forgive, correct and become a living example of self-responsibility in/as self-honesty to/as all life here, I will be unable to have an effective relationship/agreement within anyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek validation and love from others when I’ve never been willing to slow down, breathe, validate and love myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a mind set that effective communication within a relationship requires a proper/predetermined beginning and an end, just like a pre-scheduled program.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forsake me as my physical body when I go off on energetic binges within and as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself and within that anger, not realize that the reason for my anger is because within me I am screaming out for me to hear myself in self-honesty, and to thus stop accepting and allowing myself to support our current world/money system of/as war, poverty and starvation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that how our world exists can only change when change begins first within myself.

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing the ‘somebody done me wrong song’ and, to stop demanding another to take responsibility for who I am within what I accept and allow and exist as within our world/reality/existence.

I commit myself to stop the character of self-sabotage.

I commit myself to stop myself playing polarity games of negative/positive and neutrality.

I commit myself to stop self-interest in/as memories/characters/personalities/thoughts and emotions and feelings

I commit myself to prove to myself what is means to be truly supportive for and as me as my physical body.

I commit myself to never give up on life, to slow myself down, breathe, validate and love myself within and as self-honesty in total commitment to support a world according to what’s best for All.

Day 92: Curse of Self-Compromise

Today I’ve been investigating a point of self-compromise because I saw when talking with another, how I was holding myself back so to speak, and my physical body confirmed it as I immediately began to have spasms and pain in my upper left muscle of my back. Thus, the following self-forgiveness. – –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand how self-compromise is like a curse because in/as self-compromise are accepted and allowed character acts which are deliberate and deceptive in nature within/as and against self and others as self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself according to who and how I become in/as relationships where I lean upon them as if I’m being sucked in by an invisible adDicktive force, becking me to submit all that I am as me as my physical body to be subjected to the direction of me as my mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed me as my physical body to be the victim of my own PUSSuits – where in my past I’ve allowed myself to experience sexual encounters which I soon regret and blame myself for – for not appreciating myself or another and/or for my perception as that of not ‘being enough’ to have stopped the encounter in the first place and stand free from me as my past.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience regret for not accessing more emotions that would have given me a feeling of self worth within my relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how my relationships are reflections of/as me in which I show refusal of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself within a fear of letting people down -instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I’m actually afraid of losing someone and within that I’ve been willing to compromise myself where I end up existing within a perception of having lost myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand how it is that I hate the memory/characters/personalities of the men I have designed within me based on past experiences and judgments that I have held onto within and as me as my physical body.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself through feeling betrayed by something and/or someone – which is blame, which means that I have placed my faith, trust and responsibility for myself and my life into the hands of another – where through relationships, I have given my physical life over to another separate from me and playing the blame game when my life didn’t turn out the way I had ‘hoped’ for -instead of me taking self-responsibility for my own life and experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand that nothing of or in this world has the ability to betray or deceive me except me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in/as self-compromise to fear the change of myself in being able to trust myself and walk as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within particular moral enslavements as that of/as faith and hope, whereas them I have failed me as my physical body because when I put my faith and/or hope in something/someone outside of myself, I am actually accepting and allowing my own continued enslavement and thus abdicate myself as life in saying that I’m not able to stand up and direct myself, therefore, I submit myself to and as my mind as consciousness to drag me through the gutter of me as my secret mind – instead of standing face to face with me as who I am as my mind – physical body in self-honesty and self-forgiveness and Direct Me according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand how through memories/character and personalities I have formed relationships which I allow to compromise me as my mind-physical body which are addictive in nature – where the addiction is actually the point of me not wanting to let go of the relationship because to let the relationship go requires me to forgive and release who I am as it, thus why I have remained within a point of self-compromise instead of taking responsibility for who I am as my mind of/as memories/character and personalities where I have remained in self-compromise in/as betrayal, blame and anger.

When and as I see myself existing in/as a point of self-compromise of deliberate and deceptive nature, I stop. I breathe. I direct myself within the understanding that I am the directive principle of me according to and in support of a world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to stop when I see myself existing within a point of self-compromise where I am withdrawing into myself in silence instead of directing myself in/as the moment where assistance and direction is required.

I commit myself to stop compromising myself within a fear of letting people down as I see, realize and understand how it is Not possible for anyone to let me down nor me to let anyone down, it is only possible to Not stand in/as self-responsibility thus, I commit myself to Stand and take self-responsibility for how our world exists and to thus support a world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to stop existing within self-compromise in and as polarities of love/hate and memory/characters/personalities of/as past experiences and judgments

I commit myself to stop compromising myself within my relationships wherein I lean upon them to the point of addiction thus creating pain within and as my physical body through my lack of awareness of me as my physical body.

I commit myself to show how compromising self in fear of self change is a complete lack of awareness of self as breath within the understanding that life is here to be shared and cared for in/as self-honesty through self-forgiveness and in supporting a world according to that which is best for All.

I commit myself to a relationship of equality and oneness with me as my physical body and this physical reality in order to assist and support in bringing forth a world where suffering, pain and war are no longer accepted as who we are and instead All life is supported within the principle of equality and oneness.

(Please read Heaven’s Blog with regards to: Who’s the Boss but Memory?: DAY 83)

Day 65: Living in Hope is a TRAP

Almost 2 months ago I had an ‘idea’ to test my application and stop by a casino after 2 years of not gambling. The ‘idea’ was to see if I was able to walk into a casino and walk out having only spent a predetermined amount of money. My ‘idea’ was coming from a dishonest starting point of curiosity and according to past experiences as picture presentations within my mind as them – thus I spent 3 times the amount of money that I had planned, and once again I had fallen into an energetic money pit. I see/realize and understand that from the beginning, I’ve not walked this point through from the starting point of self-honesty, thus it’s not surprising I’ve time-looped. Now, today, and earlier in the week I’ve had two occasions where I was driving alone with money in hand, and have been walking the same point of energetic thoughts to gamble. Hence, the following self-forgiveness.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use gambling as an incessant diversion to draw off attention from the starting point of existing within hope, where just like in religion I secretly hoped to receive a miracle so to speak so that my life can be easier by winning a jackpot, though, ultimately keeping myself trapped in cycles of a religious construct which offers a thrill to the ride in but will aLIEnate who one is, killing life itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to time-loop this point due to the nature of myself as being in a hurry to rid myself of the point – where inrushing I failed to see the nature of my starting point according to the individual energetic high within each of a string of assorted energetic/manipulating addictive behaviours that I’ve existed as, thus not fully comprehending the point within each, thus my ineffectiveness due to separation and lack of specificity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist where I have absolutely never known myself free from existing in some sort of energetic experience, so much so, that to consider Not ever having an energetic experience again, scares the hell out of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to experiencing myself in and as ‘ideas’ of energy where throughout my life I have accumulated myself as a variety of ideas/addictive behaviours where I’ve bounced to and from and back and forth as them depending upon accessibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never actually see myself as I did today, where I realized that within my life-line therein lies the truth and/or the consequences of me, where every thought I participate in as every word I speak is a move I make toward who/how I determine my next physical movement within my reality and that to Not understand that I am responsible for and as everything and everyone here is to be existing in nothing more than the nature of and as my own preprogrammed mind as consciousness slavery.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that I have always been the moving force of me as the piece in what I’ve always seen as a game of chasing myself rather than being here as myself, thus today, when and as I first played with/participated within the notion of gambling, I for a moment lost sight of the goal of consciousness which is to always achieve an Energetic High to continue the fueling of us as mind consciousness systems, which is exactly what is killing me as my physical body as well as the leading cause of depleting our physical reality – which is Not a game – in and as consumerism.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and desire to experience the smell of walking into the casino as that of freshly smoked cigarettes and hearing the sound of the slot machines as I would sit and continually feed money into slot machines mindlessly entertained within a hypnotic state of mind as nothing more than how a computer acts during a scheduled upgrade.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forEGO the fact that when I loose money gambling I create stress within my physical body which further accelerates the aging process as well as creates dis-ease within the cells of my flesh and internal organs thus, stress being an act of self-abuse upon me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be the fiend addicted to some pernicious habit in order to achieve an experience of myself to provide energy to fuel the mind as consciousness so much so that I saw how I was able to stop the demanding urge and downright tantrum/possession within and as my mind, just like giving candy to a baby because today, the moment I allowed myself to buy myself a single serving of chocolate pie, immediately, the urge to gamble stopped, because I gave my mind something to recharge it – sugar – the poison I saw as the least damaging for my physical body within that particular moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in the beginning not fully grasp the Desteni material because I didn’t really believe that we’re a pre-programmed mind consciousness systems, only now, as I was taking a simple trip to town to check our mail at the local post office, I saw who I really am within the struggle of inner urges to gamble in my quest to obtain some sort of energy to fuel my mind as consciousness – thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ever doubt what I’ve proved to/for myself – that not only are we pre-programmed as consciousness, but that we are led around by our nose according to energetic symbols and impulses as bait/trigger points, which we use and abuse to recharge ourselves as our mind using what we refer to as money, sex, spirituality, sugar, greed and games in and as competition/conflict and survival.

I commit myself to, through self-forgiveness stop who I am as an energetic vampire and to show myself who I am free from the greed of energy and money which is exactly what keeps the world turning as the abuse we see manifested here as hell on earth.

I commit myself to stop how I forEGO life itself when I value energetic experiences over supporting life according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to show how Self-forgiveness will assist to support Self-in-honesty so self can actually see that it IS possible to stop what and who we’ve become as a mind consciousness system thus then gift self the ability to support an Equal Money system creating Heaven on Earth for All.


Please Read Earth’s Journey to Life with regards to ‘The emergence of ideas’:
Day 33: Emergence of Ideas
Day 34: Emergence of Ideas Self Forgiveness Statements
Day 35: Emergence of Ideas Self Forgiveness Statements Continued

Day 36: Emergence of Ideas Self Commitment Statements