Tag Archive | marriage

Day 132: Hey, You Belong to Me!

Walking Self-forgiveness here for reactions I realized within myself according to how I experienced myself when a woman was talking/flirting at my partner while we were shopping for groceries today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within my relationship with my partner that I still react in jealousy within the illusion of control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I become a character of and as my mind as that of jealousy, how within that moment I am trapping myself in/as emotions of inferiority and superiority and, where I become judgmental of myself and judgmental of those around me, which threatens the perception within my mind of how my relationship with my partner is suppose to be within my illusion of control.

Art by Andrew Gable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I become a character of/as jealousy to/toward my partner where within my mind I hear a voice that proclaims: ‘Hey, ‘you belong to me’, thus, I see, realize, and understand that what I’m really doing is existing within an illusion of control in trying to protect the ‘perception’ I have of our relationship, which is actually me trying to control my partner according to how I ‘want’ him to be in order to keep my illusion of control going in order to maintain how I ‘want’ myself to be/feel in my relationship with my partner, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have formed my relationship with my partner within a relationship of jealousy and control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within my relationship with my partner, I have from the very beginning formed a ‘preconceived idea’ which I imposed onto our relationship of how I wanted our relationship to be, thus, in order to keep my ‘idea’ of our relationship in tact, in how I ‘desire’ it to be, I will try and control it through jealousy – where I become jealous of other people that appear to be threatening my desire, want and need of how I ‘intend’ the relationship to be, thus, I commit myself to STOP who I am within the illusion of control in how within and as such I believe that I can somehow take control of another being as who they are as their mind consciousness system and as who they exist as, when I see, realize and understand that there is no way that I can actually control who they are, and there is no self-honesty in doing so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I felt that my relationship to my partner was threatened, I imitated actions to further my control through how I suddenly saw myself physically reach out and grab a hold of his hand and in how I began to walk closer to him as if I was a dog marking ‘my territory’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within my wants, needs and desires are preconceived ideas that I try to impose onto my relationship, how what I’m actually doing is trying to manifest into reality my own self-interest, because the wants, needs and desires that I perceive myself as, is actually my attempt to continue the illusion of control within and as my mind as consciousness, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within the illusion of control I have existed within a cycle of inferiority and superiority in always trying to connect to that which I’m existing in separation to/of, thus why I try and manifest my connection in my relationship through/as jealousy as energy experiences of positive/negative as wants, needs and desires, thus our relationship continues as a constant chase, over and over within the neutrality of/as the illusion of control, thus, I commit myself to stop fueling wants, needs and desires through and as jealousy where I then change my behavior and manifest and create stress unto me as my physical body when the fact is that in self-honesty, I see, realize and understand that it is I who decides and directs who I am as my mind and it is I that has to face who I am within everything here and within that, I commit myself to slow myself down and come together as One as All to manifest and create Heaven on Earth.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within and as a character of and as my mind as jealousy, how, I never actually realized until today just what a monster feels like on the inside of me as my physical body in that it felt as if I was growing from the inside out, swelling up within myself in fear of losing my ‘perception’ of control, thus, when I stop and breathe, I see in self-honesty that the desire to control my partner/other beings is only an illusion, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how jealousy damAGES the internal organs and cells of and as me as my physical body, and furthermore, I commit myself to Never Forget that Love as we’ve lived it as Consciousness has never existed within and as the Principle of Equality.

When and as I see myself reacting in jealousy in order to fuel my wants, needs and desires within an illusion of control, I Stop. I BREATHE. I commit myself to investigate my thoughts, my words and how I am behaving, in order to stop manifesting and creating relationships within my reality according to the components of want, need and desire and jealousy within the illusion of control through and as superiority/inferiority as that which fuels me in my wants, needs and desires, and jealousy within and as the illusion of control.

I commit myself to stop pushing myself to be and have an experience of myself within and as wants, needs and desires in trying to control a relationship because I see, realize and understand that that is NOT actually who, what and how I am when I am breathing in and as self-honesty.

“I commit myself to SHOW that the LIGHT and LOVE Created in the Mind as Consciousness, is Only a Chamber of Illusion, Where the Fearful Hide from Responsibility.” ~ Bernard Poolman

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Day 128: Fear Factor

Today I became aware of how I was existing in fear as I was talking to and scheduling an upcoming appointment for myself. Thus the following self-forgiveness.


I forgive myself for not realizing how through love and friendship I have created my own illusion of ‘feeling’ safe and happy – where momentarily, I perceive myself as no longer feeling alone and lonely – instead of realizing how I have accepted and allowed the perception of myself to willingly participate within energetic experiences where I believed myself as having lived a life that was happy, safe and fulfilled according to the illusion I created through love and friendships – how I failed to recognize that I sabotage myself through undermining the cause of/as who I am in hiding in shame of/as the fear of being alone and the fear of others, thus, I forgive myself that I have through and as memories/characters and personalities participated in/as thoughts within my mind, as well as internal conversations/backchat and energy experiences as reactions of emotions and feelings through my physical behaviors – which change in how I interact within my environment according to the people I come in contact with as I maintain a sense of survival within this word in how I’ve accepted and allowed Money to be the Number One motivating Fear Factor and, within that, I forgive myself for not realizing the extent of how I developed and maintained myself as Ego, Greed and Self-interest in order to reach a level of functionality, thus, I see, realize and understand how fear is the motivator within how and why our world exists as hell on earth and how and why I have chosen to ignore who/what I have existed as within my secret mind because as my mind, I feared change, because real change requires that I change from within, thus, I forgive myself for not being completely willing to give up that which I use as entertainment, which I use as a way of avoiding facing my responsibility in how our world exists, and I see how I have existed within resistance to change because I didn’t want to upset the character I perceived myself to be even as I see the cords of slavery dangling within the discord of and as life, and within that, I forgive myself for not realizing how I have blamed, judged and projected myself in/as the characters of/as my mind onto others to reinforce the fear within me as them being the reason for my constant internal fear of loss, thus, I forgive myself for not realizing how all separation is fear of loss and is what keeps us enslaved to/as the direction of/as our mind as consciousness.

I commit myself to stop existing in fear of loss and for how I’ve used fear to become characters and personalities to take on roles of falling in love and friendships to boost me as ego in order to further fuel my own illusion, to avoid facing me within what I’ve accepted and allowed to exist according to the abuse within and as our current world/money system – thus, I commit myself to breathe and stand in Support of an Equal Money system, to assist us to Support Each other to see, realize and understand that fear only exists when we are participating within and as it as our mind as consciousness.

I Commit myself to walk in self-honesty, to unravel who I am within the totality of and as my mind as consciousness – to stop manifesting more and more of the mess we exist within, as fears and dishonesties – to be responsible for how the world/money systems of this world exist as and to Stand up and Change me through self-corrective application, to thus support a system which supports a World according to what’s best for All.

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that Enlightenment is the Justification Used to Protect the Greed of Happiness as a Value that Must Be Pursued Regardless of Conditions Caused By the World System, because the Enlightened Make themselves Believe that the Physical World is an Illusion, But the Enlightened will Not Test their theory through Embracing Poverty by Living WITHOUT Money, and In fact Do Just the OPPOSITE and Focus on Accumulating More Money to Protect themselves Against the REALITY of Poverty.” Bernard Poolman

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that FORGIVENESS is a Gift Given to Self to bring an END to the Illusion of a MINDSELF that is a Self Created Illusion, as Energy Presented as THOUGHTS, Feelings, and Emotions.” Bernard Poolman

Day 104: Dog-Eat-Dog World

Recently – I accepted and allowed myself to stress which is related to how our current money system exists -thus sharing here self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘feel’ as if I’ve only got one leg to stand on within this current world/money system that exists as a dog-eat-dog world where one must eat or be eaten, meaning to hell with everyone else because even if we have to lie and cheat to do it, we will survive within this dog-eat-dog world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support a world/money system where people will fight for themselves only and will hurt other people because we believe ourselves to be that which we are living as, which is a dog-eat-dog world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear and become sad when I hear my child cry in fear of not being able to pay the rent and feed her child and within that I forgive myself for wanting to make my child ‘feel’ better by paying the bills and then feeling guilty because I can’t.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend my day worrying over whether my children can pay their rent and have food to eat and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only be concerned about the welfare of mine – instead of the welfare of All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within and as my mind of thoughts in fear of what’s going to happen if there’s not enough money to survive to the point where I feel as if I am being suffocated.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about the lives of my own children and family but ignore the thousands of children around the world who starve to death daily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world/money system where money is the God that determines who lives and who dies.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at our current world/money system even though I see it is me that I am angry at for accepting and allowing hell on earth to continue.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed greed to rule me according to the rules of a money system that will let a child go homeless and starve to death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how money is the common DEMONator within every moment of our daily lives.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support a world/money system where through competition we sell things that other people need for more than we paid for it just so we can profit because it’s a dog-eat-dog world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a system where people live on hope and a prayer to have more than their neighbor – instead of walking in and as the shoes of their neighbor.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand the importance in giving unto another that which one would like to receive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support a world/money system where people are so hungry for success that they will do anything to survive and be successful – instead of considering the consequences of consciousness in the very acts of our survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support a world/money system that gives a false sense of caring through charities and/or donations which only act as a bandaid when in fact the wounds from our money system is a huge gapping whole of pain and suffering.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support a world/money system that does not consider nor support that which allows us to be here in the first place which is our physical bodies and our physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a world where we’ve yet to comprehend that life exists according to how and what we each individually decide – and that we / I can decide to support an Equal Money system and manifest Heaven on Earth.

I commit myself to stop charging me as my mind through emotions and feelings in fear and worry about my children’s ability to survive within our current world/money system.

I commit myself to educate people to the fact that we do Not have to continue this world as it is where we are constantly struggling to survive, how that through an Equal Money system every child born will be provided for from birth til death.

I commit myself to support me as my physical body and physical reality through stopping myself in/as participating in worry and stress, to see, realize and understand that I can only support and direct myself in this moment of breath.

I commit myself to comprehend and thus show how our world/money system functions in/as War itself according to it’s own purpose within it’s own physical manifestation of our entire physical existence within it’s own interest in accordance to serving only those who are rich instead of standing as physical living support for and as all Life.

I commit myself to fully comprehend, and thus show how the world/money system has it’s own mind as the mind of men and that the only practical living solution for the human to stop existing in/as a dog-eat-dog world will be that of an Equal Money System – thus eventually bringing an end to self-interest and greed.

Day 103: At the End of the Day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from the facts that are everywhere to be seen and understood of how and why our world is the way it is and how and why we are the way we are – because at the end of the day, I’m preprogrammed as consciousness and scared as hell to face what I’ve accepted and allowed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not question what was going on in the mind of a person that can take them to the point to open fire upon and kill people setting in a movie theater – because at the end of the day we put our trust in the media stories to determine the facts for us.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support a world/money system that puts people in jail and fines them hundreds of dollars for collecting rainwater – because at the end of the day, no one really cares about the fact that profit is valued over life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that people really do want to know the truth about how our world/money system exists – because at the end of the day the fact is, people still pray for a cure for cancer which already exists, and to a God that doesn’t exist because they ‘think’ it makes them ‘feel‘ better – instead of realizing it is that which keeps us enslaved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support a world/money system where people will become whatever character is necessary for them to receive their monthly paycheck – because at the end of the day no one cares to apply common sense and take self-responsibility in making a decision to stop supporting that which is Not supportive for All life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that what we allow to happen to another we are ultimately accepting and allowing to happen to us – because at the end of the day the majority is enslaved to the minority – instead of realizing what it really means to walk in the shoes of another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore how the most common causes of stress in family life are money and work related in/as being enslaved to our current world/money system – because at the end of the day, we don’t want to let go of self-interest and greed and come together as a Group to Stand in Support of an Equal Money System to bring an end to world hunger/wars and enslavement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the battle within myself and manifest and create it as my outside world – because at the end of the day I haven’t seen, realized and understood how when I see war and hunger I am seeing my own existence within and as myself as such.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that even when we ‘believe’ we’ve ‘found’ ourselves, we still get up every morning and go to work every day and participate in same way, always enslaved to the same world/money system – because at the end of the day we’ve not considered a solution to why so many millions of people are happily participating in this capitalistic repressive system and ‘believing’ ourselves to be living ‘the good LIEfe’ within an enslaved institution as consciousness programmed beings – thus in our choosing to ‘believe we’ve found ourselves’ we’re only expressing the continuation of our participation in/as our own mind/enslavement.

I commit myself to at the end of the day in self-honesty prove to/for myself that I have walked the day in and as the shoes of another in standing in support of a system which will educate All living beings in how to effectively support our earth and all life here according to manifesting a world according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to question and investigate my world and to see, realize and understand my responsibility within everything and all life here.

I commit myself to stop sacrificing the lives of all so that a few can have everything and to instead support a system which supports Everyone according to What’s Best for All to manifest a world in/as Equality.

Please read and watch the following for reference:
The Century of the Self
Colorado shooting suspect was facing eviction
30 Days In Jail For Collecting Rainwater
Cancer Cure Documentary – Dr. Burzynski Antineoplaston Therapy
Day 15: Who am I? Prisoner of the Mind?
Day 27: Money is the Soldiers of the Mind
Equal Money

Day 97: The Character: Cheater on the Mind


Today my partner phoned to say he would be late getting home from work – then, within moments after arriving home from work, he decided to take a shower before having supper and so, I was aware in both those moments of how a picture popped into my mind, or rather an extremely fast thought which was where I went into the character of, ‘is he cheating’?

I didn’t say anything to my partner because, I was very much aware of the character attempting to take center stage where my eyes and mouth began to form physically in/as the sneaky-suspicious cheater character, that I myself have existed as in the past where I attempt to blame and accuse another as being it. I stopped myself and breathed and, I see how this character comes forth because of how and who I’ve existed as in self-dishonesty where, in numerous ways, I have cheated within my life and thus, I am here to put ‘the cheater character’ to rest once and for all, through self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as the shame in the pain within my physical body where I am experiencing ego and pride held within my shoulders and neck that I’ve existed as in how I avoid looking at me as the ‘cheater‘ of life in how I have lived in/as my secret mind where I have sought for energetic liaisons as a way of avoiding taking self-responsibility for who and what I’ve accepted and allowed to exist here in/as what I’ve referred to as a World that is free that is actually enslaved within and as our current world/money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in/as the cheater character as the memories/characters/personalities of the generations of women who’ve walked here before me because it is I who am completely responsible for me as who I am and what I accept and allow myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a cheater beginning when I was in first grade in school in how I felt guilty when stealing candy from a store as a child and how I defined stealing as a way of cheating.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define saving/hiding and/or spending money as a form of cheating against another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as the word cheater where I have judged whoever I’ve been in a relationship with for cheating because in my secret mind I’ve had thoughts of cheating on them whether it was cheating through keeping money from them or having a relationship with another.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate myself into believing the excuse that when I ‘cheated’ it was because I was going through a ‘bad time’ in my life and so it was ‘ok’ to cheat because I justified my behaviour according to how I was experiencing myself in/as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be adamant in my cheating as long as no one got hurt then I justified it as ok.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider the damage I create within and as my physical body according to how I accumulate stress in/as myself when I exist in acts of cheating.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand how, that which I accuse, blame and perceive myself to see existing in/as another, is in fact how and what I am existing within and as.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand how I look for in another what I can’t accept/find within myself – to thus give myself some sort of ‘feeling’ as if I’m completing myself when in fact what I’m doing is searching for a feeling that I believe is me.

I commit myself to show how through self-forgiveness one can in self-honesty stop patterns of/as memories/characters and personalities of/as the mind and walk self out of such patterns through self-corrective application.

I commit myself to no longer accept and allow myself to exist in/as a character of/as my mind through acts of cheating because I see how I manifested the definition of myself based upon emotional manipulation in order to have energetic experiences which I now see, realize and understand that I am able to stop, re-direct and realign myself in self-honesty according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to not accept and allow myself to abdicate my responsibility to and towards myself through justifying acts of behavior within the starting point of self-dishonesty as I see, realize and understand that I am willing to be the directive principle and commit myself to change in order to be supportive in bringing forth a world according to what’s best for all.

(Please read Heaven’s Blog with regards to: Childhood Imagination Creating Characters: DAY 98)

Day 92: Curse of Self-Compromise

Today I’ve been investigating a point of self-compromise because I saw when talking with another, how I was holding myself back so to speak, and my physical body confirmed it as I immediately began to have spasms and pain in my upper left muscle of my back. Thus, the following self-forgiveness. – –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand how self-compromise is like a curse because in/as self-compromise are accepted and allowed character acts which are deliberate and deceptive in nature within/as and against self and others as self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself according to who and how I become in/as relationships where I lean upon them as if I’m being sucked in by an invisible adDicktive force, becking me to submit all that I am as me as my physical body to be subjected to the direction of me as my mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed me as my physical body to be the victim of my own PUSSuits – where in my past I’ve allowed myself to experience sexual encounters which I soon regret and blame myself for – for not appreciating myself or another and/or for my perception as that of not ‘being enough’ to have stopped the encounter in the first place and stand free from me as my past.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to experience regret for not accessing more emotions that would have given me a feeling of self worth within my relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how my relationships are reflections of/as me in which I show refusal of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself within a fear of letting people down -instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that I’m actually afraid of losing someone and within that I’ve been willing to compromise myself where I end up existing within a perception of having lost myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand how it is that I hate the memory/characters/personalities of the men I have designed within me based on past experiences and judgments that I have held onto within and as me as my physical body.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself through feeling betrayed by something and/or someone – which is blame, which means that I have placed my faith, trust and responsibility for myself and my life into the hands of another – where through relationships, I have given my physical life over to another separate from me and playing the blame game when my life didn’t turn out the way I had ‘hoped’ for -instead of me taking self-responsibility for my own life and experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand that nothing of or in this world has the ability to betray or deceive me except me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in/as self-compromise to fear the change of myself in being able to trust myself and walk as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within particular moral enslavements as that of/as faith and hope, whereas them I have failed me as my physical body because when I put my faith and/or hope in something/someone outside of myself, I am actually accepting and allowing my own continued enslavement and thus abdicate myself as life in saying that I’m not able to stand up and direct myself, therefore, I submit myself to and as my mind as consciousness to drag me through the gutter of me as my secret mind – instead of standing face to face with me as who I am as my mind – physical body in self-honesty and self-forgiveness and Direct Me according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see, realize and understand how through memories/character and personalities I have formed relationships which I allow to compromise me as my mind-physical body which are addictive in nature – where the addiction is actually the point of me not wanting to let go of the relationship because to let the relationship go requires me to forgive and release who I am as it, thus why I have remained within a point of self-compromise instead of taking responsibility for who I am as my mind of/as memories/character and personalities where I have remained in self-compromise in/as betrayal, blame and anger.

When and as I see myself existing in/as a point of self-compromise of deliberate and deceptive nature, I stop. I breathe. I direct myself within the understanding that I am the directive principle of me according to and in support of a world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to stop when I see myself existing within a point of self-compromise where I am withdrawing into myself in silence instead of directing myself in/as the moment where assistance and direction is required.

I commit myself to stop compromising myself within a fear of letting people down as I see, realize and understand how it is Not possible for anyone to let me down nor me to let anyone down, it is only possible to Not stand in/as self-responsibility thus, I commit myself to Stand and take self-responsibility for how our world exists and to thus support a world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to stop existing within self-compromise in and as polarities of love/hate and memory/characters/personalities of/as past experiences and judgments

I commit myself to stop compromising myself within my relationships wherein I lean upon them to the point of addiction thus creating pain within and as my physical body through my lack of awareness of me as my physical body.

I commit myself to show how compromising self in fear of self change is a complete lack of awareness of self as breath within the understanding that life is here to be shared and cared for in/as self-honesty through self-forgiveness and in supporting a world according to that which is best for All.

I commit myself to a relationship of equality and oneness with me as my physical body and this physical reality in order to assist and support in bringing forth a world where suffering, pain and war are no longer accepted as who we are and instead All life is supported within the principle of equality and oneness.

(Please read Heaven’s Blog with regards to: Who’s the Boss but Memory?: DAY 83)

Day 72: Vanishing act

Art by: Anna Brix Thomsen

Today my partner had to work all day which is something he sometime’s has to do on Saturday’s. However the pattern I’ve often walked because of him having to work a day on the weekend, was always a negative energetic pattern, where I would feel sorry for myself for having to ‘sit at home alone’ – lol, to write that just now was odd in that it never did make any sense why I always pouted and basically threw a tantrum for such a thing.

However, it was a pattern that I can also remember my mom existing as as well when my dad had to work overtime at his job. So, today it was very cool when my partner got home and it was only then that I realized I had not had one moment all day of any occurring thought patterns or feelings of ‘poor me’.

When we first moved to the country over 4 years ago, a day alone on the week-end would send me as my mind as consciousness into a fit, and I have applied much self-forgiveness to assist myself to stop it. So, I’m very grateful for Self-forgiveness and Desteni I Process and the cool opportunity to stop and redesign myself free from living life as such draining patterns, and to be able to just enjoy the presence of myself walking the Journey to Life. My partner certainly appreciated the vanishing act of that particular character of me as well.

I know one thing that I never really understood before. Which is that human beings can change themselves if they apply themselves through self-forgiveness and self-honesty. And within that we give ourselves the ability to be able to direct ourselves to change our world according to what’s best for All. Which is as it should have been all along.