Tag Archive | quantum mind

Day 173: Money Hungry Voice of Delusion

continuing here from: Day 171: Voices in my Head!

Day 172: Belittling Voices

Ok, continuing here to investigate the characters/personalities that I gave energy to as the voices in my head when my daughter called to ask me if I will stop on my way to her house and pick her up a pack of cigs – I can already see the depth of my ego as it flows from the innermost fabric of who I am according to the almighty dollar. Therefore,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize who I become when the mention of money triggers a multitude of personalities within and as my mind, where at the mere mention of money my mind takes a negative energy experience of myself and utilizes energy as a spring board of sorts to catapult myself further into and as my mind further into the depths of who I am as ego – where I slip myself right into and as a suit of authority with green-bac$ positioning all the way with survival secretly on my mind as I reach for a positive feeling experience – while I protect the who I am as ego because I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that nothing I can ever do will ever change who I am – all the while not realizing that in that moment of breath, as I imagined myself having a grandiose experience of authoritative nature, I never noticed the tone of the money hungry voice of delusion in my head, secretly speaking to my daughter’s request first with the words: “you have got to be kidding me” – where instead of actually hearing/seeing/realizing/understanding the fear in the constant state of struggle that exists within the lives of people within our current world/money system – I’m to busy accepting the fear of who I am and sugar coating it within and as who I am as ego, because that’s how I avoid taking self-responsibility for the role that I play within our world which is ravished daily according to the rules of a Capitalistic Money System.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to completely deny how money is my hook, line and sinker,  where according to money and how much or how little I have of it, I will take myself from a negative to a positive experience as hopelessness to powerful all within multiple dimensions of/as delusions in and as my mind – where I secretly allow the voices in my head to direct who I am and what decisions I make because I have never had the courage to face all of me, to see, realize and understand every detail of my being, to direct myself in self-honesty, to change the very nature of who I am to one where the voices in my head stop within the movement of forgiveness as self in and as a practical physical living of/as self, according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall for the delusional voices in my head that lead me to imagine that when I experience energy whether positive or negative that it must be a real experience that I can call my own – when the fact is my relationship to energy as experience is and has always been on borrowed time,  no different from borrowing moneyin that there will always be a debt to be paid  – where the more we take from the life of others in accepting and allowing pain and suffering, the more in-debt to and as life we become.

When and as I see myself in a situation where one of my children for instance, are asking me for money, and in my head I hear a voice that beats to the tone of sarcasm as my mind enters what seems like warp speed and I barely notice that I am imagining myself as someone who is a voice of authority and power,  because that’s who I make myself believe I am when it comes to money – because that gives me an experience in my mind that I’m in control of my life when in fact I am completely aware that we in fact have No control within our abusive world/money system, a SYSTEM that WE accept and allow, I stop, I breathe – instead I direct myself to see, realize and understand that the rules of our current world/money system are ones that WE have accepted and allowed without considering the fact that WE are constantly setting ourselves up to fail, thus, I commit myself to show how it is I / WE who decide who we are and I commit myself to remain standing until the last tear drop falls and we’ve had enough, where we see, realize and understand and are willing to push ouselves to change the very nature of who we are through self-forgiveness –  to thus become aware of the patterns that bind us, so we can be prepared and willing to re-design ourselves and our current world/money system to one that supports ALL life according to what’s best for all,  to bring an end to the dis-ease of the human psyche, and manifest Heaven on Earth, with the first step being that of Equal Money.

I commit myself to show that the patterns of our mind is the fear that binds us and keeps us in our constant pace to survive and how fear is absolutely Not necessary, that the nature of the human is constantly limited by and through our abusive money system to such an extent that we can’t even meet ourselves coming or going thus time just drags on and on, thus, it’s TIME  to  STOP and SUPPORT EQUAL MONEY.

I commit myself to re-design myself according to what’s best for all in realizing that money does Not have to be the spark that inflames us where we become evil and greedy and irresponsible to those who are without it.

I commit myself to assist ourselves as a humanity to give to ourselves that which all other beings of life comprehend,  the gift of LIFE for each One with Equal Money.

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Day 172: Belittling Voices

Continuing here from: Day 171: Voices in my Head!

So, when my daughter called to ask me if I will stop on my way to her house and pick her up a pack of cigs, I immediately reacted within myself and basically thrusted my inner reactions upon my physical world/reality/existence as I projected anger and spite through me as my physical body and all over anyone and everything within the path of me.

I mean, that’s how we are as our mind. It’s quite insane and our relationship to money keeps the insanity going, so much so that we don’t even stop to question why and how come we are what we accept and allow as our mind directing us?

There is definitely something going on here and it’s high time we sit our asses down, breathe and begin to understand why and how it is that we think, feel and act/behave the way we do.  Visit: Desteni I Process Lite and Learn Practical Life Skills Online Free!

Everything we are and every relationship we’ve ever had has been programmed into us, including Money, (Watch: Human Resources: Social Engineering In The 20th Century). So, I’m beginning to understand the seriousness of our life here on Earth.  How the ‘issue of money’ changes, shapes and guides me to the very core of my being. And, I am absolutely no longer willing to accept and allow myself to be the slave of my own mind with money as my living God all the while continuing down the same road paved in my own shit made from my own personal self-interest and greedy nature…

(Watch: Human Resources: Social Engineering In The 20th Century)
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize/understand how the very nature of who I am begins within the context of ‘what if‘s and ends within the context of fear of running out of money’, and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed inner conflict within myself where when my daughter asked me to get her a pack of cigs, I saw myself fighting a losing battle, where within myself I was teetering between a negative reaction/experience  in fear of going without/self-interest, and a positive reactio/experience of wanting to validate myself within an idea of me as super mom/self-interest, all the while within my mind was this image/thought that resembled an expression I saw many times upon my own mother’s face years ago when I would ask her for money and she would respond: ‘it seems like you only come to see me when you need money’, therefore, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed money as the force that drives me as my mind in the direction of and as energy experiences as thoughts, internal conversations/backchat and reactions of emotions and feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a character who is virtually my mother, meaning in how I move how she moved and I speak and express myself in and as the same fears as she spoke and expressed herself, even down to the point of how she overlooked the fact of how making money and having it, is, was and has always been considered as the most valid of All Human Motivation, in this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a living expression of/as that which my mother suppressed the most as the fear of not being in control of and thus not having enough money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how this energy within me that wants to strike back is in fact a force of energy as money within me as my mind where I become it as I continue to participate and support the multitude of nonsense and constant abuse within and as our current world/money system,  how as I become the energy that moves the voices in my head where I accept and allow myself to belittle people, where I’m spiteful, aggressive and tense towards another to the point of deliberately saying hurtful words at them – which always results in me taking a guilt trip where I try desperately to protect myself from having a negative experience by imagining myself as being ‘better than’- yet my aim to belittle another to make myself feel better within my mind as the get up and go to spark a positive experience for myself by boosting my ego leaves me ‘bitter within’ – while the real issue of self-interest, ego and greed as I have defined myself according to and exist as goes unnoticed and untouched and I remain unable to stand as a point of accountability, self-responsibility and stability for the role that I play in how I manifest, create and support our current world/money system.  I commit myself to stop, to breathe.

When and as I see myself within a situation where one of my children asks me to buy them something and/or to loan them money, I stop, I breathe – I see, realize and understand that this is sore-spot, a point where I have overreacted and accepted and allowed inner conflict over and over – the same as fighting a losing battle where I continue to cover up/veil/camouflage the real issue – which is me facing me as good vs evil/,  the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other – not realizing that the conflict of self splitting self is merely me accepting who I am under the direction of the mind as consciousness which is always motivated in fear, self-interest and greed – thus, I commit myself to take a stand in self-honesty and common sense, to see, realize and understand that this is not about being good/bad and/or right and/or wrong, this is about what is BEST FOR ALL, and that all I can do is what I can do within this moment of breath in self-honesty, thus, if I’m able to assist then so be it – that there is never a cause for putting self-interest before all in the name of survival, profit and/or greed, and that spite and belittling is a bitter form of resistance to/of life itself, which keeps self from taking self-responsibility for what I’ve accepted and allowed within and as our world/reality/existence – that what matters is LIFE according to what’s BEST FOR ALL, therefore, I commit myself to walk in awareness in realizing that when it comes to matters of money, (which is entangled in everything and everyone), I must walk as the directive principle of me in and as diligence, self-accountability,  patience and stability in remaining self-honest and consistent in my application of support of the solution for LIFE as Equal Money.

Day 171: Voices in my Head!


I have some serious issues existing within me when it comes to money. It’s true, not only can I no longer deny it, I’m quite sick of it, literally. Here’s what gets me all riled up. My youngest daughter calls to ask me if I will stop tomorrow on my way to her house and pick her up a pack of cigs because she’s spending her last few dollars on some Tylenol for her daughter who’s suffering from allergies.

So, why did I react in a rather pissy tone of voice and practically hang up on her? Here’s the thing: I’ve not really spoken to her today, only early this morning.  So when she called and I realized her reason for calling was about money, I immediately heard this voice in my head that said: “she only calls when she wants something”, followed by a string like sentence of: “or when she needs something from me which coincidently requires spending and/or loaning her money”. And there is the point!

Money brings out the demonic voices in my head that I have long accepted and allowed as who I am. So much so that I become spiteful, resentful, hateful, stressful and obviously ‘full’ of all kinds of shit.

So, what the hell is really going on within me and why do I react? I already see how my reaction response time is slower than the process that is actually taking place within and as my mind, thus my reaction is so automated that I barely realize that I’ve completely missed the thought/image and imagination dimension as I skip to the beat of backchat and react where I literally become the voices in my head!

Money is the catalyst that accelerates the voices/backchat in my head and the reactions and so much more because I accept and allow it to. I make money my God and when I have money it makes me ‘feel’ like a God over others. It’s a rather sick egotistical trip within the religion of self.

I mean, when I stop and breathe, I realize that I don’t really care a rat’s ass about having to assist my children, however, that is Not what me as my Mind is saying!  Me as my mind is a greedy manipulator and I realize the importance of investigating and understanding how the mind function. Because obviously it’s directing US ALL the f***ing time and it’s time we direct ourself as our mind to see who we can be as a humanity in self-honesty.

I’ve walked the Journey of Life long enough to know that when I react in any way to anyone, I absolutely have to bring the point back to myself. Because how we act and who we become is ALWAYS ONLY ABOUT SELF!

In the blogs to come, I will continue to investigate how money is the tool we use to keep us enslaved to and as our mind as consciousness and thus enslaved to an abusive world/money system.

Day 165: On the take

The point I’m seeing within myself and am applying self-forgiveness for is manipulation and the extent that I have seen that I will go in how I have manipulated myself and others in my attempt at surviving within our current world/money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ‘on the take’, where I’ve lived my life always seeking to take from what is here yet never willing to give unconditionally to all that which I believed I had the right to take.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bombard myself with secret fears of giving in to the desires of my mind thus ‘taking from’ that which gives me life as who I am as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I am on the take I am willing to use, abuse and manipulate to get what I want when I want it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I’m on the take I will tell you what you want to hear to try and make you trust me and then I will swoop in and thank you for giving me that which you swore you would never let go of because that’s how evil lives.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I’m on the take I have one goal in mind and that is that I am always looking for ways to make money and I won’t care who has to go without in order for me to reach my goal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I am on the take I am accepting and allowing myself to be used up within a world/money system that plays us against each other and yet we don’t realizes the odds are always in favor of the world/money system as the win.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have spent my life always feeling like I had to look out for me and if that meant that I had to take from others then so be it, and within that not realizing that I was never actually living because I was constantly paying for the service of being able to live.

When and as I see myself thinking about ways to take from others instead of giving – I stop, I breathe. I see, realize and understand that it is vital that I direct me as my mind instead of my mind directing me. Thus, I commit myself to stop existing in self-interest and greed and stop manipulating others and to instead ground myself here standing in support of a world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to facing who I am as the role that I play within our current world/money system.

I commit myself to slow myself down and stop allowing myself to rush through my life as I see, realize and understand that in my rushing I have been abusing myself and others as myself.

I commit myself to not give up on myself as I continue walking this process because I see, realize and understand how I have been manipulating myself in how I’ve been participating in thoughts of fear and frustration according to some recent pain and changes within and as my physical body.

Day 162: Blast from the Past

Today I received a phone call from a friend from my past that I haven’t spoken to in just over 5 years. The first thing I noticed when we started talking was an awkward silence and the realization that the connection we used to have between us, was simply not there.

However, our mind uses memory to compensate for those moments of awkwardness and it wasn’t long before the manipulation tactics began and I became aware of the familiarity in how our minds were seeking to rekindle those old feelings we once believed were so special between us. In a flash of a moment I was reminded of the direction that I had once chosen as I accepted and allowed my mind to guide me in the direction that would best benefit the self-interest of us both. I sat there looking within myself and realized that here was a peculiar moment I was fortunate to be witness to.

In one sense, the future as my past with the friend and me appeared the same as it had always been and yet, the fact of the matter was, something was entirely different, changed. It was then that I breathed in the relief that it was me who had moved from that particular space and time and was walking in a completely different direction.

I was surely grateful for the moment.  And, I am grateful for the Life Skills I’ve learned and applied through Desteni I Process, because that is how I’ve been able to assist myself to decide who I am within this moment, and for the clarity of my choice in the direction I am walking – to not settle for anything less than the decision I stand by and as, to walk my life according to what’s best for all.

LOL,, was interesting, how the phone call just sort of ended, with barely even a good bye.

Above Artwork by Lindsay Craver

Day 156: I Made my Mind up a Long Time Ago

Yesterday I had to go to the Doctor for assistance for the extreme pain I’ve been experiencing in my upper back. I didn’t want to go, but I knew that I had to utilize what is available as a bridge to assist me as my physical body.

After examining me the Doctor began to explain to me about the medicine he was going to prescribe for me, as well as the ‘long term plan’ which may involve physical therapy.

I quickly saw how I became defensive and energy swirled around me like a protective force field. I began to explain to him that if I have to take pain pills that I prefer they be ones that I know I can physically tolerate, and I went on to say: “it just makes more sense, no offense of course.”

LOL, Well, he didn’t take kindly to what I said and I began to see how his eyes – which were looking directly at me – how they began to shift from side to side, first to the left then to the right and then back to the left and then back to the right again, shifting, shifting. My questioning his decision got him to thinking and the proof that that wasn’t a good thing was as clear as the frozen frown on his face that he couldn’t seem to shake.

I knew that I didn’t really want to have to take medicine, but I also knew that at the moment, I required some relief and the medicine is only a temporary solution. I had the thought: “I know what’s best for my physical body”!   However, I didn’t say that out loud because it was obvious he was still processing my previous words.


It was in that moment that I realized something and I decided at that point to shut the hell up, breathe and ask him to tell me more about the medicine he wanted to prescribe for me.

What I realized was, before I ever walked into his office, I had prepared myself  to instigate my own plan of action according to what and how I had previously made my mind up long before I arrived for my appointment – before he’d even had a chance to examine me.

See. I have never liked the fact that a Doctor, or anyone for that matter, have the authority and a “so-called-right”, according to the rules of the Matrix, to determine the best treatment plan for me – to take away my responsibility for me as my physical body.

I mean, it’s my physical body even though I’ve not actually been very responsible for and as it.   Seriously though,  there is NO Free Will and we have very little to do with the decision making processes within our world.   Free Will…   What a Joke…

Moving on… I realized that I reacted rather catty towards him and that I could have and should have directed myself in a stable manner, and I shared that with him. He immediately looked me in the eyes again and repeated his suggestions for my treatment.

The whole experience assisted me to realize how important it is that I redefine who I am within the meaning of  the words: “I Made my Mind up a Long Time Ago”.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become defensive where I experience myself in and as energy swirling around myself like a protective force field within a memory of my past, thus, I stop. I breathe. I see, realize and understand that who I was 5 years ago is no longer who I am today and as I continue to walk the Journey to Life, I have proven to myself how self can and will change through writing, applying self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application, thus, I commit myself to show how energy experience is the result of accepting myself to be directed of and as my ego as I’ve existed in my past, thus, I see, realize and understand how energy is ego as my past which has to end at death as it is our mind as consciousness, therefore,  I commit myself to direct myself as my mind to stop energetic ego experiences and to walk according to what’s best for all – to thus then prove that the past is over.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a character of and as my mind where I exist in a make belief story within my mind made up about who and how I’m going to behave and experience myself within a given moment long before the moment is actually here and where within my secret mind, I participate in and as judgment and expectations that someone (in this case my Doctor) will also participate along with me in my make belief story, and when they don’t, I unleash a strong reaction of dislike onto them, which is actually an outflow of a reaction that I suppress deep within me with regards to our current world/money system, yet my suppression is indirectly imposed upon and implying that they ( in this case my Doctor), are the cause/source for/of my reaction of/as dislike and frustration to/toward what I realize is a cruel, corrupt and unjust world/money system.

I commit myself to stop existing as a character where I make up within my mind who I will be and what I’m going to say within a given moment before the actual moment is even here.

When and as I see myself talking to myself inside my head pre-planning what to say and or do with regards to an upcoming appointment, I stop. I breathe. I realize that in doing so I am actually reacting to my own reactions in fear of what may or may not happen thus, I commit myself to slow myself down and remain aware of who I am within this moment of breath.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project anger onto others according to a reaction from within myself which is actually to/toward our current world/money system, and where I will take that a step further insofar as to preplan for myself a ‘line of defense’ so that I’ll ‘know my lines’ and know just how to act so when the moment arrives, all I have to do is be the stand-in, on autopilot, and become who I’ve already constructed myself to be within my mind, and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry if my made up mind script is not welcomed by and played out by/as someone that I perceived will play the supporting role in my illusion in order to help me bring to life my perception of happiness within a world full of pain turned into a make belief story that I Made up within my Mind a Long Time Ago.

I commit myself to stop projecting anger onto others according to a reaction within myself  where I am misdirecting my frustration of our money system onto my present moment and to instead breathe and remain aware of who I am within this moment here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I make my mind up about someone and/or something according to a past experience of myself in a memory where I lost control of myself and then suppressed the experience as a memory which I believed I had to hide in order to protect my self shame, thus I devised a script for myself as a protection mechanism – like putting up an energetic wall all around me – where I can hide and keep to myself the make belief story within my mind where I deceive myself into believing that I’m coming out aHEAD within what is nothing but an illusion of control thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as that which I made up within my mind about myself a long time ago in and as fear in an attempt to avoid facing all of me and my responsibility to all that is here.

I commit myself to stop making my mind up about people, places and things as a way of setting myself up to be and become automated within my world as a way of avoiding facing who I am within what and how our world exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am as my past rules who I will always be, thus, I justify my deceptive behavior in an attempt to set myself up to experience energetic outflows where the results of who I am  remain the same with no change because I made up my mind about myself a long time ago when and as I believed the make belief story within my mind as consciousness that I couldn’t and/or wouldn’t be worthy of and as life itself.

I stop. I Breathe.

to be continued

Day 153: Fear Me Not

I’m facing some changes in my life and within them have become very aware of how it’s in the smallest details that I face my biggest fear in asking myself, am I willing, and can I stop my fear of change, to thus change myself from the inside out, where the result is me standing for eternity, in support of and for a World according to what’s best for All.  Thus, beginning here with the following self-forgiveness.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny that I fear change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I fear change I am in fact in fear of me as who I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel outta control at the idea of a sudden change in my life such as the death of a family member or having to move from where I live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I have utilized the words ‘out of control’ as a definition of self that keeps me stuck within a place of suppression within myself where I have believed that I’m not strong enough to make it if my life were to suddenly dramatically change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate change with losing something and or someone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I change, where I stop the characters and personalities that I’ve become aware of in who and how I play out the desires of my mind, that I will upset and/or lose those closest to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed fear of change to stop me from taking any action at all which would result in me establishing self-trust.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate change as something that will cause me mental discomfort and/or physical pain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see change as a point of discontent within an image in my mind where I experience a sense of losing my possessions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend upon the same routine day after day where within my mind the daily routine locks me into continuing the perception of me as my mind as being in control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell stories to myself within my mind in order to make myself continue existing in the belief that I fear change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated with my children as a fear reaction when I see that they are about to enforce a change within their lives that I see will affect mine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have created a protection and defense mechanism within my mind against change in that when change comes up within my mind, I see how I relate who I am toward people and my environment within a definition of myself that appears to be a safe place of knowing who I am, yet is in fact not so because within me as my mind I exist in reference to and relate myself to that someone and/or my environment remaining the same in order for me to know who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that if who I am is dependent upon another person and/or my environment to stay a certain way for me to know who I am, then who I have believed myself to be is not and has never been real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that to fear change is to fear embracing who I am as life within and as my physical body and my physical reality, outside of and free from the direction of and as my mind.

When and as I see myself begin to fear what I see is going to result in a change within my world, I stop, I breathe.  Instead I direct myself to see, realize and understand that when change in self is required where self-honesty is applied within a principle according to what’s best for all, there is nothing to fear thus, I commit myself to stop going into an automated state of fear and to realize that life is in awareness of self as breath in every moment.

I commit myself to walk in and as the redefinition of self as the words ‘out of control’, where  I direct myself to be in control in determining who I am in self-honesty,  wherein I am stopping who I’ve been as my mind as consciousness because I see, realize and understand that it is I who decides who I am in control of me as my physical body as one who is strong and consistent in bringing forth a world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to show that who I am within and as change is to have a clear awareness of myself and my world in being able to assess in common sense what is best for all within any given moment and as such to realize the importance of supporting an Equal Money system as a means of supporting all life according to what’s best for all.