Tag Archive | hide and seek

Day 155: Oh MY God, I’ve Lost it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear/believe/participate in and as the thoughts: ‘Oh MY God, I’ve Lost it’ – six words that keep popping up within my mind following an image of me lowering my head and slightly rubbing my nose and pausing just as I’m sitting in front of the computer to write, where in that moment, I lose awareness of myself as breath and allowed myself to be distracted with the backchat in my head which caused me to reject myself, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how in that moment within me, I was rejecting myself within the starting point of self-interest and unknowingly (when I slow myself down I realize what I’m doing) I would hide within myself from me and ultimately manifest intense pain within my physical body in my upper back region.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I manipulate myself where I justify my stuckness as unimportant and act as my own bad referee where I basically sideline myself, isolate myself, and literally remove myself from being the directive principle in self-honesty of and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I exist in and as resistance, my body language morphs into and as the resistance, where I cross my arms in defense and protection from others, and my right hand clutches my left hand,  basically, I hold a position of superiority while existing in and as inferiority, causing pain within my physical body, and lots of it, and secretly, I know within my mind that my physical body is showing me the tell-tale signs of my suppressed state, thus, I stop, I breathe. I commit myself to see, realize and understand that when I slow myself down I am able to move beyond the point of resistance and thus stop the thoughts of and as my mind as the words saying to me: ‘Oh MY God, I’ve Lost it’, because I see, realize and understand how the words are me and represent a point of acceptance of how in the past I’ve allowed myself to sink into and as a resistance which manifests and creates physical pain within and as my back, thus I commit myself to stop what I see, realize and understand is a point of resistance, a sort of blockage of emotions and feelings within and as my physical body,  I breathe, I earth myself here in becoming the directive principle of/as and for me in order to first change myself through self-honesty from the inside out to thus stop resistance, to thus begin to express myself as who I am, to give my all to me through gratefulness for and as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to underestimate the amount of self suppression I have existed as, because I see, realize and understand how this Day 155, of me walking the Journey to Life , I realize that I am only now getting started, therefore, I commit myself to see, realize and understand both the magnitude and the simplicity of making the decision to continue writing and applying self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, because I comprehend how it is only through this Journey that I will ever come close to being who I am, as well as having the opportunity to possibly birth myself as Life from the Physical. I am grateful to/for me as my physical body for supporting me as I walk this Journey and support a World according to what’s best for All.

Join Us!

Advertisements

Day 122: InSIDE Hide

Once in awhile I experience pain around my left side, stomach/groin area which feels kind of like a pulled muscle, but that’s not what it is. I asked Anu for perspective about a month ago and he suggested it was a point of hiding, which made a lot of sense to me. I never investigated the point further, mostly because the pain hadn’t returned. Then today, the pain returned with a vengence. As I began to experience the pain – still in the same area of my physical body – I saw my hiding and I realized that I have always been aware of this point that I exist as, IF/WHEN, I will slow myself down and breathe, and welcome me in from hiding as who I really am as me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide within and as knowledge and information as energy within how I partipate within thoughts, internal conversations, reactions of and as emotions and feelings of/as positive, negative and the neutral of and as enegy experiences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as someone who is insidious’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in and thus hide within feelings of shame of existing within and as knowledge and information where I hide within what I’ve learned throughout my entire life, and within that how I allow guilt to accumulate from becoming that which I’ve learned to where I become consumed to the point where I elude any chance of ever becoming aquainted with myself, because as such, I’m escaping any understanding of myself within the perception of/as being that of a particular piece of knowledge and information and where within that I forbid myself to question the very nature of myself and thus my own answers elude me, thus, I forgive myself for not realizing how within my ‘insidious hideouts’, I manifest formations of guilt within and as a total memory/character recall of and as my mother – how I saw her reject her physical body in how she existed in hiding within and as fear as knowledge and information – where she would become so full of shame and guilt that she would punish her physical body through smoking and/or over eating – and how I have become and lived as that mind character of entrapment as well.

I forgive myself for not realizing how within the layers of my hide/flesh, I have remained unaware of how the very life substance is drained from me according to and through my participation within and as knowledge and information. Wherein every moment that I accept and allow myself to be and become separate from the words I speak of/as my mind as directed by consciousness within and as energies of/as reactions and feelings and emotions, how in that moment when I am more aware of a thought within my mind than I am of who I am within and as breath as my physical body, is the moment that I become accepting of myself as a system of/as abuse, greed, self-interest and death.

I forgive myself for not realizing that the inner mysteries of me as my physical body will continue to elude me until I slow down, breathe and become willing to commit myself to exploring and investigating myself from the inside out within self-honesty, no matter how ‘insidious’ who I am appears to be, for it is within my perception of ‘the ugly’ that I will release my perception of ‘the pretty’ – where the ‘insidious’ of and as that which I’ve come to accept as the perception of myself within and as self-interest exists only according to knowledge and information.

I forgive myself for not realizing that when I am hiding within program manifestations of and as knowlendge and information that I am actually accepting and allowing me as my physical body to form strings of tension wherein I am actually forming patterns of degenerations within my physical body where I’m not breathing effectively and thus I manifest damage within and unto my internal organs and flesh creating pain within and as my physical body/flesh and bone.

I forgive myself for not realizing the degree of fear I have with regards to facing myself in self-honesty because I have hidden within knowledge and information in/as shame and guilt and believed that I was that.


I forgive myself for not realizing that I fear my perception that if I were to become completely self-honest that others may not like me, instead of realizing that it is only myself that I am actually fearing disappointing.

I commit myself to comprehending that the DIS in APPOINT only exists within and as the pain in ignoring the Point of Self within Forgiving self in/as Self-honesty.

I commit myself to let go of and forgive who I am as knowledge and information.

I commit myself to not fear and shame that which I’ve accepted and allowed as who I am and to instead forgive and realign and redesign myself through self-corrective application.

I commit myself to STOP imprinting my Physical body and Physical reality with my mind according to knowledge and information.

I commit myself to get to know the details and specifics of my Human Physical body equal to and one with who I am as my Human Physical body.

I commit myself to embrace who I am as my Physical body within and as self-honesty.

I forgive myself for not realizing that the actual real rebirth of Self as Life, can and will only manifest within and as Self-honesty, from within and as my Physical body and from and of this Physical existence, Thus, I commit myself to realizing that the actual rebirth of self as Life can and will only manifest within and as Self-honesty from within and as me as my Physical body and from and of this Physical existence.

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that Firstly the Person in the Journey to Life must become Equal to the Mind through being able to Not Participate in the Thoughts that Arise ALL the Time, and Be Here Breathing – before the Task can be taken on to Remove the Programs in the Flesh to such a degree that eventually the Flesh will be Purified and the Person will become, in fact, the Living Flesh – and be able to Have Any Relationship or form in the Flesh without it Being the Dominant Control as Consciousness, and the Person will be in Fact the Dominion of the Flesh, with the Flesh itself Determining in Every Breath the Actuality of Life Directed, and Be Here as Life – and thus at the Death, the Person will Cross the Divide as Life and Be Everywhere as Here, Always. In this it must be Realized How Time and Flesh Functions and that the Process of First becoming Equal to the Mind and Flesh before Directive Life will be here as Self, as Principle, as Equal, will take a minimum of 7 Years of Daily Application IN EVERY Breath, but more Likely take 14 years due to the Many Times that the Directive Will will Fall to the Current Dominion of the Programs that were allowed to Become the Flesh as the Physical Mind.” ~ Bernard Poolman

Day 58: Forgiving the storm of resistance within


I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to turn my back on myself resisting myself in fear of what often feels like a storm brewing on the inside of me wherein fear I then sabotage intimacy with myself and in my relationships.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself since childhood to sabotage myself in fear anytime I’ve caught a glimpse of who I see I can be standing on my own accord.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a child to follow thoughts about myself not of/as making mistakes but of being a mistake.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a child shame myself to such a degree that I acted out either in a grandiose manner and/or self-centered and selfless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand how as a child I assumed responsibility for the behavior of those around me, thus felt guilty and at fault when my parents argued yet, never realized how the acts of myself were distractions to not stand self-accountable and self-responsible for how I avoid intimacy with myself and intimacy with others.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to blame my family for what felt like storms within me where instead of letting go and letting me know me in self-intimacy, I suppressed myself through focusing on hiding for example behind clothing and/or make-up in an attempt to cover up flaws in my personal appearance of self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel constantly violated by others instead of realizing that it is only me as my mind who has violated me through my own participation in and as it directing me instead of me being the directive principle in self-honesty of and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to block feelings and emotions of shame toward myself through compulsive behaviors such as drug addiction, shoplifting, and gambling.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand that the way I’ve experienced myself has always been according to my lack of self-intimacy in how I avoid facing me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed memories of myself as a child to still brew up storms within me as patterns and mind constructs as outflows of me where I resist physical intimacy within my current relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust being intimate with my partner because I’ve never been intimate with myself.

When and as I see myself living the outflow of a pattern as self-sabotage where within me are feelings like-a-storm brewing inside, I stop. I breathe. I realize that in the storm is where I avoid me in self-intimacy, thus, I slow myself down and allow me to remain here breathing as who I really am in the silence of me in self-honesty.

I commit myself to face and forgive the outflows of me as memories from my past so as to stop the accumulation of my past as storms of me being walked in the present moment thus creating a lack of self-intimacy, thus I commit myself to breathing here in awareness of me as my physical body within and as this physical reality.

I commit myself to accept me within and as self-forgiveness.

I commit myself to me in self-intimacy.

I commit myself to willing myself to be gentle with myself and All living beings here.

I commit myself to fully comprehending that this is my last life to assist myself to release myself from resistance and suppression which I’ve placed upon myself and to stand up for All living beings so that we can bring an end to our own self-abuse and emerge anew as life living the principle of equality.

Day 55: Hiding in plain sight

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anxiety within me within the urge to hide away into myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ‘feel’ embarrassed for having to push through the resistance of Not wanting to write within a desire to hide from myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself as a master in self-deception.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear facing me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live a pattern of hiding where I would withdraw from physical activity while I sat within my mind of thoughts on self-imposed pity pot.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to resist coming out of hiding from the secrets of my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be influenced by my mind’s protection mechanism of/as a listlessness mood.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become angry at myself for the evil I see I’ve been as my secret mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to harbour feelings of self-hate towards myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pretend the doom in mood doesn’t belong to me when I am fully aware that it’s like an old friend who surprises you suddenly with their presence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take the point of wanting to hide seriously because I wasn’t willing to say goodbye to the oddly comforting feeling of myself hiding in pity and/or depression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that hiding within myself in self-judgment is self-abuse and self-denial.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use backchat as a method of hiding from self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide what I’m actually experiencing inside from everyone, including myself, where I present myself as being strong and not struggling because in ego and fear I didn’t want to show any signs of weakness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use as a protection mechanism my fear of being ridiculed so I push myself to be strong to survive, no matter what.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let resistance be the directive force of me – instead of me directing me in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself for not realizing how I became a personality of my mind just to ‘fit in’ and ‘handle’ a situation – instead of breathing and directing myself in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the self-denial of me in seeing that where there exists secrecy, there exists hiding.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to complicate who I am in this moment in expectations of who I desire myself to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide who I really am within secret mind thoughts of judging who I’ve been.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing what I’ve allowed within my relationships with others, thus, fearing to see myself in others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that the desire to hide is just the negative end of the polarity pole with the positive being that of seeking.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my mind to influence or control the words of me preventing me to see clearly my way to forgiving me.

I commit myself to allowing myself to Stop hiding from myself in fear.

I commit myself to allowing breath as an expression of/as me.

I commit myself to accepting the simplicity of me.

I commit myself to supporting a world where life comes out of hiding and assists one another to overcome our fears of each other.

I commit myself to supporting an Equal Money system to educate the world that consciousness is Not who we really are.

Please read the following Blogs for further self-assistance:
Heaven’s Journey to Life
Creation’s Journey to Life
Earth’s Journey to Life

Day 4: Hide and Seek


I have a pattern that I’ve existed as that my partner of almost 21 years has patiently been aware of. It’s how I run, not walk to the rescue of my youngest child, my daughter. The interesting thing is how in my running, I’m actually seeking to validate me as my mind, and in the seeking, I hide deeper within myself within my unconscious and subconscious mind. Then, I’ve used appreciation to validate and fuel the ongoing construct within a pattern that I’ve accepted direction from.

I’m here to through self-forgiveness stop the pattern and begin to re-design myself in self-honesty for/as and equal to all life.

I forgive myself that I haven’t realized the fear and sadness within me because I’ve hidden and forgotten me in my self-interest fueled life of seeking.
I forgive myself that I haven’t realized how I have feared being in the presence of me.
I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to run to my daughter’s rescue at the first mention of and/or the first sign of her having the slightest problem in her life.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to rescue my daughter from financial problems even when I couldn’t really afford to because I told myself that it was my responsibility, when in fact I was seeking validation for my own self-interest in validating my ego and enslaving us all further into our abusive current money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from taking responsibility for the atrocities that exist within this world because I’ve enjoyed the chase, the high of looking like the perfect mom by running to the aid of my daughter.

I forgive myself for not being a living example of responsibility for my children and thus when my youngest child struggles with surviving in this world wherein she gets her paycheck and after rent and utility bills are paid the little money left barely buys food so she has nothing left and can’t afford to fuel her car for the following work week so when she calls and tells me I feel guilty for not pushing her more to be responsible because I’m only now grasping what self-responsibility is, so I rescue her by giving her money.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to see it as my life’s call to swoop in and save my youngest daughter when her car breaks down and she can’t afford to pay for the repairs because she barely makes enough money for rent, utility bills, food and clothes for herself and her baby – instead of allowing her to face her own fears within seeing what she’s accepted and allowed so to be responsible for all that’s here in standing up in support of an Equal Money system so that all suffering ends within our world.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to blame myself for the daily struggles my children face in trying to survive within a money system that values profit over life because I willingly accepted and have supported our current capitalistic money system where the rich are rich and famous because and while the poor are struggling, starving and dying.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to take money for granted when my children were young wherein I spent money frivolously for household items to impress people who came to visit and as such I overextended myself and my partner where we sunk further in debt while still managing to provide an impression to my children that I could afford whatever they desired and in doing so I was teaching them to that it’s ok to live by impulses and consumerism instead of teaching them the dangers to life in how our current money system exists.

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to realize that the desire, want and need to rescue my children is best defined as the religion of self and is me existing in separation from me – instead of me standing up and facing and directing me in self-honesty.

I forgive myself for feeling bad toward myself for what I see is me existing in the pattern of ‘finding myself wanting’, which is a pattern I have longed feared and judged wherein self is existing in the very essence of self-interest to gratify and satisfy my own wants, needs and desires related to things of this world and further supports myself in separation of all that exist.

When and as I see myself in a position of wanting and desiring to rescue my daughter/children from a situation that was preventable and isn’t life threatening – I stop. I Breathe. I realize I’ve walked this point over and over and have created situations in order to continue fueling my mind as consciousness. Instead I direct myself within common sense. I slow myself down and breathe. I begin by accepting and allowing my daughter/children the opportunity to be self-honest and self-responsible – to see and realize for themselves that life is suppose to be more than just struggling to survive.

I commit myself to begin by stopping in my abusing and using my children as a way to hide from myself within my subconscious and unconscious mind as I stand and face me in self-honesty in pushing through the resistance of facing and forgiving me as my unconscious and subconscious mind.

I commit myself to walking the process of self-forgiveness, breathing and taking responsibility for the creation of and as me as the mind/energy within and as this world system/money in no longer accepting and allowing that which has been created/manifested as consequences of and in separation from myself and all – instead I stand and begin here with me – to change/transform the mind system into a world that is best for all.

I commit myself with patience and kindness to and toward myself as I breathe and support myself to forgive myself and begin to face who I am as my conscious, subconscious and unconscious mind so that I am able to direct myself effectively to support all living beings in bringing forth a world where all life is cherished equally.