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Self Forgiveness

Self forgiveness assistance for myself regarding recent video: Exposing Consequences of Self-Dishonesty

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be the abuser of animals instead of realizing that they are equal as me and support all as one as equal.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become irritated and aggravated at my dog buddha instead of realizing that she was here supporting me and that what was really happening was that I was existing within energies of irritation and frustration towards myself within comparing myself to others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self responsibility to life by abdicating myself as life within participating in thoughts, feeling and emotions of self judgment instead of facing myself in self honesty and self directing me equally as all here.

I forgive myself that I allowed myself to feel guilty and regretful for buddha being hit by a car and killed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become abusive towards all life by accepting and allowing self abusive patterns of my mind instead of applying myself within self willed direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a form of self depreciation and lack of self worth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel embarrassed that I have fallen in walking my process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not become accountable for every thought and word that I have spoken and speak.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become disheartened with myself .

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become and manifest abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the senseless death of another within not facing myself in self honesty in every moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become impatient with other beings instead of realizing in becoming impatient with others I am becoming impatient with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am not worthy of life in walking this process of self forgiveness instead of realizing that all life is me. I move myself and direct me here in self honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to take my moment spent with other beings for granted instead of realizing that all is me here to realize all as one as equal.


Letting go

I was walking down an aisle in a nearby store and I saw again a newborn t-shirt that read: Please give me your attention NOW! I’ve seen the same shirt now twice in different locations. Wtf – Seems directed straight at me with regards to how I have existed within energies in seeking attention.

A memory flashed before me suddenly of when I was small and I’m in a playpen so I could not have been very old, maybe barely walking. All I know about the memory is there were two adults arguing. I remember it was my mom and my dad and my mom was crying. I started crying to and this seemed to elevate the level of tension in the room. The smell of the room is that of something burning and I don’t know what that is. This memory is clearer to me now than it has ever been and I sense a nervousness within me. The room is dark and I feel cold. I want someone to hold me because I’m scared of the yelling that is taking place. I remember light coming from a nearby room and a lamp nearby. I can see I’m standing holding onto the side of where I’m standing and finally I sit down and I’m watching my mom as she picks up the lamp that is still plugged in. I don’t see my dad but I see as the lamp is thrown because it hit’s the floor by the side of the place in which I’m sitting. All I see is the room become darker and I hear a crash as the lamp tumbles to the floor. This is where the memory ends. I don’t remember anything before or immediately after this moment.

I don’t know if this is where I became so fearful and lonely within myself. It doesn’t matter really because the fact is I began a search within myself in seeking attention outside of myself and the pattern has yet to be released. As I’m writing this I sense a tension in the back of my neck and I know this is resistance. Resistance in letting go of a pattern that I have participated in until I can no longer stand myself within it and I know it must be faced and stopped.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek, search, rely upon and demand attention from outside of myself instead of standing within self trust in knowing that I am here and I am equal to all here. Nothing more is needed or required.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to fuel energetic mind patterns as I try and receive attention from others as a way of manipulating and justifying myself within a pattern that is no longer me. I stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry for myself when I did not get the attention I was seeking from another and within this I would withdraw from myself. Instead of standing up and realizing that all life is me and in seeking attention from another I am in fact only seeking attention of myself.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to teach this same pattern to my children by way of not facing myself and by my actions of seeking energetic attention instead of facing myself in self honesty as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to become the nature of abuse imposed upon all children and humanity within participating as these mind constructs. I stop. Till here no further.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the atrocities that exist within this world by denying my part within it all. I now stand facing myself in self honesty and I stop.

Stopping the ‘NiceNess’ Demon

Shit, motherfucker, goddamn what a point! A bit of a rough day today meaning that I became frustrated with myself for participating in a back and forth comment session on face book with a person that resulted in me facing the point of how I tend to ‘give others the benefit of the doubt’. I have seen this pattern before where I allow manipulation and control from others and where I forfeit myself in the attempt to ‘please’ and ‘assist’. What is really happening is I am ‘doubting’ myself and my ability to stand within self trust – within what I have realized in walking my process of self forgiveness.

I’m aware of the change within me that this process has provided, however I’m not so well at writing the words to match the newness within me. I also have difficulty in making vlogs and sharing as well because I still allow fear as a point that I will not be understood in what I’m sharing. What this is showing me is that my effectiveness in writing and my self corrective application has not been sufficient in releasing the pattern of self abuse.

I still present myself as ‘nice’ and ‘meek’ or I will directly piss someone off because of my tone or word placement when I’m directing myself in standing. I will keep pushing myself within this point, and accept patience in myself realizing that I am not in direct contact with many people because I am home and am not daily around many people and that this is a process to be walked through. The point will present itself again as a point to walk through.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed the ‘niceness demon’ to become me instead of directing myself here within and as self trust.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to question myself and my abilities to stand within my self realizations when confronted with highly intelligent people. I stand and direct me in self honesty to push through these points in self corrective application.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to doubt my application and my process because of comments made by another who doesn’t even know me nor understand the process of self forgiveness. I direct me here one and equal and forgive them in realizing that everything and all here is me.

I forgive myself that for a moment I wanted to hide from myself amidst loneliness and vulnerability instead of realizing that I have walked this path before and it always leads back to me. I direct me here more effectively within standing equal as all as one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself according to opinions of others. Instead of facing the points presented as parts of me that I have not released . I allow myself to stop trying to please others instead of standing within my own understanding of the equality equation.

Grateful for Breath…

Stopping Reasons

I’m realizing that I do not have to have a reason to be self honest. It seems simple enough, and as though I have always known that life requires complete self honesty, but I never lived it, I had forsaken myself. I did not want to see – to busy chasing energies –to stop and breathe. I was always so busy trying to please others – that I had failed to see the self-dishonesty that I existed as.

I struggled my whole life to prove that I am worthy by another’s definition of me and within this formed personalities within my mind according to who is around me. I failed to see the reflection they were existing as – was me. I justified myself according to what I ‘thought’ another expected of me and I used this as a way of pursuing attention. I suppressed how I was feeling in order to mold myself into what I ‘thought’ or ‘believed’ was the right thing to say or do, which was always a way of manipulating myself and others. I always ‘believed’ that ‘I am a good person’ who does and says the appropriate things and acts the appropriate way…

One of the most difficult times of my life was just months before I began to hear the Desteni message. I was in jail for two weeks and the first three days I was in solitary confinement. I had nothing to read or listen to, all I had was my thoughts. I appreciated even the vilest of smells that would drift through a small opening in the door, because they distracted me for a moment from the thoughts, feelings and emotions that kept me constantly awake. I could not sleep away myself. I cried more than I ever have in my life. I wanted to die. Now, I am grateful for my time spent in the jail cell because it began the stopping of my self abuse patterns and assisted me in beginning to face me.

There have been more moments when I no longer wanted to be in this world because I hated who I was and what I had become. In my search for attention and approval of others – I completely lost sight of me and what I was accepting and allowing as who I was. The fear of loosing myself had come true and finally I’ve had to admit my fears and face myself. It is me that I feared. I feared seeing all that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as and have created as my world.

The world I created about myself within my mind illusions no longer ring true for me, and I’m realizing that I must let everything go and risk loosing everything and everyone in order to face myself completely in self honesty. Within this I will loose nothing because nothing of who I have existed as was real. My beliefs according to what it is to ‘risk’ has been based within a fog. The fog is clearing and the reasons for the fog are releasing.

If at any point I justify or give myself a reason for how I am existing,- that is self dishonesty. All self-deception and self-interest. A point of self-preservation – property of mind consciousness systems directing me – instead of me becoming the directive principle of me – according to a principle according to what is best for all in all ways.

Walking this process of self in self forgiveness is allowing me the opportunity to face me in self honesty. Fears are releasing. I no longer want to escape myself or this world.

In self honesty I answer only to myself according to a principle of equality that I stand within and as. We all walk this earth and though we walk this process alone, yet together, we assist each another as we are all as one as equal. In assisting and supporting myself, I assist and support all. Common sense. I stand up for all Life. We are All a part of and Equal to all that is here and this must be lived individually and accordingly – within self honesty. Stopping reason – Standing up in self honesty within the Equality Equation.

I’m OK – You’re OK is Bullshit – This World is Not ok.

There is a book called I’m ok – You’re ok – it’s such bullshit. How come we settle for ok? We are not ok – this World is Not ok.

Changing self is not so easy. It’s a process of self that must be walked within self-honesty and patience that requires immense humbleness. We settle within patterns of our minds within the way we have constructed ourself to be within our beliefs. We build ourself based upon someone else’s knowledge and information. We exist as ‘symptoms’ of our mind. We accept ‘resonance patterns’ as who we are – and we become them. We stop within our ‘perceptions’ of another’s words as being meaningful insights and common sense becomes obsolete. Stop, forgive and forget everything you ‘think’ you knew. Begin here in breath anew.

Everything must be tested for ourself – all self-dishonesty must be stopped -and that which is no longer who we are must be realized, and self-forgiveness applied as we walk out our once accepted and allowed patterns in self-corrective application.

The common ground within which we walk and share has omitted and forgotten our primary principle – that of Oneness and Equality. The degree of suffering within this world is unacceptable and atrocious. Yet we will see past the suffering of others to spare facing ourself and taking self-responsibility. Self-responsibility comes from within a place of purity of self that we have never acknowledged nor lived.

We live as if we will never die – yet, we are dying in every moment. We fear death, yet our whole existence is the exact representation of death. We don’t want to even consider a change to our current monetary system to that of an equal money system because we fear it will interrupt our own survival. We absorb ourself within the fear of loss because our ‘mind’ distracts us from what is real here in the physical.

We expect of others that which we have never expected of ourself.

Question everything in self-honesty and live each moment as a single breath application. Our outer world is a reflection of our inner world. Our mind of thoughts where secrets seem hidden are equal and one within what we accept and allow to exist within this world. Direct yourself equal and one to everything here – stop participation’s as thoughts, feelings and emotions/reactions. Test self-forgiveness application and see for yourself. See what is really happening in this world. This is the application I am applying. It is a great gift to give to self.

Let’s stop this together and stand as all as one as equal. A Solution for All Life to Live Heaven on Earth – The Desteni Universe message is about “The Principle of Equality“..


My focus the past few days were not completely free of self-interest and self-abuse. I have written and spoken self-forgiveness on these points as well as applied muscle communication to confirm the points and steps in assisting releasing patterns of self-abuse and self-dishonest identities of myself. Now the points must be walked through in self-corrective application. Self-forgiveness as my guide is the only compass that I can trust fully within walking self-honesty within self-trust. Every idea I’ve every had of myself has been a complete falsehood caped tightly around me. It squeezes the breath out of me when I allow it, and is representative of a life lived as self-dishonesty.

Breath will assist me to walk out my past within quiet self-willed direction in order to redesign myself according to the principle of equality. Freeing mind patterns that bind me. I no longer believe what my mind says to me – so why move myself by self-abusive definitions designed of enslavement. I see no life assisting purpose nor common sense in the past equations that have stood as representations of who I have been, and how I have been existing.

I stop my destructive nature. I free myself from all expectation and preconceived obligations and I stand in self-honesty and face me. I have no plan, only breath and this moment. Simplicity.

The beauty of breath in self-honesty and self-forgiveness is the gift of life that I give to myself as all as one as Equal. I move myself, I begin here.


I am breathing, walking, standing within self-honesty and realizing the oneness of myself within all and everything here. Self-forgiveness paves my way – directs me – clears me from survival mode.

Then… I make and upload a vlog…. Here it comes, I’m aware of it, the same goddamned ‘thought pattern’ – ‘you didn’t say that clear enough’ – or, ‘that was stupid’, or ‘you shouldn’t have shared that’, or, ‘who will even understand what you‘re expressing‘. ?????? wtf

It is the definition of insanity how the mind will use anything and everything, and anyone and everyone within a ‘thought pattern’ to sabotage. All as an attempt to manipulate me and keep me from facing my points of self-abuse’. I Stop. I Breathe.

I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to become and accept the source of my own ‘self’ sabotage. I delete and disengage the resonance mindfuck pattern that is rooted within self-preservation manifested as self-judgment. Till here No further. I Stop.

I saw a newborn t-shirt at the store the other day that read: Please give me your attention now.


I have had this pattern since I was small and would have similar ‘thoughts’ regarding how I ‘perceived’ that my parents were not ‘hearing me’. In looking back at the ‘feelings’ that I was experiencing when these thoughts would happen – it is only in looking within myself at how my physical body posture was that I am able to remember a small point within how I was existing. My physical body was slumped, head down, representing submission. Mind submission. Which is why I can’t remember much about my childhood because I lost myself in thoughts, feelings and emotions within a belief about my parents that simply was not real. I convinced myself that my parents hated me and all my reasons came from within my mind – there was never a physical manifested experience of myself that will ever validate the storys that my mind requests me to believe in, participate in, then allowing feelings and/or emotions about such thought – of which I then will become. Placing myself in separation from all here. I Stop. I Breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form a belief about myself within my mind according to my participation within thoughts, feelings and emotions and tears when I was a little girl and believed that I was somehow not worthy as Breath, as Life. Instead I stand and I redesign the past moment of me within self-honesty and a clear understanding that my experience was not real and I no longer believe the thought pattern to be who I am, I direct me here Equal and One with all that is here.

Aware of this point that I accepted and allowed. I Stop.

I no longer accept and allow myself to participate within and as such bullshit thought patterns – because I know how to stop. I simply stop. I forgive myself. It is done.

I walk this process realizing that I don’t have time for such beliefs of myself. They’re many suffering and starving, and as I type these words many die. It’s unacceptable. I stand in full support of an Equal Money System and World Equality. Here.