Tag Archive | hypnotized

Day 183: The bombs bursting in air

It’s known as one of the biggest days of the year for Oklahoma hunters – the deer gun season opened November 19th. We live about 11 miles from the nearest town, and for the last couple of days there has been a steady increase in the sound created by black powder rifles and muzzle loaders. I would describe the sound as more of a Boom than the crack one might expect to hear from that of a rifle.

We have 5 outside dogs and 2 inside dogs and the sound of what sounds like bombs bursting in the air frequently throughout the day is very frightening for them. They run and hide and have spent the entire day scared and anxious.

I’ve been paying close attention to my own reactions as well and I’ve noticed that every time I hear the boom I have a multitude of experiences that happen within me. Here I am going to investigate what exactly is going on within me and how to assist myself to stop and correct myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear within me when I hear the boom as the sound from those who are shooting the black powder rifles and muzzle loaders and how within that I realize that my fear is existent within the fact that the shooting is coming from an unknown origin, meaning,  I have no idea who is actually doing the shooting nor what they are shooting at, thus who I am within hearing the shots fired is left entirely to the imagination of me as my mind which I’ve accepted to be directed entirely by/as through fear and the experience of negativity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought/image within my mind where one of my dogs is ducking for cover to save itself from being hunted and killed by the hunter and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself opening my front door and yelling into the air and toward the sound of the boom – that the hunter might somehow hear me say: ‘Stop it, have some consideration for the animals’, and within that I forgive myself for imaging that I might come face to face with the hunter to tell him to ‘stop being so ignorant, to consider what it would be like to be the animal he hunts’ – because when I put myself in the shoes of the hunter, I see myself in how I have existed in fear as the will to survive and how I’ve used that will to suppress myself to such an extent that I’ve not stopped to consider anyone except myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I hear the sound of the muzzle loader being shot and have internal conversation and back chat that says: ‘they’re fucking assholes’ and/or ‘that pisses me off’, it’s because within myself I am taking a negative experience of myself and using ego to turn it into a positive experience, through judging those who hunt and for believing myself as more superior than them, when in actuality, I feel inferior to them, and instead of investigating why and how it is that I feel inferior/superior, I avoid taking self-responsibility by projecting blame onto them because the fact is, I don’t want to see how I have accepted and allowed myself to value myself as more than the animal that’s being hunted, and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the memory I have of an experience I had when I was younger – where on more than one occasion and by different adults I was taught that the value of the human is far more superior that of the animal and how in that moment I made the decision and lived the decision and I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I to was more superior and more important than any animal that exists and for how guilty I have felt within myself for doing so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I hear the boom sound of the muzzle loader/rifle being fired, that within me to the depths of my being for a split second, I become enraged, and as I look deeper within myself, I see that my anger is not with someone ‘out there’, my anger is within and as me – anger at myself for how I have neglected to take a long hard look at who I am as ego and greed, and for how I have taken pride in being able to buy and have and enjoy pretty much whatever I wanted, and never once within that did I stop to consider who had to suffer in order for me to live and have and exist as I have/do, nor have I ever taken full self-responsibility for who I am and how I have existed as within our world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when writing the words: ‘The bombs bursting in air’, to feel guilt and shame for the fear I felt when I heard gunshots, when the fact is, around our world millions are in threat of losing their life at any moment due to wars where explosives are killing women and children and destroying homes because war is good for economic growth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed for how as humans we display and parade around the results of our obvious abusive nature, expecting trophy’s from one another to represent our desire for prestige for the act of being a murderer of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how through self-interest and greed I overlooked a most important point – the role that money plays in this deadly equation of the hunter and the hunted – that when we follow the trail of money we see that the human is in fact subject to the rules of money in his attempt to survive according to the rules of the system – where the animal to a certain extent is not, because the animal is able to provide for itself without a job and/or a cash advance, thus the animal is closer to being free, aware and far more intelligent than the human is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the overall discomforting feeling of tension within and as my physical body when I hear the firing of the guns are the result of what I accept and allow in that, when I accept and allow the death of another living being as the result of my own gross negligence in and as greed and self-interest, that I am in that moment accepting and allowing who I am as cancer itself to slowly grow within and as me and throughout our world/reality/existence.

When and as I see myself existing in fear when I hear the sound of gunshots I stop, I breathe – I commit myself to if possible investigate who and where the shots are being fired from and to educate myself to the goings on within my physical environment/world/reality.

I commit myself to realize that in every moment of breath I have the ability to direct myself to stop who I am in/as fear and to investigate my world/reality/existence as well as to investigate alternative ways to assist my animals to be comfortable and free from fear.

I commit myself to do everything I can to provide a safe and healthy environment for the animals I have accepted responsibility for.

I commit myself to an awareness of myself breathing thus when and as I see myself become irritated when I hear shots being fired and/or at my neighbor, that I will stop and realize that yelling out at anyone in anger is Not the solution, thus, I will myself through self-corrective application to first forgive myself so that I will see clear of anger and thus be able to assist others as myself.

I commit myself to focus on myself breathing so that I may realize what I’ve forgotten in that when I’m reACTING I’m hiding.

I commit myself to show that anger is the product of dANGER in how we have accepted and allowed our world to exist where life is a struggle to overcome the dangers of having no money with the results being that of death and starvation to thousands upon thousands.

I commit myself to when I experience myself as feeling ashamed that I stop and breathe and investigate who and what I’m existing as that I have justified as a reason to exist in and as shame.

I commit myself to in every situation where life is lost/starved/murdered to investigate the role that money plays in manifesting and creating it into our very existence.

I commit myself to show that war will Never be the solution for peace because to many have much to profit from war and that the real solution for peace will come with Equal Money.

Day 182: It’s Not Personal – it’s PERSONALITY

“Whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal.” ~ Meg Ryan from the movie ‘You’ve Got Mail’

I used to believe that I loved that quote from the movie ‘You’ve Got Mail’, because I believed that’s how it should be between people. Personal. I’ve since realized how the whole idea of being in a personal relationship with another person has been nothing more than personal conflicts – conflicts of personalities.

When we take things personal, it’s because within our mind we’re acting according to whatever character or personality we’re existing as – where we have a complete storyline going on within our mind as we participate in thoughts, feelings and emotions which we beLIEve to be real. We don’t realize how the story begins and ends in self-interest and ego while we’re busy existing in and as the energy that it takes to maintain the experience we believe we’re having.

So the point I’m looking at here is personality and experience – which began with fear.  Fear that began when my partner communicated to me his recent thoughts – which he’d been stopping, but nevertheless thoughts he’d been having with regards to his desire to receive attention from female coworkers – which he realized is/was an attempt to validate his own negative experience to change it into a positive one.  As he shared with me,  I thought it was very cool,  and I was pleased with how we were communicating.

But then, later that night when I went to sleep, I woke up after having a dream where there was only a brief image, an image of my partner in the arms of someone else, an image that in my past I had often been aware of but had always dismissed it but after seeing it in my sleep I noticed how I was suppressing myself and how I was left with a gloomy depressed feeling that I can not trust anyone.

As I’ve been walking this process, one thing I know for sure is that everything I experience within and without is a direct reflection of myself.  And I realize that I’ve never been able to trust myself, yet, I see how my mindset changed towards my partner and I realize that I have to investigate this point further because I see how I’m pulling away and separating myself further and further from him. Which means I’m pulling away and separating myself further from myself.

I also noticed the internal conversation/ backchat within my mind that was repeating – where I was telling myself over and over: ‘it’s not personal’. Yet, the many character’s and personalities that I exist as within my mind ‘felt’ that it was very personal.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the origin of personality begins in/with fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take things personal because I see, realize and understand that what ‘feels’ personal is in conflict with a personality I’m existing as within and as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘fear’ rejection and within that I forgive myself for not realizing that when I fear rejection it’s because I accept myself as imperfect, unsatisfactory, and/or useless and powerless, thus I forgive myself for judging myself through the eyes and ears of consciousness as fear and comparison of not being good enough.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone, unwanted with no way to provide for myself and within that not realizing that when I accept the fear of being alone and unwanted and fearful that I wouldn’t be able to provide for myself, it’s because I don’t trust myself and instead of investigating myself in self-honesty as to why and how come I don’t trust myself, I project that separation/fear onto others – when the fact is, when I direct myself in self-honesty according to what’s best for all and catch a glimpse of what it is to Not exist in separation from myself and others as myself, that’s when I comprehend how the fear of self/others diminish, and I begin to establish a point of self-trust.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I pursue someone/something for energy, such as love and happiness, that within my pursuit of ‘it’ I’m separating myself from myself as ‘it’, thus ‘it’ (for example: love and happiness) becomes more than me, thus why I exist in fear of and am able to be controlled and directed by ‘it’ as me as my mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a thought/image within my mind of my partner smiling in the arms of someone else, and I see how the image is important because when I see that image within my mind, I experience guilt and shame, because within that image holds a memory of myself as my own past behavior and the deceptive nature I once existed as, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deceive myself and my partner as I tried to escape from the negative depressed state of mind and experience I was having of myself by seeking for attention outside our relationship as a way of validating myself and thus providing myself with a positive energy experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a character/personality of and as my mind where I am only concerned about whether or not I am having a positive energy experience – one which serves it’s purpose by stroking my own ego and for the depths of evil that I have existed as within my mind when/as I’m am seeking for attention, just so I can try and believe that I’m having the ultimate experience – one where all I want to do is to relieve myself from feeling negative, so much so, that I haven’t stopped and considered the consequences of my experience and how it manifests in the lives of others within and as my world/reality/existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine a “I told myself so’ attitude towards my partner, where in fear I believe I can’t trust him and thus I imagine myself walking away and informing him that I will not be mistreated, that I would rather be alone and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that my imagination in this plays out exactly how I have existed as towards myself, where when I realize I am facing the consequences of what I have accepted and allowed as my past and my behavior, that I will hide within myself and pout and feel sorry for myself and as such I can’t forgive myself and thus I never reach a point of real substantial change within, and as a result I continue repeating the same mindset/patterns over and over and the results are manifested within and as me as my physical body and world/reality/existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I have internal conversation and back chat that says: ‘It’s not personal” and ‘he can’t be trusted’ that what I am doing is accepting myself within a point of self-denial where I distract myself through judging others because I secretly judge myself for not facing myself and directing myself in self-honesty within and as a point of self-correction and self-change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame and condemn my partner as being the reason for my perception of myself as being unhappy, because I see, realize and understand that I have existed within the belief that in order for me to be happy then I must have a positive energetic experience, and if I am having a negative experience then I must be unhappy and within that, I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not investigate the true nature of my thought participation which will assist me to understand how and why I experience myself the way that I am.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as an abdication of self and life in such denial that I will manifest within my stomach a sinking feeling and a feeling of nausea, therefore, I commit myself to stop existing in self-denial through living behind the characters and personalities of and as my mind as memories and patterns that I realize are preprogrammed from my parents and society, and to instead commit myself to stop manifesting the physical consequences of self-dishonesty by committing myself to myself in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to physically manifest the consequences within and as my physical body of and as infection due to how I have existed in and as rejection where I deny myself as who I’ve been and what I’ve accepted and allowed as evil and abuse to continue to exist within and as myself and my world as myself.

I commit myself to when I feel fear to stop and investigate who I am as it.

I commit myself to stop taking things personally and if and when I see that I am taking something personal, I stop, I breathe – instead I slow myself down and bring it back to self to see how and what self is existing as, to thus forgive and walk the self-corrective application to redesign what self has accepted and allowed and realign self with and as all as one as equal.

I commit myself to realize that I have always existed as some sort of character and/or personality because that is how I have hid from myself in fear, and I see, realize and understand that in self-honesty I am able to redirect myself to reach a point of self-intimacy and establish self-trust.

I commit myself to breathe and become aware of and forgive myself for when I’m searching for and/or existing in negative and positive energy experiences.

I commit myself to changing myself through Desteni I Process and walking the Journey to Life because I see, realize and understand that it is only through changing myself within, that I will be able to walk as a living example and effectively support a world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to STOP seeking attention because in seeking I am stroking my ego and existing in self-interest which is unacceptable, thus, I commit myself to breathe and walk with gratitude for/as self.

I commit myself to stop rejecting myself and my world as myself in fear of what I may discover.

Day 45: Holy Psywar: The Real Battlefield Is the Mind

Watch Psywar Documentary

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into the ism of/as the consumer where according to the advertisers story of us, the way to happiness is through our consumption in/as buying things which is exactly how we’ve been manipulated/pre-programmed to exist as.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing only specific history lessons to be taught in the classrooms across the land where children learn lies within knowledge and information that’s been paid for through the blood loss of those before them, yet nothing of how history has been manipulated for the sake of supporting the power of money for those best described as us All as we All have continued to turn a blind eye – instead of standing together neighbor for neighbor, as a group in support of a system of equality to bring an end to that which we are constantly and continually trying to escape from.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pay no mind to what’s really going on within this world, because I’ve been pre-programmed Not to notice and/or care about the thousands and thousands of living beings who have been and are brutally tortured and massacred in class warfare due to working conditions – for instance those who died in the ‘Ludlow Massacre’,which was an attack by the Colorado National Guard on a tent colony of 1200 striking coal miners and their families , which resulted in violent deaths including women and children, some of which asphyxiated and burned to death after a day long strike for decent wages and living conditions such as the basic right to feed, clothe and provide for one’s family, yet their life ended in death and those remaining grew in acceptance of self in/as poverty infear of the fact that they saw no other choice but to obey – within this I see myself in how the atrocities that exist within this world is the responsibility of us All to stop, forgive, direct, amend and heal us of our past forever.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the pain through the eyes of my neighbor, brother, coworker and/or my enemy (inner me).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed numerous atrocities within this world to exist as I walked right through and past them looking on in condemnation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/ realize and understand how I/ We have been pre-programmed and manipulated as mind consciousness machines to ensure our support for/of a world/money system which literally survives at it’s best through acts of war.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the only real choice we’ve accepted and allowed for ourselves is the choice that keeps money in the pockets of those who already have everything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bury my face in a history of spiritual deception and then claim I’ve been forgiven by a God willing to grant me a heaven – when in self-honesty, I see how the only sin is in the believing that we’re going to escape to anywhere other than right back here to face our responsibility and walk the correction of the Mess of our wAges for allowing poverty/starvation/murder/SIN against our neighbor.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be manipulated by staged fabrications from the press as propaganda often in the form of smiles and/or giving the appearance of warmth which have been nothing more than a distortion of our economic values such as with acts of charity – which serves the purpose to relieve peoples stress just enough without actually changing the system and is in fact the way in which to actually maintain an already corrupt world/money system by simply giving people just enough to prevent them from realizing exactly what’s been accepted and allowed within this world in order that the wealthiest in the world remain that way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support a world/money system that values a democracy of material goods whereas the citizen has become a consuming machine pre-programmed in/as the ism of capitalization, thriving in the consumption of objects of monetary value over life itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live the human dilemma in the belief that the end justifies the means so much so that we’re deliberately deaf to the countless number of beings suffering without seeing the cause in the effects created as the monster in/as war machines attacking each other according to the propaganda used as ‘props against us’, where we attack life, and then have the nerve to blame another for our madness instead of realizing we as our mind of/as consciousness are our own worst enemy (inner me).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that consumerism offers a quick fix which causes people with little chance to change their social conditions in life to feel as though they are climbing the social hierarchy, when in fact, we’re standing still in our Mess.

I commit myself to supporting a system of equality where the story of us lacks consumption in that there is no more stories to stack against us, there is only here, living harmonies together All One as Life.

I commit myself to supporting a system of equality where humans will stop racing to be the first at a finish line and instead will walk together enjoying each others expression.

I commit myself to supporting an education system that teaches Not fear, yet through gentleness in self-honesty the history of who we’ve been and what we’ve accepted and allowed and through forgiving the past of our future we direct and assist humanity to realize themselves in another through walking a process of receiving that which one first willingly gives unto others as self through the principle of Equality.

Please Read The following Blogs for further perspective and assistance with regards beLIEf in Freedom of Choice

Heaven’s Journey to Life – Consciousness is Autopilot: DAY 39

Heaven’s Journey to Life – Are All Choices Damned?: DAY 44

Heaven’s Journey to Life – Is Any Choice Ever Free?:DAY 45

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 12: BrainWashing and Mind Control

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 17: The Trap of Dementia, Part 1

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 29: The Invisible Invincible Mind

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 47: The Evil Individual

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 48: The Visible and the Invisible