Tag Archive | influence

Day 76: The Worrisome Character

It becomes clearer and clearer to me daily, that the only real terror that exists within this world exists within the mind of the human being. Thus I’ve created through thought participation; The Worrisome Character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a worrisome character.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about how come I see myself as a ‘worrisome’ character instead of a character of worry.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself as the worrisome character to that of a worm slithering on the floor, lying there quietly watching as life is mauled to death by our world/money system which teaches children to be soldiers and allows other children to starve to death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to familiarize myself in/as a worrisome character grieving over whether we as a humanity can ever change that which we fear the most, which is ourself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be the worrisome character within the realization that we may never stop, that we’ll keep on replacing our integrity as life within the ‘belief’ that there is more that we must have, thus not stopping until we get what we want, not realizing that what we ‘want’ can never be gotten from somewhere out there, because what we are seeking isn’t out there, it is here, within us each one in seeing that we’re All Equal in Life in every way.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in and as the worrisome character to fear how, we with our own hands will put our own creations to death because we require food for our physical body, yet we never consider asking permission first from the one being sacrificed for the sins of our own death wish of eating to live.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as the worrisome character to not realize that when I worry I fear, thus I split myself into two separate worlds, within the context of doubt and uncertainty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that it is my fear that moves me to the survival mode of my mind in/as the worrisome character.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself in/as a worrisome character to abandon life itself through competing with others in order to make the most money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience and project heartbreak in/as a worrisome character unto my 2 year old granddaughter in fear of what will I say to her when she asks me what happened to our world when she can’t afford to feed and clothe herself – because the reality of this moment is, $100 worth of groceries doesn’t even buy one week supply of food.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be the worrisome character in asking myself how and what do I tell my grandchildren as to why we as humans fear and compete as we do with each other within an explanation that others won’t mock as being that of a lie.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a worrisome character to anguish in how much hate exists within us as humanity – will we become one massive possession within our minds as consciousness so much so that we’ll bring ourselves to the very brink of our own extinction in order to stop what we are accepting and allowing within and as our current world/money system of/as enslavement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as the worrisome character to feel as if I’m carrying the weight of the world in the pit of my stomach, and I see how I’ve been carrying me in the pit of sPITe to/towards others in fear of myself for Not taking self-responsibility and facing me within all of the pain and suffering of existence in/as living life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a worrisome character instead of seeing/realizing and understanding that to exist as such is participating within and as the mind as consciousness which is exactly how and why we are in this mess to begin with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand how important it is to stop the mind as consciousness, thus we stop the consequences self creates within and without and unto existence.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that existing in/as the worrisome character is just another name for being afraid.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that existing in/as the worrisome character is just another self-manipulation technique to keep me forever enslaved in/as our world/money system as a mind consciousness system organic robot.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use myself as a worrisome character as an excuse to justify why I am to afraid to actually stand up and take self-responsibility for the absolute madness existent in and as our world.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that in allowing myself in/as the worrisome character, I’m actually allowing me as my mind to manipulate, thus, I will manipulate myself and others within my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deem myself as a worrisome character to be superior over me – instead of standing up one and equal to/as myself through facing myself in self-honesty, thus supporting a world according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to stop myself in moments where I become aware that I am participating in/as the worrisome character and direct myself to investigate the source and origin of who I am within the simplicity of this moment of breath.

I commit myself to stop reactions within myself towards how our world exists and to instead in self-honesty face who I am within it all.

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Day 75: I will never do That again

A point came up today reminding me of the many personalities I’ve existed as within stating, ‘I will never do That again’. One in particular I was reminded of today, after having not smoked marijuana in a very, long time, I was triggered by a commercial on t.v., with thoughts of ‘lighting up’, and, it was if I could almost smell the shit.

The last time I spoke the words that ‘I will never smoke weed again, was the time before the last time that I smoked it, and eventually, I did smoke again. The last time I smoked it however, I didn’t speak the words, ‘I will never do that again’. Instead, I investigated the point slowly to see who I’ve been within the desire to smoke within my mind.

And, through applying self-forgiveness – and the tools of Desteni I Process – I was able to when the thought today to light one up presented me with a decision, it was an easy decision to Not participate and thus the decision of no longer smoking weed has become a very simple one.

Was a very cool point for me in realizing how effective walking this process is in changing one’s self from the inside out. I’m very grateful for the gift of self-forgiveness, and my decision to walk the Journey to Life, together as a group as Destonians, changing the world, beginning first with self.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create personalities of myself with repeating condescending patterns, where when the energy of my descent as a particular character hits bottom, I will stand up within my fall and project the future of myself by becoming the, ‘I will never do that again character’.

I forgive myself for the countless number of times I have lied to myself and others as myself in/as a personality stating, ‘ I will never do that again’.

I forgive myself for the countless number of times that I have set myself up as a failure in/as personalities of, ‘ I will never do that again’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in/as the ‘I will never do that again’ personality’, to condemn, judge and feel guilty towards myself until finally, I repeat the very pattern I’ve just days before swore off of.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in/as the ‘I will never do that again personality’ where within the promise of hope I create an alternate reality projection where I manifest and experience myself in/as an alternate reality only in my mind as consciousness, because there is No physical reality in a promise, only hope.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself within the personality of ‘ I Will Never do that again’ to go into to cycles of victimization wherein I substitute one positive energetic experience for another as a way of balancing the negative energy experiences where I’ve aligned myself in/as the thoughts and feelings of ‘great! I fucked up again, I am worthless’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand how the personalities I exist as already have a delusional life before the physical application of/as me walks them into to action as movements of myself, because they first began within and as my mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see/realize and understand that in making the statement in/as the personality of ‘I will never do that again’, I am actually making the statement from the starting point self-dishonesty, because I’ve not actually taken a moment to look at who and where I am within my mind according to the actions I’m confirming myself within, in relation to what it is I’m stating that ‘I will never do again’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to in/as the ‘I will never do that again’ personality, to not see/realize and understand how in walking as that personality – without completely walked the process of and as it, through and as my mind, through self-forgiveness and self-corrective statements – I have elevated myself into an egotistical state of mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as the ‘I will never do that again’ personality, to make statements that I’ve not yet walked within my process in order to be able to stand as the words I’m stating.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as the ‘I will never do that again’ personality to actually be participating in and as energy and within that my words are nothing but empty statements of only talking – instead of actually physically walking self change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and live up to egotistical statements of myself – instead of physically practically living who I am here within this moment in/as breath.

I commit myself to slow myself down and to stop making empty statements where I then put myself into scripting characters and personalities of myself without having investigated who I am within how and what I’m speaking as the words as who I am.

I commit myself to when I make statements of changing/stopping this or that, that I know exactly how it is that I am going to change, according to a practical physical application guideline for myself.

I commit myself to in self-honesty investigate how I’ve created me as my mind as the patterns, constructs, and characters I’ve accepted and allowed, to thus forgive, realign and redesign through a practical, physical living application as who I am, according to what’s best for all.

“A Personality is created from an accumulation of characters/similar characters that come-together and then manifested an entire person/personality that you physically live-out.” Sunette Destonian Spies

Day 67: Energetic HangOver

Reference below refers to the following Blogs:
Day 65: Living in Hope is a TRAP
Day 66: Radical Relationship: Dragging Faces of Anger

The past two days having accepted and allowed myself to exploit myself from one polarity to the next – seesawing from negative to positive energetic outflows, so much so that today, I experienced myself where within my physical body are degrees of feeling UP, then feeling Down – similar to how one experiences themself after to much alcohol or drugs where one experiences a ‘Hangover’- which is the result of how/what I accepted and allowed within and as energetic highs/reactions from participating in and as thoughts, feelings and emotions as well as reacting to a physical expression given in my direction from my partner – all of which I am completely responsible for. Thus, the following self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be and become physical chemical reactions as energy derived from participating in and as thoughts of hope and in/as stress within polarities of inferiority/superiority whereas the affects of/as existing as such manifest within my physical body as physical symptoms of feeling hung over/exhausted/abused/dying on the inside.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as energy to Not see/realize and understand that any reaction experience to/towards anything or anyone within existence indicates separation within a limited definition of myself Veiled in and as the mind as consciousness where I am the SUBJECT of my own Mind Control in/ as a superiority and inferiority game of my own design which subsequently is abusive to/as life itself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as energy to submit myself in/as emotions of/as superiority in my purSUIT to live thrills of/as a type of adrenaline junkie tripped out in experiences of power.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as energy to Not fully grasp how damaging the act of existing in/as superiority to/towards others really is upon my physical body, nor have I comprehended the fact that I can never actually fill up the voidness feeling within myself through acts as such because self-interest and greed IS the cause of the desire to fill myself up in the first place due to a lack of intimacy within and as self within living a lie within and as a World of Inequality that I am responsible for accepting and allowing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself within and as energetic polarities to participate within the act of measuring myself as more than or less than in comparison to other living beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as energy to function on behalf of my beingness wherein the past couple of days I’ve teetered to and from negative and positive energetic lows and highs as inferiority/superiority while dragging my partner alongside riding the outflows of/as my reactions to/toward him, wherein my self-interest has known no bounds and more than likely manifested more injustice within our physical reality considering how I’ve raised havoc within and as my physical body in/as manifesting pain in my neck and shoulders feeling like I’m carrying the weight of the my own self-dishonesty upon my shoulders.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as energetic polarities of/as inferiority/superiority to function in and as my relationships based upon past, present and future projections of myself, thus, I forgive myself that I’ve Not accepted and allowed myself to realize that in order for my past to be present through and as future projections of myself, thus I see/realize and understand that I alone as a Mind Consciousness system have been stringing myself along, layering, storing and manifesting dimensions of myself as energy from and as thoughts, feelings, emotions, and memory participation and in/as energetic polarity experiences of myself – thus, I must walk the physical consequences of my own manipulation which accumulates as outflows of stress upon/within and as me as my physical body as well as my physical reality.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as energy as superiority to judge my partner according to my past, present and/or my future projections of myself within an idea of how I have previously experienced myself and/or how I hope to experience myself again, thus Not realizing that through and as my own self-imposed beliefs according to how I desire to obtain myself as within an experience, I will thus become irritated and blame my partner when my experience of myself doesn’t reach the all encompassing energetic charge as I had ‘Hoped’ and expected it to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exploit myself in/as energy for the sake of acheiving myself in and as a superiority/high for the sake of taking a winning position in and as my own self-interested agenda so I could feel better about myself for surviving another day within our current capitalistic money/world system, that I honestly don’t see as changing anytime soon, and within that, I forgive myself for how I use energy as an escape for Not facing, forgiving and directing myself as the directive principle in order to bring about an actual change within self thus the ability to be the support required in order to bring about a world according to what’s best for All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget the part of me who as a child asked my mom why was she so sad and when she replied, ‘that’s what happens when you get older’, and I saw for a moment in common sense as I walked away how that didn’t make sense and I wasn’t gping to live my life that way, Not realizing then that what I was witness to was the negative end of the polarity pole as energy in/as feelings as a human being as a Mind Consciousness system enslaved to a world/money system of which we are quite capable of stopping and redesigning according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a world/money system that enforces polarity games through Capitalism and Profit and offers No actual support for our physical body as life by way of guaranteed food/nourishment, housing, clean water, clothes, healthcare and education for everybody, so that life is able to be Expressed instead of stressed and depressed.

I commit myself to stop my mind as energetic polarities of superiority/inferiority, positive/negative, happy/sad, right/wrong, and good/bad, and to see/realize and understand that when I accept and allow myself to remain self-responsible for the actions of myself as breath in awareness according to what’s best for all – there will never be a reason for feelings of stress, shame and/or pain associated with profit and gain.

I commit myself to show myself through writing and self-forgiveness that energy and substance as who I am can be directed to contribute to this world and the lives of all of humanity for an equal and one life for all.

I commit myself to be an example in proving that the only way to fully bring polarized versions of ourselves to an end is to support an Equal Money System whereas All living beings are fully supported according to what’s best for All, thus, allowing the nature of who we really are to begin to step forth in Self-Honesty.

Please READ the following Blogs!
The History of Superiority and Inferiority: DAY 69

Day 20: Superiority and Inferiority game

“Unless the past pass over — you will pass over before the past is over” ~ Bernard Poolman
Day 56: The Past is Over

Day 66: Radical Relationship: Dragging Faces of Anger

Today I reacted to my partner in anger because of his facial expression when he looked at me which I took as an expression of dislike and/or dissatisfaction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become anger.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see/realize and understand that today when I reacted in anger towards my partner, I was existing within inferiority and insecurity according to a belief about myself that I accepted and allowed when I was a child where when my father became irritated at me, I took his facial expression as a sign of not being loved and/or wanted, thus, I forgive myself that I haven’t seen/realized or understood that the anger I’ve existed as is a mind construct born infear within and as an ongoing pattern which I accepted and allowed to be triggered through my eyes upon seeing certain physical expressions of others associated with pictures in my mind from/as memories from my childhood.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as anger manipulate my partner according to past patterns of when we were first together whereas through words in how we argued I would keep going on and on until he would eventually apologize even if he didn’t really see how or why he was apologizing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as anger to justify using spiteful words and raising my voice because I know that in doing so it will cause my partner to ‘shut down’, which I see/realize and understand now is how me as my mind gets off within a point of superiority thus, me in/as anger, I teeter back and forth between polarities of inferiority and superiority justifying and manipulating my way to scoring a win.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in/as anger not realize that to be the abused and the abuser is so because one doesn’t exist without the other.


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as anger to be/become possessed inspite of the energetic charge having affects upon myself and my partner causing stress upon our physical bodies, wherein I experienced feeling as if my face felt draggy and my body felt heavy like being dragged through quick sand, and within that I see/realize and understand how accumulating anger in/as self initializes stAGES of aging through and as the abuse we project/manifest onto others and ourselves as our physical body where humans are the AGE of looking like who/how and what we’re living deMANds of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that I was not really angry at my partner, that I was actually angry at myself because I was participating within feeling disappointed in myself – wherein I was judging my process as not being effective and as anger was me reflecting my own inner inferiorities towards myself using anger as an energy to try and hide from myself by through projecting superiority, in order to receive validation to make myself feel better inside myself and, when my inner hunger for self intimacy wasn’t satisfied, I lashed out again at my partner in verbal diarrhea.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as anger to take advantage of my partner whose nature is to please, thus in/as anger I am enforcing and enabling him to remain within patterns he is forgiving and directing through self-corrective application thus, in/as anger, toward him, I am saboteur.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself reacting in/as anger infear to/towards my partner and/or anyone and/or anything for that matter, I Stop. I Breathe. I realize that the pattern of/as me as anger serves only as abuse, and in self-honesty, I see/realize and understand that that is unacceptable and I am no longer willing to exist as such.

I commit myself to releasing through self-forgiveness who I am as anger and through self-corrective application as I walk the path of self-honesty with/as my partner in agreement standing in support of a world according to what’s best of all.

I commit myself to show how through self-forgiveness and walking the Desteni I Process we are able to redefine relationships to one which will stand equally together in agreement, and as a group supporting that which supports all life according to what’s best for all.

Day 62: Radical Relationship: Feeling Threatened

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to a better understanding of ourselves.”~ Carl Jung

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become irritated with my partner when he made a joke at the cashier at the local grocery store because I saw him as trying to please and/or make her ‘smile’ and ‘be happy’ and within that I noticed how I suddenly felt uncomfortable in my flesh as if I wanted to wiggle loose from my physical body from the suddenly threatening ‘feeling’ I saw myself within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that that which I see as irritating within another is a point of reaction within myself meaning that I am existing as the very point I see in another as irritating.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being irritated when that was not the actual point at all but within my accepting myself as irritation I actually became irritated and missed the point of seeing myself for who and How I was actually existing in and as which was infear – inferiority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ‘threatened’ by other women who I see/judge as younger/prettier within fearing that they may enter into a relationship/agreement with my partner, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react inspite and backchat to/towards those who I see myself as infear of/inferior to according to the direction of my mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a people pleaser where I seek to validate others to make them smile and/or make them happy within the starting point of seeking validation for who I am and thus what I ‘thought’ I saw in my partner was actually only a reflection of my need to please.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the presence of another can have lasting affects on me, as me becoming either worse off or better off for having known them within the point where I’ve believed I was having a ‘spiritual experience’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that within my marriage/relationship I have cloaked myself in deception so much so that I took pride in positioning myself to look and act better when I’m around people who appear to have money as opposed to people who appear to have very little to no money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that existing as the ego in believing myself as being better than is existing within two points of polarity of/as good/bad and positive/negative and within that, I see how existing as such is actually manifesting actual crimes against life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not realize that existing in polarity manifests acts of greed such as consumption/consumerism and is what keeps our current world/money system turning life into cycles of death.

DownLoad: Emotional Turmoil as a Radical Reaction within Relationship Here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire my partner to still see me as pretty, and to desire me as he did when we first met, and the fact is, I realize that who I am as my physical body on the outside doesn’t ‘seem’ to match who I am on the inside, and that scares the hell out of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see aging as a bitter enemy because aging is confusing when on the outside the physical body changes but on the inside I still ‘feel young’, thus, the point I am seeing, in that, ‘feeling’ is Not, and has never been what defines one as actually ‘Living Life‘, because life cannot and will not ever be measured by/as experiences in/as feelings and emotions as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a ‘feeling of well being‘ and to actually believe that that is what living life is.

I commit myself to stop myself from experiencing life in feelings of threat, infear of losing that which isn’t mine to begin with because life is not meant to be had, to be kept, to be owned or lived in CONsuming, because life is meant to be Heaven on Earth for all living beings, Living Life according to what’s Best for All.

I commit myself to show that love is a fallacy = A fall-in-humanity-see…

I commit myself to show that: “Love can only truly exist within the context of the physical in terms of right action and wrong action in terms of what is best for all and what actual Equality is.” ~Bernard Poolman

Please READ the following Blogs:
Energy – the Mask of the Devil: DAY 43
The Prophets of Damnation: DAY 47
Sacrificial Love of the Mother: DAY 48

Day 65: The Glamour of Enlightenment
Day 66: Relationship Dynamics – Part 1
Day 67: Relationship Dynamics – Part 2