Tag Archive | Fighting

Day 102: Playing the Somebody Done Me Wrong Song

When I find myself reacting as I did this evening, where I experience backchat/thoughts within the perception that someone isn’t ‘acting’ right and/or they aren’t ‘communicating’ effectively with me (which is what I tend to project onto my partner), I see how I ‘automatically’ throw my hands in the air and say out loud, ‘I’m Done‘, and/or I will remain quiet, but within my mind, I will play out the act of throwing my hands in the air and saying ‘I’m Done’!

This character is how I sabotage myself into believing that I am the victim and then it’s as if I can here the song playing – ‘somebody done me wrong’ – within that I will give myself permission to withdraw into myself and pout.

What is really going on within me when I accept and allow myself to act/behave/become this character, is that I’m actually giving up on my relationship with myself. I let me as my mind as consciousness direct me instead of me facing myself in self-honesty and stopping how and what I’m accepting and allowing and participating within and as. Thus, I project the outflow of emotions from my participation onto whoever is in the path of my self-sabotage, which is usually my partner. This cause to withdraw is one of many lines of dance which I use to separate me from who I am as my physical body within and as this physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself within the belief that when I don’t get my way that I am the victim to somebody doing me wrong, therefore, I will withdraw into myself and hide, pout, shut down and blame another (my partner) as being the reason for why I have the ‘right’ to sit and stew in and as my mind and stop participating within what’s real as our physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep score within polarity emotion/feeling energies of negative and positive – where when I’m having a negative experience of myself I will look to my partner to fix me by giving me attention and/or communicating with me in a way that will assist me to have a positive experience of myself and, if my partner doesn’t assist me in changing my experience of myself, I will blame him as not communicating and/or acting right and, if he doesn’t respond again, I will play my song of somebody done me wrong and will withdraw within myself in silence, as if to punish my partner when what I’m actually doing is accepting and allowing me as my mind as consciousness as memories/characters/personalities/thoughts and emotions and feelings to rule who I am, and within that, I am suppressing and manifesting pain, illness and disease within and as me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how it is only me that I am ever actually having a relationship with in and as my mind and, until and when I forgive, correct and become a living example of self-responsibility in/as self-honesty to/as all life here, I will be unable to have an effective relationship/agreement within anyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek validation and love from others when I’ve never been willing to slow down, breathe, validate and love myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a mind set that effective communication within a relationship requires a proper/predetermined beginning and an end, just like a pre-scheduled program.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forsake me as my physical body when I go off on energetic binges within and as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself and within that anger, not realize that the reason for my anger is because within me I am screaming out for me to hear myself in self-honesty, and to thus stop accepting and allowing myself to support our current world/money system of/as war, poverty and starvation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that how our world exists can only change when change begins first within myself.

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing the ‘somebody done me wrong song’ and, to stop demanding another to take responsibility for who I am within what I accept and allow and exist as within our world/reality/existence.

I commit myself to stop the character of self-sabotage.

I commit myself to stop myself playing polarity games of negative/positive and neutrality.

I commit myself to stop self-interest in/as memories/characters/personalities/thoughts and emotions and feelings

I commit myself to prove to myself what is means to be truly supportive for and as me as my physical body.

I commit myself to never give up on life, to slow myself down, breathe, validate and love myself within and as self-honesty in total commitment to support a world according to what’s best for All.

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Day 22: The Rebel

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as a rebel, as someone who refuses and resists authority in any way what-so-ever and as such have built a point of resistance within as and to/towards self and consequently trapping myself within my own characteristic nature of and as living my life in and as fear.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist in a state of rebellion wherein I refused to accept the conventional way of doing things and/or refused to obey the law within a point of wanting to control for the purpose of satisfying my ego.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to see the rebel as being sexy and mysterious when in fact I existed within the energy of finding fault in others limitations and thus was existing in the same nature as the tick and/or a vampire sucking the blood of others in order to survive.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to take pride in the idea of myself as being a rebel as one of uniqueness, instead of realizing that I was existing in and as separation of life and in that I was actually supporting the very laws, elite, governments and rules that I was professing to be against.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I alone could change the world, instead of seeing/realizing and understanding that in order for the world to change, I have to be willing to first change myself through self-forgiveness, self-honesty, self-corrective application, and to recognize my equality within and as all and within and as a group standing in support of an Equal Money System as the beginning point in creating heaven as earth.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to want things my way or no way and I see/realize and understand that that was my way of wanting all the glory only on my terms, instead of the terms of equality for and as all life.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to see myself as the rebel with a cause and I didn’t like it when people tried to step on my beliefs because I believed I had my own principles that I lived by – instead of realizing that the only cause I chose to fulfill was my own self-interested one, wherein I didn’t consider anyone except myself in my attempts to make me happy and experience myself the way I wanted to experience myself and thus I acted like a demon walking the earth searching for experiences to have for myself having no consideration of how others experience suffering, pain and death on a daily basis.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I had principles I lived by, when I’ve actually never lived according to any principle that didn’t first evolve around my ego.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had to accept what is here in how our world exists to such a degree that I sought to rebel against the system -instead of standing equal to the system to change the system from within, thus creating life on earth within the starting point of who we are as a group in self-honesty, as humanity, standing together equal and one.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have always been rebelling against myself – instead of realizing that to stand together equal and one with everyone and everything is the same as beginning to accept self wherein voids of self begin to cease as one walks together equal to and one as his neighbor.

I commit myself to walking the path of least resistance, wherein I begin to accept my neighbor as myself and realize who I am walking his life within his shoes.

I commit myself to directing myself according to a principle that rests upon the will for and of all living beings in being able to experience and express themselves within a world which honors all life equally.

I commit myself to challenge myself to establishing a world that is always based upon what’s best for all life as the only acceptable way of living/existing here on earth.

I commit myself to standing in agreement that living a dignified life must be guaranteed to all living beings born and existing here on earth.

I commit myself to assisting others in seeing/realizing and understanding that every being is responsible and accountable for how abuse and suffering exists within our world and that they are equally responsible and accountable for supporting a system which will bring abuse and suffering to it’s end.

I commit myself to bringing about a system of equality and stopping our current abusive world/money system in a peaceful manner wherein we come together as a group and create heaven on earth.

Suggest the following blogs for self-assistance and self-support:

Creation’s Journey to Life

Heaven’s Journey to Life

Day 21: Friday Night Lights, Out

It’s Friday – the day when I often have the same experience of myself – the experience of craving, needing, wanting more. But, more of what? I no longer smoke or do drugs, or gamble, and I haven’t eaten any processed sugar now for over a month, lol, my mind would have me ask, what else is there? Sex? I’ve been married for 20 years, and our relationship is a really cool agreement in the process, so I can have sex whenever I want. Nope, the cravings I experienced come from deep within the secret mind.

My mind craved the energy that comes from getting attention, like the attention one gets from flirting with someone for instance. However, I was aware of how my mind would have settled for the buzz of a big guzzle of an ice cold pepsi. Or even a big slice of chocolate cake would have been nice,,, yes, sugar would have eased the craving for the energy my mind was asking for. I didn’t buy into any of it. I stopped and I breathed. I forgave myself.

At one point today, as I flipped through the television channels, I saw a commercial for a local bar/club and my mind thought was one word – party! That’s a popular Friday night event for many after working all week long. I spent a few years doing just that, getting all dressed up on a Friday night and going out to a bar, or two, for a few drinks and to dance, and of course to flirt. Jesus fucking Christ, in self-honesty -I don’t miss that shit.

I’ve walked and applied the tools offered through the Desteni process for awhile now and once you realize the truth for yourself, where you see for yourself what isn’t real and what is – you won’t go back to living the illusion of enjoying what you realize was your own personal mind-fuck in the first place…

I don’t even like referencing it,, my secret mind, because it’s all self-interest motivated and is the part of me that offers no real solution and/or support for all life on this planet – yet, I have to face me in self-honesty, so I’m able to forgive myself and maybe be of some assistance, in supporting a system to bring an end to the shit hole we’ve manifested ourselves in and as here on earth.

The truth is Friday nights was all about the lights – the lights in the illusion that I lived in my mind where fantasies did nothing more than create abuse within and as my physical body. All because I craved an outcome for myself as I continued to want and seek for something to satisfy the direction my mind as consciousness was leading me on as.

No thanks. I no longer accept myself according to illusionary feelings/emotions that will never fill me or anyone of us up. What will assist us – in stopping the illusion that we’re missing ourselves – is to realize ourselves equal to everything here and stand up accordingly. The substances and energy I once used, only temporarily assisted me to forget my self-interested self if only just for a moment to not feel/experience what was actually going on within myself – related to my mind in avoiding facing me and having a relationship in self-honesty with me. No more hiding and fearing me – Friday Night Lights, Out.

Art By: Matti Freeman

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist and fear and deny that which I perceive and define as being negative/positive energies of my mind which I’ve used and abused in my avoidance of facing me within all that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist and fear and deny what I perceived and defined as being a negative energy of my mind while justifying having a positive experience of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to the energy derived from participating in illusionary pictures/ideas/memories of my mind.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to the polarity of my mind as positive and/or negative energy while I sought/desired/craved an energetic experience of myself based on illusionary pictures/ideas and memories of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and/or desire to have someone or something get me out of the experience I was having of myself, instead of me taking self-responsibility for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want and/or desire to have someone or something change the situation and/or the experience of me for me, instead of me facing me in self-honesty and taking self-responsibility for and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually only be searching for that first sexual relationship of myself which was designed to entrap us as humanity to endlessly search for more in self-interest in order to contain/enslave us so that we don’t/won’t face ourselves and take self-responsibility for what is here in how our world exists in suffering, abuse and atrocity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall for the energetic cravings within my mind wherein I sought after an experience of myself where I believed I was experiencing something special when in fact the energy of the light/attention/flirting experience never lasted and was only as real as I believed it to be according to my mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire/crave an experience of myself as anything other than my here moment as breath as a way of getting energy to fuel my mind as consciousness and/in order for me to not stand up and take self-responsibility for abdicating myself from/as life in accepting and allowing our world to exist as it does with acts of violence as war, murder, rape and starvation.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to look for a relationship outside of myself because I didn’t have a relationship with myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I have to overcome or let go of energy instead of understanding within myself that it is to stand equal and one to energy and transcend the energetic experience through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application wherein no energetic experience remains within myself.

I commit myself to stop running from myself and to face me in self-honesty in every moment of breath in taking self-responsibility for what is here in how our world currently exists and to thus support an Equal Money System which will bring an end to energetic experiences which have resulted in abuse and death to/as our physical bodies and our physical reality.

I commit myself to understanding that energy was manifested by mind consciousness systems through friction and balance instead of self-movement in every moment as the totality of who we are – whereas no energy is required – only who we are in self-honesty moving through breath in and as self-expression in every moment of ourself here.

I commit myself to further understanding who I am in self-honesty and in stopping the conscious, subconscious and unconscious mind completely through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application wherein every moment of breath I commit myself to birth myself as life from the physical so that heaven as earth may manifest as the expression of who we are within and as oneness and equality as/for All Life

Suggest the following blogs for self-assistance and self-support:

Creation’s Journey to Life

Heaven’s Journey to Life