Tag Archive | god

Day 162: Blast from the Past

Today I received a phone call from a friend from my past that I haven’t spoken to in just over 5 years. The first thing I noticed when we started talking was an awkward silence and the realization that the connection we used to have between us, was simply not there.

However, our mind uses memory to compensate for those moments of awkwardness and it wasn’t long before the manipulation tactics began and I became aware of the familiarity in how our minds were seeking to rekindle those old feelings we once believed were so special between us. In a flash of a moment I was reminded of the direction that I had once chosen as I accepted and allowed my mind to guide me in the direction that would best benefit the self-interest of us both. I sat there looking within myself and realized that here was a peculiar moment I was fortunate to be witness to.

In one sense, the future as my past with the friend and me appeared the same as it had always been and yet, the fact of the matter was, something was entirely different, changed. It was then that I breathed in the relief that it was me who had moved from that particular space and time and was walking in a completely different direction.

I was surely grateful for the moment.  And, I am grateful for the Life Skills I’ve learned and applied through Desteni I Process, because that is how I’ve been able to assist myself to decide who I am within this moment, and for the clarity of my choice in the direction I am walking – to not settle for anything less than the decision I stand by and as, to walk my life according to what’s best for all.

LOL,, was interesting, how the phone call just sort of ended, with barely even a good bye.

Above Artwork by Lindsay Craver

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Day 161: The Child is Mine

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to repeat the words “the child is mine” over and over within my mind where the ‘idea’ of the child being mine became more important than who the child and I were together within our relationship with each other.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself from the very moment my child was born to instantly become protective in how I believed his physical reality/world was suppose to feel and be to/for him and how I would attempt to manipulate and influence the very nature of who he would become and how within doing so, I never stopped to consider what I was taking away from him as an expression of who he really is free from the preprogramming of and as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make the decision to have unprotected sex and thus never considered the consequences of having a baby so young that when my son was born I didn’t even realize how terrified I was because suddenly, I had this small life before me and I didn’t even know how to be responsible for myself much less responsible for a baby, thus I ran from my fears and became busy, busy within my mind trying to make sense of life and busy at trying to make it look like on the outside that I was a good mom who knew what she was doing, while on the inside, I was lost, confused and trying to hide from the truth of me as the hopelessness I was running from, and within that I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed my children to be molded into and as the characters/personalities  that I became day after day as I attempted to survive within this world/money system.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to automatically insist that my belief in a God become the belief of my child where I never allowed my child the opportunity to question the belief which I would later realize was my way of avoiding taking responsibility for what I was willing to accept and allow within and as our current world/money system.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to boost my own ego over the well being and the limited understanding that I had of the developing mind of my young son/child, where I didn’t consider what the act of ‘showing him off’ would have upon the nature of the characters/personalities that he would later become as a direct result of the role that I played as the pride in/as being a parent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait and hope that my son will forgive me for the mistakes I made in raising him when the fact is, it is me that I am waiting for to forgive myself for because I regret the decisions and mistakes I made in raising my children because at the time all I could think of was how to get to the experience where I was having fun because I believed that was all that life was about.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the characters and personalities of and as my mind which have been passed down from generation to generation have never changed in that we continue our cycles of self-interest and greed and only think about how can we be happy and content and to hell with the world we’re giving to our children.

to be continued…

Day 160: When Anger Hurts

I just woke up from a dream in which I saw myself in anger so vividly that I had to get up and write.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that,

I am angry in how as Americans we actually spend time talking about and believe that there is a Presidential candidate to pick from that will make a difference within our world – where an actual change will occur within our current world/money system. When we have clearly seen how 44 Presidents later and here we are, and not one has been able to bring an end to war or poverty and starvation, and that those atrocities, are not even the top 3 issues that we are concerned about resolving.

And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that,

I am angry that instead of answering hard questions, like why do the majority of us continue to work our asses off to support the minority who have all the money, and why is it we’re alright with spending the evening hearing the same lies over and over about how things will change – when in fact, there is No real solution given that will actually assist to bring about real change – the kind of change that brings an end to all suffering.

Furthermore, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that,

I’m angry that money and whether we’ll have enough of it is always on our mind – so much so that we’ve become the human race, where the rules are that we must compete with each other to survive, and that’s all we do.

I also forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that,

I am angry for the mess we’ve made of our world, and how our children are the ones who will be left holding the bill, a debt they can never repay,  and within that, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to be angry that we expect acts of bravery from our children when we’ve not a clue what it really means to be courageous – the kind of courage it takes to Stand up for and as All as One as Equal.

And I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that,

I am angry that I lied to my children when I said I believed in freedom when clearly the only free is in the dumbing down of those of us who work day in and day out only to be a paycheck away from homeless and hungry and,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to

feel the shame in anger as I have witnessed the heartache of survival through the lives of those who have gone before me, where life is lived where one is either rich and getting richer, or poor and hoping to survive another day.  And,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how,

I am angry that as parents we have accepted a money system that doesn’t care if the newborn baby just born unto this world will have food, clean water, healthcare, an education, or even a home, because we’ve not taken the time to investigate the solution where Heaven on Earth can be a reality for us all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to swell up inside myself in sorrow for the anger I see I’m existing as, and for how when I hear myself say the word anger,  I see how I have defined anger as that which I have come to ‘manage’, where within me, I store anger away so that I can continue to accept, allow and continue to support the existence of abuse within our current world/money system where the  rich profit off the suffering of the poor and how we actually tell ourselves that we’re ok with that.

Thus, I commit myself to see, realize and understand that anger only hurts when we use it against ourself and each other, therefore, I commit myself to stop suppressing who I am as anger because I see, realize and understand that anger will assist me to direct myself in common sense according to and in support of a system where life is given honor in accordance to what’s best for all.

Day 159: The Dirty Little Secrets in Anger

For context read: Day 158: Angry and I Don’t Know Why
Self-Commitment Statements to Stop who I am as anger

When and as I see myself existing within the energetic swirls of anger, I stop, I breathe.  I see, realize and understand that any perception that I may have of being angry toward another is just a flat out illusion because in reality, I’m angry at myself,  and therefore it is vital that I breathe and investigate what’s going on within me that’s causing me to want to find fault in whoever it is that is next in line for me to blame for the bad experience I’m having of myself,  because the fact is, anger is like a ticking time bomb,, an accumulation of moments where I’ve suppressed, compounded and completely avoided taking self-responsibility for myself according to how and what I’m accepting and allowing myself to exist within and as.

I commit myself to stop who I am as the dirty little secrets in anger because I see, realize and understand that anger is a cover up for the parts of me that exists in/as ego which manifest within this world as the horrors that I fear admitting I am a responsible for/as.

I commit myself to Stop anger as my path of preTense where I accept and allow tension to flow through me as my physical body while I pretend to be a survivor of and separate from the madness that exists within our world while I use anger as the tool to generate emotional conflict within myself which compounds into my flesh and bone as that which I’ve long ignored as it fuels the acceptance and allowance of who and what I exist as as who I am through and as the direction of and as my mind as consciousness.

I commit myself to show how anger is a direct reflection of what I hide in shame of in fear that I’ll be called on to claim my fame for how the inner me is mirrored as how the outer world represents me as all the while trying to convince myself that there is no way that I am directly responsible for the wars and greed that exist within and as the minds of men when in fact, I know that I cannot deny that I am responsible for how our world exists.

I commit myself to stop what I have denied as who I am as the reaction I become in/as guilt which I defend in/as anger because I fear the shame in admitting my denial because I see, realize and understand that that which I dish out is exactly what I will receive, and for the things that I accept and allow to happen unto another, I accept and allow to happen unto me thus, I commit myself to Never forget the mathematical equation within the principle of equality.

I commit myself to breathe and investigate who I am in/as anger, because I see, realize and understand that anger is an inner suppression based on blame, shame, regret, guilt and ego, where within myself I fear what I see I have accepted and allowed, where I have believed that I have the  inability to direct my life and take self-responsibility for the dishonesty that I’ve existed as – because within the secrets of my mind I use excuses to not see what it is that makes me unhappy and full of anxiety and thus, I constantly place responsibility on someone else, instead of standing up and directing myself to take responsibility for myself and every single living being, therefore, I commit myself to take responsibility for myself and to support an Equal Money system which will support every living being according to what’s best for all.

Day 158: Angry and I Don’t Know Why

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear who I am as the anger I suppress in fear that I may become it.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to often feel incredibly angry and I don’t know why even though I realize the anger within me is me, yet I still resist and refuse to see who I am as it because I fear if I come face to face with me as the anger that I feel toward myself for what I’ve accepted and allowed that I will surely die of shame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid looking within myself to see the starting point of why it is that I experience emotional waves of anger and then believe my own fear that if I go there and touch the anger that I will realize the truth of me, of what I have accepted and allowed and that I will lose myself forever.

I forgive myself for the fact that even as I sit here writing, exposing the anger I fear deep within me, that I can feel a hardening sensation as if a warning that says to me to stop, do not pass by this way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within and as anger hang out within my mind in and as my past because in my past i was able to fool myself into believing that someday I could change the world, which is just another way for me to energize my ego and keep myself stuck in emotional games within and as the secrets of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself because I have practically lived in this world that I’ve made up where my entire  life has been about me making up fantasy worlds within my mind where the sole purpose has been to boost who I am as ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine a world where life is fun and everyone is safe and happy and then suddenly anger appears and I see how the picture perfect setting is missing life itself and I realize how I’ve always missed the gift that one gives to self when one forgives the dream and stands in and as the honesty of self to take self-responsibility for and as all living beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say that I am angry and I don’t know why when the fact is I have been in fear of who I am as anger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself for fooling myself into believing that living in fear of what others will think of me is easier that getting real with myself and facing who I really am in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be completely pissed off at myself that I have spent my whole life completely ignorant to and abusive of that which allows me life as me as my physical body.

to be continued

Day 154: The Hand of God is made of Money



“Sometimes the very things that we fight against are actually the hand of God trying to push us into a new season.” Joel Osteen

With regards to the above quote by Joel Osteen.  Have a look at how he avoids the facts when he refers to ‘the very things we fight against’ within our world, yet, see how he manipulates a rise in our feelings through using the words ‘fight against’, then as always, using the hand he’s been given that he claims is from God – which is made of/from money – he stops short, and offers no solution for all  that is tangible for assisting our world.

Maybe, Mr. Osteen actually believes what he’s selling, yet, what he’s selling offers no support for the tremendous amount of suffering, poverty, war and starvation which is happening within every corner of our world. In fact, he’s known for saying how he likes to focus on the positive within our world, and thus, chooses not to mention the poor and suffering.  Maybe he’s taking advantage of our willingness to accept him as having some sort of special powers because after all, his net worth is an estimated $40 million.

So, when he writes a quote that implies there is a God somewhere fighting our battles for us – maybe he wants to be sure that we’ll continue to support the plight of the rich and famous, or, maybe he really does believe that he’s special and that there really is a God somewhere willing to bless his need for greed while millions suffer in poverty and starve to death.

However,the fact remains, WE support him.  He earns his Money from US.   NOT a God.

The only season upon us in the one where the rich are seizing the opportunity to sell hope to the slaves (us), and thus far, we’ve been willing to buy it.  I choose to stop…

Please don’t misunderstand. I am not placing blame on Mr. Osteen.  The Fact is, We’re All responsible for how our current world/money system exists.

It’s time to realize that the battle going on here on earth,  is between the haves and the have-nots.

Throughout our entire history, nothing has ever changed. It’s the same story over and over, where only the picture and the players change, and, it’s Always, Always, about making and having the most MONEY/Power.

No God will ever come save us, because what is real is what is here which is US.

Thus, we’re going to have to save ourselves. No one can do that for us.

Investigate how: Equal Money

“I Forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how what I accept and allow here in the small, in my own life – I will accept and allow in my relationship to humanity/this world. Where, whenever I face a point of responsibility, like for example each of us human beings, individually standing within self-responsibility to ourselves and to all, we instead each individually abdicate that practical reality responsibility of sorting out THIS REAL WORLD, creating a NEGATIVE towards it within ourselves in all of our opinions, judgments, fears, insecurities, knowledge and information and INSTEAD create a POSITIVE in our Minds through/within Religions/Spiritualities/Movements/Entertainment etc. – following only the GOOD FEELINGS in our own self-interest, when: How would this World change if we stop, individually, looking at everything as a Negative in our Minds, but PRACTICALLY approach the problems/consequences in this world and come up with PRACTICAL SOLUTIONS that would be best for all, in equality and oneness, Here. But, interestingly enough, we are so caught up in the spinning webs of our Minds in ENERGY that human beings, individually, would fight/defend/protect their POSITIVE FEELINGS and regard this more than All Life on Earth. That they cannot see beyond the POSITIVE ENERGY, how Life on Earth would change for ALL within, for example the proposed Equal Money System. But, it’s fascinating here, that: individuals cannot have the ‘Positive Feelings/Energies’ in the Mind, if the Negative/Bad in their lives/this world do not exist as it does, cause for the Positive to Exist, the Negative must exist. And so, we as human beings will keep this world/humanity the way it is, just to have/maintain/possess the Positive-Energy Experiences we have defined ourselves as in the MIND…” Sunette Spies – Heaven’s Journey to Life

Day 147: I Can Do This

For Context Read: 

Day 144: Hardened Soft Spot

Day 145: Too Close for Comfort

Day 146: Family Unfair

I commit myself to when and as I see myself begin to go into shut down inside myself, where in that moment I realize within my mind that I have no control over who, what or how my step dad is with regards to what and how he believes/exists as, I stop, I breathe. I commit myself to stop who I become in fear to/towards him as I slow myself down and remind myself of what I know in that, I see, realize and understand that our world requires direction as it cannot and will not be able to continue as it is with the multitude of abuse and suffering that is increasing daily. Thus, I realize that we can longer deny the ignorance of sitting in silence believing in a hero or a God to fix the mess that we’re All responsible for, nor can we deny that money is the weapon we use against each other which keeps us enslaved and imprisoned within our mind of/as hate, greed, competition, war and spite, because as that, we are manifesting our own demise, therefore, I commit myself to standing up as one voice and one vote for an Equal Money system, because with Equal Money, I know for sure that the systems of this world will be redesigned according to what’s best for all, and within that, the proper nourishment for our physical bodies and our physical reality will receive the direction that is greatly required to create Heaven on Earth. Thus, I commit myself to stop who I am as reactions and fear when speaking to my step dad and instead,  I commit myself to walking the self-correction of who I am in self-honesty until I am the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

I commit myself to stop who I’ve become as the sins of the fathers, and mothers, to thus stop existing as a parent with fear which influence and stifles the child where the child will live a life of more fear, to instead apply what I see is common sense in who I am in self-honesty.

I commit myself to realizing that directing myself to speak without reactions and to speak in a stable manner will take practice because I see, realize and understand that I have never known any other way of living, therefore I commit myself to breathing and remaining patient with myself in continuing to write, apply self-forgiveness and self-corrective application to ensure that I leave no room for excuses to not commit myself to practice changing.