Tag Archive | human behavior

Day 60: Mirror Mirror lies of me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that my relationships have been reflecting patterns of the lies I tell myself on the inside thus bringing to life the parts of me that I’ve chosen to ignore and/or disown because I fear facing the lies I’ve allowed myself to tell myself according to the direction of me as my mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that any and all abuse within my relationships is actually all the lies I’ve lived as me mirroring me from the inside out and is according to that which I fear revealing as who and what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be and become of/as what lies beneath the layers of/as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to point the finger to/towards my partner as him being the reason for my habits and/or behaviors through and how I have lied to and lived denial as myself as I reached outside of myself for that which I craved from myself.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my partner as controlling my behavior when in fact my perception of being controlled is coming from within myself not from someone outside of me simply because I’ve lied to and don’t like the girl I see as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to teach myself throughout my childhood that the only way to have a relationship with another is to give up parts of myself so I lied in waiting for myself not seeing that I’m only adding fuel to the fire in my own game of self-victimization.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lie my way out of seeing who I really am as the one who’s standing right in front of me waiting for me to stop judging myself and to instead forgive myself for forsaking me in and as polarity games of love and hate, right and wrong, and positive and negative energetic equations where there is no one winning only death in waiting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play the biggest lie of all in the game of money where the ‘stakes are high’ in attempting to buy my way to unconditional love – instead of realizing that money is the set up for and as the lie that keeps us on the marriage-go-round.

Proverbs 1:11: They may say, “Come and join us. Let’s hide and kill someone! Just for fun, let’s ambush the innocent.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live and become the words written by man even as I lied to myself that I’m better than that, when in fact I am equally responsible for the countless acts of abuse that have been imposed on the poor and innocent within our world while I saw in the mirror only what I as my mind as consciousness wanted to see.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to lie to myself to such a degree that I’ve not yet understood the depths of my own self-betrayal so much so that I’ve not realized that in my own self-neglect I’ve neglected to see what I’m accepting and allowing as the abuse that is running rampant in and as the hearts of man as we sit and watch and allow children to go homeless and starve to death daily.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist as the lie in families who believe their bloodline deserve to have All the Money yet care not for those that suffer and have absolutely nothing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so engulfed in self-interest and greed that I wouldn’t see how I lied and manipulated myself into believing that I was a ‘good person’ not realizing how that was my biggest lie of all because in my belief of being a ‘good person‘ was the beLIEf that I deserved to have and be more than others and never considered those who are existing in the Reality of our World which is, if you don’t have money, you get to die because those who have money and see themselves as a ‘good person’, don’t really give a shit.

I stop. I Breathe. I take self-responsibility for what I‘ve accepted and allowed as how our World exist, and I commit myself to supporting a world/money system which does away with good and bad, right/wrong and positive and negative polarities, and instead supports ALL Living beings according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to face all of me no matter how painful I perceive it to be in seeing myself within all that is here.

I commit myself to show that our Reality is not pretty pictures and free vacations but is in fact hell on earth daily for millions and that to Not see how we’re All Equally responsible to bring an end to abuse and suffering is to be existing as a slave of and as the CON of Consciousness.

Please READ the Following:

The Deal with the Devil: DAY 40
Adam and Eve: DAY 51

Day 49: The Quantum Flesh
Day 63: Pinky and the Brain

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Naked

I was in bed, naked with my partner, and he asked me to get up and turn on the light… I saw five main problems with his request:

1. I was naked. 2. I would have to get out from under the covers to turn on the light, thus exposing my nakedness. 3. Once the light was on he’d be able to ‘see’ me naked and exposed. 4. I was naked. 5. I was naked… I didn’t mind getting up to turn on the light, but, I was scared of exposure. Fear the exposure would cause him to stop loving me, wanting me and that maybe, he’d be ashamed of me…

How is it that I’m afraid to be seen naked with the lights on? It’s interesting that I’ve often feared exposing myself in speaking and writing. In writing we are essentially standing before ourself exposed/naked. Though – the flesh of our human physical body stimulates the sex systems of consciousness and it’s not surprising that many have similar fear, of being seen naked, by the opposite sex especially.

I’m quite certain my fear of naked is somehow motivated by money because, everything is. The sex and porn industry is a multibillion dollar business and everything and everyone is affected constantly by subliminal messages which are sex orientated through commercialism for instance, where sex is presented so subtly that one actually believe their experience was their idea and real when in fact we’re ‘acting’ on impulse. The fact that most of us don’t match up to the picture presentations that are impulsed have certainly provided us with more to ‘think’ and ‘judge’ about ourselves. This is Not about blaming because we are each equally responsible for what we’ve accepted and allowed and for how the current money system exists as.

Emmeline is my 18 month old granddaughter. She doesn’t yet grasp the nature of adulthood such as sexual urges and impulses. She so enjoys herself and, often she’ll shed off all of her clothes, her shoes and socks and then, she just runs through the house. She’ll stop and look and me as if to say, see, you can do it to. Yet, what would one say if they walked in to see me running naked through the house with her? Would they call it child abuse?

Backchat thoughts here that I remember myself saying: Get some clothes on! I’ve said those words in playful gesture to my own children, yet now am seeing how I was masking myself in my own self fear and self denial. A point of shame for reasons that I never even stopped to consider and/or question and in doing so am realizing the fear of ‘naked’, is Not real.

What is it like to walk through the woods naked, enjoying the air on my physical body. What is it like to run naked? I’ve skinny dipped a few times, but, I was drunk or close to it every time.

When I’m breathing – stopping all thought participation – I’m aware in common sense that my physical body is actually very elegant. It displays me as what I’ve accepted and allowed through habits, tastes, personalities, babies I’ve birthed, all of the choices and more I’ve made in my life. It is in those that I’ve scripted and molded and formed an opinion of myself and imposed them to settle upon and as my physical body which in separation causes suppression of guilt and shame. My physical body has paid the price for the sake of me participating in and as my mind, yet my physical body has never forsaken me, as it is here breathing for and as me equally as life.

We’ve taken away the essence of our natural birthed form of self as life. The physical breathing expression of ourselves, and we’ve draped it in opinions, ideas and judgments, ego and greed, and it has cost us our very life. I Stop. I Breathe. I Forgive Myself.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to clothe/mask my fear of self in denial, shaming myself for reasons that I never even stopped to consider and/or question.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed being ‘better than’ as the polarity opposite of ‘not good enough’ to exist within and as me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear walking through the house naked because I participated in thoughts in fear of being rejected when in fact I was the one rejecting me as my physical body in dishonesty as a manifestation of rejection walking. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reject me as my physical body. I stop. I breathe.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe being naked is ‘bad’ without clear understanding of the polarity of ‘bad’ and ‘good’.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to disregard, get mad at, and take for granted me as my physical body according to seeing through the eyes of the mind consciousness system as being ‘better than’ because of accepted and allowed comparisons of seeing me through the eyes of other women and judging me as being better than and/or worse than.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to be comfortable with myself, naked, one as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change, shape and control me as my physical body through emotional symbolism and impulses.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to require money as a means of providing and proving myself to be more appealing so that I would be loved and desired by a potential mate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use sex as a means of survival in our current money system causing me to feel guilt and shame to and towards me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear experiencing regret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define self expression according to a picture of what a sexy beautiful woman is according to an accepted idea and/or opinion supported and intended by our current money system as a way of keeping myself in my mind separate from me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in judgment towards me as being better than my sister through seeing me through the eyes of my sister through comparison and then judging me as being better than her.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to forsake and separate me from me as my physical body as always pinpointing something about my naked physical body that I wished I could improve.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from my physical body because I wanted my ass to look tight and firm in a pair of jeans within the polarity of good and bad, positive and negative as I dreamed of looking like someone other than me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to force conditions of indulgence and/or lack upon my physical body because I feared who I thought I’d become if I did or didn’t do specific things, like diet.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider the effects my participation in drugs had on me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support the current money system which accepts and allows abuse and death through the lack of money/ability for one to feed and provide for ones physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push my physical body to the limits in energetic pretense patterns according to how I ‘wished to experience myself’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect, avoid seeing, hearing, touching and being one with my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through participation in memories, have repressed and impressed traumatic stresses upon my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away to sex as a way of fulfilling a fantasy existent in thought patterns.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my power away to desire, want and need for a relationship, even when I knew the relationship would cause harm to me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to engage in a relationship to be socially acceptable, loved and desired.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to require money as a means of providing and proving myself as more appealing as me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define sex as having to be shameful and secret instead of it being self expression as me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to touch me, to feel me within and as oneness and equality as my human physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define self power and self support according to relationship and sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear God would be ashamed of me for having sex instead of realizing that only I direct me in self-honesty in every moment as breath as who I am as the directive principle of me as my physical body as all as one as equal.

I see and I realize that I do Not fear being naked. In actuality, I fear the system, because I already know what the system is going to do/be and react as, because I am it. We as people design the systems and, we make the decisions and benefit and/or loose based on our decisions.

When our decisions are based upon what is best for all, then we’ll All Stand Naked as who we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to be.

Then we’ll have the Answer and the Solution of an ‘Equal Money System’, the ‘Solution of Equality’. Finally, we’ll have an Answer and the Solution for the starving child as to why we allowed systems to abuse and enslave us to the point of allowing another living being to physically starve to death.

I accept me as my physical body. I accept all life as their physical bodies. I choose not to be ashamed. I choose to stand up and stop the systems of consciousness. I choose all life in dignity – over money. I choose an ‘Equal Money System’. I direct myself according to the ‘Principle of Equality’.

I direct me in self-honesty in and as my physical body breathing, naked.