Tag Archive | neurology

Day 131: Because I Said So

Walking Self-forgiveness here for the bubbles of bullshit I heard/saw myself react as/to today to one of my children with regards to money and taking responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how as the ‘mom character‘, within the meaning of/as the words: ‘Because I said so’, I recreate my history as the patterns of/as that of the downloaded/preprogrammed mind of my parents as memories and characters and how within that I have created a relationship to/towards and with my children where I direct them according to my past experiences and as such I expect them to take responsibility for our current world/money system, instead of realizing that I’ve not yet become the living example of that which I am demanding, thus, I commit myself to Stop projecting my fear of the future onto my children and to first become a living example of what it is to stand in support of and as All Life Equally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how from within the starting point of fear of our current world/money system, I expect my children to make decisions based upon what’s best for All and to act accordingly and when they don’t, I become frustrated to/toward them, giving way to reasons for them to exist toward me in/as patterns of guilt, resentment and hate, and within that, I see, realize and understand that I am actually seeing within them that which I in fact exist as, because I’ve not yet lived, breathed through and become a practical living example of that which I say I stand as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how because my mother used the words, ‘because I said so’, within a point of authority towards me, I have thus become the same pattern and have even inserted a belief of my own as that of Equality, instead of being equal to and one as a living example of Equality, thus, I see within my children that which I exist as according to that of an authority figure as a belief within a pattern of and as my mind as consciousness, and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within judgment, anger and frustration to/towards my children I attempt to force an experience upon them as an idea that I have within my mind of what it is to be a living example of taking self-responsibility for All life within our current world/money system, therefore, I commit myself to stop reacting and start directing myself with patience within and as self-corrective application according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have Not directly lived as and realized who I am within and as responsibility to all living beings because I’ve never known anything physically different from that which currently exists as that of our current world/money system – which accepts and allows abuse and death upon those who have no money and/or no ways and means of acquiring money – thus, I forgive myself for creating an experience within my mind of how one is suppose to act when one is responsible to and as All living beings and for projecting that unto my children and my world, thus, I commit myself to face me in self-honesty and to Stop projecting future presentations because I see, realize and understand that we cannot know who we will be if we don’t yet know we are, and that we’ve never yet known before who we are Equal and One as All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within my mind I have participated in backchat of how my children should listen to me because I am their mom and because ‘I said so’, then, they should ‘do as I say’, thus, I commit myself to stop participating in and as backchat and stop deManding that my children be anything less than who they really are as Life according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become preoccupied within my own imagination and literally lost sight of myself here as breath as living the example of that which I am requesting of others within my world/reality/existence thus, I commit myself to remain aware of who I am breathing here in self-honesty walking this life for and as/in support of a world where life will no longer be a struggle and instead be one where all living beings are given that which is best for All as a Life of Equality and Oneness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how in/as the character of ‘because I said so’, I attempt to make my children ‘feel guilty’ by reminding them how I have assisted them financially and when that doesn’t get me my desired result, I will scold them with blame and instill in them the fear of possible future consequences if they don’t do as I said, ‘because I said so’, thus, I commit myself to stop manipulating my children and to stop giving/assisting them within the expectation of receiving something in return, to instead, give within the realization of self as living as an example of equality according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become physically nauseous within what I see is a resistence to letting go of the belief that children should honor they father and mother, thus, in self-honesty, I commit myself to understand and show how honor to/of and as Life is only possible within a world where All living beings are given the ability to exist here according to what’s best for all.

When and as I see/hear myself blowing bubbles of nonsense toward my children as empty words that are of no substance except as that which seeks to control, I Stop. I Breathe, I direct myself to face who I am within the bubbles of bullshit patterns of memories and characters of and as my mind to thus forgive myself and correct myself as being worthy of standing in support of and as Life in and as Equality.

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that all the Knowledge we teach our Children, teach Nothing about How to Live as Equals, but only Perpetuate the Hate that is Covered in Love of Inequality and the Self Glorification of Ignorance as thought, emotion and feeling, seeking to Gain the Upper Hand, the Righteousness of Knowledge, while that which Contain All things Ever, which is Life, is Denied.” ~ Bernard Poolman

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Day 124: Hit and Miss

Today, my biological father called me. A man who I’ve barely known, yet, when I was young, I craved for and sought after his attention. He lives about 125 miles from me and I rarely if ever talk to or see him. Tomorrow is his birthday, he’ll be 75. He called to tell me that he is not doing very well and doesn’t believe he’ll be here much longer. We had a nice conversation and he handles himself with curiosity when I don’t agree with his belief in God and, he even agrees that Equal Money is the Solution for this World, though doesn’t see how we’ll ever get everyone to stop their greed to implement it.

I asked him after 75 years on this earth – what has he realized about himself, free from his beliefs. He admitted he had no idea how to answer that and then added how he’d lived a pretty decent life and that he guessed that was all one could ask for… Yes. I’m familiar with that point of acceptance that he spoke of, and I’m no longer willing to allow myself to be that.

When I hung up the phone, I saw how I longed for the days when all of my family was still here. I heard the backchat of thoughts within my mind reminding me how within the past year I’ve lost my brother, my sister and now my biological father is, as he put it, “on his last leg.” I wanted to just sit and reminisce about what used to be. However, I didn’t. I stopped. I breathed, and in self-honesty, I saw how my mind was looking for a feeling that a long time ago, I believed was me. I no longer accept that. Instead, I wrote the following self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to hold onto the urge to reminisce within a pattern of what looks to me to be one that I would describe as a ‘hit and miss’ – meaning: it’s like looking through dozens of photos and hoping to find one that is recognizable – wherein I have accepted and allowed myself to long for what used to be within a belief that was never real and how within my perception of and as my mind I dreamed of what could have been, thus existing within the hope for a relationship with a father that begins and ends within ‘dreams of what if’, within a memory/character of and as my mind – which was preprogrammed and downloaded into me from/of and as the mind of my parents, and the generations that have gone before me, thus, I forgive myself for not realizing that in the ‘miss’ I become the ‘hit’ that I perceive myself as, as that which I long for within a feeling to be special by a man that I never really knew, and within that, I forgive myself for not realizing that when I reminisce, I am basically sleeping with my eyes open, just like one does in REM sleep, wherein we ‘dream‘ about ourselves within our mind as elaborate storylines all the while ignoring what is real as our physical body and our physical reality, and, I forgive myself for not realizing that when I reminisce of/for what used to be, but wasn’t, and/or when I ‘reminisce’ for that which I never had in order to feel/experience that which I feared in the first place, how within that, I am actually using feeling and emotional energy charges to supply myself with what appears to be a reliever of stress, when actually, it creates stress unto my physical body while I ignore a point of suppression and where I’m adding fuel to the fire by creating scenarios within my mind to distract from facing responsibility for myself and for my world, thus depleting me as my physical body within the acceptance of that which isn’t real as the thoughts that suck the life from me as my physical body/flesh and bone through my own participation within/as and during the madness of reminiscing in and as my mind as consciousness, therefore, I forgive myself for the desire to escape to the past within and as my mind as the memories/characters thereof and thus live my past as my future as the here within this moment.

When and as I see myself longing and reminiscing for/of what never was, and/or what used to be, of/as what is ‘now the past’, I stop. I breathe. I see, realize and understand that the past is over and to participate within and as my mind of/as memories/characters, is to accept death unto me as my physical body where I cycle within the same patterns, lies, pain and false sense of security that I’ve always existed as. I am No longer willing to accept and allow the direction of and as my mind as consciousness. Instead I commit myself to direct me as my mind in self-honesty.

When and as I see myself existing within the desire to escape into and as my mind as the memories/characters of and as my past, I stop. I breathe and I realize that in every moment of breath I have the choice to decide to remain here breathing within and as what is real as my physical body and my physical reality or I can choose to participate within and as my mind which is exactly how and what is killing our physical bodies and physical reality, and I have realized this because I have proved this to/for myself, thus, I see, realize and understand the common sense in stopping and being the directive principle of me and through self-corrective application stopping that which is/has been the deadly game of life within and as humanity enslaved to a world/money system within cycles of abuse and death.

I commit myself to let go of/stop reminiscing within cycles of/as memories/character as how abuse is manifested/created against life.

I commit myself to breathe and move the energy through me and ground myself here within and as what is real as my physical flesh and earth.

I commit myself to show how together as a Group, we can manifest Heaven on Earth where All life is experienced in/as dignity according to what’s best for All.

Day 94: Establishing a Relationship

Beginning last night and all of today – I’ve been experiencing fever and more pain than usual throughout my physical body – thus the following self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become fearful when I experience pain in/as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to reach for drugs when I experience pain within my physical body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to throughout my life abuse pain medications and prescription medicines which may or may not have been harmful to me as my internal organs within and as my physical body.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to never have considered nor understood the purpose of pain in and as me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to consider how my mind as thinking and participating in/as emotions and feelings and internal reactions have impacted me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand the relationship between my body and my mind in how the mind contributes to my experiences and manifestations of pain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand how pain in and as me as my physical bodies influences my life decisions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not comprehend how physical pain, discomfort and ailments are a consequence which I have created and manifested within my physical body over an extended period of time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in/as ego allow me as my mind as consciousness to become a physical consequence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to consider how when I access memories/thoughts in/as emotions and feeling charges where I physically experience emotions and feelings that are actually charged within components of/as mind constructs – how within such participation in/as them, I create an actual physical effect upon me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand how every single thought has an emotional-feeling charge to it as a resonance where it resonates like a ripple effect through and within and as my entire physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live my life so consumed in/as my mind of/as thoughts and dreams of how I wanted to experience myself according to how and what my mind as consciousness in/as emotions/feelings/memories/characters and personalites wanted and desired, that I completely ignored me as my physical body.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand how the mind consciousness system acts like a parasite to the human physical body in that as the systems integrate into our physical body it extracts the nutrients of/as our physical body to reproduce itself into mind energy, thus the more we participate in/as emotions and feelings, thoughts, memories, etc., the more we become constructs as systems of/as our mind as consciousness, which evolves, expands and integrates into and as our physical body, thus why the relationship as the mind to the physical body completely takes over until we eventually as the physical body start decaying as it eats away at itself in order to survive and thus how we age and die.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to physically crawl up into a ball within feelings of lonesomeness and thoughts of how, ‘so and so’ betrayed me, Not seeing, realizing and understanding that the only betrayal was the betrayal of me in participating within my mind while neglecting to cherish me as who I am within and as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have never actually established a relationship with me as my Human Physical Body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand what mind processes are involved with creating and manifesting physical consequences – in order to Stop the mind consequence – and align myself to and as Physical Living.

to be continued

(Please read Heaven’s Blog with regards to: Quantum Consciousness Programming in Childhood – Part 1: Day 99 and Quantum Consciousness Programming in Childhood – Part 2: Day 100)

Day 81: Character: Trippin Down Memory Lane

Continuation to: Day 80: Character: The Hands that Rocked the Cradle – –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as a character in my mind to ‘take trips down memory lane’, where I make excuses in/as thoughts in my head for why I’m ‘trippin down memory lane’ – where I lie to myself because I don’t want to clean up the mess I’ve made in my life in and as my physical body and my physical reality, so instead – I lie to myself and keep doing what I want to do – which is to continue to create more and more characters within my mind – instead of facing me and directing myself to Stop justifying my own self-deception and stand up and take self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand how existing in/as a character of/as taking a trip through the memories/characters/thoughts/pictures of/as our mind, is to exist in self-interest within a complete illusion in total disregard for what is real here within and as our physical body and our physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a character of and as my mind to enjoy taking trips down memory lane – not seeing/realizing and understanding that in doing so, I am actually only tripping out within the preprogramming of me as my parents mind as their thoughts/memories/ characters and personalities which I’ve now integrated within me as my physical body and thus in existing as the character who takes ‘a trip down memory lane’ within my mind, I am infact only reestablishing myself as an accumulated beingness of myself of/as memories of characters/personalities which I have physically within and throughout my life within my minds relationship, have merged into and as my physical body as the very manifestations of/as the Mind/Memories/Thoughts/Characters/Personalities of those who have walked here before me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have never considered how my participating in and as my mind as memories/thoughts and characters, creates a relationship to/as consciousness as energy which is having a deadly affect upon me as my physical body and our physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a character of my mind ‘taking trips down memory lane – Not see/realize and understand how the very essence of myself existing in and as my mind as consciousness is actually consuming that which allows me to exist here, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consume my physical body the same as I consume within our current world/money system within our physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend time and money trying to develop a relationship with myself as my physical body through our world/money system through the act of consumerism.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in/as a character of/as my mind will have a physical intimacy and/or a physical experience with clothes and/or products, yet do Not have a physical intimate experience with me as my physical body.

Self-Corrective and Self-Commitment Statements placed here as well for my previous blog.

I commit myself to develop an equal and one relationship with me as my physical body.

I commit myself to comprehend within myself and thus show how memories are All we have ever been is/as thoughts/characters and personalities which must be walked through in self-forgiveness within self-honesty as a physical living self-corrective application, wherein self-realizes self-equal-and-one with everyone and everything in and as our physical existence.

When and as I see myself in/as a character memory/thought pattern of/as my mother in/as a manifested physical expression, I stop. I Breathe. I commit myself to investigate who I am within myself as such pattern in realizing that I am the Directive Principle of me as my physical body within this physical reality.

When and as I see myself in and as a relationship expression wherein I see myself behaving in and as a memory/thought physical manifestation – where I see I am looking through a glass window panel as a reflection of/as my mother, I stop. I breathe. I commit myself to who I am as my physical body within this physical existence to no longer participate in an illusionary memory/thought/character pattern within my mind of/as the CON of consciousness which I see/realize and understand is Not real.

I commit myself to stop and expose who and how I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as within a limited expression of myself in/as my hands within and as my physical body, as I see realize and understand how I have accepted and allowed myself as my physical body to be controlled by me as my mind as CONsciousness, thus, I see/realize and understand that in doing so I am giving up authority of who I am as a living physical being within and as my physical body and within this physical reality.

I commit myself to see/realize and understand how the memory/thought/character that I’ve existed as according to representation of my mother’s hands/memories, is a living example of how energies control and have authority over my beingness and the lives and direction of the world and humanity as a whole.

I commit myself to see/realize/understand and ultimately show how we as our physical body and our physical reality is a representation of our physical equality and oneness within and as our relationship to/as each other and to our physical existence as a whole.

When as as I see myself judge me as my hands of/as my physical body, I stop. I see/realize and understand that all judgment to/towards my hands and/or any part of me as my physical body is a direct result of me participating in and as memories/thoughts where I then become a character of/as them, thus self-judgment exists. Therefore, I breathe, I commit myself to walking the point through in self-forgiveness and in self-honesty realizing how in doing so, I am giving myself the opportunity to establish who I am in agreement with/as me as my physical body and this physical existence as a whole.

I commit myself to investigate how the memories/characters of/as my parents mind as consciousness according to how and what they fantasized about as well as how they actually lived, have actually transferred into/as and within my unconscious mind as a platform database which I now automatically develop, construct and manifest as my own personalized memories/thoughts/characters and personalities, therefore having a direct effect upon the entirety of who I am as my physical body and my physical reality, thus within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not fully grasp the situation we as a humanity are facing, within that, I commit myself to seeing/realizing and understanding the design of who I am as consciousness to assist myself and others to show how we never actually develop a relationship with ourselves or others because we’re always only ever preoccupied and occupied in and as memories.

I commit myself to investigating who I am as my physical body/internal organs through writing and self-forgiveness in order to establish a physical intimacy within me as an outword expression of/as me as my physical bodies to exist as/within a real equality and oneness that will stand eternal here as me as who I am and in support of a world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to discipline and prioritize my time to assist and support myself to work on my relationship with myself as myself in/as my human physical body in establishing a real equal and one relationship investigating and seeing each part of my physical body as flesh, organs, tissue, and skeleton, here breathing as me.

I commit myself to see/realize and understand how I require myself to exist in and as a living, breathing relationship with and as myself as my physical body so as to stop who I am as the mind as consciousness within a consumer driven world existing in separation within its own self-interest, thus I see/realize and understand how writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application is the key is assisting self to therefore assist in supporting a world/money system according to what’s best for all.

Day 80: Character: The Hands that Rocked the Cradle

Walking a point here that I’ve been aware of within myself for awhile as a memory/thought/character that I’ve participated in/as with regards to my mother – specifically her physical qualities such as her hands. A point that I’ve not been willing to let go of and release through self-forgiveness, until today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become a character/memory/thought pattern of and as my mother according to physical appearance/ expression and manifestation of her hands and their importance within and as who I am as the character of and as them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a character of ‘I have pretty hands’, wherein I will look upon the totality of my left hand in ADMIRation – just like looking through a glass window panel and seeing my hands as a MIRRor reflection of my mother’s expression in/as a memory/thought of how she would hold her hand outward from her physical body and ADMIRe her left hand as being pretty just like people told her often how. ‘she had such pretty hands’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit the expression of myself as my hands in how I’ve diminished and taken for granted the expression of myself as them in separation in not seeing /realizing and understanding how and what my hands, as well as the rest of my physical body is revealing/expressing/manifesting daily as who I am in relationship to my entire physical body and physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as the character of ‘I have pretty hands just like my mother’ to carry myself in/as ego prominent on the left side of my body in how I express myself in/as my left hand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have never actually realized me as my physical body as my hands as who I really am free from illusion and separation which I’ve imposed upon my physical body participating within and as my mind as my own personalized memory/character from and of my Parents.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in/as separation of my hands wherein my left hand represents me in/as femininity as an expression of me that I’m not fully trusting which can be seen in/as the flesh of my left hand in that it has more stress and more lines and wrinkles than that of my right hand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior in how I judge how I perceive my hands as not looking as pretty as they use to.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see/realize and understand how it is that I depend upon the left side of my physical body for structural dominance and the right side of my physical body for structural support.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see/realize and understand how it is that I’ve taken advantage of how I depend upon my right hand as the writer of my words and in how I’ve only now noticed how my right hand provides cradling, massage and support for my left hand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand how often I will ‘automatically’ physically sit my left leg/hip area in/as/ a memory in my mind exactly of how my mother sat – where I’ll automatically place/sit on my left hand up under my left leg/hip area which I see reveals to me when I’m hiding in shame from the rest of me as my physical body infear of my path in/as self-intimacy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to characterize my physical hands according to a memory/thought pattern in and as my mind instead of realizing that I am my physical hands here to support me in supporting a world/money system according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself through and as separation from me as my physical body to differentiate and/or judge who I am based upon male and female qualities of my right and left side according to my own self-judgment and inferiority according to how much money I earn within our current world/money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as separation to not see/realize and understand how it’s possible to carry/protect and provide for our entire existence within each of our hands within The One Decision to Stand according to what’s best for All.

In the following blog post: Self-Correction and Self-Commitment statements