Tag Archive | prostitution

Day 6: Hello deSIRE My Old Friend


The television was on for a moment this evening, and as I walked past it, I noticed the show ‘American Idol’ was on, and there was this guy standing there singing. I immediately saw a thought come up within me which was, ‘he looks just like a guy named Wes I made out with a few times when I was 19!’ The way the guy moved his legs and feet – in a slow shuffling manner – how he slightly closed his eyes as he sung, his hair, the way he smiled a devilish grin – everything about his movement and behavior triggered familiar feelings of my encounter and desire for a guy named Wes from a past/memory/experience of myself from a long, long, long time ago.


Instantaneously, I had internal conversation, and emotion/feeling reactions as backchat, which was like,,,’wow, I can’t believe how much he looks like Wes’, and, ‘damn I should have slept with that guy (Wes)when I had the chance’.

I saw how the desire that was coming up from within me, was like an old friend that hadn’t visited in awhile and, for a moment, I didn’t want to walk away from what was an oddly appropriately fixed feeling reaction within the idolizing of a past memory-based experience toward someone I was seeing on television that I’d never physically met, and, there was within me a pressing need, a wanting to touch, feel and press my body up against his.

I actually began to see a physical change within myself. My heartbeat and my breathing increased and I saw how I had moved my right hand up to my mouth and I was slightly nibbling on the nail of my right index finger! I was slightly moving my hips and pelvic back and forth, up and in and then back, and, I was standing up straighter and my breasts/chest was perched upward highter than they normally are. There was also slight a sensation of arousal in my solar plexus and pelvic area. Whoa! I stopped that shit. I breathed.

All I wanted to do was to shake that shit hold off of me. Why participate in the mind in something that isn’t real, never was real and depletes our physical body from it’s life giving abilities? No way. I’d rather touch, feel and press my body up close and personal with my partner here within what’s real, thank you very much!

And – the whole damn memory-thought based mind construct – from the beginning first thought, happened faster than I could write it out here for myself to see. No wonder we’re so fucked! There is no doubt – our mind as consciousness is a sophisticated, well lubricated machine – and is one that we better learn to direct in self-honesty – so we can actually walk for real as masters of our domain, so to speak — because at the moment – we are not the masters of our domain – the mind as consciousness is. Clearly No matter what the deSIRE – the experience of desire is of the mind as consciousness, and must be stopped. Desteni I Process is assisting me with just such points as well as self-forgiveness

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear sex.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define sex as shameful.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have sexual experiences in my secret mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear self intimacy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid being intimate with me.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that in judging sex I am judging me.

I forgive myself for all the times that I’ve shamed myself into having sex in order to please and bribe a man to stay and never leave me.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that my body must be the picture perfect presentation in order for me to express myself as me one and equal to and as my physical body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I must fantasize and/or exist in desire towards another in order to express myself in enjoying me as my physical body – instead of realizing there are no rules — we can caress, lick, kiss, suck and touch in any manner our breath moves us is pleasing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a mindset that says the female must limit her aggressiveness – instead of realizing myself free from labels existent as thoughts, feelings, emotions/reactions and Money.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed a money system where woman are prostituted by men with money and judged by women who are influenced by men with money – instead of realizing that women hold the power to Direct, Change, and bring forth the Solution as Equality to/for and as All as One as Equal.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to see, realize and understand that self intimacy is the key of me in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish and hope and desire to be swept off my feet by a younger attractive man which I have in the past pictured in my mind as being, ‘The One’.

I forgive myself for taking so long to see, realize and understand that CONsciousness is a Life Defying act.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the desire of lust which is the minds way of wetting our appetite because the mind yearns in fear of losing it’s quest in it’s lust for power and requires our participation to sustain itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts/feelings/emotions/reactions and desires believing that I require and need another separate from me to come and fill me up – instead of realizing there is nothing to fill up except the mind as consciousness which through participation acts as fuel to continue sucking the life out of our physical body and as such our physical earth.

I Stop. I breathe. I direct me here in self-honesty in and as an agreement with myself to commit myself to support me as my physical body to walk according to a principle of equality where life is birthed here from the physical within and as a world/earth that is best for all in all ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enter into a relationship within the starting point of sexual attraction and/or love and thus have supported separation and dependency.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define me as having power according to sex and sexuality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing how sex and relationships currently exists within this world in supporting the current mind system/world system/money system – instead of two human beings coming together in agreement, one and equal where self is self expression wherein they assist and support each other to remain here within and as self-honesty and not accepting/allowing anything less than who they really are as life as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself for the arousal I experienced as an energetic reaction within and as my unconscious mind through seeing with my human physical eyes wherein my mind connected with what I saw and thus my mind sought to experience the arousal as energy to exist in order to further enslave, control, direct, abuse and abdicate life itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the mind, and so have existed as the abused and the abuser wherein through visualization I have masturbated to porno/pictures/thoughts/feelings and emotions which manifests abuse within this world such as child abuse and rape.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that sex is self nurturing instead of realizing that, ‘I am self nurturing‘.

i forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I require an experience of myself as anything other than who I am as me in this moment.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to express me as who I am capable of becoming in every moment of breath within and as oneness and equality as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have refused to accept and allow myself to see, realize and understand how in acts of participation in and as thoughts, feelings and emotions/reactions I am creating abuse and horror existent within this world as a manifested reflection/consequence of dishonesty existing in me. I stop. I breathe.

I forgive myself that I have refused to accept and allow myself to see, realize and understand that through and as acts of fear I manifest and create fear within and as this world.

i commit myself to see, realize and understand that my reactions to images reflect to me that I have abdicated my responsibility of giving life as I have received life.

I commit myself to dedicate myself to the only choice that I can freely make which is best for all life as the living word which is to stop and face me in self-honesty and embrace life through living myself in agreement and according to and as all as one as equal.

I commit myself to myself as I identify and establish solutions within my relationships with/as all that I will stand as a living example to identifying and establishing solutions within and as the functioning/existing of this World-System of Money to bring about an Equal Money System in bringing about Heaven on Earth.

I commit myself to take responsibility for all creations whether directly or indirectly allowed and created by me as I realize that regardless of whom create what, I am here part of this creation of words and am sentenced by my sentences and a convict of my convictions. I will no longer allow myself to be directed by faith as I understand that the practical meaning of faith is that when I walk as the living word as flesh, all relationships that follow will eventually respond in ways that is best for all life and thus this certainty in action to walk till it is done is me as dedication to life as the living flesh as the word faith. I will not wait for the illusions that is not of this world of flesh which I have mistakenly given values to through the mis-creation of faith without proven outcomes here as flesh.

I commit myself to dedicate myself to the only choice I can freely make namely that which is best for all life as the living word as that is the only choice that will not produce some influence of fear and in that choice I am free and thus create the same freedom for all to embrace once they have relinquished the fear they have embodied as flesh and see the simplicity of the living word when all are equal creators of the word with meaning that supports life equal in every way. – Bernard Poolman

I commit myself to the process of walking the above words til I have walked them equally as me as them.

Advertisements

Day 1: The most important message that I could ever leave for myself is simple – it’s Self-forgiveness

Art by: Marlen Vargas Del Razo

Day 1: I was asking myself today if there was one message that I would want to leave for myself – in case I was to ever come searching for myself in another life,,,or just searching for answers to life, what would the message be? What would I say to myself? Immediately I knew that the most important message that I could ever share with myself is very simple, it’s one of self-forgiveness.

The most important thing about self-forgiveness is that it stops the mind as consciousness – otherwise known as: thoughts, feelings and emotions.

So for example, let’s say you believe that someone named John has just broken your heart because he says he no longer loves you… Through self-forgiveness, you begin by speaking out loud the following:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear who I will be without the love of John because I’ve formed a relationship personality and a habit/addiction for John and I fear how I will feel and exist without him.

Also, placing the words of and as self in writing is effective for self to see and become aware of and stop the patterns of the constructs within the mind.

Through self-forgiveness one begins to be aware of so one can stop the endless cycles of thoughts that the mind will take one on as one participates within and as them. Thought participation is how we create, possess and obsess ourselves within feelings and emotions which leads to further abuse within and upon our physical body and others within our physical world.

We must not fear our thoughts because our thoughts show us who we are – what we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become. Together with breathing and applying self-forgiveness self-honesty emerges and we can begin to apply self-corrective application and stop the enslavement of consciousness and begin a process of awareness. Consistency through daily application and self-correction is key in re-designing self, and is how self accumulates self free from further control and enslavement.

It’s the simplest way to stop the insanity of and as the mind as consciousness which we’ve always accepted and allowed to direct us – instead of us standing and directing ourself within and as the starting point of life through self-forgiveness in self-honesty.

This is how we bring an end to polarity enslavement within our world, where the poor exist because the rich exist. Instead we’ll bring about a world of equality. Where heaven replace hell as it is being accepted and allowed on earth – as suffering, war and starvation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be enslaved through not allowing myself to stand up and become and live who I am as all as one as equal. To stand as a living example for and as all and to assist and support all as who I am and who each are equally as life.

Through the application of self-forgiveness, I accept and allow myself to set myself free from my own enslavement as consciousness with it’s allowances and accepted applications. I stand in and as support for and as all Life Equally.

It’s a process, and it’s a beautiful walk in self-purification when applied daily, consistently and effectively.

For further assistance with Self-forgiveness visit Desteni Forum as well as Desteni I Process

Please visit Equal Money website and cast your votes today for Heaven on Earth

“There cannot be a greater life after this one because this one is creating the next – you cannot be that stupid to believe that from here will flow something better. You move from here to face consequence, so from here at death things gets worse, much worse, because you have to face what you have allowed. We suggest you do it, face it right here. You die in fact alive in the physical through self-forgiveness taking yourself to nothingness where you stop what you’ve allowed. Where you then emerge like you did as a child from the womb, from this darkness, this nothingness, and it’s not to fear because you did come from it.” Bernard Poolman

2012 – Together we change our World

“But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint”

What the hell does this script of chores mean anyway?
The fact is, they that wait upon the ‘Lord’ will starve to death and there will be no strength to run or walk and fainting is highly likely…
These sorts of words used to give us a false sense of self has fucked up life long enough, it’s time to Stop.
Talk is nothing but a cheap trick bought and sold and has separated us from life itself where plenty have come and gone and single handedly made No difference whatsoever.
This world and all the pains we complain about will never change unless we come together and stand as a Group.
Breath is here as the words we are as life as all as one as equal and together forgiving living words as who we are in self-honesty we stand, and as a group we change our World.

Beggars In The House Of Plenty

“Both begging and child labor are illegal, although like many laws in Lebanon, these are seldom enforced. It is not uncommon to see street children begging or selling items in full view of police officers who do nothing, largely because there are few official channels through which to handle the children if they are caught.” From: ‘The lost children of Lebanon’s streets’.

What do you see when you drive down any congested street in your country? Drive down any congested street in Beirut on any given day and no matter the weather you will see children running in between cars hoping to be given a way of living for the day. Imagine what that says: ‘Forgive me for requiring you to give in order that I may survive the day.’

Imagine that we as humanity must be asked such a thing, as it is actually a given, it’s common sense…

Most of the children barely reach the windows of the cars their hoping to earn money from. As they tap on the car window and one sees their dirty face and hands as well as their barefeet – how their dressed in mismatched and/or torn clothing. How is this allowed? This is not a made up story.

What hand-out would you give the children who run from car to car looking for money so maybe they can eat for the day. Be sure, your handout will not be enough. The small amount of money given only further exploits the current situation. A solution is required that will bring an end to daily struggles once and for all.

Have we asked ourselves what chance for a future does a child have when he starts his life as the beggar for the mother who may or may not be using him as a ploy to incite sympathy to receive money in order to survive. What role will this child play in our society because he’s become a role model/reflection according to what we accept and allow. What can be expected of a child, who, for his whole life has been taught to lie, manipulate, beg and steal in order to survive? It is estimated that there are over 100,000 child workers just in Lebanon alone, where approximately 20% are Lebanese and the rest are of foreign or mixed origin. In self-honesty, one is able to see that in our race to survive we’ve created hell here according to that which we accept and allow to exist within ourselves.

Imagine a world where desperate children no longer exist anywhere. If anyone amongst us has more than enough food to survive the day – then there is no purpose for beggars to exist in the house of plenty because our world, has more than plenty to provide here for everyone.

Stop exposing children to the abuse which manifests from how and who we are accepting and allowing ouselves to be through ‘fear of facing self’ and, through ‘fear of survival’. How can we continue to allow such atrocity to exist anywhere within our world? That is the question to ask. And, See how simple the solution is. It’s a Given – One Man, One Vote – that of Equal Money.

Investigate the solution Here

Stop Pimpin Life as a Ride

stop pimpin life as a ride4

I read an article a couple of weeks ago about female college students joining a website in order to meet men.  Rich older men,  in which they would then ultimately exchange sex for money in order to pay their college debt and/or any outstanding bills they couldn’t afford.  The news article was titled ‘Seeking Arrangement: College Students Using ‘Sugar Daddies’ To Pay Off Loan Debt’. I was finishing a lesson through my Desteni I Process class, so, I placed a note for myself to come back to and investigate myself with regards to the point of judgment that I saw in how I was existing as toward the women in the article.

However, coming back to the point,  I sensed hesitation and a general lack of interest, so I decided to make a video with the same name as the article: ‘Seeking Arrangement: College Students Using ‘Sugar Daddies’ To Pay Off Loan Debt’. 

As I made the video, I allowed myself to see what came forth as a visual representation according to how my mind was processing the article and information.

I saw how I was superimposing (projecting) judgment onto the persons involved in the article and, how I was lessoning their experience through judging their situation as that of being ‘nothing’ compared to those who are starving to death and/or are living in poverty and homelessness around the world. The video provided me with excellent support so I could see as an example, how I had been existing through definitions, pictures and music through the eyes and direction of my mind according to how I was impulsed, patterned, controlled and constructed to become, which was,,, it was as though I was pimping and exploiting their experience within a point of suspense and a perverse glamour – similar to something I’ve seen in movies.

What was coming forth from within me was what I’ve accepted and allowed according to interpretations/definitions and stimulated me to believe that what the women were having to do, was somehow, striking and noble, spirited and/or heroic, and as such I judged them as less than those who are struggling with lesser means to survive.

I saw how I was existing in separation and selling myself to a limited self-definition where I hid in guilt and self judgment which I  then projected onto them – according to how I’ve accepted and allowed ‘myself’ to be controlled and/or pimped out through the media and/or movies to glorify acts imposed upon our physical body and our physical reality – according to how our current money system is designed.  To such a degree that I’ve disregarded others experiences of themselves as being real, that of being actually lived as, through acts of physical abuse and condemnation which often leads to physical disease and death.

I saw how I must forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize, that in accepting and allowing me to accept and allow emotions and feelings to exist in me and to be experienced by me, in how I’ve participated and acted out/within and as such emotions and feelings – which indicate that I am accepting and allowing me to sell myself short within the accepted and allowed existence/definition of me, as the emotions and feelings and judgments that I project onto others.  Which determines, controls, influences and directs who I am here in this moment, as well as determines, controls, influences and directs how all life experiences themselves in this reality.

Thus accepting and allowing me to prostitute me to/towards the limited expression of emotions and feelings, thoughts and memories – as such I’ve accepted and allowed limitation of selling myself short in the accepted and allowed existence of me as ‘self prostituting’ myself as well as all life.

The judgment I was projecting onto the women living the manifested physical consequences of our current money system, by selling their physical body through acts of sex in order to receive money to survive in this reality, was merely me judging me of the accepted and allowed act of prostituting myself to/towards fear of survival, living without money, obviously, fear of facing me.

And, because of the acceptance and allowance of fear having power over and of me, I’ve sold myself short within accepting and allowing memories of the past to have control and power over me.  Where I change and alter who I am, which indicates that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to them, limiting me to the existence of me as the memories I have prostituted myself as – as well limiting all life to a continued existence of prostituting itself in order to survive according to our current money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to prostitute myself into, as, and through thoughts, feelings, emotions and memories, wherein I projected judgment onto others according to how I was judging myself in how I was existing through the means of an accepted survival mode through and as our current money system by accepting and allowing definitions and fear to/towards money, as well as accepting the control placed by glamour and understating the crime against our physical bodies as portrayed through the media and movies, wherein’ reality’ is portrayed through fictional characters and then lessoned by the mind of consciousness and then accepted, allowed and ignored in order to further enslave us as humanity into continuing to accept and allow our current money system.

When and as I see myself existing in such a pattern, I realize that the mind has patterns and components that are impulsed through pictures, thoughts, memories, words, movement, sound, symbols, knowledge and/or information and are specifically placed and intended to alter and/or reduce our ability to see the realness and depth of the atrocities that we accept and allow to exist within our current reality.  I Stop.  I Breathe and I direct myself to be aware of what I am accepting and allowing myself to be in this moment here so as to direct myself according to and as a Principle of Equality as I stand in support of an Equal Money System, so that all life will be supported in order to experience themselves within our physical reality in dignity, as all as one as equal.