Tag Archive | history

Day 22: The Rebel

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a rebel, as someone who refuses and resists authority in any way what-so-ever and as such have built a point of resistance within as and to/towards self and consequently trapping myself within my own characteristic nature of and as living my life in and as fear.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist in a state of rebellion wherein I refused to accept the conventional way of doing things and/or refused to obey the law within a point of wanting to control for the purpose of satisfying my ego.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to see the rebel as being sexy and mysterious when in fact I existed within the energy of finding fault in others limitations and thus was existing in the same nature as the tick and/or a vampire sucking the blood of others in order to survive.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to take pride in the idea of myself as being a rebel as one of uniqueness, instead of realizing that I was existing in and as separation of life and in that I was actually supporting the very laws, elite, governments and rules that I was professing to be against.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I alone could change the world, instead of seeing/realizing and understanding that in order for the world to change, I have to be willing to first change myself through self-forgiveness, self-honesty, self-corrective application, and to recognize my equality within and as all and within and as a group standing in support of an Equal Money System as the beginning point in creating heaven as earth.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want things my way or no way and I see/realize and understand that that was my way of wanting all the glory only on my terms, instead of the terms of equality for and as all life.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to see myself as the rebel with a cause and I didn’t like it when people tried to step on my beliefs because I believed I had my own principles that I lived by – instead of realizing that the only cause I chose to fulfill was my own self-interested one, wherein I didn’t consider anyone except myself in my attempts to make me happy and experience myself the way I wanted to experience myself and thus I acted like a demon walking the earth searching for experiences to have for myself having no consideration of how others experience suffering, pain and death on a daily basis.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I had principles I lived by, when I’ve actually never lived according to any principle that didn’t first evolve around my ego.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had to accept what is here in how our world exists to such a degree that I sought to rebel against the system -instead of standing equal to the system to change the system from within, thus creating life on earth within the starting point of who we are as a group in self-honesty, as humanity, standing together equal and one.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have always been rebelling against myself – instead of realizing that to stand together equal and one with everyone and everything is the same as beginning to accept self wherein voids of self begin to cease as one walks together equal to and one as his neighbor.

I commit myself to walking the path of least resistance, wherein I begin to accept my neighbor as myself and realize who I am walking his life within his shoes.

I commit myself to directing myself according to a principle that rests upon the will for and of all living beings in being able to experience and express themselves within a world which honors all life equally.

I commit myself to challenge myself to establishing a world that is always based upon what’s best for all life as the only acceptable way of living/existing here on earth.

I commit myself to standing in agreement that living a dignified life must be guaranteed to all living beings born and existing here on earth.

I commit myself to assisting others in seeing/realizing and understanding that every being is responsible and accountable for how abuse and suffering exists within our world and that they are equally responsible and accountable for supporting a system which will bring abuse and suffering to it’s end.

I commit myself to bringing about a system of equality and stopping our current abusive world/money system in a peaceful manner wherein we come together as a group and create heaven on earth.

Suggest the following blogs for self-assistance and self-support:

Creation’s Journey to Life

Heaven’s Journey to Life


Day 21: Friday Night Lights, Out

It’s Friday – the day when I often have the same experience of myself – the experience of craving, needing, wanting more. But, more of what? I no longer smoke or do drugs, or gamble, and I haven’t eaten any processed sugar now for over a month, lol, my mind would have me ask, what else is there? Sex? I’ve been married for 20 years, and our relationship is a really cool agreement in the process, so I can have sex whenever I want. Nope, the cravings I experienced come from deep within the secret mind.

My mind craved the energy that comes from getting attention, like the attention one gets from flirting with someone for instance. However, I was aware of how my mind would have settled for the buzz of a big guzzle of an ice cold pepsi. Or even a big slice of chocolate cake would have been nice,,, yes, sugar would have eased the craving for the energy my mind was asking for. I didn’t buy into any of it. I stopped and I breathed. I forgave myself.

At one point today, as I flipped through the television channels, I saw a commercial for a local bar/club and my mind thought was one word – party! That’s a popular Friday night event for many after working all week long. I spent a few years doing just that, getting all dressed up on a Friday night and going out to a bar, or two, for a few drinks and to dance, and of course to flirt. Jesus fucking Christ, in self-honesty -I don’t miss that shit.

I’ve walked and applied the tools offered through the Desteni process for awhile now and once you realize the truth for yourself, where you see for yourself what isn’t real and what is – you won’t go back to living the illusion of enjoying what you realize was your own personal mind-fuck in the first place…

I don’t even like referencing it,, my secret mind, because it’s all self-interest motivated and is the part of me that offers no real solution and/or support for all life on this planet – yet, I have to face me in self-honesty, so I’m able to forgive myself and maybe be of some assistance, in supporting a system to bring an end to the shit hole we’ve manifested ourselves in and as here on earth.

The truth is Friday nights was all about the lights – the lights in the illusion that I lived in my mind where fantasies did nothing more than create abuse within and as my physical body. All because I craved an outcome for myself as I continued to want and seek for something to satisfy the direction my mind as consciousness was leading me on as.

No thanks. I no longer accept myself according to illusionary feelings/emotions that will never fill me or anyone of us up. What will assist us – in stopping the illusion that we’re missing ourselves – is to realize ourselves equal to everything here and stand up accordingly. The substances and energy I once used, only temporarily assisted me to forget my self-interested self if only just for a moment to not feel/experience what was actually going on within myself – related to my mind in avoiding facing me and having a relationship in self-honesty with me. No more hiding and fearing me – Friday Night Lights, Out.

Art By: Matti Freeman

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist and fear and deny that which I perceive and define as being negative/positive energies of my mind which I’ve used and abused in my avoidance of facing me within all that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist and fear and deny what I perceived and defined as being a negative energy of my mind while justifying having a positive experience of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to the energy derived from participating in illusionary pictures/ideas/memories of my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to the polarity of my mind as positive and/or negative energy while I sought/desired/craved an energetic experience of myself based on illusionary pictures/ideas and memories of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and/or desire to have someone or something get me out of the experience I was having of myself, instead of me taking self-responsibility for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and/or desire to have someone or something change the situation and/or the experience of me for me, instead of me facing me in self-honesty and taking self-responsibility for and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually only be searching for that first sexual relationship of myself which was designed to entrap us as humanity to endlessly search for more in self-interest in order to contain/enslave us so that we don’t/won’t face ourselves and take self-responsibility for what is here in how our world exists in suffering, abuse and atrocity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall for the energetic cravings within my mind wherein I sought after an experience of myself where I believed I was experiencing something special when in fact the energy of the light/attention/flirting experience never lasted and was only as real as I believed it to be according to my mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire/crave an experience of myself as anything other than my here moment as breath as a way of getting energy to fuel my mind as consciousness and/in order for me to not stand up and take self-responsibility for abdicating myself from/as life in accepting and allowing our world to exist as it does with acts of violence as war, murder, rape and starvation.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to look for a relationship outside of myself because I didn’t have a relationship with myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have to overcome or let go of energy instead of understanding within myself that it is to stand equal and one to energy and transcend the energetic experience through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application wherein no energetic experience remains within myself.

I commit myself to stop running from myself and to face me in self-honesty in every moment of breath in taking self-responsibility for what is here in how our world currently exists and to thus support an Equal Money System which will bring an end to energetic experiences which have resulted in abuse and death to/as our physical bodies and our physical reality.

I commit myself to understanding that energy was manifested by mind consciousness systems through friction and balance instead of self-movement in every moment as the totality of who we are – whereas no energy is required – only who we are in self-honesty moving through breath in and as self-expression in every moment of ourself here.

I commit myself to further understanding who I am in self-honesty and in stopping the conscious, subconscious and unconscious mind completely through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application wherein every moment of breath I commit myself to birth myself as life from the physical so that heaven as earth may manifest as the expression of who we are within and as oneness and equality as/for All Life

Suggest the following blogs for self-assistance and self-support:

Creation’s Journey to Life

Heaven’s Journey to Life

2012 – How I’ve come to Value the ‘Message of Desteni’

From the moment I watched my first Desteni video, as well as reading the massive amounts of material on the Desteni Universe website – I was pretty much hooked. And, I had just 3 months prior to that spent two weeks in jail, from an unpaid traffic ticket of which I was supposed to do community service on – and I lacked a few hours of community service so I was arrested and put in jail for 26 days without bond. Now, as it turned out, I had a twisted my ankle and, I had crutches and so, the first 2 days of my time in jail was spent in solitary confinement. I did end up getting out 2 weeks later for good behavior.

But, those first 48 hours in solitary confinement had posed an interesting question to myself in that: I didn’t have the t.v. to look at, I didn’t have entertainment, I didn ‘t have,,, I wasn’t able to smoke, I was still smoking then. And, I wasn’t able to take drugs – I was on pain pills.

And I, all I had was myself. All I had was my thoughts and, for 48 hours I sit in the room – a little square cemented room and, avoided my thoughts, tried to sleep away my thoughts – just wanted to be out of there. I didn’t want to be locked away with the amount of thoughts that I begin to realize I had going on within my mind.

And so, that was a particularly amazing wake-up call for myself, actually. And so, when I heard the Desteni message, and I began to hear them speak about how to stop fear, and how to stop your thoughts – and to face yourself in self-honesty and to apply self-forgiveness – I remember literally realizing how valuable those tools would have been for me when I was in a 48 hour solitary confinement, as well as the rest of the two weeks that I was there.

And so, the fact that I could see myself within the material that they were presenting, and I saw the common sense, and I began to hear and, make sense of within myself – it was as though the message resonated within me in a way that I didn’t really understand but, I knew that it, it rang true, and that this very well could be a way to stop the fears that I had been participating in.

You know my grandmother used to tell me, when things get too much for you, just tie a knot and hang on. But the fact is, I was at the end of the rope and there was no more rope to tie a knot to hang on. And, I was disgusted and, pissed off, at myself, for the decisions that I had made and for the lack of responsibility, and I didn’t even ever consider not hearing the message from the moment I began to hear it.

And, another point stood out to me was, how we can have one singular memory, and that particular memory – it controls us. And, we base our decisions and, who we are, and our actions, according to one singular memory. And that rang true with me because, from the time that I was five years old, I can remember a memory that, as I looked at it closer, I could tell how I had literally just compounded, and compounded that memory with another memory right on top of it, in my attempts to avoid the original point within me that I was not facing within that memory – within the fears, and the judgments, and the self-justifications, and the points of manipulation that I existed as – that I applied myself as in order to validate myself through other people. Simply avoidance of self and avoidance of self-responsibility.

And, the point was validated through my relationship with my step-father, through which I would have statements of information that I had thought of, or heard, or seen, or read about things, or people, or situations – and within that I formed emotional feeling connotations within my own mind. And then, within the emotional feeling connotations, I could relate that statement of information, based on my past experiences with my step-dad, I identified with that statement of information and I validated it based on self-identity and self-definition. It was what I was ‘believing’ it to be, and ‘thinking’ about it to be, and judging myself accordingly, and believing that my step dad hated me – and when really, it wasn’t that case at all. I got to a point where I actually believed the man was abusive to me and, he wasn’t – no more than any other parent struggling to make ends meet and, just working to provide for their children.

Just that alone – the money – plays such a factor in our survival that we tend to become short with our children and, we have expectations of them that we wouldn’t normally have if we weren’t already experiencing the pressures of providing for them. In our current money system, that is how our families exist. That is how all relationships exist.

As I began to apply self forgiveness, was very cool to realize that one particular memory I had was when I turned 12 years old on my birthday, and my,,, I was asleep in my bedroom that morning, and my dad just come bursting into my bedroom and started spanking me and, I was asleep I didn’t understand what the hell was going on. I remembered thinking, more than anything, that like, ‘what the fuck did I do’, and when I heard my mom say ‘happy birthday’ – that they said they were playing – and within that moment, I became just humiliated and embarrassed and pissed more than anything. And I had thoughts of ‘how dare him’, ‘who does he think he is doing this to me on my birthday, it’s not funny’. And for years I carried around that singular memory of what I thought of him that day.

The way that I would experience myself in my life around my dad, my step-dad and, around men in general, was completely related to that particular memory. So, as I was applying and finishing up a lesson in Desteni I Process, I began to walk that memory construct of that particular morning when he came in there, and an interesting thing that I became aware was: a point within myself on that morning when he was spanking me was that I, for a brief moment, I knew that he was playing, but I didn’t allow myself to be aware of it at that particular moment. Because, I was too busy enjoying being pissed off. I was too busy feeling sorry for myself.

But, what was interesting to me the most was: I had not remembered that moment. I had not remembered that I knew he was playing. Until I walked this point, this construct in my Desteni I Process Lesson and, that’s when I went: I knew this all along. But yet, for 40 years, I allowed myself to abuse myself, and as such, I literally abused the rest of my world.

It’s not always particularly easy when you realize that you that you’ve accepted and allowed – just through participation in self-judgment, in greed, and self-interest – within those participations with the thought processes that go on with the amount of dishonesty that self exists as within that, and the lack of equality against life – it literally begins to manifest and, that is how we have created this world as it is.

So, these singular memory points was a point of polarity in the good/bad, right/wrong and fluctuations of energy within that – as far as one moment I was up, one moment I was down, I was up and down and up and down. And, when I began to hear the Desteni Message, I was, I knew that I didn’t have anywhere else to go except to face myself within.

What Desteni proposes is, in-fact as real as I’ve ever known anything to be. And, it is been the most rewarding journey that I’ve ever personally experienced and, it’s not even honestly an experience, it’s a, a becoming aware of yourself, and the responsibility that you actually carry, as well as each and every living being here, in bringing about a world that supports according to what’s best for all. That actually cares what happens to another. That is actually interested, that considers that there are actually children starving to death daily – thousands of children. And, realizing yourself within it.

And it’s a process I am continuing to walk and, realizing what I’ve accepted as far as that point of acceptance within myself – that point of acceptance that goes beyond anything of worth to self, other than knowing that you’re reaching this core part of yourself where you can actually reverse who you have been – you can actually reverse the madness, and the bullshit, that you’ve participated in through personalities and identities.

And, you begin to look at and you go: Uh, I know how it wasn’t real. I see now that I could have breathed through that, that I can breathe through that and, I do not have to be affected by it. I do not have to have points of energy that create a point of polarity within myself – remain within the physicalness of it all so, we can bring about a world that we can begin with an Equal Money System. A World that we’ll actually exist where we’re not competing, and we’re not existing in greed, and we’re not trying to outdo and outlast, and out-earn, and outplay, and we’ll be able to enjoy each other. To actually enjoy each other’s expression – where we’re not anticipating ourselves to be competing, in one way or another just to survive.

So, that is how the Desteni Message caused me to listen and, because of that direction that I chose, I have given myself the ability to re-educate myself, and to build self-trust, through investigating my world. And, not assuming and accepting what it is that is before me, whether it’s starvation or judgment, or animosity, or guilt – and, being able to recognize those points of self, that self has existed as, is remarkable, and it is something that is worth investigating, just to see for yourself.

It’s an accumulation of walking a process daily: Breathing and remaining aware of yourself. And, sometimes I fall. But, I already know – I have an agreement with myself and that agreement is: I have the will to continue to assist and support in bringing about an Equal Money System, and Heaven on Earth. To bring about a world where all life can actually express, and be and live abundantly with each other. And, that is how Desteni has assisted me. They’ve assisted me to realize myself within everything that’s here.

And, the point of ‘Equality’ was, at first, difficult for me to comprehend, and that was just a point of acceptance within myself, because I had accepted the way the world is and the way the struggles continue. And, once you begin to actually investigate, you begin to see that it’s really was just a point of a ‘lack of education’. And now, I’m aware of how an Equal Money System is the Ultimate Solution.

One must become willing to realize that the change that is required in this world is first required within self, in self-honesty. And then, once that begins, you can begin to will yourself to investigate and educate yourself with regards to how we can create heaven on earth with an Equal Money System.

This post is the transcription from my vlog titled: 2012 – How I’ve come to Value the ‘Message of Desteni’

Investigate Equal Money

Economy in an Equal Money System

The economy shows us our competitive side in the polarity of win or lose. For instance, an ‘economist’ is an actor competing for opportunity to create new desires and needs to stimulate and produce growth without which our current money system would cease to exist.

The rate of consumption is alarmingly high yet there are those who are barking about how there’s not enough food to feed everyone, please… Look how consumption is even consuming our words which clearly represents our pre-designed enslavement. Today on the noon news, the anchor woman said how; ‘consumer confidence is intact’ and ‘sales have boosted growth’.

Let’s be self-honest – the only confidence, is with those who have lots of money, because the ever increasing price of goods and products required for survival, is not equaling the amount of money people have to purchase them. Many have no money and no means of support and are dying rapidly in our current money system – there is No excuse for it that is valid.

Education is vital, and vocabulary is key in unlocking and stopping thought patterns so we are able to see how and what we’ve become as living words. Vocabulary is an essential part in the process of constructing a new system of Equality as we are directing ourselves practically, re-designing and living words responsibly according to what’s best for all.

The fact is, the ‘economy’ is the end result of a process that involves the history, education, technology geography, natureal resource endowment and ecology, as well as social organizations. Goods and services are exchanged according to supply and demand through a credit and debit value system of polarity accepted between networks and these factors give context and content within the current conditions in which our economy functions.

Money has enabled specialization so much so that some people get to earn a living, like for example, playing football – signing yearly contracts reaching into the millions. Now somebody has to pay for the ‘specialty’, so enter the actors to fuel along and boost the economy to support insidious salaries while the exact opposite is being manifested right before our eyes as poverty and starvation rapidly increases. We are all equally responsible for how it is and the insane thing is,’money’ is nothing but the value ‘we’ give it and the value we’ve given it is not providing all with a balanced dignified life.

An Equal Money system provides balance where life forms not one specialization (good) and lack (bad), and instead one of have – all will have and none will lack and dignity will begin to manifest life within and as a balanced equalized economy.

Investigate and Educate yourself @ EqualMoney.org