Tag Archive | not good enough character

Day 292: Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much

Born in Middle Class America, my story isn’t special. Meaning, how I experienced myself growing up could be your story, or anyone’s story for that matter. Let me explain.

I was in second grade, around 7 or 8 when I first become aware of the variety of masks that people wear as their making some sort of a connection when they’re beginning a relationship with each other. I recall having strong emotional fears with regards to deciding which mask or character / personality to become even though I understood that it all depended upon the situation and the people and how I wanted to experience and express myself when being around them.

Bottom line, I was scared. Scared to get too close to anyone, because already by the time I was 7, I understood that people don’t stay, they leave. They go their own way for whatever reason and from the very beginning, I didn’t like subjecting myself to the emotional pain that inevitably happened when a relationship stopped / ended. It’s no surprise then that I can relate so much to the following quote:

“I find people around me are all making some kind of connection, like friendship or romance. But human bonds always lead to messy complications. Commitment. Sharing. Driving people to the airport. Besides, if I let someone get that close, they’d see who I really am and I can’t let that happen. So, time to put on my mask.” Dexter Morgan (Character) from the Showtime series: Dexter

I accepted early on in my life that what was going on within my mind with regards to my thoughts and my feelings and emotions within a fear of loss at the prospect of being rejected wasn’t worth giving my whole self to.  Because being rejected felt like losing a part of myself.  And so as I participated within and as ALL that,,, I withdrew into my own little world within and as my mind where I believed the lies that I told myself – which was that I didn’t want or need anyone to be happy, yet I was anything but happy.

So during my first couple of years in elementary school I remember spending a lot of time watching and observing other kids in my class. I envied the kids who would become the teachers favorite, and every day during recess I remember watching as the kids in my class ran around having fun together playing.   I remember wondering why I felt so alone and lonely inside myself and as I watched them go about their business, I experienced quite a bit of negative emotions and insecurity within and towards myself.  Inside my head, I was having thoughts / backchat,  asking myself what is wrong with me that I can’t seem to make the kind of connections with others that I see them making amongst themselves…

Almost in-spite of myself, by the time I reached middle school, I had established a few close friendships / relationships, both male and female. But even then, something within me in how I experienced myself within my relationships was off in that I felt like I never completely fit in with the relationship.  It was like I watched myself put on a mask, and depending upon who I was with, I would become some sort of character / personality, and in doing so, within my mind I began to blame and spite and resent others for how I was experiencing myself and I felt emotionally defeated.

I realize now that how I experienced myself back then and how I experience myself now with regards to my relationships with others, both individual or within a group, whether personal or business – had / has nothing to do with anyone else but me. Meaning, I am responsible for what goes on within me at all times and the same goes for what’s going on within and as my outer world / reality, because our outer world is a reflection of what we’re accepting and allowing to exist within us.

Therefore,  it’s important that I Stand Committed and walk this point through, breathing through the resistance in order to become stable and supportive within and as the Desteni Group , which is and has always been quite a pilar of support for me.  This I am currently walking the corrective application for,  but clearly,  my early experience into society as a child has influenced every relationship I’ve had…

 

Investigating the point now, I see how when I was a kid,  one of the things that would have assisted me greatly, would have been if someone – like my parents, or a teacher – would have been able to offer me support and guidance for what was going on within and as my mind, as thoughts and pictures, and the feelings and emotions and the fear!  That would have made a world of difference for me when I was growing up.

 

And I mean, it’s only been through walking the lessons in Desteni I Process Pro and applying the tools that the course provides that I’ve been able to understand for myself the goings on within and as my mind.  And more than ever, I see how important it is that we walk this life together supporting each other with a partner as well as walking within and as a Group.

changing the world together with dipThe Group should be supportive of ALL Life, because let’s be serious, there is NO WAY that one person will ever be able to bring about the kind of change that this world and everyone in it so desperately seek.

The kind of change that is required to our monetary system as well as All the world systems.

And unless we stand together as a Group and support the kind of freedom where the Foundation of Life on Earth begins with making All worldly decisions based upon and according to what’s best for all. That’s the only way that we can ensure that money is no longer God and thus no longer the thorn in everyone’s side and then, when we stop stressing out over NOT having food, or water and a home and clothes and an education – when All that mess and stress ends we’re going to be shocked at how just that point alone will completely change the relationships we have with each other and the relationship we have with others within our world.

If one look at the history of man and how our relationships with one another are by way of our thoughts and feelings and our emotions – we can then see how participating in them keeps us from being able to be objective. And when we’re not being objective then we fall into the realm of subjectivity – which means our decision making is personal, and subject to the influence of opinions by way of beliefs and thoughts and feelings and even subject to how we’re experiencing ourself at any given moment. And come on, at this point the decisions made in this world is also made based upon ego and greed, profit and the fear of survival!

I mean, there’s a lot going on within our mind that we cannot accept and allow when making life and death decisions with regards to how our current monetary / world systems operate / function.

And, until we can understand our own minds – like how and why we think and react like we do – because what I’ve learned through walking the Desteni I Process course is that I can direct who I am as my mind and in doing so I am able to take responsibility for myself and for what and how I’ve accepted and allowed Life on Earth to be lived as.

It’s Time to Question Our Reality, and come together as a Group to agree on a money system that will support Everyone… If we can’t do that, then we’ll have to continue to suffer because Hell on Earth is just getting started.

Time to forgive ourselves and each other, and make the most important decision we’ll ever make, not in the name of ouself but in the name of and for the future of how Life itself will be experienced as dignified here on Earth.

 ENROLL TODAY!

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Day 208: Invisible Battles

Problem:

I had a dream last night where I saw myself jumping between roof tops, fighting battles. In battle, I fought with people who seemed familiar, yet were unfamiliar, and the only weapons in the dream were SWORDS.
invisible battle
No real harm to anyone ever occurred no matter how hard we fought and there were no expression of emotions, energy or fears. Everything appeared to be staged in order for us to see for ourselves that life is Not meant to be lived fighting each other to survive – ultimately leading us to at the end of the day – we remain alone with our inner invisible battles, where we compete only with ourself as we try to reach a place of feel better within and as our mind that isn’t real and can never ever be reached.

Solution:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a character of and as my mind as someone who is never good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight seemingly invisible battles within my mind and body in trying to keep my emotions ‘at bay’ according to a self-created knowledge of myself and in doing so not realizing how I manifest pockets of pain and dysfunction in bringing the words that I speak to life within and as me as my physical flesh/ bones/body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight invisible battles within and as my mind using thoughts, feelings, emotions and words as a way of remaining in defense mode where I stage imaginary attacks against myself and others as myself creating inner resistance giving myself a false sense of protection through positive and negative energetic experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear ‘letting down the guards’ so to speak, which I’ve used to keep myself trapped within and as my mind as the emotional feelings of fear, where I silence myself in fear of my own self-expression, therefore, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself through ego/self-interest by way of comparing myself to others and using inferiority and superiority as energetic motivators to suppress myself deeper into self-abusive patterns.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe the thought/picture within my mind where I see myself as being to dumb to stand and take self-responsibility for who I am and for what I have accepted and allowed to exist within our current world/money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cower down to back chat and internal conversations, telling myself that I’m not smart enough and as such I might as well shut up and give up on myself and the world/money system as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be disappointed in myself for wanting to give up on myself and my process because I see, realize and understand that feeling disappointed is actually me justifying my own self-interested behaviors.

When and as I become aware of back chat and internal conversations within my mind telling myself that I’m not smart enough and/or that I should just ‘shut up and give up’ – I Stop, I Breathe. I see, realize and understand that this is a pattern within my mind that I have accepted and allowed myself to resort to because the truth is I have accepted and allowed a pattern of fear of change within the pattern/character of not being good enough – fear of giving up the comforting, numbed down life style of distractions/entertainment – to instead direct myself to educate myself about our world/money system.

When and as I see myself pull inward into and as my mind where I fight invisible battles, where I begin to doubt who I am as I continue to walk this Journey to Life, I stop, I breathe. I see, realize and understand that the doubt is actually self-interest talking, therefore, I commit myself to embracing myself in tender-loving-care, giving myself permission to stop and focus on this moment of breath – where there is no right or wrong, only me directing myself according to what’s best for all.

Reward:

I commit myself to remain aware of my behavior to stop the pattern of accepting and allowing myself to become a character of and as my mind as someone who is never good enough.

I commit myself to stop fighting invisible battles within and as my mind using preprogrammed thoughts, feelings, emotions and energetic experiences as a way of remaining in/as defense mode.

I commit myself to stop giving in to self-manipulation and self-doubt.

I commit myself to walk the self-corrective application of redesigning who I am, standing stable and self-responsible, to redesign myself free from self-abusive and self-destructive patterns

I commit myself to Stop my programmed belief system and to see, realize and understand how what I’ve believed of my life – as that of being comforting – is actually the result of massive funding by our current world/money systems, therefore, I commit myself to further research and educate myself, to ultimately expose the role that money plays in producing, through education and media, as well as thousands of other ways of manipulation, the kind of people we as the human on earth have become.

**UPDATE: When I wrote this blog, I hadn’t yet read the daily blog posted by Heaven’s Journey to Life titled: Why do we Give Up BEFORE we Even Started?: DAY 321, now having read it, I suggest one to read it to assist with further clarity with regards to Facing Uncertainty.  The same applies to the blog written yesterday by Creation’s Journey to Life titled: Day 324: What Characterize a Demon? (Part One), specifically regarding the following quote:

“Taking the Example of ‘Feeling Not Good Enough’ – this would Start as an Emotion, internalized, and then the Emotion will start ‘defining itself’ into and as Thoughts that manifest, and the thoughts would cycle, repetitively in the Mind and so generate the emotion; and with self’s participation in and as it – would ‘Characterize’ self into and as the ‘who I am’ and believe SELF to be the characterized emotion as Thoughts as ‘I’M Not Good Enough’. When, all the while: the ‘Not Good Enough’ was simply an emotional energy-program, that self characterized into and as a ‘who I am’. Then, from the internal creation and design of the Emotion into a Character, through and as Thought – one will eventually start Speaking and Living it ‘as Self’ and so BECOME the Character of the Emotion as ‘Not Good Enough’; and in this Process – self become ‘Lost’ in/as Energy, Emotion and the Characterization thereof that we create through Thought.” Bernard Poolman