Tag Archive | mourning

Day 36: What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger

Part 2 of Day 35: Under the ‘In-flu-ence’

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” ~Friedrich Nietzche

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that hardship, pain and suffering will make us stronger which is actually suggested through stories from the bible – instead of realizing that to believe that life is about living in hardship, pain and suffering is to continue the enslavement of the mind – and an excellent reminder of why I made the decision to face myself through self-forgiveness and to in self-honesty – Stop the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within fear and self-interest based upon people in my life and/or things in my life that I have feared losing the most.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become possessed within my mind within the memories that I’ve had with regards to my brother/sister/mother, because I didn’t want to face the point of them actually being gone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold onto memories of my brother/sister/mother within my mind rather than face what it means that they no longer exist within this physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use memories as a defense and protection mechanism where the greatest fear that the memory protect of the person in my mind is who am I alone with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an internal experience within myself with my mind where I go into mourning in relation to the person in my life who has died thus creating a relationship with them in mind memories, and then become emotional as mourning because of the fear of being alone with myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am only not able to change that which I believe I can’t change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing a safe comfortable feeling within the cushy idea of myself as part of a middle class American family, which wasn’t anything great, but yet provided the perfect backdrop for the continued enslavement of my mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to waste even one more minute within a place of mourning – instead of realizing that the deliberate abuse of others – where one seek at all cost to have more than another must stop – thus at this point, the only solution for those that don’t and/or won’t stand up in support for a system to bring an end to All suffering, is the fact that we’re all equal in the fact that we die – thus death is the one thing that assists in sorting out the mess of inequality existing within our world.

Desteni Farm

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my own limitations within memories, emotions and feelings, and is the reason why within my children lies the future of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use feelings in self-interest as memories/personalities so to accept my self-interest as more important than what is best for all Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that which is here as what we as a humanity have accepted and allowed in our abusive nature through comparison, competition, ego and greed, where we have taken instead of given, robbed of life instead of standing up as life, and where we have taken for granted the quantity of life provided here on earth in our wanting/seeking to have more than our neighbor.

I commit myself to making peace with the fact that the beings that once were my mom/sister and brother no longer exist within this physical reality.

I commit myself to stopping my accepted point of limitation in and as mourning and making peace within myself with death.

I commit myself to daily self-forgiveness in stopping who I’ve been in self-interest and thus assisting in stopping our self-interest driven current world/money system.

I commit myself to supporting a System of Equal Education for All where Life is an understanding within living where self realizes that – Life is Not about living according to “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” – Life is about supporting thy neighbor as thyself in committing thyself to standing equal and one to all in absolute unconditionally as Life.

I commit myself to realizing that self-forgiveness is only real when I change me as I forgive.

“I commit myself to walk the 7 Year Process day by day as a guide and example for those that would dare to return to Life.

I commit myself to challenge all knowledge and information that is not best for all Life and to establish and participate in research to investigate ALL things AGAIN and to ONLY KEEP what is best for ALL LIFE always.

I commit myself to remind man that Earth is where it will be established – who each one really IS – Life as the Group Life, or Ego as Loner that ABUSE.” ~ Bernard Poolman ~ Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 38: Rebirthing as Life

Day 35: Under the ‘In-flu-ence’ – Part 1

I’m currently, and have been sick with a cold/flu for a little over a week now, and after hearing the interview on Eqafe titled: ‘Life Review – My relationship with Mourning’, I now have a clearer understanding of how the memory of my brother and sister – who both passed away within the past six months – how the memory of them and their sudden death, is having an affect on my physical body. I’ve been avoiding looking closer at the point because when I do, it’s painful. When I say painful, I’m referring to an overwhelming urge to cry, and, I ‘feel’ slightly lost within myself since their death and the death of my mom 11 years ago because, I ‘feel’ like I’ve lost the family members I was once the closest to.

In common sense, I know the ‘feelings’ aren’t real, and during the day, I have no problem breathing through the point. However, in the middle of the night, every night, if I wake up to go to the bathroom or to get a drink of water, that’s when my mind will bombard me with what I call ‘midnight memories‘, (a design of the mind consciousness system) – which consist of reliving the events/experience/fears circling within me of both their deaths. Then, yesterday, I was notified of the autopsy results as to how my sister died, and that added anger to the fuel of the already formed memory constructs.

I begin here in gentleness and patience with myself to release the memories and their in-flu-ence through self-forgiveness.

Art By Scott Cook

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my mind to use me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed me as my physical body to be influenced by the death of my younger sister and brother who I always ‘felt’ were my responsibility to care for and protect and thus ‘feel’ guilty about their death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry for how my sister died in her abuse to/towards her physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry to/towards my brother for the abuse he manifested/created and accumulated within and as his physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear a similar death as my mother and my brother.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry to/towards myself for the abuse and accumulated affects of taking for granted me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the memory constructs of the death of my sister and brother to swell up within the center of my being where all I want to do is sit and cry, but which is manifesting illness and influence against and within me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed, influenced and controlled by the mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be the void in aVoiding walking this point through in self-forgiveness,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in and as knowledge and information through a common sense understanding of life and death but used that against myself in that I accepted and allowed myself to engage it into a state of inner suppression, hence the in-flu-ence the memories have retained within me like a prisoner in custody.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed about myself to be mourning the loss of my brother and sister, because I ‘thought’ in my state of ‘knowledge and information’, that I was better than that causing the affect of my dishonesty to build into and as a physical affect within and as me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have an only understanding (knowledge) of what it means/entails to breathe and walk this point through — only speaking it and not living it as who I am.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that the hate I experience towards the system is actually the anger and frustration I experience towards me, because I have accepted and allowed this experience within me and I did not stop it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed anger and frustration within me through me believing and/or thinking that I am powerless in the face of the system as my mind of emotions and thoughts as grief and mourning.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that abuse exist within self through accepting and allowing myself to be abused by the mind and because I accept / allow abuse within me – I accept / allow abuse within the rest of the world as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of myself within what I see this point to be, which is self-interest.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that I am simplicity

I commit myself to realize that I am simplicity.

I commit myself to walking the point of my relationship with mourning through to release through self-forgiveness in self-honesty.

To be continued in Part 2