Sitting here to write about this particular emotional fear energy isn’t something that I want to do. In fact, I’ve become very good at avoiding this point all together by way of one distraction after another until wham! Seemingly out of nowhere I will experience more pain in my upper back / chest area and that pain seems to trigger an experience of emotional fear energy. Where I would become so influenced by the energy that I wasn’t able to see what was contributing to and thus creating the thing in the first place.
When I’m in that emotional fear energy, it’s like a dark wave comes over me and within that the personal realization and seriousness of my situation comes to surface. My situation being that I have Cancer, and that it may very well be the thing that kills me.
When I was first diagnosed with Cancer, almost 2 years ago, that was when this particular Emotional Fear Energy pattern was ignited, or more appropriately, that’s when it was first triggered. And I mean, I’m sure we all have this pattern within us and will have to face it because I mean everyone will face their own mortality at some point.
So how can one assist and support themselves to stop this particular emotional fear energy? This I will be sharing assistance for with this blog and blogs to come.
I knew from the beginning when I first made the decision and firm committment to myself and my physical body to get well and become Cancer free through alternative means and diet and I knew I was beginning what would be a long journey. So, I’m still applying the same alternative treatments that I planned almost 2 years ago and they’re still proving to be very effective. My Physical Body is responding very well in that the Cancer is still diminishing. But even still, there’s no way of knowing for sure the toll that all of it will have on my Physical body, or even if it will ultimately help me to be Cancer free.
So what’s been going on is for almost 2 years I accepted and allowed this particular emotional fear energy pattern- that I can only describe as debilitating – to be the reason why I reach for things to distract myself from what’s really go on within myself, and instead, what I do is sort of freeze inside,which is really a way of suppressing myself. I also go into a waiting game within myself as if I’m giving up on myself.
Alright so, when I participate in and as this particular emotional fear energy I’m not able to see what it is attached to. The only thing I know for sure is with the energy comes a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. Tears will some time swell up, and sometimes, I allow myself to cry, and it’s a deep hard cry. But mostly, I stick to distracting / suppressing myself so as to not look at / investigate what the fear is really attached to.
So the Eqafe interfiew that I heard called: Incurable Diseases – Fears & Phobias, resonated with me and assisted me to realize what’s been going on within me which is a Fear of Losing Control. Identifying this one thing has assisted me to better understand what’s been contributing and creating the emotional fear energy which and has assisted me with a clearer perspective, which causes the energy itself to lose it’s illusion of control and power over me.
Before, when the energy would be triggered, there was no sense to be made of it, so it was as if I would sort of tumble into and as the energy and become fully engulfed in my imagination and basically interpret my fear experience as that of fearing death and dying.
So to Stop Emotional Fear Energy one must first be able to define what one is fearing and when one can do that then one will be able to begin to direct oneself to stop the control the fear had on oneself. And for me this is huge!
Because I mean since being diagnosed with Cancer, I’ve seen some changes that my physical body has gone through. And within that are the realization that any day the Cancer could spread and get worse and, what will I do if that happens. and what if my body begins the process of dying’? Will I be aware of it if / when that happens? Will I ultimately lose the use of my bodies facilities? And can I overcome embarrassment if that were to happen? Will my body become ugly or deformed in some way, and if so, will my partner still want to be with me?
So to be clear, I’ve been able to identifytjat the fear is about what my physical body will have to endure and so what I will have to endure with regards to the physical process of dying. Any deterioration process. The decay, the physical pain and suffering, any and all experiences that my physical body may go through – that’s what I’m referring to, that’s what I fear losing control of. And now that I’ve been able to identify this point, I’m already seeing my ability to stop accepting and allowing the emotional fear energy to overpower me.
I’m also investigating how I’ve accepted and allowed ‘avoidance’ and ‘despair’ to play a role in me not having the endurance to stand up to this fear of losing control which itself leaves me with the illusion of an inability to direct myself effectively to forgive and release myself of the emotional fear energy experience. More on these in blogs to come.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach emotional fear energy to having Cancer.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my mind attach the word cancer to emotional fear energy.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach the effects of cancer on my physical body to the emotional fear energy within and as my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see, realize and understand that to accept and allow myself to go into emotional fear energy is doing the very thing to myself as my Physicalbody that I am fearing the cancer will do.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to compare my cancer story to those who have survived their cancer story.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced and unmotivated by the emotional fear energy that I have associated with having cancer and with which I have accepted and allowed myself to give in to causing myself to want to give up.
I commit myself to when and as I see emotional fear energy come up in relation to cancer and what having it might do to me, I stop. Instead I direct myself to Breathe and focus on remaining realistic with regards to any and all fears and / or symptoms that may come up from moment to moment and to Not compare my cancer story to those who have survived cancer and to understand that in reality the process of alternative cancer care will have physical symptoms and/or reactions that are Not life threatening and are only a part of the healing process.
Suggested Eqafe Interview: Incurable Diseases – Fears & Phobias
For Further Context Read:
Day 289: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – that sinking feeling that comes with the giving up experience – Day 42
Day 288: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – Giving up, Giving in, or Both? – Day 41
Day 290: Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – stopping emotional reactions to myself – Day 43