Tag Archive | feeling left out

Day 181: Time to stop yanking my own chain

For context read:
Day 179: Just get it done
Day 180: Just get it done – Part 2

continuing…

Internal Conversation/ back chat Dimension:

I will never get this done

Oh my God I can’t sit still another minute

I need to get finished with this because I have a lot to do

what’s the point, no one really cares anyway

I’ll take a break and finish the rest of this later

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go from a negative internal conversation/back chat to creating a physical resistance within myself to sitting down and writing and/or to completing my DIP assignments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I create a negative experience to being responsible, for example in writing and completing an assignment, therefore the internal conversations which urge me to find something else to do is a way for me to avoid taking responsibility by creating a positive experience out of a negative one.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I have internal conversation and back chat that says: ‘what’s the point, no one really cares anyway’, that in that moment I am not breathing – that I am existing in self-interest and craving attention from outside myself and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘yank my own chain‘ so to speak, where I allow myself to pull the wool over my own eyes and screw myself over royally in the process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I have internal conversation and back chat that says: ‘I’ll take a break and finish the rest of this later’, that this is a red flag for myself to stop and breathe and to realize that when I accept and allow myself to fall for this line of bullshit then I must realize I have just bullshitted myself because in the moment of having the internal conversation and back chat is a moment where me as my mind as consciousness has felt threatened and thus will say anything to distract myself from facing myself.

Reaction Dimension:

Feeling overwhelmed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become overwhelmed, where through fear as a thought/image/memory of my mind and through/as my imagination, I begin to have internal conversations and back chat where I begin to feel overwhelmed, and within me as my mind, I begin to jump to conclusions just so I can get done with writing/self-forgiveness and/or my assignment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as being overwhelmed when I experience myself as having a negative experience with regards to being responsible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with feelings of being overwhelmed – instead of seeing, realizing and understanding that the reaction of feeling overwhelmed is a dimension of the fear that I have of facing who and what I have accepted and allowed myself to become which is irresponsible toward myself as well as life itself.

PHYSICAL Dimension

Heaviness in chest and shoulder area

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest symptoms of being a burden to myself within and as my physically body, where when I hurry to be done with myself I didn’t realize that I was separating myself from me as my physical body and changing the very condition of how I experience myself when my imagination, backchat and reactions change from a negative to a positive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to submit my physical body to energetic experiences where my shoulders and chest become heavy and tight and cause physical discomfort because of the manipulation of myself into energy submission of a negative energy experience – instead of realizing that none of the energetic experience is real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek after a positive experience to end a negative experience of myself and within that not realize the toll my physical body is taking in that it pays for any and all participation that I concede to within and as me as my mind as consciousness.

CONSEQUENCE Dimension

Regret

Shame

Guilt

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the consequences of allowing myself to be persuaded by fear, images, imagination and internal conversations and back chat of and as my mind to the point that I won’t investigate myself further and thus, I time-loop and then, I face regret for having not faced the responsibility of myself when I first began walking the point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience shame within myself for how i have walked my Journey to/of Life in a half-assed way because I am fully aware of how difficult it is to face self in self-honesty and even though I often pretend to fool myself, I know when I’m deceiving myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience guilt for what I have put me as my physical body through and for not putting self-honesty first over the desire to have a positive energetic experience.

I forgive myself for not realizing that when I fall prey to the direction of and as my mind as consciousness that I not only put me as my physical body at risk but that I put our physical world/reality/existence at risk as well.

When and as I become aware of internal conversations/back chat that is serving me up temptations to stop writing/self-forgiveness and finishing my DIP lessons, I stop, I breathe – I see, realize and understand that the internal conversations/back chat is what I have used to distract myself from facing All of me, thus, I commit myself to breathe because when I’m aware of myself breathing I am able to trust myself.

I commit myself to stop pursuing a positive experience in order to pacify me as my mind and instead I commit myself to directing me to remain consistent and self-honest as I continue walking the Journey to Life.

I commit myself to apply common sense, thus when and as my mind tells me that there is something more important to be done than writing/self-forgiveness and/or finishing my DIP lesson, I breathe and see for myself in self-honesty what it is that I must complete so as to walk this life as a living example of being self-responsible according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to show that the mind of man is our own worst enemy and that we use it against ourselves and each other by way of manipulation techniques using money as the motivator to continue to deceive one another. I commit myself to stop and breathe.

I commit myself to stop yanking my own chain, to stop bullshitting myself, because I’m aware when I’m accepting and allowing myself to abuse myself, therefore, I commit myself to breathe and finish what I start when I sit down to write/apply self-forgiveness and/or to complete a DIP lesson.

I commit myself to stop participating in reactions of feeling overwhelmed and instead I direct myself to breathe and focus on who I am here breathing.

I commit myself to stop abdicating myself from life through avoiding taking self-responsibility for myself and for the part I play in manifesting the abusive nature of our current world/money system.

I commit myself to stop submitting me as my physical body to discomfort due to manipulating myself into believing that energetic experiences are real.

I commit myself to become aware of how and where my physical body is affected when I participate in and as thoughts and energy.

I commit myself to become aware of the physical consequences of continuing to hurry and thus jump to conclusions because I see, realize and understand that in doing so, I put myself as my physical body and our physical reality at risk of depleting it of it’s life giving resources.

I commit myself to re-establishing a relationship with myself in self-intimacy.

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Day 180: Just get it done – Part 2

For context read: Day 179: Just get it done

Imagination Dimension:

When I’m blogging, writing self-forgiveness and/or finishing an assignment for DIP – I imagine seeing all the things that I still need to do for the day – such as laundry, cooking, cleaning etc – because again, it’s like I’m always looking for a means to an end of how I’m experiencing myself, which is actually rather odd when one actually stops and looks at it. I mean, I see how I have accepted and allowed myself to believe within my mind that it is only when ‘I’m done’ – specifically with my writing/self-forgiveness and/or finishing my DIP assignment – only when I’m done, will I be able to relax and be comfortable, and be able to ‘do what I want to do’ – such as watch t.v. or watch a movie for example. And as a result, I hurry up and just get it done and then end up right back where I started because I didn’t breathe and give myself the opportunity to investigate myself thoroughly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I sit down to write or to work on a DIP assignment, that I go into my mind where I separate myself from myself and my physical reality by participating in allowing myself to imagine how much longer it will take me to finish my writing/assignment, and I forgive myself for how I allow the scene to play out where within my mind I see all the things that I need to finish for the day, such as doing the laundry, cleaning the house and/or fixing supper and within that, I also play out in my mind how much time each task will take before I’m done for the day and how long before I can get comfortable and do what I want to do such as watch tv or a movie.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to basically imagine myself finishing my daily tasks just so I can sit and zone out watching tv or a movie and within that never taking self-responsibility and considering how in doing so I am being manipulated and controlled by my mind as well as continuing to support the nonsense which keeps us enslaved as consciousness through television and movies just to name a few.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to beLIEve the lie that I can only be happy, relaxed and comfortable when I’m finished with my daily writing/self-forgiveness/DIP assignment, and thus I must hurry up and get done – when the fact is, when I slooooow myself down and breathe, I realize that my daily writing/self-forgiveness and/or my DIP assignment is self-fulfilling in a way that nothing else can compare to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how programmed I am in believing that I have some form of control over myself, when the fact is, I have always been programmed to think and behave and constantly seek to replace a negative experience of myself for a positive one, and within that never actually taking self-responsibility in any way whatsoever for who I am and for what I accept and allow because I’m always to busy chasing after energetic polarities of positive and negative.

When and as I see myself going into my mind and imagine myself as having a positive experience over having what I perceive is a negative experience, I stop, I breathe – Instead, I direct myself to slow myself down and breathe and to realize that as i continue to walk this point through in self-forgiveness and self-corrective application in and as the physical, that I will begin to change and redesign who I am as one who is walking this life as a living example of what it is to take self-responsibility for myself and my world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to stop who I am when I imagine scenarios within my mind where I distract myself to believe that I don’t have time, that I must hurry and ‘get it done’ so that then I can be comfortable, because I see, realize and understand that being comfortable within the idea of needing to hurry is a perception of and as my mind as consciousness, rooted in self-interest and that ultimately, all I’m ever actually doing is repeating the same cycles of myself over and over going from a negative to a positive experience and never actually reaching a point of physical comfort.

I commit myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to be manipulated and directed by me as my mind as consciousness and to instead direct myself as my mind to commit myself to writing, self-forgiveness. self-corrective application and completing my DIP assignments because I see, realize and understand how the application of each one supports me to trust myself for the first time in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I am always trading comfortability over self-responsibility and within that never stopping to consider how egotistical it is to exist where I am always motivated through self-interest and greed because my idea of being comfortable requires money to purchase the things that I have accepted and allowed to make me ‘feel’ comfortable: such as food, the internet, movie rentals and/or comfortable furnishings.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself activating the ‘just get it done’ character, where in my imagination I play out scenarios that lead me to my mind’s idea of comfort, I stop, I breathe – I direct myself to remain here with myself and complete what needs to be done in my immediate physical reality, to direct/will myself to stop participating and continue with writing/self-forgiveness/my assignment in realizing that I am giving to myself the opportunity to change myself from the inside out and thus assist in changing our world to one according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself where I compromise myself and my responsibilities to myself and my world because I give in to energetic experiences and allow my imagination to get the better of me – instead of breathing and practically getting things done that I see, realize and understand in self-honesty is required of me in order to assist and support myself to stop the vicious cycles of self-abuse and abuse unto life itself.

I commit myself to STOP abusing myself through self-sabotage where I accept and allow myself to give in and participate in my imagination of wanting, seeking and desiring to have a positive energetic experience.

I commit myself to stop placing want, need, desire and energy before taking self-responsibility for who I am living within me and my world.

In my next blog I will continue with investigating the Internal Conversation/ back chat Dimension of the ‘Just get it done’ character

Day 179: Just get it done

I did it again.  I get in a hurry when I’m writing and become this ‘Just get it done’ Character.  Weird.  I wanna hurry up and get done with me??   In doing so, I jump to conclusions while investigating myself and within that I miss specific points and leave myself feeling incomplete and uncommitted.  Which is how I create stupidity loops for myself. I stop, I breathe. Here, I begin again as I investigate the dimensions of the ‘Just get it done’ character.

Fear Dimension:
I fear:
Not having enough time

I’m missing out on doing something ‘more fun’

I’m not good enough to see all the points for myself

that what I write will be rejected by others

asking for assistance because I don’t want to be a burden to others

discipline and structuring of self

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I don’t have time to be thorough when I am writing and facing who I am and,  I see, realize and understand that in allowing myself to hurry that I then jump to conclusions with regards to a point that I’m walking and that in doing so I am neglecting everything about about myself and any and all commitments that I have made to/for myself and to/for and in support of life itself.

When and as I’m writing and taking time for me and I begin to experience myself as wanting to hurry up and get it done, I stop, I breathe – I see, realize and understand that this is a character of and as my mind that I long ago as a child accepted and allowed myself to be, and in doing so I’ve never actually taken the time to develop self-intimacy or self-honesty within and as myself. Thus I commit myself to develop self-intimacy with myself through giving to me the gift of seeing who I am in self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hurry and want to be done with myself, where I then jump to a conclusion and then overlook important points of self to forgive of/as the characters and personalities of and as my mind and I see how within those moments where I hurry that I am existing in fear that I am missing out on doing something that is ‘more fun’ when the fact is, the fear itself is a negative energy experience that I’m wanting to escape from.

When I’m writing and/or doing assignments and as I see myself becoming in a hurry to just get it done because me as my mind has come to a conclusion  – within the desire that there must be something ‘more fun’ to do, I stop, I breathe. I see, realize and understand that I am attempting to distract myself through avoiding my own perception of having a negative energy experience, thus I get in a hurry because I’m wanting to have a positive energy experience – one that I can use to distract myself from facing myself and taking self-responsibility for who I am as my mind as consciousness and for the part that I play in how our world/money system currently exist, therefore, I commit myself to slow down and breathe and stop accepting and allowing myself to be distracted by the desire to have a positive energy experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I’m not capable of applying myself effectively in order to disembody and forgive the characters and personalities of and as me as my mind.

I commit myself to show myself through breathing and self-forgiveness that I am capable of trusting myself in self-honesty to redesign and realign myself with life according to what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I fear that what I write will be rejected by others that what I’m really doing is using self-judgment as a means of self-sabotage and self-rejection.

When and as I see myself in fear of rejection from others, I stop, I breathe. I see, realize and understand that what I fear from others is what I exist as in fear of and as self. Thus, I commit myself to re-establish and re-dedicate myself to walking the Journey to Life, the process of self-forgiveness and self-honesty – to stand up for and as a world where abuse unto all living beings is stopped and forgiven, where all living beings are supported through an Equal Money system so that life will stop being survived and instead, we begin living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I fear asking for assistance because I don’t want to be seen as a burden to others – that when I do that it’s actually a way that I manipulate myself to feel sorry for myself and within that I justify what I’ve accepted and allowed which keeps me avoiding me, keeps me from giving myself the time of day so to speak,  because I’ve not seen myself as worthy of my own time to investigate who I am within the madness that exists here on earth.

I commit myself to breathe and stop accepting and allowing myself to justify and manipulate myself, to instead direct myself to walk the points I’m facing through in self-corrective application.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the discipline and structuring that the process of self-forgiveness gives to self, because when me as my mind as the consciousness structure that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed as becomes threatened, I experience myself as wanting to run away, thus I stop, I breathe.

I commit myself to continue to investigate and forgive who I am and what I’ve accepted and allowed and have been directed as as my mind of/as consciousness, to thus assist myself to stand up in support of an Equal Money System so that each one here on earth my be provided for, to relieve the stress of trying to survive and thus give way for individual self-realizations to ultimately bring about a world that’s best for all.

Thought Dimension

The thought I have as a character of and as my mind who just wants to get it done is one where I see myself with my chin up and my shoulders slumped – just like when I was a child.  Where I would become irritated when I didn’t get my way to do what I wanted to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought as a picture/image to emerge from within my conscious mind where I am once again looking at the point of becoming irritated as a child when I didn’t get my way for one reason or another, and within that, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that the bottom line is/has always been that i felt like I was misunderstood and taken for granted and abused, first by my parents, but always blaming someone for the negative experiences I would have of myself – where never once within all the time I spent feeling sorry for myself within my mind did I consider that ‘the problem’ as I saw it, was/is Not ‘out there’, but was/is within and as me – in that I’ve never taken complete responsibility for me, for the thoughts and feelings and emotions that I have participated within and as and for the energetic highs and lows I sought after – as well as for the part I play in manifesting how and why our world/money system currently exists as the hell that it is.

When and as I see myself existing as a character of and as my mind where I desire to hurry and just get done  – specifically my writing and self-forgiveness – where I become aware of the thought as a picture/image of myself as a child where I’m irritated with my chin up and shoulders slumped, I stop, I breathe – instead I direct myself to give the moment to myself to see, realize and understand that there is nothing to hurry up and be done with, that I am always here with the ability to know myself intimately, thus, I commit myself to forgive myself for rushing past myself so that I could go after an energetic high that I believed would make me feel better, when the fact is it never did, thus, I see, realize and understand the importance of facing me in self-honesty.

I commit myself to when and as I see this thought manifesting in my mind when I’m facing a moment of self-discipline and self-responsibility within the context of writing, self-forgiveness and completing an assignment, I stop, I breathe – I stop all participation in and as the thought and I direct myself to continue as I speak the words as who I am as “I am capable of getting this done”, as I physically move myself to complete my writing/self-forgiveness/assignment.

I commit myself to stop following after an energetic experience of myself as a way of avoiding facing myself and becoming self-responsible for who I am as the actions of/as me and for what I have been willing to accept and allow to exist within and as our world/money system.

I commit myself to getting to know who I am in self-honesty and self-intimately.

In my next blog I will continue with investigating the Imagination Dimension of the ‘Just get it done’ character