Tag Archive | falling in love

Day 132: Hey, You Belong to Me!

Walking Self-forgiveness here for reactions I realized within myself according to how I experienced myself when a woman was talking/flirting at my partner while we were shopping for groceries today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within my relationship with my partner that I still react in jealousy within the illusion of control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that when I become a character of and as my mind as that of jealousy, how within that moment I am trapping myself in/as emotions of inferiority and superiority and, where I become judgmental of myself and judgmental of those around me, which threatens the perception within my mind of how my relationship with my partner is suppose to be within my illusion of control.

Art by Andrew Gable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I become a character of/as jealousy to/toward my partner where within my mind I hear a voice that proclaims: ‘Hey, ‘you belong to me’, thus, I see, realize, and understand that what I’m really doing is existing within an illusion of control in trying to protect the ‘perception’ I have of our relationship, which is actually me trying to control my partner according to how I ‘want’ him to be in order to keep my illusion of control going in order to maintain how I ‘want’ myself to be/feel in my relationship with my partner, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I have formed my relationship with my partner within a relationship of jealousy and control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within my relationship with my partner, I have from the very beginning formed a ‘preconceived idea’ which I imposed onto our relationship of how I wanted our relationship to be, thus, in order to keep my ‘idea’ of our relationship in tact, in how I ‘desire’ it to be, I will try and control it through jealousy – where I become jealous of other people that appear to be threatening my desire, want and need of how I ‘intend’ the relationship to be, thus, I commit myself to STOP who I am within the illusion of control in how within and as such I believe that I can somehow take control of another being as who they are as their mind consciousness system and as who they exist as, when I see, realize and understand that there is no way that I can actually control who they are, and there is no self-honesty in doing so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I felt that my relationship to my partner was threatened, I imitated actions to further my control through how I suddenly saw myself physically reach out and grab a hold of his hand and in how I began to walk closer to him as if I was a dog marking ‘my territory’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within my wants, needs and desires are preconceived ideas that I try to impose onto my relationship, how what I’m actually doing is trying to manifest into reality my own self-interest, because the wants, needs and desires that I perceive myself as, is actually my attempt to continue the illusion of control within and as my mind as consciousness, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within the illusion of control I have existed within a cycle of inferiority and superiority in always trying to connect to that which I’m existing in separation to/of, thus why I try and manifest my connection in my relationship through/as jealousy as energy experiences of positive/negative as wants, needs and desires, thus our relationship continues as a constant chase, over and over within the neutrality of/as the illusion of control, thus, I commit myself to stop fueling wants, needs and desires through and as jealousy where I then change my behavior and manifest and create stress unto me as my physical body when the fact is that in self-honesty, I see, realize and understand that it is I who decides and directs who I am as my mind and it is I that has to face who I am within everything here and within that, I commit myself to slow myself down and come together as One as All to manifest and create Heaven on Earth.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how within and as a character of and as my mind as jealousy, how, I never actually realized until today just what a monster feels like on the inside of me as my physical body in that it felt as if I was growing from the inside out, swelling up within myself in fear of losing my ‘perception’ of control, thus, when I stop and breathe, I see in self-honesty that the desire to control my partner/other beings is only an illusion, thus, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize how jealousy damAGES the internal organs and cells of and as me as my physical body, and furthermore, I commit myself to Never Forget that Love as we’ve lived it as Consciousness has never existed within and as the Principle of Equality.

When and as I see myself reacting in jealousy in order to fuel my wants, needs and desires within an illusion of control, I Stop. I BREATHE. I commit myself to investigate my thoughts, my words and how I am behaving, in order to stop manifesting and creating relationships within my reality according to the components of want, need and desire and jealousy within the illusion of control through and as superiority/inferiority as that which fuels me in my wants, needs and desires, and jealousy within and as the illusion of control.

I commit myself to stop pushing myself to be and have an experience of myself within and as wants, needs and desires in trying to control a relationship because I see, realize and understand that that is NOT actually who, what and how I am when I am breathing in and as self-honesty.

“I commit myself to SHOW that the LIGHT and LOVE Created in the Mind as Consciousness, is Only a Chamber of Illusion, Where the Fearful Hide from Responsibility.” ~ Bernard Poolman

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Day 107: Commitment

Self-Corrective/Self-Commitment Statements for the following Blogs:
Day 105: Stage Fright
Day 106: A Play in One Act as Drama
– –

I see, realize and understand that when I experience fear I am accessing a memory as the cause of my fear and within that I have been creating as a protection, characters of myself, thus, I commit myself to stop, to breathe, and remain aware of myself in and as such a character, in seeing, realizing and understanding that when I am ‘in character’, I will look for love as a medicine/cure for the fear I am accepting and allowing myself to experience, thus, I Stop. I Breathe.

I commit myself to stop the act of me as a ‘character’ of and as my mind, who fears becoming ‘homeless/penniless’, because I see, realize and understand how and when I began existing as such a character as a way to protect myself from the fear I have existed as where within that fear I also become a ‘drama queen character’, and, a ‘what if character’ – all of which, when I am existing as them – I fear losing the comfort of places and things within my life that I hold onto as a positive experience of myself, thus, I commit myself to, through self-corrective application stop myself within and as such memories/characters which are a limitation of me as consciousness.

I commit myself to show through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application how it is possible to stop self from role playing within and as our mind as memories/characters and personalities and to take self-responsibility for ourselves and others within our world as ourselves.

I commit myself to stop the characters of and as my mind of/as memories which I see, realize and understand are all points of fear within myself that I’ve feared into being as a living expression of who, what and how I’ve come to exist as, and according to what I’ve accepted and allowed to exist as within and as my world, and, I see, realize and understand that I am the one who decides who I am, and I chose to Stand up and face myself in self-honesty and stand in support of a world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to stop waiting for and as ‘what if’s’, and to instead face myself here within this moment, to move myself physically in the direction that is supportive to and as All life within and as Equality.

I commit myself to show that memories/characters/personalities keep us set within a limited expression of ourselves where in fear we accept and allow ourself directed by/as consciousness, which is Not who we really are, thus, I commit myself to in self-honesty through self-corrective application, walk the Journey to Life in showing that life is here to be realized free from fear and limitation and how through self-forgiveness and consistency one can walk standing up according to that which is best for All.

I commit myself to show that one Does Not require motivation through fear as emotions and feelings to guide self to be that which we are as life in and as equality and oneness.

I commit myself to show that the condition of the world can and will change with Equal Money and that the only condition necessary and relevant is that of equality as what is best for all life in all ways.

I commit myself to stop limiting myself according to memories as fear as characters of and as my mind which I see, realize and understand separates me from me as my physical body.

I commit myself to enjoying myself within and this Journey to Life in/as seeing, realizing, understanding, investigating and comprehending every aspect of me as who I am within and as me as my physical body in how I am one within and without equal to and one as everything and all here.

Day 106: A Play in One Act as Drama

This post is a continuation from:
Day 105: Stage Fright

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing everything and becoming ‘penniless’ which is the exact word I heard my mom say often when I was growing up, where she would in fear and frustration defend her over-spending to my dad by saying “we’re not ‘yet’ penniless”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to secretly fear the unknown within the meaning of what my mom meant when she said, “we’re not ‘yet’ penniless”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a picture image as a thought of my mom and dad sitting at the dining room table once a week ‘going over the bills‘ – where as children me and my siblings knew better than to interrupt them, in what became a weekly occasion of disagreement, fear and stress with regards to money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I’m experiencing fear – will reach out for somebody to love me, which is how me as my mind as consciousness seeks to protect itself, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to repeat the same characters/patterns of behaviour that I lived and saw within my parents that I accepted and allowed myself to be and become as the abused and the abuser, all the while believing I had found the love of my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience fear of becoming homeless based on memories from my past abusive marriage – where I’ve ‘blamed’ my ex-husband for my fears, according to how I experienced myself within his threats of kicking me out of our home as well as when he left me alone on a dark road in the middle of the night, thus, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take self-responsibility for the fact that I alone create my fears and experiences through how I justify my behavior and participation within what I accepted and allowed as self-manipulation and self-victimization.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be characters of/as my mind where I lived/played out love affairs in order to put out the fear existent within me, which was/is the fear of facing myself within what I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist as within and as our physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be motivated through fear to participate in/as my thoughts and emotions, thus scripting myself in/as a homeless/penniless character in accordance to those emotions, because I feared that my needs, wants and desires wouldn’t be fulfilled if for some reason I were to lose my home and/or all of my belongings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only be concerned and fearful about what I will lose, because I’ve become so dependent upon having a positive comfortable experience for myself, that I’ve failed to comprehend how in my comfort, I accept, allow, manifest and create the opposite polarity in/as and the lives of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself within polarity manifestations of/as my mind, to neglect me as my physical body as well as the safety and well being of/as the physical body of others and our Physical Reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within and as memories/characters/ personalities of/as my mind from the mind of my parents, developed abusive patterns of neglect against me as my physical body, where when I was waiting for my parents to finish their bill paying/arguments, I began the habit/behaviour of biting my fingernails.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within and as memories/characters/personalities of/as my mind from the mind of my parents, developed ways to satisfy myself through masturbation at a very young age and then feel guilty for doing so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have little to no memory of me as as a child gazing upon me as my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a child in and as fear of being alone, abandon me as my physical body to fantasize about falling in love within and as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how emotional responses/reactions become the consequence of me trying to fulfill who I am in self-interest as needs, wants and desires of the mind as consciousness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how participating in thoughts lead to feelings/emotions which lead to physical actions, which lead to physical manifested consequences which result in abuse to/as our physical body and our physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand how CONflict is at the heart of all the Drama as a characters of/as our mind – where memories/thoughts/personalities turn Man against Man as a Society, and Man against our Environment/Nature as who we are as our World/Reality/Existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame my parents for how I experienced myself because in my participation in and as my mind, I existed in expectations wherein I expected someone and/or something outside of me to fix me as who I had become within and as the fear and feelings/emotions that I was accepting and allowing, thus, I see, realize and understand that the only one who can fix me is me is self-honesty, as it is I who decides who I am and what I am willing to accept and allow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never completely stand and take self-responsibility for how I have experienced myself within my life because I accepted what I was told by other’s in fear, as something I had to accept – instead of investigating and questioning for myself how and why and the part I play within everything that is here.

to be continued

Day 105: Stage Fright

The past couple of days, I’ve felt like I was experiencing first night jitters and/or stage fright, because me as my mind, was trying to ease myself into the idea of possibly becoming the Homeless Character – for real. Now this is a character I have memories of in how I have scripted myself within fear of being homeless.

So when we began to have huge fires surrounding our area – and no insurance coverage for our home and property – I saw how it wasn’t the fires engulfing me, it was the fear of, what if?

At one point we decided we had better pack up a few things ‘just in case’, because we were told to be ready to evacuate at a moments notice. I saw how the physical act of packing eased my fears and assisted me to gain some common sense perspective. And then – the phone would ring and someone with another fire update would assist me in keeping my fear of being homeless character in control of me. By Saturday evening, me as my physical body was paying the price for the fear I had participated in, where in the pit of my stomach was pain like I’ve not had in a very long time and, I was physically and mentally exhausted – which is something I rarely experience. I was completely wore out from all of my character/role playing.

The thing is, I’m grateful for the experience, because I was able to be more aware than I’ve ever been in seeing how devastating fear is. How fear is silent as it exists within our secret mind, and very deadly to who we are as our physical bodies and physical reality. I saw how our mind in fear will deceive us to the max – where when I stopped participating in thoughts of being homeless and ‘thought’ I was breathing, I wasn’t.

I was suppressing myself within fear of loss where I experienced feelings – which I shared with my partner – where I suddenly felt lonely and alone, like I wanted to go searching for that feeling one experiences when one is first falling in love. Which was how me as my mind was trying to protect itself.

When I exposed the point to my partner, another quick thought replaced the feeling, it was, ‘well then, I’ll just get high and buy a pack of cigarettes and smoke them all’. lol – I didn’t actually consider either – instead I stopped, breathed and applied self-forgiveness. The point is, the mind as consciousness will look for a quick fix, a cure/medicine for the fear and ultimately our physical bodies and our physical reality pays the ultimate price.

Fortunately, no one was seriously and/or physically injured in the fires, however, many lost their homes. It’s a humbling experience and I realized just how much self-interest and greed still exists within and as me and, I also realized how if we had an Equal Money system in place – I wouldn’t have had to face the homeless character of/as my mind nor feared becoming homeless for real.

**Within the posts to follow I will be walking the process of self-forgiveness and self-corrective/self-commitment statements – in regards to specific memories, picture images as thoughts, and, the many different characters which were triggered within my mind beginning with the fear character of becoming homeless.**

Day 30: The Soot of Happiness in falling in love

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that in the human plan for myself and for my future happiness I was willing to adopt an appropriate personality in order to adopt an adequate relationship to fuel my purpose which began and ended like a puff of smoke leaving ashes and soot as the remains of the consequential outflows of the me I willingly imposed upon the lives of others as I left in pretense of caring.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my pursuit of happiness begin in a rush of dependency for/as energy in/as self-interest where I pretended first to myself that love was real even when I knew that to love meant to fall I still avoided the truth of myself because I enjoyed the thrill of the chase and the high end of the energy not realizing that the fall meant I was sacrificing the life of/as my physical body.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize the pure nonsense of believing in pure love when the consequence of love manifests itself in and as hate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek happiness through love as a condition dependent upon selfish motives of making an experience for myself regardless of the effects the experience may have on the lives of others and our physical body and reality.

i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that my pursuit of happiness always meant sacrificing the lives of others where if one live in luxury then another must live in the soot of hell on earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to leave the mark of the beast upon this earth in my lack of consideration for how my participation within and as my mind as consciousness and my experiences in and as feelings and emotions have been affecting the very nature of life here on earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall for love, instead of realizing that love can only be real when it is in fact an act which allows life to be given to all as one wishes to receive for themselves and love thy neighbor as thyself is a manner of living where not one life will suffer in silence ever again.

I commit myself to never again fall for falling in love as I see/realize and understand that the energy cycle of the mind in and as the pursuit of love abdicates itself as life within the cycles of abuse as it sucks the life from our physical body and our physical reality.

I commit myself to supporting a system where love is proven through giving one to another a world where all life is allowed a quality of life which is best for all.

I commit myself to the realization that love thus far been here to distract us within personalitysuits of self-interest and thus in order for love to be an actual living reality requires breathing and walking each one in self-honesty according to what’s best for all.


Suggest the following blogs for further perspectives and self-support:

Creation’s Journey to Life

Heaven’s Journey to Life