Tag Archive | grave injustice

Day 187: The Fabric of Family Is Made of Money

Continuing from: Day 186: Inside Outside In-between

inside outside in betweenI forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the internal conversations and back chat where within my mind I would say to myself: “when I have kids I will be different from my parents and not be greedy with my money”, or, “I will not favor one of my children over the other one” and within that, I see, realize and understand how in doing so I’ve been existing within a point of ego and spite in believing myself as superior and furthermore fueling myself as my mind within and as ego as a positive energetic charge.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself within and as a beLIEf system where I told myself that money was not that important, when the fact was/is, is that money has been at the root of every decision I’ve made since I was 16 years old and pregnant, and for how money determined who I said I loved and for the fear of facing the consequences of being alone and broke, without money to properly care for my children.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly within my mind throw a silent temper tantrum when my parents didn’t buy me what I wanted them to and for how I utilized anger as a replacement for the negative experience I was having because in anger and ego I experienced superiority as a positive energy experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue the same pattern as my parents in how I raised my children in that I used money as a motivator by giving them things that gave them a sense of superiority over their classmates who couldn’t afford certain things like an expensive pair of the most popular shoes being worn at school for example.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise me as my physical body wherein I made choices as a single mom and remained in a relationship of a sexual nature because in doing so I was given rent money and/or was able to buy food to feed my children.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself according to my past behaviors and for the choices I made in order to have money, and within that for how I willingly accepted that this is how life is and that I should just bow down to our current money/world system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my parents for the anger I feel towards the rich/elite and for my lack of responsibility for not realizing that money is/has been my God.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to borrow and loan money to members of my family and then through broken promises have accepted and allowed myself to exist in resentment, greed and hate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anxiety within my chest area when my bank account gets low of money and for the fear in the pit of my stomach in worry of what will I do if I run out of money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I have taught my children how to be enslaved to money – instead of being a living example of life according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to stop who I’ve been in and as the very fabric of family as money, and to instead direct myself through self-forgiveness to walk the physical change in redesigning who I am as life according to what’s best for All.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself within the desire to make myself and my children ‘feel’ better by trying to solve problems with money that I can’t afford to spend and/or that I don’t have, I stop, I breathe – Instead I direct myself to realize that I am actually seeking to achieve a positive energy experience to replace a negative one.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself re-acting to my children in fear for their future, I stop, I breathe – I see, realize and understand that the same as me, they must walk their process in seeing, stopping, forgiving and in self-honesty re-designing who they are to one that supports a world/money system that will be supportive of all life equally.

I commit myself to stop who I am as panic within my mind when I see that my bank account is getting low and to instead focus on writing, self-forgiveness and supporting an Equal Money System to thus end our enslavement to and as money.

I commit myself to continue to walk this my Journey to Life, to establish and manifest an expression of myself within and as my physical body and reality whereas I stop who I’ve become defined as through emotions/feelings and energy programmed through by/as money and to within that direct myself to contribute to creating and manifesting a world that is in fact best for all.

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Suggested blogs to follow:
Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life

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Day 186: Inside Outside In-between (My Daughter’s Moving Back Home)

There are many changes going on within my immediate world right now beginning with the fact that my youngest daughter, her boyfriend and my 2 year old granddaughter will be moving in with us in the next week. My daughter will be going to school for the next few years to be a Registered Nurse and her school schedule is compromising her work schedule and at the moment they can no longer afford their rent. The only way losing their home could be prevented would be if an Equal Money System were already in place.

Equal Money will change the way life itself is experienced especially since the Majority of us are struggling every day just to survive, thus, there are certainly enough to breathe Equal Money into Life.

I’ve realized through some personal writings how money has played a Huge factor in who I am and how I’ve come to accept and allow our current world/money system to exist as it is.  For instance, I measured my mother’s love for me according to how much money she was willing and/or able to spend on me even though at the time I didn’t realize it – how her spending initiated a positive energetic charge within me and so she, (or rather her money) was able to make me feel good. When she didn’t get me what I wanted, my experience of myself was a negative one and it just so happened that was 95% of the time.

I can remember having internal conversations and back chat where within my mind I would say to myself: “when I have kids I will not be so greedy with my money”, “I will not favor one of my children over the other one”.  And as a kid, I was sure my mom spent more money on my brothers and sisters than she did on me.

The thing is, when I grew up and had kids,  I repeated the same patterns as my parents. Eventually I favored my youngest daughter over my other daughter and my oldest child, my son – here I’m referring to the amount of money I have given and /or spent on them.
inside outside in between1The fact is, I’ve done a grave injustice in how I’ve raised all of my children and specifically with my youngest and with regards to money. I was always trying to make my children happy, to ‘fix’ their world – always trying to make them ‘feel’ good and in doing so, of course I made myself feel better, or so I ‘thought’.

There is a huge problem when one is trying to make someone ‘feel’ better because ‘feeling good’ is Not the magic formula to becoming a responsible human being who is considerate of All life.  In fact, just the opposite happens.

I can see how all of the emotions and feelings surrounding the numerous moments when a bill couldn’t be paid or when there wasn’t enough money to buy food – all the pain and suffering could have been prevented with Equal Money.

Equal Money is a living example of what it is to be responsible for All Life on Earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use money as a motivator for my reason for the fear of feeling rejected by my parents.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what I’ve become within what I believed was expected of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to raise my children within my world of fear which I’ve continued to exist within and as based in memory/characters and personalities that I first imagined and created for myself as a child.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the image/thought of the look on my mom’s face when she would get angry at me for asking her to buy something for me – and for how I resisted the image so much so that I became it and then created the opposite side of the coin of it in that I over indulged in order to manifest a positive energy experience within and as me and for my children.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed internal conversations and backchat to determine the choices I made with regards to money in raising my children.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put on a happy face in the face of others all the while inside myself existing within a split version of myself trying to maintain the positive within a negative experience of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I have suppressed myself because I believed I couldn’t express my feelings and opinions about money and family social status.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how easy it is to deceive myself and others with a smile.

Suggest for context Hear: Living in Two Worlds – Life Review

to be continued
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Suggested blogs to follow:
Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life

Join the forum:
Desteni

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