Tag Archive | psychics

Day 156: I Made my Mind up a Long Time Ago

Yesterday I had to go to the Doctor for assistance for the extreme pain I’ve been experiencing in my upper back. I didn’t want to go, but I knew that I had to utilize what is available as a bridge to assist me as my physical body.

After examining me the Doctor began to explain to me about the medicine he was going to prescribe for me, as well as the ‘long term plan’ which may involve physical therapy.

I quickly saw how I became defensive and energy swirled around me like a protective force field. I began to explain to him that if I have to take pain pills that I prefer they be ones that I know I can physically tolerate, and I went on to say: “it just makes more sense, no offense of course.”

LOL, Well, he didn’t take kindly to what I said and I began to see how his eyes – which were looking directly at me – how they began to shift from side to side, first to the left then to the right and then back to the left and then back to the right again, shifting, shifting. My questioning his decision got him to thinking and the proof that that wasn’t a good thing was as clear as the frozen frown on his face that he couldn’t seem to shake.

I knew that I didn’t really want to have to take medicine, but I also knew that at the moment, I required some relief and the medicine is only a temporary solution. I had the thought: “I know what’s best for my physical body”!   However, I didn’t say that out loud because it was obvious he was still processing my previous words.


It was in that moment that I realized something and I decided at that point to shut the hell up, breathe and ask him to tell me more about the medicine he wanted to prescribe for me.

What I realized was, before I ever walked into his office, I had prepared myself  to instigate my own plan of action according to what and how I had previously made my mind up long before I arrived for my appointment – before he’d even had a chance to examine me.

See. I have never liked the fact that a Doctor, or anyone for that matter, have the authority and a “so-called-right”, according to the rules of the Matrix, to determine the best treatment plan for me – to take away my responsibility for me as my physical body.

I mean, it’s my physical body even though I’ve not actually been very responsible for and as it.   Seriously though,  there is NO Free Will and we have very little to do with the decision making processes within our world.   Free Will…   What a Joke…

Moving on… I realized that I reacted rather catty towards him and that I could have and should have directed myself in a stable manner, and I shared that with him. He immediately looked me in the eyes again and repeated his suggestions for my treatment.

The whole experience assisted me to realize how important it is that I redefine who I am within the meaning of  the words: “I Made my Mind up a Long Time Ago”.

Self-forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become defensive where I experience myself in and as energy swirling around myself like a protective force field within a memory of my past, thus, I stop. I breathe. I see, realize and understand that who I was 5 years ago is no longer who I am today and as I continue to walk the Journey to Life, I have proven to myself how self can and will change through writing, applying self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application, thus, I commit myself to show how energy experience is the result of accepting myself to be directed of and as my ego as I’ve existed in my past, thus, I see, realize and understand how energy is ego as my past which has to end at death as it is our mind as consciousness, therefore,  I commit myself to direct myself as my mind to stop energetic ego experiences and to walk according to what’s best for all – to thus then prove that the past is over.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a character of and as my mind where I exist in a make belief story within my mind made up about who and how I’m going to behave and experience myself within a given moment long before the moment is actually here and where within my secret mind, I participate in and as judgment and expectations that someone (in this case my Doctor) will also participate along with me in my make belief story, and when they don’t, I unleash a strong reaction of dislike onto them, which is actually an outflow of a reaction that I suppress deep within me with regards to our current world/money system, yet my suppression is indirectly imposed upon and implying that they ( in this case my Doctor), are the cause/source for/of my reaction of/as dislike and frustration to/toward what I realize is a cruel, corrupt and unjust world/money system.

I commit myself to stop existing as a character where I make up within my mind who I will be and what I’m going to say within a given moment before the actual moment is even here.

When and as I see myself talking to myself inside my head pre-planning what to say and or do with regards to an upcoming appointment, I stop. I breathe. I realize that in doing so I am actually reacting to my own reactions in fear of what may or may not happen thus, I commit myself to slow myself down and remain aware of who I am within this moment of breath.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project anger onto others according to a reaction from within myself which is actually to/toward our current world/money system, and where I will take that a step further insofar as to preplan for myself a ‘line of defense’ so that I’ll ‘know my lines’ and know just how to act so when the moment arrives, all I have to do is be the stand-in, on autopilot, and become who I’ve already constructed myself to be within my mind, and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become angry if my made up mind script is not welcomed by and played out by/as someone that I perceived will play the supporting role in my illusion in order to help me bring to life my perception of happiness within a world full of pain turned into a make belief story that I Made up within my Mind a Long Time Ago.

I commit myself to stop projecting anger onto others according to a reaction within myself  where I am misdirecting my frustration of our money system onto my present moment and to instead breathe and remain aware of who I am within this moment here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I make my mind up about someone and/or something according to a past experience of myself in a memory where I lost control of myself and then suppressed the experience as a memory which I believed I had to hide in order to protect my self shame, thus I devised a script for myself as a protection mechanism – like putting up an energetic wall all around me – where I can hide and keep to myself the make belief story within my mind where I deceive myself into believing that I’m coming out aHEAD within what is nothing but an illusion of control thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as that which I made up within my mind about myself a long time ago in and as fear in an attempt to avoid facing all of me and my responsibility to all that is here.

I commit myself to stop making my mind up about people, places and things as a way of setting myself up to be and become automated within my world as a way of avoiding facing who I am within what and how our world exists.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am as my past rules who I will always be, thus, I justify my deceptive behavior in an attempt to set myself up to experience energetic outflows where the results of who I am  remain the same with no change because I made up my mind about myself a long time ago when and as I believed the make belief story within my mind as consciousness that I couldn’t and/or wouldn’t be worthy of and as life itself.

I stop. I Breathe.

to be continued

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2012 – Proving Human Nature Can Change

Recently, I read how ‘Philosophers have so far been unable to define ‘human reason’ any better than by saying that it is ‘good thinking’ in a systematic collection of language. The Language being that of Consciousness pre-programming – designs in polarity of right/wrong, good/bad and positive and negative.

I considered this today as I was saying bye to my daughter and granddaughter. As they were walking to the front door my daughter stopped and looked to the floor in front of Emmeline, (who’s 19 months old) and said: ‘ I think she just kind of threw up a little on the floor’. I was standing just behind Emmeline and I was holding a dish towel in my left hand from just finishing cleaning the kitchen – as her momma and I were looking silently to the floor, Emmeline gently turns around and retrieves the dish towel from my hand, leans down and gently soaks up what appeared to be nothing more than a small puddle of spit. lol, She likes to spit. Emmeline then placed the towel back in my hand and reached for the door handle to open the front door.

It was a simple moment and such moments of simplicity to often escape us instead of us seeing the relevancy of them. It’s interesting to see how a human being at 19 months old simply took action and moved in and as the moment. There was no appearance of any existing conflicts between thoughts and feelings and/or right/wrong and/or positive/negative. Obviously, she’s witnessed spills being cleaned – however, she’s not yet formed opinions and/or fears which are then accessed where one is subject to one’s ‘reasoning’ and therefore the entire movement of self is subject to self denial.

This for me further supports what I’m proving to myself daily through Desteni I Process – that human nature can change.

Consider that human beings are not born lazy, gay, or addicted – just to name a few of the many excuses and explanations we give for ourselves – that we’re living learned behaviors and memories which we take direction as through patterns which we are actually quite capable of stopping. We can see this for ourselves and we can stop how and what we accept and who we’ve become and even how and what makes emotions so incomprehensible to us.

We are each aware of how we participate in and as a secret place within our mind of backchat. Thoughts where we judge, criticize and imagine and fantasize until ultimately we move ourself as and experience them in way one or another.

The human being is the only species on this planet that accepts contradictions based in ideas and beliefs that are not only conscious, subconscious and unconscious – they are stricken in patterns of consistent and inconsistent polarities. To the human – it seems that his emotions and actions are independent of his thinking and we’re even at war with it. When in fact, our emotions are following pre-conceived conclusions. As such – we come to accept self dishonesty without even our awareness of doing so.

The emotions and feelings within one’s perception within the context in which they exist – through and as participation in and as the Mind of Consciousness – is not even real, yet they’re operative and deadly nonetheless.

Ideas, beliefs and opinions – all of which anyone can see for themself in self-honesty – has formed who we’ve become and are based in self interest and greed. We’ve either forgotten and/or we were never aware of the forming of our pre-designed and mimicked/learned behaviors, and we accept ourselves as such through relationship implication which then becomes the religion of self.

We have to stop existing without identifying the facts of what it is that we’re allowing within our behaviors which we actively work to not know, all the while seeking outside of ourselves in an endless search to ‘find ourself’. Where’s the logic? Where is the common sense?

We have to stop living reasons as the mind directing us and direct ourselves as our mind according to what’s best for all.

Young children are our proof, that we have the ability to change human nature if we are willing to see, hear and get to know who we really are as life through investigating self in self-honesty.

Make a Decision in 2012 that is Supportive of and as All Life and Stand up for a Solution that will jump start our own re-designing of humanity to Mankind – where all Life live in dignity.

Investigate and Support the Solution of Equal Money

Join Desteni and Desteni I Process – The Group who is Proving Human Nature Can Change