Tag Archive | Process

Day 279: When you say nothing at all

Wanting to blame my partner for how I experience myself is unacceptable, but I want to nonetheless. The thoughts in my head tell the story of how “he” doesn’t have anything to say to me that hasn’t been said a hundred times before. And the thought that comes forth from there is ‘that’s what happens when you’ve been with someone for 22 years’.  As I continue to investigate I realize there’s really something else going on…

When I participate in specific thoughts, an energy arises from within me that begins in the pit of my stomach and ever so slowly moves upward toward my head region. For a moment there is a slight energetic excitement and I realize how within my mind, I want to say something to my partner. I want to tell him how to be and how he should act toward me. I want him to validate me so I can stop ‘feeling bad’ about myself and I mean, how strange is it really to desire such attention and control over another person…

As I stop and breathe,  I realize I’ve been here before.  The experience of self pity is a negative emotion and as I investigate deeper I see how I feel physically and mentally tired – which makes sense considering how when I participate in certain thoughts like, ‘why doesn’t he say something’, how that stimulates and or triggers the emotion of self pity which in itself seeks to reach for some kind of self validation.

why do i feel so badThe thing is, self pity keeps me stuck in a pit within myself. It’s like a pit stop within where I hold myself within a sort of a gut wrenching fear. The fear to look on, to investigate who I am, to continue to READ the story, My Story. To see who I am within what I’m accepting and allowing within my fear to face All of me. As I continue to investigate I am able to see where and when I began to ‘feel bad‘…

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my partner for being the reason for me having a negative experience of myself when what’s going on within me actually has nothing at all to do with how my partner is or isn’t behaving.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that it’s not always the emotion of self pity that is the source point but actually the outflow consequence of the actual source point which is the ‘feeling bad’ emotion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a relationship with myself wherein I attack myself within my mind within self judgment statements.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to surrender myself to self judgment as the thought comes up about myself of, ‘I’m not living up to my full potential‘, and for accepting and allowing myself to become the ‘feeling bad’ emotion through participating in thoughts of self judgment which activates the’ self pity emotion’ and for what follows, which is ‘when’ I begin to seek validation, attention and / or recognition from someone and /or something outside myself such as in this instance, where I began to project frustration and anger to / towards my partner.

When and as I see myself having thoughts that are self judging, I stop. I Breathe. I commit myself to see this as a red flag for me to know it’s time to direct myself, to in self honesty investigate what it is that’s coming up within me that’s creating the ‘energy of feeling bad’ which is actually using my own mind against myself.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand that when I manipulate myself through self judgment and self pity, what I’m doing is reacting to my own mind, where I use whatever thoughts necessary to distract myself, even if it means blaming others, just so long as I don’t have to face who I am as the story and the characters/personalities that I have lived my entire life as.

I commit myself to stop abdicating myself as Life through self judgment, manipulation, blame and self pity.

I commit myself to remain aware of and so Stop abusing myself deliberately through self judgment, which activates feeling bad emotions and me feeling sorry for myself, which leads to the self pity energy.

I commit myself to see, realize and understand how to stop and change my relationship to self pity through stopping my participation in the ‘feeling bad’ reaction moment within myself.

I commit myself to utilize my memories as reference points to find when and where and why and towards who or what is it that the ‘feeling bad’ energy keeps activating from and ultimately producing the self pity energy.

I commit myself to let go of the energy of feeling bad and self pity.

—————

“I suggest, if you can Find it in you – you’re going to have to Look Very Deep to Find this: That you DO STOP, and Start your Process. It is Inevitable. You’re not going to get Away. There is No place to Hide. Every Single Energy, Every Single Thought, Every Single Thing you have EVER, in ANY WAY Conceived – leave a ‘Mark’, in your Book of Life. Make sure – it’s Worth Reading. Because, if it’s Not: There’s going to be a Consequence, and you can’t just ‘Wipe it Out’. You can Only take Responsibility for it through Self-Forgiveness, and from that perspective ‘Delete it’, in as much as, it will No Longer be the ‘You’ that will Create the Future – but, it will be the ‘You’ in the Past. And therefore you will Live in the ‘Present’, in every Moment – Living, Presenting, Being part of That which is Best for All, Always, which is what “Present” encompass, the HERE.” Bernard Poolman

—————

Day 210: Can Software do your Job?

This is an important question that we all must answer because survival of the fittest is actually survival of the richest.

For context read: How the internet is making us poor

Problem:

We are in a very real situation where technology is splitting the job market into categories, corporations who tell computers what to do, people who are told by computers what to do, and machines that perform routine tasks making workers more productive and others less essential.

Why are we accepting and allowing advanced technology to be used against us by those who have all the money, and in the process reducing our ability to provide for ourselves?

What other species would so ignorantly and selfishly allow such a thing when the advancements in technology can put us on the fast track to living Life as Equals?

Artwork By: Jessica Arias
Grumpy cat and equal money

Solution
What is the solution that will advance Life on Earth to a place where every living being is given the Right of Life? Equal Money.

Reward:
The amazing thing about Equal Money is that it is the Simplest Solution. Equal Money will alter and redesign our current money system – which currently determines whether or not you have ‘earned’ your right to exist here – to one that literally gives the gift of Life to Everyone. Life is Here and is Not about ‘earning’ a right to be here.

Currently, Money is the Tool we use Against each other, instead of allowing it to advance us to become a World where War, Poverty and Hunger is Eliminated Forever. Get it? It’s only a matter of time before your routine Job is replaced with technology and you realize that YOU are being Eliminated! So, Educate Yourself, Investigate and Join Us

———
Join the forum:
Desteni

Suggested blogs to follow:
Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life
Economist Journey to Life

“Amazingly enough – there seems to be some form of ‘Mercy’, because You are Still Here, you Still have Time to Hear. Will you Hear? That’s the whole thing about Freedom of Choice, isn’t it? You are ‘Free to Choose’ – that’s astounding. The very same choice you’re not Willing to Give to Everyone Else on Earth – You Have. If that is not Abuse, that you would not even Exercise it for yourself: it’s because you’re Not Exercising it for yourself that you are Not Willing to give it to Everyone else. You see Why Freedom of Choice doesn’t exist? You are the Reason why.
Are you That Weak, that All you can be is a Bully? Or All you can be is One that can be Influenced by a Bully? That, All you are is Fear and All you can Be is what is Influenced by Fear? Then, that is the Answer of your Life, isn’t it? There is Nothing-else for you…and Suddenly Without Notice: you will No longer be here and Nobody will Notice. In spite of your Feverish attempts to try and leave some memory of yourself in this world of your ‘grandeur’ – it will disappear. This Earth has existed a Very long time and yet, there is only a written history of a few thousand years – ever wondered Why? What happened to Previous Civilizations? Why were they simply Wiped Out? Do you think this isn’t going to happen to this one? That Is How Irrelevant one is that Do Not Honor Life. The Evidence, the Scientific Evidence – is This World.” Bernard Poolman

Day 107: Commitment

Self-Corrective/Self-Commitment Statements for the following Blogs:
Day 105: Stage Fright
Day 106: A Play in One Act as Drama
– –

I see, realize and understand that when I experience fear I am accessing a memory as the cause of my fear and within that I have been creating as a protection, characters of myself, thus, I commit myself to stop, to breathe, and remain aware of myself in and as such a character, in seeing, realizing and understanding that when I am ‘in character’, I will look for love as a medicine/cure for the fear I am accepting and allowing myself to experience, thus, I Stop. I Breathe.

I commit myself to stop the act of me as a ‘character’ of and as my mind, who fears becoming ‘homeless/penniless’, because I see, realize and understand how and when I began existing as such a character as a way to protect myself from the fear I have existed as where within that fear I also become a ‘drama queen character’, and, a ‘what if character’ – all of which, when I am existing as them – I fear losing the comfort of places and things within my life that I hold onto as a positive experience of myself, thus, I commit myself to, through self-corrective application stop myself within and as such memories/characters which are a limitation of me as consciousness.

I commit myself to show through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application how it is possible to stop self from role playing within and as our mind as memories/characters and personalities and to take self-responsibility for ourselves and others within our world as ourselves.

I commit myself to stop the characters of and as my mind of/as memories which I see, realize and understand are all points of fear within myself that I’ve feared into being as a living expression of who, what and how I’ve come to exist as, and according to what I’ve accepted and allowed to exist as within and as my world, and, I see, realize and understand that I am the one who decides who I am, and I chose to Stand up and face myself in self-honesty and stand in support of a world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to stop waiting for and as ‘what if’s’, and to instead face myself here within this moment, to move myself physically in the direction that is supportive to and as All life within and as Equality.

I commit myself to show that memories/characters/personalities keep us set within a limited expression of ourselves where in fear we accept and allow ourself directed by/as consciousness, which is Not who we really are, thus, I commit myself to in self-honesty through self-corrective application, walk the Journey to Life in showing that life is here to be realized free from fear and limitation and how through self-forgiveness and consistency one can walk standing up according to that which is best for All.

I commit myself to show that one Does Not require motivation through fear as emotions and feelings to guide self to be that which we are as life in and as equality and oneness.

I commit myself to show that the condition of the world can and will change with Equal Money and that the only condition necessary and relevant is that of equality as what is best for all life in all ways.

I commit myself to stop limiting myself according to memories as fear as characters of and as my mind which I see, realize and understand separates me from me as my physical body.

I commit myself to enjoying myself within and this Journey to Life in/as seeing, realizing, understanding, investigating and comprehending every aspect of me as who I am within and as me as my physical body in how I am one within and without equal to and one as everything and all here.

Day 106: A Play in One Act as Drama

This post is a continuation from:
Day 105: Stage Fright

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing everything and becoming ‘penniless’ which is the exact word I heard my mom say often when I was growing up, where she would in fear and frustration defend her over-spending to my dad by saying “we’re not ‘yet’ penniless”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly fear the unknown within the meaning of what my mom meant when she said, “we’re not ‘yet’ penniless”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a picture image as a thought of my mom and dad sitting at the dining room table once a week ‘going over the bills‘ – where as children me and my siblings knew better than to interrupt them, in what became a weekly occasion of disagreement, fear and stress with regards to money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I’m experiencing fear – will reach out for somebody to love me, which is how me as my mind as consciousness seeks to protect itself, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to repeat the same characters/patterns of behaviour that I lived and saw within my parents that I accepted and allowed myself to be and become as the abused and the abuser, all the while believing I had found the love of my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear of becoming homeless based on memories from my past abusive marriage – where I’ve ‘blamed’ my ex-husband for my fears, according to how I experienced myself within his threats of kicking me out of our home as well as when he left me alone on a dark road in the middle of the night, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take self-responsibility for the fact that I alone create my fears and experiences through how I justify my behavior and participation within what I accepted and allowed as self-manipulation and self-victimization.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be characters of/as my mind where I lived/played out love affairs in order to put out the fear existent within me, which was/is the fear of facing myself within what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist as within and as our physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be motivated through fear to participate in/as my thoughts and emotions, thus scripting myself in/as a homeless/penniless character in accordance to those emotions, because I feared that my needs, wants and desires wouldn’t be fulfilled if for some reason I were to lose my home and/or all of my belongings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only be concerned and fearful about what I will lose, because I’ve become so dependent upon having a positive comfortable experience for myself, that I’ve failed to comprehend how in my comfort, I accept, allow, manifest and create the opposite polarity in/as and the lives of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself within polarity manifestations of/as my mind, to neglect me as my physical body as well as the safety and well being of/as the physical body of others and our Physical Reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within and as memories/characters/ personalities of/as my mind from the mind of my parents, developed abusive patterns of neglect against me as my physical body, where when I was waiting for my parents to finish their bill paying/arguments, I began the habit/behaviour of biting my fingernails.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within and as memories/characters/personalities of/as my mind from the mind of my parents, developed ways to satisfy myself through masturbation at a very young age and then feel guilty for doing so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have little to no memory of me as as a child gazing upon me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a child in and as fear of being alone, abandon me as my physical body to fantasize about falling in love within and as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how emotional responses/reactions become the consequence of me trying to fulfill who I am in self-interest as needs, wants and desires of the mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how participating in thoughts lead to feelings/emotions which lead to physical actions, which lead to physical manifested consequences which result in abuse to/as our physical body and our physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how CONflict is at the heart of all the Drama as a characters of/as our mind – where memories/thoughts/personalities turn Man against Man as a Society, and Man against our Environment/Nature as who we are as our World/Reality/Existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my parents for how I experienced myself because in my participation in and as my mind, I existed in expectations wherein I expected someone and/or something outside of me to fix me as who I had become within and as the fear and feelings/emotions that I was accepting and allowing, thus, I see, realize and understand that the only one who can fix me is me is self-honesty, as it is I who decides who I am and what I am willing to accept and allow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never completely stand and take self-responsibility for how I have experienced myself within my life because I accepted what I was told by other’s in fear, as something I had to accept – instead of investigating and questioning for myself how and why and the part I play within everything that is here.

to be continued

Day 105: Stage Fright

The past couple of days, I’ve felt like I was experiencing first night jitters and/or stage fright, because me as my mind, was trying to ease myself into the idea of possibly becoming the Homeless Character – for real. Now this is a character I have memories of in how I have scripted myself within fear of being homeless.

So when we began to have huge fires surrounding our area – and no insurance coverage for our home and property – I saw how it wasn’t the fires engulfing me, it was the fear of, what if?

At one point we decided we had better pack up a few things ‘just in case’, because we were told to be ready to evacuate at a moments notice. I saw how the physical act of packing eased my fears and assisted me to gain some common sense perspective. And then – the phone would ring and someone with another fire update would assist me in keeping my fear of being homeless character in control of me. By Saturday evening, me as my physical body was paying the price for the fear I had participated in, where in the pit of my stomach was pain like I’ve not had in a very long time and, I was physically and mentally exhausted – which is something I rarely experience. I was completely wore out from all of my character/role playing.

The thing is, I’m grateful for the experience, because I was able to be more aware than I’ve ever been in seeing how devastating fear is. How fear is silent as it exists within our secret mind, and very deadly to who we are as our physical bodies and physical reality. I saw how our mind in fear will deceive us to the max – where when I stopped participating in thoughts of being homeless and ‘thought’ I was breathing, I wasn’t.

I was suppressing myself within fear of loss where I experienced feelings – which I shared with my partner – where I suddenly felt lonely and alone, like I wanted to go searching for that feeling one experiences when one is first falling in love. Which was how me as my mind was trying to protect itself.

When I exposed the point to my partner, another quick thought replaced the feeling, it was, ‘well then, I’ll just get high and buy a pack of cigarettes and smoke them all’. lol – I didn’t actually consider either – instead I stopped, breathed and applied self-forgiveness. The point is, the mind as consciousness will look for a quick fix, a cure/medicine for the fear and ultimately our physical bodies and our physical reality pays the ultimate price.

Fortunately, no one was seriously and/or physically injured in the fires, however, many lost their homes. It’s a humbling experience and I realized just how much self-interest and greed still exists within and as me and, I also realized how if we had an Equal Money system in place – I wouldn’t have had to face the homeless character of/as my mind nor feared becoming homeless for real.

**Within the posts to follow I will be walking the process of self-forgiveness and self-corrective/self-commitment statements – in regards to specific memories, picture images as thoughts, and, the many different characters which were triggered within my mind beginning with the fear character of becoming homeless.**

Day 47: It’s Only Me – I am my missing peace

“You judge you or you create you
There is no middle road” ~ Bernard Poolman

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny that love follows sorrow even when I knew within the depths of me that when I love I start to fear, but it’s only me – I am my missing peace.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the expression of me is not about setting self instone limiting who I am according to that which I’ve known as me through comparison as self-judgment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that by piecing together the puzzle of who I’ve been in self-honesty in facing what I’ve accepted and allowed through words as the actions of self lived, will I see myself clear in stop the belief that peace must be bought at any cost through the suffering and death of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that in fear I have loved life according to my reactions to my environment as my mind as consciousness and thus given right to the devolution of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the pieces of myself through participation to direct me as a mind consciousness system and have infact manifested and developed attacks within/upon and through my physical body and physical reality into a manifested state of degeneration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through learned behaviours as my physical body language have imprinted myself though time into and as our physical environment through spoken words lived in and as acts against another as and through greed/spite and ego to such an extent that I/We reaped money from the branches of living trees as who we are.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through anticipating my own addictive behavioral patterns have subjected my physical body and physical reality to a process of tissue deterioration.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to impose me as my mind as consciousness upon our environment where through visual pictures and subconscious and unconscious memories in forgetfulness have issued suffering to/towards my neighbor.

I commit myself to continue walking the 7 year process to nothingness, writing self-forgiveness in/as the Journey to Life within mastering pieces of me as the words as who I am within who I’ve been according to what I’ve accepted and allowed and created myself as, thus committing myself to holding myself responsible and accountable to not stop until All and Everyone is forever provided for, protected, comforted and nurtured in and as our Love in and as loving according to what’s best for all.

Must Read Blogs!

Heaven’s Journey to Life – What/Who Defines Me?: DAY 13
Heaven’s Journey to Life – Is the Sun God?: DAY 29
Heaven’s Journey to Life – The Chicken or the Egg??? – Part One: DAY 30

Earth’s Journey to Life – Day 12: Redefining Words (Part 9) – Self Forgiveness statements on redefining words

Earth’s Journey to Life – Day 13: Redefining Words (Part 10) – Self Forgiveness statements on redefining words 2

Earth’s Journey to Life – Day 16: Who am I

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 1: Self Forgiveness

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 28: I FOR GIVE ME

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 33: Peace of Mind – Mind in Pieces

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 38: Rebirthing as Life

What were you thinking?


Written by Bernard Poolman

Date : 19/06/2007

We all had the experience, especially as children, where we did something or acted in a way where we made a mistake. Some adult, normally a parent, in the process of scolding us, would say: “what were you thinking?” Strange, we would not consider that whatever we did was actually created in our thoughts and that we then acted it out.

Interesting is that when you make the statement in Afrikaans, it goes “wat het jou besiel”. Directly translated it says “what have you souled?’ This is truly strange – the soul and thinking linked together.

What is thinking? It seems to be a place where we have our own council. We consider words, experiences, pictures, feelings and discussions. We make our mind up about this and then either speak the words we have come to as a conclusion or act out our conclusion. The actual creation process though happens in the mind as thought. When we have used these thoughts enough, and it becomes automatic, it ends up as part of our identity. Our identity is our unique characteristic we will call eventually our personality. Our Personality is the part of ourselves we normally accept and state that cannot be changed. That is strange. If we can understand how we created something, we are able to change this.

What is the point? It seems that the words indicate that the soul is thought. The nature of thought then is the Nature of Soul and the Nature of Personality. That does not indicate much worth while for the hereafter when we return to the soul apparently.

What we have found through the interdimensional portal was that the soul construct was preprogrammed. That means that the Nature of our thoughts, our personality and experience in this world, was pre-programmed before birth. This would mean that whether you will be good or bad, rich or poor, religious or not, raped or not, when or how you will be killed is preprogrammed. No choice. This we found strange, because we experience ourselves as having choice. Not really when we consider the nature or our inner experience, which are various ways of thinking, and it determines what we will predictably do in different situations. Very few beings have ever overcome this. In fact, we found that virtually all human beings believe that thinking is an indication that they are alive. Strange. No-one considers the obvious choice. Stop thinking for a day, a week and find out if you die. Find out what is thinking. You will find that it is fear of loss and fear of death that prevents us from entering a state of no thinking. Thus we have equated thinking as life and defined our lives as thinking. This has irrationally become a part of the nature of thinking and our definition of life. It is as if our thoughts confirm that we are alive in some way.

But consider your thoughts for a day, then a week and then a month. Honestly write them down. All your observations and thoughts about every-one in your life, your fears and denials – that means the thoughts that appear but you refuse to have them and suppress them. Look at all your thoughts. You will be surprised. No thought is really ever beneficial for all of mankind. You are always the centre of your thoughts and always right. One of the few cases where you become the ultimate victim is when you fall in love and shift this centre of importance in your thoughts to another being. Automatically you must eventually return to yourself and evict the thoughts of another from your mind which happens when relationship ends. The best way normally used is justification by falling in love with another, replace the one centre of attention with another and use that as an excuse. “I no longer love you or I love another”. Never self in the true sense. Love of success, money, possessions – All things that will not last this life. Fascinating, this nature of thinking.

Imagine – all existence, all thinking revolves around survival and we have equated survival with money – we have made survival equal to having money. Thus our primary thought is about survival or in a more positive sense – security. Money is the Root of the MIND – The Root of consciousness. How did we come to accept that money is the centre of our world, of our existence? A piece of paper we give value to. The piece of paper has no value but the value we have all agreed to give it. We are in fact enslaved to a value we gave a piece of paper. We let people starve because they don’t have a piece of paper that we have valued. What have become of man’s values: All values placed in survival. This survival based on a piece of paper called money.

What if we all stop for a moment and make a new agreement. Look at it. We all have agreed to place value on a piece of paper, called money. We all have agreed on the rules that make this money move. We all have agreed that this money holds the power of life and death as seen in starvation. What if we agree to value life and equate this life of a new born baby to money – true value. What if we then give each being born, enough money to be able to live without fear of loss and in free choice of self expression? What will change if none of us need money for survival? The reason for war will stop. The reason for control will stop. The reason for ‘What were you thinking’ will stop. The central attention of all thoughts based on thoughts, based on survival and money will stop. Thoughts as Money will no longer be our Gods.

Now we will have to consider self expression where the search for money or survival is no longer the centre of our attention. The world will change. The creation of goods to sell just to make profit will change. Greed will stop. The way of our profit now gives the prophet an easy prediction of the future of the world. The world is the result of our will. The world is the result of the value we place in the words through our thoughts. Our thoughts are our inner reality that shows our real truth – Our real fears and desires. Look, it is all based in some way on money.

We have the power to change this. We have the power to change the value of money. We have the power to value life and creation. We will have to. Any prophet can see that profit is destroying existence. How long before it will have an effect on every household? The same pattern as in nature with extinction will immerge as man extinct man self through the value placed on thoughts and money.

Soon, we will be forced to reconsider existence, choice and value.

Will we be ready to give up what and where we have placed value in?

Copyright 2009 Desteni Universe This may be shared in the original form only, to prevent any tampering and only as a complete document. Original found here: http://desteni.co.za/a/bernard-poolman-what-were-you-thinking