Tag Archive | partner

Day 132: Hey, You Belong to Me!

Walking Self-forgiveness here for reactions I realized within myself according to how I experienced myself when a woman was talking/flirting at my partner while we were shopping for groceries today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within my relationship with my partner that I still react in jealousy within the illusion of control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I become a character of and as my mind as that of jealousy, how within that moment I am trapping myself in/as emotions of inferiority and superiority and, where I become judgmental of myself and judgmental of those around me, which threatens the perception within my mind of how my relationship with my partner is suppose to be within my illusion of control.

Art by Andrew Gable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I become a character of/as jealousy to/toward my partner where within my mind I hear a voice that proclaims: ‘Hey, ‘you belong to me’, thus, I see, realize, and understand that what I’m really doing is existing within an illusion of control in trying to protect the ‘perception’ I have of our relationship, which is actually me trying to control my partner according to how I ‘want’ him to be in order to keep my illusion of control going in order to maintain how I ‘want’ myself to be/feel in my relationship with my partner, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have formed my relationship with my partner within a relationship of jealousy and control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within my relationship with my partner, I have from the very beginning formed a ‘preconceived idea’ which I imposed onto our relationship of how I wanted our relationship to be, thus, in order to keep my ‘idea’ of our relationship in tact, in how I ‘desire’ it to be, I will try and control it through jealousy – where I become jealous of other people that appear to be threatening my desire, want and need of how I ‘intend’ the relationship to be, thus, I commit myself to STOP who I am within the illusion of control in how within and as such I believe that I can somehow take control of another being as who they are as their mind consciousness system and as who they exist as, when I see, realize and understand that there is no way that I can actually control who they are, and there is no self-honesty in doing so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I felt that my relationship to my partner was threatened, I imitated actions to further my control through how I suddenly saw myself physically reach out and grab a hold of his hand and in how I began to walk closer to him as if I was a dog marking ‘my territory’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within my wants, needs and desires are preconceived ideas that I try to impose onto my relationship, how what I’m actually doing is trying to manifest into reality my own self-interest, because the wants, needs and desires that I perceive myself as, is actually my attempt to continue the illusion of control within and as my mind as consciousness, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within the illusion of control I have existed within a cycle of inferiority and superiority in always trying to connect to that which I’m existing in separation to/of, thus why I try and manifest my connection in my relationship through/as jealousy as energy experiences of positive/negative as wants, needs and desires, thus our relationship continues as a constant chase, over and over within the neutrality of/as the illusion of control, thus, I commit myself to stop fueling wants, needs and desires through and as jealousy where I then change my behavior and manifest and create stress unto me as my physical body when the fact is that in self-honesty, I see, realize and understand that it is I who decides and directs who I am as my mind and it is I that has to face who I am within everything here and within that, I commit myself to slow myself down and come together as One as All to manifest and create Heaven on Earth.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within and as a character of and as my mind as jealousy, how, I never actually realized until today just what a monster feels like on the inside of me as my physical body in that it felt as if I was growing from the inside out, swelling up within myself in fear of losing my ‘perception’ of control, thus, when I stop and breathe, I see in self-honesty that the desire to control my partner/other beings is only an illusion, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how jealousy damAGES the internal organs and cells of and as me as my physical body, and furthermore, I commit myself to Never Forget that Love as we’ve lived it as Consciousness has never existed within and as the Principle of Equality.

When and as I see myself reacting in jealousy in order to fuel my wants, needs and desires within an illusion of control, I Stop. I BREATHE. I commit myself to investigate my thoughts, my words and how I am behaving, in order to stop manifesting and creating relationships within my reality according to the components of want, need and desire and jealousy within the illusion of control through and as superiority/inferiority as that which fuels me in my wants, needs and desires, and jealousy within and as the illusion of control.

I commit myself to stop pushing myself to be and have an experience of myself within and as wants, needs and desires in trying to control a relationship because I see, realize and understand that that is NOT actually who, what and how I am when I am breathing in and as self-honesty.

“I commit myself to SHOW that the LIGHT and LOVE Created in the Mind as Consciousness, is Only a Chamber of Illusion, Where the Fearful Hide from Responsibility.” ~ Bernard Poolman

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Day 104: Dog-Eat-Dog World

Recently – I accepted and allowed myself to stress which is related to how our current money system exists -thus sharing here self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘feel’ as if I’ve only got one leg to stand on within this current world/money system that exists as a dog-eat-dog world where one must eat or be eaten, meaning to hell with everyone else because even if we have to lie and cheat to do it, we will survive within this dog-eat-dog world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support a world/money system where people will fight for themselves only and will hurt other people because we believe ourselves to be that which we are living as, which is a dog-eat-dog world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and become sad when I hear my child cry in fear of not being able to pay the rent and feed her child and within that I forgive myself for wanting to make my child ‘feel’ better by paying the bills and then feeling guilty because I can’t.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend my day worrying over whether my children can pay their rent and have food to eat and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only be concerned about the welfare of mine – instead of the welfare of All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as my mind of thoughts in fear of what’s going to happen if there’s not enough money to survive to the point where I feel as if I am being suffocated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about the lives of my own children and family but ignore the thousands of children around the world who starve to death daily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world/money system where money is the God that determines who lives and who dies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at our current world/money system even though I see it is me that I am angry at for accepting and allowing hell on earth to continue.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed greed to rule me according to the rules of a money system that will let a child go homeless and starve to death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how money is the common DEMONator within every moment of our daily lives.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support a world/money system where through competition we sell things that other people need for more than we paid for it just so we can profit because it’s a dog-eat-dog world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a system where people live on hope and a prayer to have more than their neighbor – instead of walking in and as the shoes of their neighbor.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand the importance in giving unto another that which one would like to receive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support a world/money system where people are so hungry for success that they will do anything to survive and be successful – instead of considering the consequences of consciousness in the very acts of our survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support a world/money system that gives a false sense of caring through charities and/or donations which only act as a bandaid when in fact the wounds from our money system is a huge gapping whole of pain and suffering.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support a world/money system that does not consider nor support that which allows us to be here in the first place which is our physical bodies and our physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a world where we’ve yet to comprehend that life exists according to how and what we each individually decide – and that we / I can decide to support an Equal Money system and manifest Heaven on Earth.

I commit myself to stop charging me as my mind through emotions and feelings in fear and worry about my children’s ability to survive within our current world/money system.

I commit myself to educate people to the fact that we do Not have to continue this world as it is where we are constantly struggling to survive, how that through an Equal Money system every child born will be provided for from birth til death.

I commit myself to support me as my physical body and physical reality through stopping myself in/as participating in worry and stress, to see, realize and understand that I can only support and direct myself in this moment of breath.

I commit myself to comprehend and thus show how our world/money system functions in/as War itself according to it’s own purpose within it’s own physical manifestation of our entire physical existence within it’s own interest in accordance to serving only those who are rich instead of standing as physical living support for and as all Life.

I commit myself to fully comprehend, and thus show how the world/money system has it’s own mind as the mind of men and that the only practical living solution for the human to stop existing in/as a dog-eat-dog world will be that of an Equal Money System – thus eventually bringing an end to self-interest and greed.

Day 103: At the End of the Day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from the facts that are everywhere to be seen and understood of how and why our world is the way it is and how and why we are the way we are – because at the end of the day, I’m preprogrammed as consciousness and scared as hell to face what I’ve accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not question what was going on in the mind of a person that can take them to the point to open fire upon and kill people setting in a movie theater – because at the end of the day we put our trust in the media stories to determine the facts for us.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support a world/money system that puts people in jail and fines them hundreds of dollars for collecting rainwater – because at the end of the day, no one really cares about the fact that profit is valued over life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that people really do want to know the truth about how our world/money system exists – because at the end of the day the fact is, people still pray for a cure for cancer which already exists, and to a God that doesn’t exist because they ‘think’ it makes them ‘feel‘ better – instead of realizing it is that which keeps us enslaved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support a world/money system where people will become whatever character is necessary for them to receive their monthly paycheck – because at the end of the day no one cares to apply common sense and take self-responsibility in making a decision to stop supporting that which is Not supportive for All life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that what we allow to happen to another we are ultimately accepting and allowing to happen to us – because at the end of the day the majority is enslaved to the minority – instead of realizing what it really means to walk in the shoes of another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore how the most common causes of stress in family life are money and work related in/as being enslaved to our current world/money system – because at the end of the day, we don’t want to let go of self-interest and greed and come together as a Group to Stand in Support of an Equal Money System to bring an end to world hunger/wars and enslavement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the battle within myself and manifest and create it as my outside world – because at the end of the day I haven’t seen, realized and understood how when I see war and hunger I am seeing my own existence within and as myself as such.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that even when we ‘believe’ we’ve ‘found’ ourselves, we still get up every morning and go to work every day and participate in same way, always enslaved to the same world/money system – because at the end of the day we’ve not considered a solution to why so many millions of people are happily participating in this capitalistic repressive system and ‘believing’ ourselves to be living ‘the good LIEfe’ within an enslaved institution as consciousness programmed beings – thus in our choosing to ‘believe we’ve found ourselves’ we’re only expressing the continuation of our participation in/as our own mind/enslavement.

I commit myself to at the end of the day in self-honesty prove to/for myself that I have walked the day in and as the shoes of another in standing in support of a system which will educate All living beings in how to effectively support our earth and all life here according to manifesting a world according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to question and investigate my world and to see, realize and understand my responsibility within everything and all life here.

I commit myself to stop sacrificing the lives of all so that a few can have everything and to instead support a system which supports Everyone according to What’s Best for All to manifest a world in/as Equality.

Please read and watch the following for reference:
The Century of the Self
Colorado shooting suspect was facing eviction
30 Days In Jail For Collecting Rainwater
Cancer Cure Documentary – Dr. Burzynski Antineoplaston Therapy
Day 15: Who am I? Prisoner of the Mind?
Day 27: Money is the Soldiers of the Mind
Equal Money

Day 52: When I Said I Do

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing fear and self-interest to be the direction I took in walking the beginning of/as marriage when I said I do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system where marriage is the answer given as the solution for a troubled and/or pregnant teen.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to walk down the isle for what I knew in self-honesty was resistance, when I said I do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be the product of a world/money system where at the time, marriage was the only acceptable solution for my situation.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to tell myself over and over when I could hardly breathe as I walked down the isle, that everything will be fine when I say I do.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in a marriage ‘ceremony’ that felt more like a ‘show me for the money‘.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to support a system that glorifies marriage with illusions of romantic honeymoons and life long happiness.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not realize that marriage is Not just about free opportunities to fuck.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to play barbie dolls as a child where I pretended to be married with children, living happily ever after, which was actually my mind as consciousness preparing me for my already pre-programmed existence within my predetermined middle class American life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want, need and desire to be part of the American dream which is actually an abSOULute nightmare.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want, need and desire a symbolic commitment written on a piece of paper in order to ‘feel’ secure and trusting to walk hand in hand in this life with another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a world/money system that functions where people in marriages and relationships have automated their abilities to put on a happy face, on the outside, but on the inside, behind close doors, all hell is breaking loose.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system that doesn’t prepare children with the resources, tools, nor the ability to exist as an effective individual with the ability to support themselves and thus their world according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a world/money system where parents do Not educate their children, nor prepare them for what it’s like to struggle to survive within capitalism.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to form the opinion of myself at a very young age within the starting point of fear, in believing that I was always going to require a man/partner to take care of and support me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify and blame everybody else for the reason our world/money system is such a fuck up, instead of realizing that in fear and self-interest, I didn’t want to face myself within the realization that I am just as responsible for how our world exists as anyone here is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall in the ‘fall in love design of consciousness’, where I believed I would be supported and cared for as long as I followed the rules of the bible in that the eyes of God would care for me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system where marriage is the socially acceptable/destructable construct in which to raise a family.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not realize that the creation of marriage as I’ve lived it is a creation of my mind as consciousness where my ego supports the ego formed through and as relationships such as marriage, friends and family.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a system that governs people through justifications to discriminate one’s ability to marry based upon religous beliefs and sexual preference.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that getting married was actually me fulfilling my fear and self-interest within the desire and need to Not be like my parents when in fact in my attempt to escape being them, I became them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to project blame onto my parents as being the reason for how I’ve experienced myself in/as marriage – instead of realizing that I have manipulated and justified the decisions I’ve made according to self-interest, ego and greed.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing a word/money system where the laws have been created to better protect relationships and property – meaning that widows and children are provided for better in death than in life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to blame my parents for not teaching me through living an example of how to master self-responsibility and accountability within self-honesty as an adult within this world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to stop blaming my parents for my marriage failure, and to begin repairing me through self-forgiveness, to stop who I am within the marriage construct and to direct myself in self-honesty to stand and walk in agreement together with my partner as we stand in support of a world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to show how through an Equal Money system we can stop how family and marriage constructs create control within individuals.

I commit myself to stabilizing myself and to show that being able to understand one’s past will change our future in relationships.

I commit myself to show the common sense in educating parents to support their children in self-honesty according to what’s best for all, thus bringing new life on Earth that’s worthy of life in it’s utmost potential.

I commit myself to trust myself in the moment to direct myself, and thus I Do Not require to make fear based symbolic commitments.

I commit myself to show how when we commit ourself to someone it will be because we are directing ourself in the moment as it exists only in the moment, not in the future.

Day 18: Relationship Reaction to Voice Tonality

My partner said something to me today, and I reacted. Looking at the point now, it’s interesting because I see how I didn’t react so much to the words he said as much as the tone in which he spoke them. Obviously, I heard his words, but it was in his voice tonality in how it resonated within me – in how I connected with his meaning through his tone and then reacted.  My reaction was just there suddenly and I allowed myself to be swept into an emotional storm even within an understanding within myself that my reaction was coming forth even in my awareness of how I was in fact existing as the very point I was reacting to, and, I didn’t stop.  I didn’t stop and breathe and direct myself as I’ve learned and applied before – actually as we’ve both learned and applied before through our course in Desteni I Process.

So what happened was, I began to speak within an unconscious reaction, and then because of my voice tonality, my partner then reacted towards me, and so the complete moment turned into outbursts at each other until we both finally recognized ourself as breath, and stopped.  This is the point that I’m applying self-forgiveness for.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to react to my partners voice tonality – instead of stopping and moving myself to breathe and communicate to my partner that I’ve gone into an immediate reaction so as to allow myself a moment to breathe and remain here.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to Not assist and support myself and my partner in being aware of my/our breathing to become aware of our voice tonality that it remain constant, clear, here, without reaction.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to when talking about a specific point with my partner I unconsciously reacted to his voice tonality which he then upon hearing a rise within my voice tonality, then reacted causing us both to set off a series of CHAIN REACTIONS, literally, existing as nothing more than  two minds as consciousness colliding and arguing at each other – which is of no use to us, or anyone or anything within this world, and certainly is in no way self-honest communication.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fall within the point wherein there was a moment within myself when I had the opportunity to stop, to shut the fuck up and breathe, to recognize the part of me that was equal to the tonality within his voice that I  reacted to, that I felt disappointment to/towards and thus, instead of forgiving myself,  I demanded a form of restitution by attacking.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be directed as a reactive energy of and as my mind as consciousness instead of breathing and directing myself here.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to during a disagreement with my partner – want to throw my hands up and say fuck it – when in fact when I stop and breathe, and direct myself in self-honesty, I realize that that is Not what I really want.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become irritated and impatient towards my partner, instead of stopping and breathing in what I’ve realized in that that which I judge and/or bitch about another is in fact what I’m existing as within myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want to pull away in further separation from my partner during moments of disagreement – instead of stopping immediately and moving myself to breathe wherein I am able to see myself clearly in how and what I’m existing as and accepting myself to be in the moment and correct myself through self-corrective application.

Artwork By: Andrew Gable

I commit myself to when I see a reaction coming up within me to/towards my partner- I commit myself to stop and breathe and move myself to communicate in self-honesty in sharing what is going on within me so that my partner and I may assist and support each other with effective communication and through self-forgiveness assist each other walking together our individual Journey to Life to assist and support in bringing about a world that’s best for all.

I commit myself to slowing down and remaining aware of myself as breath so as to assist and support myself and my partner in assisting others in stopping the suffering and abuse and standing up in support for and as all Life.

I commit myself to never giving up on myself as I walk this process of self-forgiveness, along this Journey to Life, as I see and realize that this world is not as it can and must be in order that suffering and abuse may someday end, and in seeing the suffering of the animals and in realizing how the children of this world suffer in silence til they become living examples of us and so the cycles of suffering, abuse and death continue,  and I see, realize and understand that I am equally responsible to assist life as it currently exists so that Life in it’s truest form may emerge here within and as our physical reality as all as one as Equal.

I commit myself to becoming life as speaking and living words as me in self-honesty wherein my words as me in written and spoken form may emerge into and as a way that is supportive to/for and as all living beings and thus I commit myself to first breathing before I accept myself as inserting words unto this reality so that I may be assured that I am stopping myself from contributing any further suffering and/or abuse upon another and that I am in fact standing up for what’s Best for All.

“I commit myself to create love as the living result of communication, past life clearing, vocabulary alignment, psychological patterning clearing, self honesty, intimacy, goal alignment, investigation of and release of irrational fears and the training of myself in the skills of effective agreement design that all my relationships maybe always be best on what is best for life because of the relationship that was agreed to be formed.” Bernard Poolman

For further assistance with relationships visit: Creation’s Journey to Life –  Day 14: Do you Love Breakups?

And Desteni I Process New Relationships  Course