Tag Archive | no more excuses

Day 184: Offended? Let’s Rock the Boat

Here I am investigating how I have become aware of internal conversation/back chat where I hear myself say to myself: ‘that offends me’.

I will use an example of what happened to me recently when I mentioned to a lady sitting next to me in the Doctor’s office that Equal Money is the only real solution to the utter chaos that exists here on earth. She was quick to disagree and her reason for doing so was as she put it: “there will never be enough people to agree upon such a thing”. Upon hearing her comment, I heard myself say to myself: ‘that offends me’, and then I became irritated and then angry when I wasn’t able to communicate further with her because her name was called for the Dr. who was ready to see her.

It’s not the first time that I’ve felt ‘offended’ when money is the topic of a conversation that I’m having with others. A couple of other things that I am often offended by is:

– – how we bow down to movie stars and/or anyone who has a lot of money.

I also get angry about how unconcerned we are that the rich have more than enough while millions have absolutely nothing.

offended

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel offended and/or irritated and angry by the words and/or actions of another and for not realizing that only me as my mind as consciousness can experience being offended.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become offended at the idea of not having enough money to live on and within that I forgive myself that I have existed in fear that there won’t be enough money for myself and my family to survive thus,  I forgive myself for existing in self-interest and greed where I only ‘think’ to consider the fate of me and my family – instead of the fate of everything and everyone!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I become offended and angry towards those who are rich and famous it’s because I’m jealous and envious of the power that having money gives them and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to harbor thoughts/images, like an instaflash of myself living my life like the rich and famous and for feeling guilty for supporting my own mind imagination/illusion by living vicariously through the lives of the rich and famous, thus why I continue to support that which supports my own secret mind illusion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the internal conversations and backchat where I hear myself say ‘that offends me’ because I secretly fear who I am as the offender of life, as one who has sit quietly by and supported the way our current world/money system exists because I secretly want to have and be more than, meaning: I secretly want someone to stroke me as who I am as ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am the offender that I perceive myself offended by because I imagine and participate within my secret mind to having the same experience that I see the rich and famous having and yet I become irritated and angry toward them when the fact remains that I accept, allow and participate in and as an illusionary version of the very thing I’m offended by, thus I Am RESPONSIBLE  for the money madness of profit and greed that is crippling our world/reality/existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a living expression of the words ‘offended’ and ‘offender’ according to negative energetic experiences of myself in how I have defined myself within the beLIEf that I’m able to be offended – when in actuality, when I ‘feel’ offended, it’s because I’ve just accepted myself as the victim – which is what I become because I fear taking responsibility for how our world/money system exists, because I fear if I acknowledge the insanity of our current world/money system then I will have to acknowledge the role that I play as the offender as well as many more of a cast of characters that I fear giving up as that which supports the abuse within and as our current world/money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a negative experience of myself within the belief that someone has offended me and within that I forgive myself for how I experience myself as having lost – as if life is a game of winning and losing and so within the cycle of polarity of win and lose, I either experience myself as winning or losing – where within a disagreement with another I define my experience as being offended and become angry, irritated and resentful and thus experience myself as having a negative experience as if I’ve just lost at a game thus, I forgive myself for living life like a game, always looking to achieve some sort of energetic experience for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that as the character of and as my mind as the offender that I secretly believe that I am entitled to have and been seen as more than others because I’ve not been willing to stop the polarity game of winning and losing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how irritation and anger has a direct effect within and as my physical body which results in pimples and boils to erupt as an indication of suppressing who I am as it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize my own acts of transgression, whereas I have followed the laws set by man/self and in doing so I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the Principle of Equality/LIFE, that whosoever is born unto this earth/world/reality/existence shall be given that which earth has provided for as All as ONE as Equal.

When and as I hear the words in my head: ‘that offends me’, I stop, I breathe – I see, realize and understand that the words are a red flag for me to stop, breathe, and investigate who I am as living in polarity through games of winning and losing – which is basically me wanting to have my ego stroked – thus I commit myself to direct myself to stop all reactions as internal conversations and back chat and to walk the point through in self-corrective application.

I commit myself to investigate who and what is really going on within me when I beLIEve that someone has offended me.

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to live vicariously through the lives of the rich and famous and to instead take self-responsibility for what is here.

I commit myself to stopping the application of polarity of/as winning and losing and to begin living life one and equal with what is here.

I commit myself to redefine who I am as the words offended and offender, wherein I may become a living expression of/as the words within the principle of oneness and equality.

I commit myself to let go of my current life programming and to commit myself to identifying and studying the nature of who I am as my thoughts, feelings and emotions, to thus see, realize and understand who I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I commit myself to direct the nature of who I am to become that which is best for all.

Day 164: Innerspace

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated within myself where within me as my physical body I feel as if I’m experiencing myself as having to push myself through the great barrier reef of suppressed self-judgment and emotions which I have attached a definition of myself to which reads failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when within my mind I hear, ‘suck it up and ignore the pain within yourself’, to not realize that I’m manipulating and justifying who I am so much so that I reach a point of the grandest of self illusions -where I’ve got no clue who and/or what character or personality will show up as me when I stand before friends and family who know me best in how I’ve always pretended to be what I perceive they expect me to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within my mind exist as crooked, dishonest and basically someone who has been full of shit in how I become angry towards my children and my partner, and then have the nerve to wonder why I have pain in and as my physical body which in itself feels crooked with kinks in it, and within that,  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how through the relationships I have with my children and my partner, I have suppressed myself in and as guilt, shame and regret and where I direct myself as such through and as emotions inward unto me as my physical body which causes within me a sense of loss which I then define myself as in fear of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I’m not able to forgive me for the mother I have been in how I raised my children in and as self-interest, fear and greed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when experiencing pain within and as my physical body to participate in the thought, ‘I can’t do this, it’s to painful’.

When and as I see myself go into fear where I tighten up and suppress myself and become characters and personalities that I see, realize and understand compound into and manifest systems within me as my physical body – I stop and I breathe. I commit myself to me as my physical body and this physical reality first and foremost to thus begin to be a living example of life according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to forgiving me for the definition I have lived of myself as,  ‘a mom who failed her children’, and to redefine myself according to me as a mom breathing and walking here with both feet on the ground walking in and as self-honesty.

I commit myself to stop going emotionally bankrupt within and as my mind where I suppress within me raging systems of and consciousness as shame, regret and fear of loss.

I commit myself to forgive myself for the guilt I’ve existed as of not being the mother to my children that gives way to allow their child to express who they may become as life according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to accept the breath of life unto and as all of me as my physical body.

“I commit myself to remind each one that we are all guests on Earth and we have abused the hospitality of Earth and created an Asylum and Hospital out of Earth searching for Feelings of energy in Self-interest. Earth will no longer tolerate the abuse and we as Humanity will now face our final our within which each one must decide who The I will be, Life or Self Interest. There is no one that can deny that deep inside this hour has always been expected.” ~ Bernard Poolman