Tag Archive | Free Will

Day 122: InSIDE Hide

Once in awhile I experience pain around my left side, stomach/groin area which feels kind of like a pulled muscle, but that’s not what it is. I asked Anu for perspective about a month ago and he suggested it was a point of hiding, which made a lot of sense to me. I never investigated the point further, mostly because the pain hadn’t returned. Then today, the pain returned with a vengence. As I began to experience the pain – still in the same area of my physical body – I saw my hiding and I realized that I have always been aware of this point that I exist as, IF/WHEN, I will slow myself down and breathe, and welcome me in from hiding as who I really am as me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide within and as knowledge and information as energy within how I partipate within thoughts, internal conversations, reactions of and as emotions and feelings of/as positive, negative and the neutral of and as enegy experiences.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself as someone who is insidious’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in and thus hide within feelings of shame of existing within and as knowledge and information where I hide within what I’ve learned throughout my entire life, and within that how I allow guilt to accumulate from becoming that which I’ve learned to where I become consumed to the point where I elude any chance of ever becoming aquainted with myself, because as such, I’m escaping any understanding of myself within the perception of/as being that of a particular piece of knowledge and information and where within that I forbid myself to question the very nature of myself and thus my own answers elude me, thus, I forgive myself for not realizing how within my ‘insidious hideouts’, I manifest formations of guilt within and as a total memory/character recall of and as my mother – how I saw her reject her physical body in how she existed in hiding within and as fear as knowledge and information – where she would become so full of shame and guilt that she would punish her physical body through smoking and/or over eating – and how I have become and lived as that mind character of entrapment as well.

I forgive myself for not realizing how within the layers of my hide/flesh, I have remained unaware of how the very life substance is drained from me according to and through my participation within and as knowledge and information. Wherein every moment that I accept and allow myself to be and become separate from the words I speak of/as my mind as directed by consciousness within and as energies of/as reactions and feelings and emotions, how in that moment when I am more aware of a thought within my mind than I am of who I am within and as breath as my physical body, is the moment that I become accepting of myself as a system of/as abuse, greed, self-interest and death.

I forgive myself for not realizing that the inner mysteries of me as my physical body will continue to elude me until I slow down, breathe and become willing to commit myself to exploring and investigating myself from the inside out within self-honesty, no matter how ‘insidious’ who I am appears to be, for it is within my perception of ‘the ugly’ that I will release my perception of ‘the pretty’ – where the ‘insidious’ of and as that which I’ve come to accept as the perception of myself within and as self-interest exists only according to knowledge and information.

I forgive myself for not realizing that when I am hiding within program manifestations of and as knowlendge and information that I am actually accepting and allowing me as my physical body to form strings of tension wherein I am actually forming patterns of degenerations within my physical body where I’m not breathing effectively and thus I manifest damage within and unto my internal organs and flesh creating pain within and as my physical body/flesh and bone.

I forgive myself for not realizing the degree of fear I have with regards to facing myself in self-honesty because I have hidden within knowledge and information in/as shame and guilt and believed that I was that.


I forgive myself for not realizing that I fear my perception that if I were to become completely self-honest that others may not like me, instead of realizing that it is only myself that I am actually fearing disappointing.

I commit myself to comprehending that the DIS in APPOINT only exists within and as the pain in ignoring the Point of Self within Forgiving self in/as Self-honesty.

I commit myself to let go of and forgive who I am as knowledge and information.

I commit myself to not fear and shame that which I’ve accepted and allowed as who I am and to instead forgive and realign and redesign myself through self-corrective application.

I commit myself to STOP imprinting my Physical body and Physical reality with my mind according to knowledge and information.

I commit myself to get to know the details and specifics of my Human Physical body equal to and one with who I am as my Human Physical body.

I commit myself to embrace who I am as my Physical body within and as self-honesty.

I forgive myself for not realizing that the actual real rebirth of Self as Life, can and will only manifest within and as Self-honesty, from within and as my Physical body and from and of this Physical existence, Thus, I commit myself to realizing that the actual rebirth of self as Life can and will only manifest within and as Self-honesty from within and as me as my Physical body and from and of this Physical existence.

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that Firstly the Person in the Journey to Life must become Equal to the Mind through being able to Not Participate in the Thoughts that Arise ALL the Time, and Be Here Breathing – before the Task can be taken on to Remove the Programs in the Flesh to such a degree that eventually the Flesh will be Purified and the Person will become, in fact, the Living Flesh – and be able to Have Any Relationship or form in the Flesh without it Being the Dominant Control as Consciousness, and the Person will be in Fact the Dominion of the Flesh, with the Flesh itself Determining in Every Breath the Actuality of Life Directed, and Be Here as Life – and thus at the Death, the Person will Cross the Divide as Life and Be Everywhere as Here, Always. In this it must be Realized How Time and Flesh Functions and that the Process of First becoming Equal to the Mind and Flesh before Directive Life will be here as Self, as Principle, as Equal, will take a minimum of 7 Years of Daily Application IN EVERY Breath, but more Likely take 14 years due to the Many Times that the Directive Will will Fall to the Current Dominion of the Programs that were allowed to Become the Flesh as the Physical Mind.” ~ Bernard Poolman

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Day 46: The Devil and The Angel On My Shoulder

Today my partner and I had to spend most of our day in the city. At the last moment we decided to stop for a salad at a Deli we’ve not been to in 3 months, even though it’s always been a favorite place of ours to eat. The Deli sits atop about 30 concrete steps and as I reached the top and entered the Deli, I became aware of how I was having a negative energetic experience of myself.

Immediately I began to ask myself what thought was I in that I was allowing my mind to be, because I’ve proved to myself through lessons in Desteni I Process that participation in thought, equals the direction of ones energy.

So as I walked past the table where we sat the last time we were there, I realized how I saw myself as actually walking my past as my future in that moment. I then realized how within myself, I was pretending to not see and understand how I was confronting myself, all the while actually knowing exactly what was going on within me.

I made my way to the counter and lost breath inmyself so my partner assisted in ordering for me as I made an excuse to go to the restroom. When I entered the facility I noticed an experience of movement within my solar plexus as well as an odd anxiety and I was strangely aware of the fact that I was resisting to face that which I feared within what I already knew.


I also realized something interesting in that my fear was talking to me as my secret mind, giving me reasons through rapid thoughts for how and why I was experiencing myself, and at that point, I just stood there, still, and focused on my breathing.

In less than a minute I made my way out of the restroom and slowly fixed my salad when I remembered an interview by Anu that I hadn’t heard yet called, “Reptilians – My fear companion – Part 44”, and, I was grateful I had my MP3 player with me because I was ready to hear it during our drive home. As it turned out, the interview, was the perfect assistance.

My partner and I sat down and began to eat and as we began to talk, I noticed how what my partner was saying seemed to be going on and on, and within my solar plexus was a rising of what was an emotional desire to burst into tears. That was actually the very support I required to shake me up because I rarely experience myself anymore within such a reaction.
I saw how the point was laid out before me and I knew that what was happening was definitely a self-created pattern of/as an emotional reaction, and I knew that I had to stop it.

And that’s what I did, I breathed and directed myself to investigate, and I asked myself if the fear I was existing as was actually serving me in any way whatsoever? NO!

I realized then, how, the last time we had eaten at the Deli was 9 days before my brother died. It was also when I was physically sick as well, and I had experienced a similar anxiety during our visit to the Deli that day because of me existing within and as fear of loss/death. Exposing the fear, and sharing with my partner my realization and self-forgiveness, assisted my physical body to release from anxiety within.

Join us and prove for yourself who you are walking the Journey to Life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as a unconscious thought pattern within a mind construct/pattern of anxiety creating an energetic experience of myself where thought participation equals the direction of/as energetic polarities of good/bad, positive/negative and right/wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk past myself as who I am as breath, as I pretended to not know who I am because of the fear of facing my knowing in the detail of what I exist of/as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid going into the details of my life and history and walking into my mind as a consciousness system because I fear what I’ve deliberately hid from myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an unconscious emotional reaction/memory/pattern manifestation in my physical body as energy that is intertwined within the mind as well as the physical, where fear is the devil and the angel on one’s shoulder. (For further perspective download @ Eqafe: “Reptilians – My fear companion – Part 44“)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue borrowing tomorrow within a mind set living in fear of the future – instead of realizing that anything to do with the future exist within the point of manipulating and controlling the human.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how fear is so taxing that one doesn’t want to move themselves outside their current familiar fear based comfort zone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the emotional feeling energy in/as ‘fear of loss’ – instead of realizing that one is already experiencing ‘loss of self’ lived in fear of and as a mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not realize that to justify our behaviour patterns gives us the cause for our fears.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to breathe life into bullshit quotes such as: “We never understand how little we need in this world until we know the loss of it” – which actually projects us to live out our fate within a world in polarity where there are the ‘Haves’ and the ‘Have Nots’ – instead of standing together as a group in support of a system accepting of and as all living beings.

I commit myself to comprehend and stand in taking self-responsibility in self-honesty for who I am within what I’ve accepted and allowed as my actions and creations as self, where I will walk in and as an ability to respond to my environment and society, and hold them equal and one to and as an expression of/as self supporting a world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to supporting a system of Equality where the greatest freedom is the greatest choice of/in giving the quality of life to/for All Life, according to what’s best for all.

Please Read The following Blogs for further perspective and assistance regarding Angels, Devils, Heaven & Hell and Creation as Life

Heaven’s Journey to Life – DAY 7: What has ‘Life’ Become?

Heaven’s Journey to Life – DAY 9: I Am War

Heaven’s Journey to Life – As Within = So Without: DAY 12

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 3: Resistance to Change

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 5: In the Beginning was God

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 11: Demonic and Angelic Possession

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 15: Who am I? Prisoner of the Mind?

Day 45: Holy Psywar: The Real Battlefield Is the Mind

Watch Psywar Documentary

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall into the ism of/as the consumer where according to the advertisers story of us, the way to happiness is through our consumption in/as buying things which is exactly how we’ve been manipulated/pre-programmed to exist as.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing only specific history lessons to be taught in the classrooms across the land where children learn lies within knowledge and information that’s been paid for through the blood loss of those before them, yet nothing of how history has been manipulated for the sake of supporting the power of money for those best described as us All as we All have continued to turn a blind eye – instead of standing together neighbor for neighbor, as a group in support of a system of equality to bring an end to that which we are constantly and continually trying to escape from.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pay no mind to what’s really going on within this world, because I’ve been pre-programmed Not to notice and/or care about the thousands and thousands of living beings who have been and are brutally tortured and massacred in class warfare due to working conditions – for instance those who died in the ‘Ludlow Massacre’,which was an attack by the Colorado National Guard on a tent colony of 1200 striking coal miners and their families , which resulted in violent deaths including women and children, some of which asphyxiated and burned to death after a day long strike for decent wages and living conditions such as the basic right to feed, clothe and provide for one’s family, yet their life ended in death and those remaining grew in acceptance of self in/as poverty infear of the fact that they saw no other choice but to obey – within this I see myself in how the atrocities that exist within this world is the responsibility of us All to stop, forgive, direct, amend and heal us of our past forever.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the pain through the eyes of my neighbor, brother, coworker and/or my enemy (inner me).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed numerous atrocities within this world to exist as I walked right through and past them looking on in condemnation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see/ realize and understand how I/ We have been pre-programmed and manipulated as mind consciousness machines to ensure our support for/of a world/money system which literally survives at it’s best through acts of war.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the only real choice we’ve accepted and allowed for ourselves is the choice that keeps money in the pockets of those who already have everything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to bury my face in a history of spiritual deception and then claim I’ve been forgiven by a God willing to grant me a heaven – when in self-honesty, I see how the only sin is in the believing that we’re going to escape to anywhere other than right back here to face our responsibility and walk the correction of the Mess of our wAges for allowing poverty/starvation/murder/SIN against our neighbor.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be manipulated by staged fabrications from the press as propaganda often in the form of smiles and/or giving the appearance of warmth which have been nothing more than a distortion of our economic values such as with acts of charity – which serves the purpose to relieve peoples stress just enough without actually changing the system and is in fact the way in which to actually maintain an already corrupt world/money system by simply giving people just enough to prevent them from realizing exactly what’s been accepted and allowed within this world in order that the wealthiest in the world remain that way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support a world/money system that values a democracy of material goods whereas the citizen has become a consuming machine pre-programmed in/as the ism of capitalization, thriving in the consumption of objects of monetary value over life itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live the human dilemma in the belief that the end justifies the means so much so that we’re deliberately deaf to the countless number of beings suffering without seeing the cause in the effects created as the monster in/as war machines attacking each other according to the propaganda used as ‘props against us’, where we attack life, and then have the nerve to blame another for our madness instead of realizing we as our mind of/as consciousness are our own worst enemy (inner me).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that consumerism offers a quick fix which causes people with little chance to change their social conditions in life to feel as though they are climbing the social hierarchy, when in fact, we’re standing still in our Mess.

I commit myself to supporting a system of equality where the story of us lacks consumption in that there is no more stories to stack against us, there is only here, living harmonies together All One as Life.

I commit myself to supporting a system of equality where humans will stop racing to be the first at a finish line and instead will walk together enjoying each others expression.

I commit myself to supporting an education system that teaches Not fear, yet through gentleness in self-honesty the history of who we’ve been and what we’ve accepted and allowed and through forgiving the past of our future we direct and assist humanity to realize themselves in another through walking a process of receiving that which one first willingly gives unto others as self through the principle of Equality.

Please Read The following Blogs for further perspective and assistance with regards beLIEf in Freedom of Choice

Heaven’s Journey to Life – Consciousness is Autopilot: DAY 39

Heaven’s Journey to Life – Are All Choices Damned?: DAY 44

Heaven’s Journey to Life – Is Any Choice Ever Free?:DAY 45

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 12: BrainWashing and Mind Control

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 17: The Trap of Dementia, Part 1

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 29: The Invisible Invincible Mind

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 47: The Evil Individual

Creation’s Journey to Life – Day 48: The Visible and the Invisible