Tag Archive | redemption

Day 60: Mirror Mirror lies of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that my relationships have been reflecting patterns of the lies I tell myself on the inside thus bringing to life the parts of me that I’ve chosen to ignore and/or disown because I fear facing the lies I’ve allowed myself to tell myself according to the direction of me as my mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that any and all abuse within my relationships is actually all the lies I’ve lived as me mirroring me from the inside out and is according to that which I fear revealing as who and what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become of/as what lies beneath the layers of/as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to point the finger to/towards my partner as him being the reason for my habits and/or behaviors through and how I have lied to and lived denial as myself as I reached outside of myself for that which I craved from myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my partner as controlling my behavior when in fact my perception of being controlled is coming from within myself not from someone outside of me simply because I’ve lied to and don’t like the girl I see as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to teach myself throughout my childhood that the only way to have a relationship with another is to give up parts of myself so I lied in waiting for myself not seeing that I’m only adding fuel to the fire in my own game of self-victimization.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie my way out of seeing who I really am as the one who’s standing right in front of me waiting for me to stop judging myself and to instead forgive myself for forsaking me in and as polarity games of love and hate, right and wrong, and positive and negative energetic equations where there is no one winning only death in waiting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play the biggest lie of all in the game of money where the ‘stakes are high’ in attempting to buy my way to unconditional love – instead of realizing that money is the set up for and as the lie that keeps us on the marriage-go-round.

Proverbs 1:11: They may say, “Come and join us. Let’s hide and kill someone! Just for fun, let’s ambush the innocent.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live and become the words written by man even as I lied to myself that I’m better than that, when in fact I am equally responsible for the countless acts of abuse that have been imposed on the poor and innocent within our world while I saw in the mirror only what I as my mind as consciousness wanted to see.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lie to myself to such a degree that I’ve not yet understood the depths of my own self-betrayal so much so that I’ve not realized that in my own self-neglect I’ve neglected to see what I’m accepting and allowing as the abuse that is running rampant in and as the hearts of man as we sit and watch and allow children to go homeless and starve to death daily.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist as the lie in families who believe their bloodline deserve to have All the Money yet care not for those that suffer and have absolutely nothing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so engulfed in self-interest and greed that I wouldn’t see how I lied and manipulated myself into believing that I was a ‘good person’ not realizing how that was my biggest lie of all because in my belief of being a ‘good person‘ was the beLIEf that I deserved to have and be more than others and never considered those who are existing in the Reality of our World which is, if you don’t have money, you get to die because those who have money and see themselves as a ‘good person’, don’t really give a shit.

I stop. I Breathe. I take self-responsibility for what I‘ve accepted and allowed as how our World exist, and I commit myself to supporting a world/money system which does away with good and bad, right/wrong and positive and negative polarities, and instead supports ALL Living beings according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to face all of me no matter how painful I perceive it to be in seeing myself within all that is here.

I commit myself to show that our Reality is not pretty pictures and free vacations but is in fact hell on earth daily for millions and that to Not see how we’re All Equally responsible to bring an end to abuse and suffering is to be existing as a slave of and as the CON of Consciousness.

Please READ the Following:

The Deal with the Devil: DAY 40
Adam and Eve: DAY 51

Day 49: The Quantum Flesh
Day 63: Pinky and the Brain

Reasons for Sale

When I was a little girl I was always reasoning out in my mind why things are the way they are. Like when I watched the movie ‘The Wizard of Oz’, which is a 1939 American musical fantasy film – my reasoning was based on my thoughts about how good it made me feel, and I would get lost in my head to the song in it which was called ‘Somewhere over the rainbow’. So really, the whole thing was just mind masturbation.

But the day comes for us all. We grow up and one day all reasoning is gone and the reasons of money becomes reasoning’s place and before long we understand that Money has always been the ruling reason. Now, having just finished watching the Documentary: The Secret of Oz, I realize even more just how deceptive the reasoning’s of the mind are.

Who knew that, it’s well known to those who’ve studied economics, that ‘The Wonderful Wizard of Oz’, which was written by L. Frank Baum in 1900, was loaded with powerful symbols of monetary reform. The yellow brick road symbolized the gold standard, the emerald city of Oz was that of greenback money and even Dorothy’s slippers – which, in the original book, were silver, (changed to ruby slippers for the movie version) were the symbol of Baum’s s belief that adding silver coinage to gold would provide the much needed money in a depression-strapped, 1890s America.

It’s unbelievable what we’ve overlooked – how Baum’s book, in which he symbolized the greed and downright deception and corruption within our world and our monetary system – was never even recognized because humanity never even noticed. Instead it was made into a theatrical money making multimillion dollar Hollywood movie which sent us all into mental masturbation and then went on to rank among the Top 10 Best Movies of All Times! Truly an Amazing Disgrace.

Every day, more and more, I’m seeing how everything here, it’s All been a pack a lies and it’s always been about money, power and control. The documentary is something one has to see for themself to fully grasp exactly how our current monetary system became the way it is and how there is absolutely nothing that’s going to assist this world until the root of the problem is understood, addressed and a real solution is provided.

It’s not that difficult to see what the real solution is when one begins to understand just how many people struggle with money issues every single day, as opposed to the number of those who are rich and never struggle with day to day worries over money.

Livin paycheck to paycheck and barely making it – it sucks! Money for this – money for that. Money for something to eat, money to have a place to sleep, money to fix the car, money to have the water turned back on, money for electricity and heat, money for clothes, money for school and money to get to work to earn the money for all the above and even money for paper to wipe our ass! Money is the most important thing to us whether we want to admit it or not and it’s time we got real acquainted with how we can stop this shit and redesign our current money system so we can begin to enjoy life.

Look closely – every single person, place and/or thing that exists within our world is for sale with plenty of reasons why.
Even our idea of God is for sale… Tomorrow is Easter. I can remember more than once my reason for not going to church on Easter morning was because I didn’t even have one extra dollar to put into the offering plate that was always passed around during the morning praise and worship service – and honestly, I remember wondering how many other people were as tempted as I was to grab a handful of the cash as it passed in front of me, because I didn’t have enough money to buy food for the week. The fact is, Money is my God, it’s just the truth.

Many people are struggling and even starving to death – just hear this interview: Life Review – Superman of the Streets, it caused me to realize how I know nothing of what real life struggle actually is.

Realize that life as it exists within this world, is not necessary when there is a solution for each one here that is so simple. One Man, One Vote = Equal Money. It’s real. It’s how we bring an end to abuse and suffering.

Watch the documentary: Secret of Oz, and then, Investigate the Solution: Equal Money

“The important point to realize is that money supply are manipulated deliberately –this cause untold suffering, and is a crime that has been allowed for hundreds of years –this means that the politicians, the bankers, the economists , the religious leaders all have a hand in this control and a total disregard for the well being of humanity
Never mind the animals.” – Bernard Poolman

An Easter message to parents

Don’t do it, don’t buy into the belief that you should become the consumer who willingly buys their child an Easter basket filled with sugary candy.

We’ve obviously not yet understood the influences of advertising and television and the manipulation techniques used within our daily lives in how we’ve succumbed to commercialism. The mere mention of Easter, for me use to bring about thoughts, feelings, desires and a wave of emotions where I would set out on a quest to fill baskets full of sugary candy and cheap toys which I would then give to my children. I can’t turn back time but I can forgive myself and share what I’ve begun to understand and see as common sense. Investigate for yourself how toxic sugar is and don’t subject your children to it.

Sugar Stop – 7 days off the white toxic substance

Eight days ago Bernard Poolman suggested we watch a documentary titled: Sugar The Bitter truth. I’m really grateful Bernard suggested it, and I wasn’t completely shocked when I heard Dr. Robert Lustig as he shared about how toxic and dangerous sugar is upon our physical body. He explains how human obesity rose at the same time that fat consumption was suggested to be decreased which caused everything to taste like cardboard so then extra sugar was added to make things taste better. Then, we all know what happened. Heart disease became one of the many diseases which has been on the increase worldwide. Add soft drinks and the invention of high-fructose corn syrup and you have two of the largest culprits seducing and sucking the life from our physical bodies.

The in-depth evidence of how toxic sugar is left me no choice, I immediately made the decision to stop consuming all processed sugar and high-fructose corn syrup. Almost all pre-packaged food has purposely added sugars so I’ve limited my eating to low fat proteins such as turkey and chicken and high fiber low glycemic vegetables, as well as fruit in small portions.

As of today, I’ve been off sugar for 7days. One week and 12 hours to be exact. That doesn’t sound like very long but I’m satisfied with how my progress is coming along as I’m walking this point the same as I’ve walked other addictive behaviors that I’ve stopped successfully.

Over the past 4 years, as I’ve walked and applied self-forgiveness and breathed through the desires of my secret mind and forgiven and directed me in self-corrective application, I’ve been able to stop numerous addictions – for instance, smoking cigarettes. I’ve also stopped abusing my body with at least 10 different prescription medications, all of which were prescribed to me by an M.D. who was sure I needed them – even though I know now that I really didn’t. I also stopped an addiction that almost broke me and my partner, which was gambling. And, there’s my personal favorite which was smoking pot – which when I stopped, it seemed like it was going to be nearly impossible simply because I enjoyed the hell out of smoking it. But, now I see that that really wasn’t true and I’ve proved for myself through self-forgiveness that it was only difficult according to the thoughts of my secret mind and it was a point of directing myself to stop participation as well as the point of self-acceptance – where within me I had granted permission for and I became the abuse I was allowing. Once I breathed and became aware of my secret mind and the backchat then I was able to stop and forgive the addictions and as I directed me as my mind in self-honesty I was able to stop them.

The first day of no sugar was pretty easy, and I know now it was because it’s just like coming off of drugs. Meaning, I had a build up of sugar within my physical body so it took till the end of the second day before I began to experience withdrawal, and that second night, I woke up with my whole body trembling. The third day, I became aware of an emotion where my mind ‘thought’ it was depressed – like it was waiting for the sugar high and I refused to give it any – instead, I just kept drinking water, resting, was patient and focused on my breathing.

By the fourth day, my head felt like it had just hit a brick wall. Let me explain. I was in a car wreck once where I was driving on an unfamiliar road and I wasn’t paying any attention to my driving because I was in my head worrying about money because I was wanting to go to the casino to gamble. So what happened, at a speed of 50 miles an hour, I rear ended a 1-½ ton pick-up truck who was stopped at a traffic light on the other side of the unfamiliar curve in the unfamiliar road I was driving. Subsequently, I hit my head and busted my lip on the steering wheel which caused me to require stitches and the policeman who arrived afterwards told me that the speed I hit the truck is equivalent to hitting a brick wall.

So I compare my 4th day of no sugar feeling like I hit a brick wall because it was like hitting that stopping point full on within the realization that there is no choice but to push myself and breathe it through.

On the 5th day I felt lethargic, restless and hypersensitive all at once, as well as being very thirsty. I drank alot of water which really assisted me. And, I also give credit to my 21 month old granddaughter who was staying with me that day. She always assists me to breathe and keep it simple.

That evening I could sense a leveling within my physical body and I began to look at how for years I willingly gave my children sugar in one form or another even when they were to young to care. And the thing is, if I had just stopped for one moment and considered in self-honesty what and why I was feeding them sugar, maybe I wouldn’t have. It’s easy now to see how sugar is just a drug. It only took once, once using the sweet poison as some form of bribery in an attempt to get my kids to behave or act the way I wanted them to act…and after that they cried for it…I see now how that is clearly child abuse.

The end of the 5th day of no sugar – my mind said: ‘what’s the point!’, and that’s when I spoke out-loud STOP! That’s when I took a walk outside and breathed and remembered what I’ve proved to myself already through stopping other addictions – which is, this to shall pass – IF – I’m willing to in self-honesty forgive myself and direct myself within and as the self-corrective principle of me and through accumulating myself breathing according to what’s best for all I take self-responsibility for what is here – to stop what I’ve accepted and allowed to exist within a world of abuse and I stop hanging onto the crutches of the mind because those crutches have been a point of avoiding facing me. I am no longer willing to exist like that.

The sixth day of no sugar and there was like clearing underway within me. Further confirmation of what I’ve proved before to myself – that self-honesty is key in taking self-responsibility to stop thoughts, desires, habits, feelings, emotions and even the physical symptoms that manifest as a result of mental and physical addictions – and is further proof that addiction is a pre-programmed self-imposed state of mind that can be stopped. The perfect interview to suggest here is one that assisted me greatly, its: Life Review – How Thoughts Bombard the Physical and Destroy Self.

Walking this process, the day arrives, you’re walking along and suddenly you’re like, wow – I haven’t had a single thought about what I use to think I was addicted to in months. It is done. I am no longer that…

Obviously, I’m still recovering from a life time of sugar abuse to my physical body. And, I encourage anyone reading this to do the same and Stop sugar. How are we ever going to know who we really are if we’re not willing to face ourselves through self-forgiveness and in self-honesty stand up in support of all life? It’s why we’re here – to support each other and there’s much to do so join us.

A Question and a Quest for parents

Why isn’t the white sugary shit illegal? I guess we all know the answer to why it’s not illigal to give sugar to our children and that’s because of money. The sugar, cereal, bread, pastry, soft drink, candy industry knows no bounds when it comes to profit over protecting life. As I continue walking sugar free, I will keep asking what will it really take for parents to finally stop accepting, allowing supporting and giving the toxic substance of sugar to our babies?

CONsuming ourselves with spending and consuming sugar is just the beginning of a rather long list of beliefs we’ve given to a date and day which we call Easter. Instead of debunking religious beliefs surrounding Easter in this blog- I suggest you watch: 2012 A contemplative Easter message.

Further info and links in the Research regarding Sugar toxicity

Recent research proves how deadly sugar is,(and one can test this for self). They’ve now proved how sugar activates our brain in a special way reminiscent of drugs like cocaine and the minute sugar touches our tongue technology is proving how certain areas of our brain responds to it and as a reward, dopamine – a chemical that controls the brain’s pleasure center – is being released, just as it would in response to drugs or alcohol. Results are also proving how cancerous tumors seek hold of and grow when we consume sugar. These points and more within the following links.

Sugar The Bitter truth

Is sugar toxic?

Sugar addiction in rats may shed light on human behavior

Cancer and Sugar

Toxic: Sugar

“Fructose are marketed to the health nuts as lifestyle food. No research went into this, but the assumption that it must be healthy because of its relationship to fruit. Do not trust health foods without your own BIOCHEMICAL research. The Human body is a Biochemical machine. You cannot make decisions based on how things taste or feel or on the fact that it has no immediate detrimental effect. The body accumulates physical stress over time. In many countries no research is required before foods are packaged to be sold as some miracle food or cure.” – Bernard Poolman

Photo by Marlin Vargas Del Razo

My week and my perspective in less than a minute

It’s kind of odd, yet very cool, when one realizes that there was suppose to be a ‘reaction’ coming forth from self. Like the expectancy of seeing the sun rise in the morning, yet, instead one is able to stop and breathe. So instead of rising to the occasion and accepting self as the reaction based on a past experienced memory of self – this one in particular being that of the death of my sister in how I’ve been aware of automated pre-programmed reactions coming forth for me to either accept and allow according to fear of loss and/or fear of death – or to stop and breathe through in self-forgiveness. So when one is able to stop and realize that the reaction coming forth within self is merely self facing self according to what self has accepted and so allowed of self in the past, it’s very cool to assist self to be able to have a self honest look within self wherein both within and without one is able to forgive and release self in the moment. One is then able to see how the emotions and feelings of such events simply are not real and can be stopped.

In no way am I implying that I will not miss the being who was my sister, however, my perspective is, we will all continue to die to our physical bodies because we accept and allow abuse to ourselves and to others here within our physical reality. The being in which my sister really is, I’m sure would agree. So until and when we All determine and agree as one that who we really are is Life, as All as One as Equal and allow our physical bodies and our physical reality the dignity and support as such – we’re going to continue to suffer and die, until we stop. Maybe ‘death’, and our acceptance of it, is the ‘original sin’ that we’ve All ‘bought’ into…After all, we accept and allow plenty to die needlessly daily due to our abusive money system…Because the fact is, ‘Money’ is God. Let’s All agree to Stop…

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Detox through Self-Forgiveness

silky blue watersI forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that happy, sad and joyful and/or remorseful is a true state of being in order to influence myself and others as being divine and/or sinful according to an experience of myself within and as the physical wherein I manipulated and constructed alternate views of myself as I became possessed and obsessed with wanting and seeking more until I manifested and created abuse towards myself and others as I played the deadly game of polarity. I stop. I breathe. I stand here before myself in self-honesty and bare myself for me to see who and what I have become and I strengthen myself according to the principle of equality so that all life here may not continue to manifest and construct abuse, but instead see the part of themselves within and as all of existence.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within a self defined category of self hatred and self regret according to and as a self destructive nature wherein I accepted and allowed myself to be and become blame and shame within anger and sorrow and within that destroyed the nature of life for myself and generations to come just like my mom and dad, and their mom and dad as we continued to destroy life according to and as the direction of our mind. I stop the cycle of abuse.  I breathe. I direct myself for and as all life here according to the principle of equality where I accept and allow all life a world lived in self-honesty here within and as the physical purified as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always want, need and desire to be right according to some divine wisdom and/or insight as knowledge and information that I believed I had, which I never did have, but was only existing as according to and as the direction of my mind in which I willingly participated.  Instead I direct me here in self-honesty as the breath of life in this moment having no predetermination and/or ideas or preconceived wisdom except to will myself here as all as one as equal as I stand in support of an Equal Money System as a beginning solution for all to live side by side in dignity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to doubt and fear myself as not being life worthy wherein I remain silent yet within that I still want and desire attention from others as if I’m some sort of fallen rock star that never was, as I hated myself for the very desires  that I long ago accepted and allowed and acted as for so long until I became them.   I stop. I breathe. I let resistance go as who I have been.  I stand within and as self-honesty and accept and allow myself to become life birthed here within and as the physical as all as one as Equal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take all life for granted as I abused myself mentally as I participated in thoughts and became an abomination to and as creation wherein I didn’t realize how I was creating brutality and terror that exists within and as this world where innocent children are suffering daily. Instead I stand and direct myself according to and as the principle of equality wherein I support an Equal Money System accepting and allowing all life to exist in dignity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself according to and as the direction of my mind as thoughts to such a degree that I didn’t even recognize who I was or how I was becoming amidst the clutter of feelings and emotions swelling inside me as desires of my flesh would beg for attention wherein I lost all senses of myself and what is real here within and as this physical reality. I stop. I breathe. I accept and allow me completely to face me here standing as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for myself wherein I believed that I am not capable and allowed myself to struggle according to the direction of my mind within an idea of who I am and/or was wherein I have been selfish and unforgiving of myself and all life as I directed myself in spite towards myself and others. I stop. I breathe. I  accept and allow myself to be and become worthy of and as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pretend to be strong when really I wanted to crawl away and hide wherein I judged myself as being inadequate and ineffective according to an experience of myself when I was a child in which I predetermined who I would be and how I would act and in the process became the very definition of misery. Instead I direct me here according to and as oneness and equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall in love with faith and hope wherein I didn’t know what self-responsibility really meant because I remained lost in dreams of a better day and a better energetic experience of myself as I existed in selfish pride and ego as I manifested heartache and greed upon myself and others. I stop. I breathe. I stand before myself and face myself in self-honesty as I support an Equal Money System for and as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to abdicate myself from life according to how I defined myself within the words faith and hope that a higher being was going to come here and sort me and this world out with a solution separate from myself and all wherein I would then bow and kneel at their disposal.  Instead I stand and take self-responsibility for myself and all life in realising that the solution to all and everything here is based on the equality equation wherein all life is determined according to and as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I am not life worthy and/or that my light does not shine bright enough and equal to others wherein I have forsaken myself and others according to the desires of and as the direction of my mind. Instead I stand and realise that I am life worthy according to and as the principle of equality as I stand in support of an Equal Money System.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in a holy place in the sky where I would go when I died because I was saved according to my belief in a God and/or Jesus who I believed died on the cross for my sins and  because I believed in it for and as selfish reasons I then believed that I was washed in the blood of Jesus.  Instead I stand and direct me here according to and as the principle of equality within an understanding that all living beings are sacred and deserve to live a life in dignity.  I direct myself within and as my physical body as I stand in support of an Equal Money System for all life to live heaven on earth for real.


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