Tag Archive | matrix

Day 95: Flesh

Continuation from Day 94: Establishing a Relationship – –

With still having a fever my flesh feels very warm and causes me to ask myself ‘what is it like to be the flesh of me as my physical body’ and, I realize, it’s not been easy, because I’ve been quite the abuser of and as it…

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have never considered what it’s like to be the flesh of me as my physical body because I’ve always existed through and as my mind where for my entire life I’ve existed looking down on myself within my mind with my head hanging in shame because of how and what I was accepting and allowing myself to participate in within the secrets of me as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rarily use the word flesh because I’ve held an idea/definition of the word flesh within me in separation where I’ve associated the word flesh with cannibalism.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold an idea/definition of the word flesh as that of eating itself which is exactly how and what happens the more we become constructs as systems of/as our mind as consciousness, which integrates into and as our physical body/flesh/bone and completely takes over until eventually the physical body starts decaying as it eats away at itself in order to survive and thus how we age and die.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my mind as a weapon against me as my physical body/flesh and bone through participating in/as energetic charges of/as emotions and feelings from the starting point of self-interest, competition and desire of how I wanted to experience myself.

I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed me as my physical body to be directed from/as my mind as consciousness within the starting point of self-interest which has been purely result driven and not for the benefit of creating a world according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to always look for what is best for me as my mind without looking for what is best for me as my physical body and/or for what is best for Our Physical Reality according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to indulge in sadness and sorrow of and as my mind as memories/characters while never considering the effects upon my physical body as I would cloke myself in/as suits as sorrowful memories/characters within a dragging, sinking experience which accumulates, manifests and shapes me as my physical body accordingly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed me as my internal organs to exist in sorrow whereas pain as indigestion results from suppressing myself in/as the defense of anger in self isolation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never question and investigate how who I’ve been as my mind as memories/characters/personalities have manifested as pressure, pain and manifested consequences within and as my physical body,flesh and bone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand the extent of how, what I physically experience within my physical body has actually manifested me into certain character/personality constructs of/as my mind which I alone have kept myself within through my participation in and as them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop certain memories/characters/personalities of/as my mind in relation to my relationships and in relation to my world where me as my physical body has shaped accordingly to said memory/character and personality relationships within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never actually realize the relationship between who I am within myself with regards to me as memories/characters/personalities and how I have utilized my physical body in relationship between my mind and my physical body to the extent of manifesting and creating ailments, illness, disease, discomfort and pain and in how they are produced according to who I am as my mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand how the role of our current world/money system is to keep us enslaved to it through the struggle and pain of survival of which we support willingly through what we accept and allow in/as our participation and direction of our mind as consciousness as memories/characters/personalities which manifest and create physical consequences within and as our physical bodies and thus our physical reality/existence.

to be continued

(Please read Heaven’s Blog with regards to: Quantum Consciousness Programming in Childhood – Part 1: Day 99 and Quantum Consciousness Programming in Childhood – Part 2: Day 100)

(Please read Creation’s Blog: Day 74: Stopping the MIND IN THE FLESH – Part 1 and Day 76: Stopping the Mind in the Flesh – Part 2)

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Day 46: The Devil and The Angel On My Shoulder

Today my partner and I had to spend most of our day in the city. At the last moment we decided to stop for a salad at a Deli we’ve not been to in 3 months, even though it’s always been a favorite place of ours to eat. The Deli sits atop about 30 concrete steps and as I reached the top and entered the Deli, I became aware of how I was having a negative energetic experience of myself.

Immediately I began to ask myself what thought was I in that I was allowing my mind to be, because I’ve proved to myself through lessons in Desteni I Process that participation in thought, equals the direction of ones energy.

So as I walked past the table where we sat the last time we were there, I realized how I saw myself as actually walking my past as my future in that moment. I then realized how within myself, I was pretending to not see and understand how I was confronting myself, all the while actually knowing exactly what was going on within me.

I made my way to the counter and lost breath inmyself so my partner assisted in ordering for me as I made an excuse to go to the restroom. When I entered the facility I noticed an experience of movement within my solar plexus as well as an odd anxiety and I was strangely aware of the fact that I was resisting to face that which I feared within what I already knew.


I also realized something interesting in that my fear was talking to me as my secret mind, giving me reasons through rapid thoughts for how and why I was experiencing myself, and at that point, I just stood there, still, and focused on my breathing.

In less than a minute I made my way out of the restroom and slowly fixed my salad when I remembered an interview by Anu that I hadn’t heard yet called, “Reptilians – My fear companion – Part 44”, and, I was grateful I had my MP3 player with me because I was ready to hear it during our drive home. As it turned out, the interview, was the perfect assistance.

My partner and I sat down and began to eat and as we began to talk, I noticed how what my partner was saying seemed to be going on and on, and within my solar plexus was a rising of what was an emotional desire to burst into tears. That was actually the very support I required to shake me up because I rarely experience myself anymore within such a reaction.
I saw how the point was laid out before me and I knew that what was happening was definitely a self-created pattern of/as an emotional reaction, and I knew that I had to stop it.

And that’s what I did, I breathed and directed myself to investigate, and I asked myself if the fear I was existing as was actually serving me in any way whatsoever? NO!

I realized then, how, the last time we had eaten at the Deli was 9 days before my brother died. It was also when I was physically sick as well, and I had experienced a similar anxiety during our visit to the Deli that day because of me existing within and as fear of loss/death. Exposing the fear, and sharing with my partner my realization and self-forgiveness, assisted my physical body to release from anxiety within.

Join us and prove for yourself who you are walking the Journey to Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a unconscious thought pattern within a mind construct/pattern of anxiety creating an energetic experience of myself where thought participation equals the direction of/as energetic polarities of good/bad, positive/negative and right/wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk past myself as who I am as breath, as I pretended to not know who I am because of the fear of facing my knowing in the detail of what I exist of/as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid going into the details of my life and history and walking into my mind as a consciousness system because I fear what I’ve deliberately hid from myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an unconscious emotional reaction/memory/pattern manifestation in my physical body as energy that is intertwined within the mind as well as the physical, where fear is the devil and the angel on one’s shoulder. (For further perspective download @ Eqafe: “Reptilians – My fear companion – Part 44“)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue borrowing tomorrow within a mind set living in fear of the future – instead of realizing that anything to do with the future exist within the point of manipulating and controlling the human.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how fear is so taxing that one doesn’t want to move themselves outside their current familiar fear based comfort zone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the emotional feeling energy in/as ‘fear of loss’ – instead of realizing that one is already experiencing ‘loss of self’ lived in fear of and as a mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not realize that to justify our behaviour patterns gives us the cause for our fears.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to breathe life into bullshit quotes such as: “We never understand how little we need in this world until we know the loss of it” – which actually projects us to live out our fate within a world in polarity where there are the ‘Haves’ and the ‘Have Nots’ – instead of standing together as a group in support of a system accepting of and as all living beings.

I commit myself to comprehend and stand in taking self-responsibility in self-honesty for who I am within what I’ve accepted and allowed as my actions and creations as self, where I will walk in and as an ability to respond to my environment and society, and hold them equal and one to and as an expression of/as self supporting a world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to supporting a system of Equality where the greatest freedom is the greatest choice of/in giving the quality of life to/for All Life, according to what’s best for all.

Please Read The following Blogs for further perspective and assistance regarding Angels, Devils, Heaven & Hell and Creation as Life

Heaven’s Journey to Life – DAY 7: What has ‘Life’ Become?

Heaven’s Journey to Life – DAY 9: I Am War

Heaven’s Journey to Life – As Within = So Without: DAY 12

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 3: Resistance to Change

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 5: In the Beginning was God

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 11: Demonic and Angelic Possession

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 15: Who am I? Prisoner of the Mind?

Day 24: Waiting on the World to Change

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe myself as being misunderstood wherein I’ve walked the path of the middle road claiming myself to be waiting on the world to change when actually I was hiding in fear of who I am within how the world exists and in my own self-denial remained quietly waiting for someone to somehow come and save me and/or show me ‘the way’, instead of realizing who I am in self-honesty and taking self-responsibility within all that is here.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to stand with those I called my friends in their waiting for the world to change simply because I as them wanted/needed someone to agree with what was actually a disapproval of self and thus we validated one to/from the other the same as we existed as, in and as dishonesty to/towards self in the denial of self and an abdication of/to and/as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed in my conformity to/as and within our money/world system to stand for nothing and believed myself as having no ability to ever be able to stand and become accountable and self-responsible for what is being accepted and allowed within our money/world system.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to gather in a work place environment and settle into the rules as I walked the line in agreement with others and silently resented my place in the matrix as I stood in separation of/as it, instead of seeing/realizing and understanding that it’s not about ‘fighting’ the system, it’s about facing who I am within and as the system and changing who I am in self-honesty and directing myself equal and one to/towards an actual physical self-corrective change in order to support and ensure a quality of life in Equality for and as All living beings.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to claim to see everything that is going ‘wrong’ within this world and those who lead it when in fact I didn’t have a real clue how everything that is existing within this world as the crime, abuse, starvation, war and murder begins with money/profit and greed.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to take pride in saying that I see how fucked up the world is, yet I accepted myself to be the feelings of fear I experienced, which I used as an excuse to say that I didn’t have the means to rise above and beat how our current money/world systems exist, when in fact there is nothing to ‘beat’, there is only common sense in seeing that how the world exists is accepting and allowing a minority to live in luxury while the majority support, accept and allow them to do so while millions suffer and/or starve to death.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to keep on waiting and waiting for the world to change because I couldn’t/wouldn’t face the fact that the world will never change until I first forgive myself and begin to face me in self-honesty, wherein I make the decision to stand up and change me from within and as such I stop the direction of my mind and I direct myself as my mind in the decision to only accept and allow a world/money system which supports that which is best for all.

Quote From Creation’s Journey to Life Blog

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the poor instead of realizing that the poor represent the part of us that wants and seeks to have more than our neighbor.

I forgive myself for the times that I said if I had the power I’d bring my neighbor home from the battle ground so that they would have never missed a moment living the death in/as/of war, instead I see/realize and understand that war exists within our outside world because of the war raging within us in our not hearing our self-honesty for us to stop and forgive ourselves and thus forgive and support each other to create a world which is best for all.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to trust the television and commercials bending the mind as consciousness in ways to enslave, wherein humanity walks about as dumbed down energy seekers looking for a ‘good time’ all the while time is running out and information is all we’ve ever got, instead of actually living a life of self-realization through and as an honesty within self where self-trust begins wherein self sees/realizes and understands that for one to live fully and actually free, all life must first be supported according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to profess I care and that the fight isn’t fair and so I just sat around waiting and waiting, instead of realizing that we must first care to see who we are within what we say isn’t fair, and in seeing we forgive what we’ve avoided seeing in fear and we see in self-honesty that to really care is to give to another that which self would like to receive and thus we stand as one man, one vote in support of an Equal Money System because in our giving what’s best for all to all living beings we will never be found lacking.

Art By: Ann Van Den Broeck

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to get drunk and/or high and blame others for the guilt and helplessness I felt within myself for how our world punishes those who are barely surviving our mone/world system – instead of realizing that through self-forgiveness I am able to see in self-honesty who I’m able to be standing in self-trust and supporting a system of equality which supports that which is best for all.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that it’s hard to beat the system and as such stood at/as a distance/separate, waiting for the world to change, when in fact, in wanting to ‘beat’ the system we’re actually only wanting to ‘beat’ ourselves, because we are the system and we’re only actually waiting on ourselves to stand up and stop what we’re accepting and allowing to/from as our world/money systems, and waiting on ourself to face who we are within our current money/world system, thus we forgive ourselves and we see/realize and understand that when we forgive ourselves, we see/realize and understand that there is no one else to forgive, there is only life here to support and as such we stand up as one man, one vote in support of an Equal Money System, which will be the beginning in creating Heaven on Earth.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe we’re actually free within this world when all the while I pretended daily to be a multiple of personalities, a personality for work/survival, a personality when I had money, and a different one when I was broke just to name a few thus realizing that when money is given to all equally only then will everyone actually be free to be who we are within every moment of breath, the same yesterday and today, equal and one as all here.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that one day some generation is going to rule the population so we just keep waiting and waiting and thus we’ve not seen that we are who we’re waiting on and thus there is no more time for waiting for the world to change when the change we’re waiting on rests within our own self-honest self-direction according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to no longer waiting on the world to change when in fact change begins first within myself in forgiving myself and in self-honesty directing myself in self-corrective application so that I may bring awareness that life has been abdicated to self-interest and greed and that to stop abdication to life is to stop the direction of and as the conscious mind and to direct self according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to pushing myself to assure that everyone is allowed an education so that we can stop the grips of paid information which has dumbed us down as a humanity for the purpose of a few to live in luxury while the majority slave, support and/or suffer and die needlessly.

I commit myself to forgiving myself for what I’ve accepted and allowed in how I’ve been directed and fell into the trap of/as the mind as consciousness and furthermore, I take self-responsibility in stopping and beginning in this moment of breath in trusting myself to see and realize and direct myself in supporting and creating a world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to understanding in self-honesty who I am and how our world exists within every relationship I/We exist in and to thus support myself and each other to be be able to understand our past so that we can change the future in and as our relationships.