Tag Archive | eternal love

Day 124: Hit and Miss

Today, my biological father called me. A man who I’ve barely known, yet, when I was young, I craved for and sought after his attention. He lives about 125 miles from me and I rarely if ever talk to or see him. Tomorrow is his birthday, he’ll be 75. He called to tell me that he is not doing very well and doesn’t believe he’ll be here much longer. We had a nice conversation and he handles himself with curiosity when I don’t agree with his belief in God and, he even agrees that Equal Money is the Solution for this World, though doesn’t see how we’ll ever get everyone to stop their greed to implement it.

I asked him after 75 years on this earth – what has he realized about himself, free from his beliefs. He admitted he had no idea how to answer that and then added how he’d lived a pretty decent life and that he guessed that was all one could ask for… Yes. I’m familiar with that point of acceptance that he spoke of, and I’m no longer willing to allow myself to be that.

When I hung up the phone, I saw how I longed for the days when all of my family was still here. I heard the backchat of thoughts within my mind reminding me how within the past year I’ve lost my brother, my sister and now my biological father is, as he put it, “on his last leg.” I wanted to just sit and reminisce about what used to be. However, I didn’t. I stopped. I breathed, and in self-honesty, I saw how my mind was looking for a feeling that a long time ago, I believed was me. I no longer accept that. Instead, I wrote the following self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want to hold onto the urge to reminisce within a pattern of what looks to me to be one that I would describe as a ‘hit and miss’ – meaning: it’s like looking through dozens of photos and hoping to find one that is recognizable – wherein I have accepted and allowed myself to long for what used to be within a belief that was never real and how within my perception of and as my mind I dreamed of what could have been, thus existing within the hope for a relationship with a father that begins and ends within ‘dreams of what if’, within a memory/character of and as my mind – which was preprogrammed and downloaded into me from/of and as the mind of my parents, and the generations that have gone before me, thus, I forgive myself for not realizing that in the ‘miss’ I become the ‘hit’ that I perceive myself as, as that which I long for within a feeling to be special by a man that I never really knew, and within that, I forgive myself for not realizing that when I reminisce, I am basically sleeping with my eyes open, just like one does in REM sleep, wherein we ‘dream‘ about ourselves within our mind as elaborate storylines all the while ignoring what is real as our physical body and our physical reality, and, I forgive myself for not realizing that when I reminisce of/for what used to be, but wasn’t, and/or when I ‘reminisce’ for that which I never had in order to feel/experience that which I feared in the first place, how within that, I am actually using feeling and emotional energy charges to supply myself with what appears to be a reliever of stress, when actually, it creates stress unto my physical body while I ignore a point of suppression and where I’m adding fuel to the fire by creating scenarios within my mind to distract from facing responsibility for myself and for my world, thus depleting me as my physical body within the acceptance of that which isn’t real as the thoughts that suck the life from me as my physical body/flesh and bone through my own participation within/as and during the madness of reminiscing in and as my mind as consciousness, therefore, I forgive myself for the desire to escape to the past within and as my mind as the memories/characters thereof and thus live my past as my future as the here within this moment.

When and as I see myself longing and reminiscing for/of what never was, and/or what used to be, of/as what is ‘now the past’, I stop. I breathe. I see, realize and understand that the past is over and to participate within and as my mind of/as memories/characters, is to accept death unto me as my physical body where I cycle within the same patterns, lies, pain and false sense of security that I’ve always existed as. I am No longer willing to accept and allow the direction of and as my mind as consciousness. Instead I commit myself to direct me as my mind in self-honesty.

When and as I see myself existing within the desire to escape into and as my mind as the memories/characters of and as my past, I stop. I breathe and I realize that in every moment of breath I have the choice to decide to remain here breathing within and as what is real as my physical body and my physical reality or I can choose to participate within and as my mind which is exactly how and what is killing our physical bodies and physical reality, and I have realized this because I have proved this to/for myself, thus, I see, realize and understand the common sense in stopping and being the directive principle of me and through self-corrective application stopping that which is/has been the deadly game of life within and as humanity enslaved to a world/money system within cycles of abuse and death.

I commit myself to let go of/stop reminiscing within cycles of/as memories/character as how abuse is manifested/created against life.

I commit myself to breathe and move the energy through me and ground myself here within and as what is real as my physical flesh and earth.

I commit myself to show how together as a Group, we can manifest Heaven on Earth where All life is experienced in/as dignity according to what’s best for All.

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Day 81: Character: Trippin Down Memory Lane

Continuation to: Day 80: Character: The Hands that Rocked the Cradle – –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself in/as a character in my mind to ‘take trips down memory lane’, where I make excuses in/as thoughts in my head for why I’m ‘trippin down memory lane’ – where I lie to myself because I don’t want to clean up the mess I’ve made in my life in and as my physical body and my physical reality, so instead – I lie to myself and keep doing what I want to do – which is to continue to create more and more characters within my mind – instead of facing me and directing myself to Stop justifying my own self-deception and stand up and take self-responsibility.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see/realize and understand how existing in/as a character of/as taking a trip through the memories/characters/thoughts/pictures of/as our mind, is to exist in self-interest within a complete illusion in total disregard for what is real here within and as our physical body and our physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself as a character of and as my mind to enjoy taking trips down memory lane – not seeing/realizing and understanding that in doing so, I am actually only tripping out within the preprogramming of me as my parents mind as their thoughts/memories/ characters and personalities which I’ve now integrated within me as my physical body and thus in existing as the character who takes ‘a trip down memory lane’ within my mind, I am infact only reestablishing myself as an accumulated beingness of myself of/as memories of characters/personalities which I have physically within and throughout my life within my minds relationship, have merged into and as my physical body as the very manifestations of/as the Mind/Memories/Thoughts/Characters/Personalities of those who have walked here before me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have never considered how my participating in and as my mind as memories/thoughts and characters, creates a relationship to/as consciousness as energy which is having a deadly affect upon me as my physical body and our physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a character of my mind ‘taking trips down memory lane – Not see/realize and understand how the very essence of myself existing in and as my mind as consciousness is actually consuming that which allows me to exist here, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consume my physical body the same as I consume within our current world/money system within our physical reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend time and money trying to develop a relationship with myself as my physical body through our world/money system through the act of consumerism.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in/as a character of/as my mind will have a physical intimacy and/or a physical experience with clothes and/or products, yet do Not have a physical intimate experience with me as my physical body.

Self-Corrective and Self-Commitment Statements placed here as well for my previous blog.

I commit myself to develop an equal and one relationship with me as my physical body.

I commit myself to comprehend within myself and thus show how memories are All we have ever been is/as thoughts/characters and personalities which must be walked through in self-forgiveness within self-honesty as a physical living self-corrective application, wherein self-realizes self-equal-and-one with everyone and everything in and as our physical existence.

When and as I see myself in/as a character memory/thought pattern of/as my mother in/as a manifested physical expression, I stop. I Breathe. I commit myself to investigate who I am within myself as such pattern in realizing that I am the Directive Principle of me as my physical body within this physical reality.

When and as I see myself in and as a relationship expression wherein I see myself behaving in and as a memory/thought physical manifestation – where I see I am looking through a glass window panel as a reflection of/as my mother, I stop. I breathe. I commit myself to who I am as my physical body within this physical existence to no longer participate in an illusionary memory/thought/character pattern within my mind of/as the CON of consciousness which I see/realize and understand is Not real.

I commit myself to stop and expose who and how I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as within a limited expression of myself in/as my hands within and as my physical body, as I see realize and understand how I have accepted and allowed myself as my physical body to be controlled by me as my mind as CONsciousness, thus, I see/realize and understand that in doing so I am giving up authority of who I am as a living physical being within and as my physical body and within this physical reality.

I commit myself to see/realize and understand how the memory/thought/character that I’ve existed as according to representation of my mother’s hands/memories, is a living example of how energies control and have authority over my beingness and the lives and direction of the world and humanity as a whole.

I commit myself to see/realize/understand and ultimately show how we as our physical body and our physical reality is a representation of our physical equality and oneness within and as our relationship to/as each other and to our physical existence as a whole.

When as as I see myself judge me as my hands of/as my physical body, I stop. I see/realize and understand that all judgment to/towards my hands and/or any part of me as my physical body is a direct result of me participating in and as memories/thoughts where I then become a character of/as them, thus self-judgment exists. Therefore, I breathe, I commit myself to walking the point through in self-forgiveness and in self-honesty realizing how in doing so, I am giving myself the opportunity to establish who I am in agreement with/as me as my physical body and this physical existence as a whole.

I commit myself to investigate how the memories/characters of/as my parents mind as consciousness according to how and what they fantasized about as well as how they actually lived, have actually transferred into/as and within my unconscious mind as a platform database which I now automatically develop, construct and manifest as my own personalized memories/thoughts/characters and personalities, therefore having a direct effect upon the entirety of who I am as my physical body and my physical reality, thus within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not fully grasp the situation we as a humanity are facing, within that, I commit myself to seeing/realizing and understanding the design of who I am as consciousness to assist myself and others to show how we never actually develop a relationship with ourselves or others because we’re always only ever preoccupied and occupied in and as memories.

I commit myself to investigating who I am as my physical body/internal organs through writing and self-forgiveness in order to establish a physical intimacy within me as an outword expression of/as me as my physical bodies to exist as/within a real equality and oneness that will stand eternal here as me as who I am and in support of a world according to what’s best for all.

I commit myself to discipline and prioritize my time to assist and support myself to work on my relationship with myself as myself in/as my human physical body in establishing a real equal and one relationship investigating and seeing each part of my physical body as flesh, organs, tissue, and skeleton, here breathing as me.

I commit myself to see/realize and understand how I require myself to exist in and as a living, breathing relationship with and as myself as my physical body so as to stop who I am as the mind as consciousness within a consumer driven world existing in separation within its own self-interest, thus I see/realize and understand how writing, self-forgiveness, self-honesty and self-corrective application is the key is assisting self to therefore assist in supporting a world/money system according to what’s best for all.