Tag Archive | hunted

Day 183: The bombs bursting in air

It’s known as one of the biggest days of the year for Oklahoma hunters – the deer gun season opened November 19th. We live about 11 miles from the nearest town, and for the last couple of days there has been a steady increase in the sound created by black powder rifles and muzzle loaders. I would describe the sound as more of a Boom than the crack one might expect to hear from that of a rifle.

We have 5 outside dogs and 2 inside dogs and the sound of what sounds like bombs bursting in the air frequently throughout the day is very frightening for them. They run and hide and have spent the entire day scared and anxious.

I’ve been paying close attention to my own reactions as well and I’ve noticed that every time I hear the boom I have a multitude of experiences that happen within me. Here I am going to investigate what exactly is going on within me and how to assist myself to stop and correct myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear within me when I hear the boom as the sound from those who are shooting the black powder rifles and muzzle loaders and how within that I realize that my fear is existent within the fact that the shooting is coming from an unknown origin, meaning,  I have no idea who is actually doing the shooting nor what they are shooting at, thus who I am within hearing the shots fired is left entirely to the imagination of me as my mind which I’ve accepted to be directed entirely by/as through fear and the experience of negativity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought/image within my mind where one of my dogs is ducking for cover to save itself from being hunted and killed by the hunter and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself opening my front door and yelling into the air and toward the sound of the boom – that the hunter might somehow hear me say: ‘Stop it, have some consideration for the animals’, and within that I forgive myself for imaging that I might come face to face with the hunter to tell him to ‘stop being so ignorant, to consider what it would be like to be the animal he hunts’ – because when I put myself in the shoes of the hunter, I see myself in how I have existed in fear as the will to survive and how I’ve used that will to suppress myself to such an extent that I’ve not stopped to consider anyone except myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I hear the sound of the muzzle loader being shot and have internal conversation and back chat that says: ‘they’re fucking assholes’ and/or ‘that pisses me off’, it’s because within myself I am taking a negative experience of myself and using ego to turn it into a positive experience, through judging those who hunt and for believing myself as more superior than them, when in actuality, I feel inferior to them, and instead of investigating why and how it is that I feel inferior/superior, I avoid taking self-responsibility by projecting blame onto them because the fact is, I don’t want to see how I have accepted and allowed myself to value myself as more than the animal that’s being hunted, and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore the memory I have of an experience I had when I was younger – where on more than one occasion and by different adults I was taught that the value of the human is far more superior that of the animal and how in that moment I made the decision and lived the decision and I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I to was more superior and more important than any animal that exists and for how guilty I have felt within myself for doing so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I hear the boom sound of the muzzle loader/rifle being fired, that within me to the depths of my being for a split second, I become enraged, and as I look deeper within myself, I see that my anger is not with someone ‘out there’, my anger is within and as me – anger at myself for how I have neglected to take a long hard look at who I am as ego and greed, and for how I have taken pride in being able to buy and have and enjoy pretty much whatever I wanted, and never once within that did I stop to consider who had to suffer in order for me to live and have and exist as I have/do, nor have I ever taken full self-responsibility for who I am and how I have existed as within our world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when writing the words: ‘The bombs bursting in air’, to feel guilt and shame for the fear I felt when I heard gunshots, when the fact is, around our world millions are in threat of losing their life at any moment due to wars where explosives are killing women and children and destroying homes because war is good for economic growth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed for how as humans we display and parade around the results of our obvious abusive nature, expecting trophy’s from one another to represent our desire for prestige for the act of being a murderer of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how through self-interest and greed I overlooked a most important point – the role that money plays in this deadly equation of the hunter and the hunted – that when we follow the trail of money we see that the human is in fact subject to the rules of money in his attempt to survive according to the rules of the system – where the animal to a certain extent is not, because the animal is able to provide for itself without a job and/or a cash advance, thus the animal is closer to being free, aware and far more intelligent than the human is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the overall discomforting feeling of tension within and as my physical body when I hear the firing of the guns are the result of what I accept and allow in that, when I accept and allow the death of another living being as the result of my own gross negligence in and as greed and self-interest, that I am in that moment accepting and allowing who I am as cancer itself to slowly grow within and as me and throughout our world/reality/existence.

When and as I see myself existing in fear when I hear the sound of gunshots I stop, I breathe – I commit myself to if possible investigate who and where the shots are being fired from and to educate myself to the goings on within my physical environment/world/reality.

I commit myself to realize that in every moment of breath I have the ability to direct myself to stop who I am in/as fear and to investigate my world/reality/existence as well as to investigate alternative ways to assist my animals to be comfortable and free from fear.

I commit myself to do everything I can to provide a safe and healthy environment for the animals I have accepted responsibility for.

I commit myself to an awareness of myself breathing thus when and as I see myself become irritated when I hear shots being fired and/or at my neighbor, that I will stop and realize that yelling out at anyone in anger is Not the solution, thus, I will myself through self-corrective application to first forgive myself so that I will see clear of anger and thus be able to assist others as myself.

I commit myself to focus on myself breathing so that I may realize what I’ve forgotten in that when I’m reACTING I’m hiding.

I commit myself to show that anger is the product of dANGER in how we have accepted and allowed our world to exist where life is a struggle to overcome the dangers of having no money with the results being that of death and starvation to thousands upon thousands.

I commit myself to when I experience myself as feeling ashamed that I stop and breathe and investigate who and what I’m existing as that I have justified as a reason to exist in and as shame.

I commit myself to in every situation where life is lost/starved/murdered to investigate the role that money plays in manifesting and creating it into our very existence.

I commit myself to show that war will Never be the solution for peace because to many have much to profit from war and that the real solution for peace will come with Equal Money.

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Day 126: Hunger Games Self-Committment statements

This blog is a continuation to: Day 125: Hunger Games – –

I commit myself to stop my fear of facing me within the abuse and neglect that I see that I have accepted and allowed and have assisted as in supporting how life on earth exists for the thousands upon thousands who suffer and/or starve to death daily at the hands of our current world/money system.

Artwork by: Agnieszka Dine

I commit myself to forgive and let go of/stop the anger within myself that I realize I have existed as where I have projected blame onto others and within that have contributed to the abuse existent within and as our world, thus, I commit myself to show how the nature of who we are as our thoughts and our thinking process which we participate within, is the glue that is holding the abuse in full force within our world and how through self-forgiveness we are able to support ourself to effectively change, thus I commit myself to realign myself through a self-corrective application to thus redesign and assist myself to become the living change required in order to support a world according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to show how the entertainment industry which we accept and allow within our world is a direct result of and in complete support of our world/money system of which the majority of us as humanity are enslaved to, thus, I commit myself to show how we are not what we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to believe ourselves to be as the direction of consciousness simply because it’s coming up within us, and that we are capable to stop and direct and commit ourselves to take self-responsibility and establish an environment on earth based upon principles that support All life Equally.

I commit myself to show how there is enough resources available on/from earth to provide for the physical bodies of all living beings, thus no one need to ever go to bed hungry, homeless or abused in any way.

I commit myself to comprehend and thus support an Education system that will be designed to provide everyone with proper skills in reading, mathematics and communication in order to establish a healthy, equal relationship with each other as a humanity, nature and animals so as to provide each with the adequate necessities for a practical living environment.

I commit myself to remaining constant and gentle with myself as I continue my daily walk of The Journey to Life.

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when the Actual FUNCTIONING of the MIND and the Physical Body is Understood, All the Lies of Enlightenment will End and will No Longer form the Foundation from which Cruelty is justified.” ~ Bernard Poolman

Day 125: Hunger Games

Please reference and/or watch the Movie Hunger Games for context – –

I forgive myself for not realizing how our world/money system keeps us enslaved to and as a humanity in crisis.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support a world/money system where for entertainment purposes the rich continue to profit while we accept and allow movies that make a mockery out of the reality of our world – where there are literally thousands who die daily from starvation yet we ignore hunger as we accept and allow the perception/denial within and as our mind that life is a game – to the point where the movies make ‘lessons’ of life when life is Not a lesson, and how we accept and allow ideas for/as entertainment into and as our minds in order to numb us to the reality of what is real and deadly within our world/reality – even though the facts in/of and as life prove to us how suffering and despair is increasing within our capitalistic money system while the social violence of oppression and poverty remain intact and growing rapidly, while we sit and watch through the eyes of our own enslavement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite and blame others for the making of the movie Hunger Games, instead of realizing how I exist as, and accept and allow the same within me as those who were directly involved in and responsible for the making of the movie, thus, I am equally responsible for existing as the same system of acceptance of and as the systems of abuse within and as our world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed in silence that which I’m ashamed to admit in how I am responsible for and have defended and supported our current money system while trying to make sense of the struggle I exist as within just trying to survive it and, how I have denied that I’m a slave, because after all, I’m able to freely shop where I want to shop, however, I never realized how what I buy is subject to the approval of those who have more money than me, thus, I forgive myself for not realizing that I have never had control of/or free will over my life because the details of what I’m allowed to be and what I’m able to pick and choose from, have already been chosen for me, thus, I see, realize and understand that I am a slave to the very system in which I support, thus I am a slave to myself in every moment that I continue to support a system that does Not support All Life according to what’s Best For All.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within ego, greed and pride to such a degree that I never realized how I have lived my life as if I’m racing to win a game and within that have been so stuck in my own mind of thoughts and in feeling sorry for myself that I never considered that something is very wrong with our current world/education/money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to while watching the movie: Hunger Games to ‘feel’ overwhelmed, where I saw how I had backchat thoughts within my mind of: “we might as well give up because we’ll never change because the reality of our world is very similar already to the movie” and, I forgive myself for not realizing how movies like ‘Hunger Games’ are made to support our current world/money system by capitalizing on our feelings and emotions using fear and intimidation, thus, I see, realize and understand that ‘We Are the System’, and therefore We / I can make the Decision to see movies like ‘Hunger Games’ as a definitive ‘wake up’ call – to see for ourself that in order for real change to occur within this world is going to require us coming together as a group to support each other – and how only with an Equal Money System are we prepared with the Solution to bring about Heaven on Earth.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within the positive polarity of and as a feel-good energy in how I’ve defined myself according to the words: ‘May the odds ever be in your favor’, where within that I have believed that life is about the ‘luck of the draw’, when in fact, life as how we’ve lived it, is about who has the most money/power and is the only thing that determines life as we know it, thus I forgive myself for accepting and allowing world/money systems where we place odds on living and dying as we place those with money in power to play the odds in determining who of us lives and/or dies, therefore, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest a world/money system that is ineffective in that it produces enslavement of/for the very people who support it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anxiety within me as my physical body when watching the movie ‘Hunger Games’, where I felt my heartbeat increase and a flush of heat throughout the middle area of my body and, I forgive myself for becoming angry at how hunger and the constant struggle to survive life was made ‘light of’ within the movie, just like it is made ‘light of’ within our physical reality within and as the acceptance and allowance of our current world/money system.

I forgive myself for not realizing how I put the thoughts of and as my mind above me as my physical body and this physical reality and how within that is where I see I fall, because only as the direction of and as consciousness as my mind do I think/participate in ways to have and be more than my neighbor thus, I forgive myself for not realizing the extent of how our mind directs us against each other only because we allow it.

I forgive myself for not realizing how I project my fears onto the children of this world in how I accept and allow myself to imagine the worst possible scenario because I realize that as it stands right now, our world is not fit for any child being born, thus, I fear seeing what’s going to become of the child who becomes the adult who has never known what it’s like to have a stable home life, food to eat and clean water and, I forgive myself for not realizing that within the education system that is provided for them, very few who will ever achieve a level of training and certification that will assist them to find an effective job, thus, I fear what’s to become of our future children, because they aren’t given the tools of how to effectively support themselves and their/our World Responsibly.

to be continued…