I put on my boots to go outside to give the dogs some treats because the ticks here at the moment are the worse they’ve ever been, and even that didn’t stop them from landing on me. As I walked around the yard sharing snacks, and walking under trees, I had 4 ticks drop down onto my bald head, down the side of my face and onto my arm. Ticks dropping from trees! Sneaky little bastards.
I began to sweep the back porch, and Fozzy, our white Pyrenees, whose slightly grumpy at the moment – looked at me as if to say, ‘I’m not movin’. I didn’t blame him. It was obvious that his mood and my mood were equal in that moment.
Fozzy has been grumpy for the past few days, because he’s been stuck in the back yard tied to a 15 foot chain because recently, our neighbor came over to tell us that Fozzy and Remmy, (who are the two older boys of the 5 male dogs we have left) – he said that they had killed his 10 month old pup – Remmy is now also tied to a 12 foot chain.
Our neighbor said that he didn’t actually see them kill the pup, but said he was “sure they did”.
When I asked the specifics, he didn’t really have any. He just said that he already buried his dog. So there was absolutely no proof in his accusation. This is the same neighbor who, when we first moved here almost 4 years ago, told us how he’d just thrown a sack of new born kittens into the river to drown because he just couldn’t afford to feed them.
He didn’t appreciate me telling him at the time how cruel and irresponsible that was. And, I realize now that that set the framework for how I ‘felt’ toward him.
Honestly, I trust my animals. I don’t trust him. He also said that other neighbors were rather “put off” with how our dogs all run together and that they tend to “gang up” on other people’s dogs, (everyone’s dogs around here run freely everywhere).
He said he didn’t want to “alarm us”, but that if we aren’t able to keep them “in the yard”, he’s afraid someone is going to shoot them. So for the past few days Fozzy and Remmy have been in an outside prison with very little room to move, and I don’t like it anymore than they do.
We are looking into what we can afford as other options because, what kind of life is it for them to be tied to one area. Maybe they’d rather enjoy running and playing and taking the risk of being shot rather than being tied up doing time. I know I would much prefer it.
I applied self-forgiveness out-loud while I swept off the porch and remembered what Bernard wrote in the Face Book group NEIGHBORISM.
“Their is an ISM that will be effective to support all life here in ways that is best for all. it is NEIGHBORISM.”
“NEIGHBORISM will replace capitalism, socialism, communism and all the other ways we have managed the world. With Neighborism the message of Jesus and other teachers that showed that love practically applied means to give as you would like to receive and to love your neighbor as yourself would become a living reality. Equal money and Desteni will get you to Neighborism. If you claim love is the answer, prove it with Neighborism.” – Bernard Poolman
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not trust a word that comes out of my neighbors mouth.
I forgive myself for the urge to politely slap my neighbor in the face for his ignorance and abusive nature to animals.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to participate in the backchat thought of telling my neighbor to his face that he’s a big fat liar.
I forgive myself that I haven’t realized that my neighbor represents in all ways the part of me that I don’t want to face within myself.
I forgive myself for spiting myself in spite of another.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to use spitefulness when I feel powerless.
I forgive myself for standing in spite – instead of in self-honesty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed-myself to disregard anyone that I believe is telling me a lie.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately disregard and not hear the words of those that I perceive/experience to be lying to me.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize, that I deliberately react in anger within myself and then manifest anger as blame directed towards others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger towards the words of others within myself instead of investigating the reactions I experienced within myself towards their words.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that the reactions within myself towards another’s words are showing/revealing to me that I am not standing equal and one as the words that I was accepting/allowing myself to react to.
I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that I’m actually reacting towards memories/pictures/ideas/perceptions and beliefs that I have of specific words existent within myself and that I’m not actually reacting to/towards the word itself.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to fear that I can’t trust my neighbor when actually it is myself that I am not trusting in fear of facing the fact that I’ve not stood in and as a point of self-responsibility for my animals and within that I justified my irresponsibility by blaming my neighbor for how my animals and experiencing themselves.
I see, realize and understand that the point of trusting another isn’t possible until and when one is able to trust self as the living directive principle breathing, walking according to what’s best for all.
When and as I see myself reacting in anger and/or spite to memories/pictures/ideas/perceptions attached to the person and/or the words I hear/see, I Stop. I Breathe. I direct me here within the realization that what I react to and/or see/perceive as fault in another is in actuality a point to be faced and released within myself.
When and as I see myself deliberately disregarding and not hearing the words of those that I perceive/experience to be lying to me – I stop. I breathe. I realize the pattern is me not trusting me – like someone covering their ears and not wanting to see the abuse and atrocity that exists within this world and as our current money system – it’s the same point of self-denial. – Instead I stand and face myself within the lie as the lie is here as me to be forgiven and released.
I see, realize and understand that the words within this blog represent me in how I feel/felt, believed and lived as who I am and that it is only me that I am facing as I walk this process through and as those who walk this process alongside me of which I am grateful for.
I commit myself to becoming the actualization of self-honesty in being the living expression of self-honesty always, in seeing the point and realizing what self has accepted and allowed within the point and transforming self in living action in relation to the point seen and what I’ve realized of self within it.
I commit myself to assisting and supporting myself in standing equal to and one with my human physical body within my process of redefining myself into living words as I assist and support myself to stop the separation of myself as Energy within, and to stand in support of and as all life as I accept and allow myself the patience to push through any remaining resistance in self-honesty until I am equal to and one with myself as living words as me as all as one as equal.